Power The Dark Lord Knows Not
by ManicFreedom
Summary: With great power comes great responsibility. James Potter had just been granted the greatest excuse to get to know Lily Evans but he could do without the responsibility that comes with it. No one believes he is capable of the title, but Lily is willing to give him a chance and that was all he needed. But is his freedom the sacrifice in exchange for Lily's affections? SEQUEL!
1. Seventh Year: Prologue

**Hiya! If you new to this fic, you might want to pop over to the prequel titled "A Little Deeper in Love" or else things are going to be a little confusing. And to my old readers, Welcome back! Updates will be once every week as usual on Fridays so stick around!**

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 **Seventh Year: Prologue**

 _Lily,_

 _Your previous idea of slipping Bitterroot extract into Sirius's pumpkin juice worked brilliantly. He can't take a bite of anything without cringing, although he tries to hide his distaste because it strokes my satisfaction. Now, I'm worried about what Sirius might have in plan to get back at me. I suspect he's talked Peter into doing his bidding so I've decided to recruit Remus. Let me know if you have any more brilliant ideas in that big brain of yours_

 _Pranks aside, how is your holiday faring? You mentioned something called 'football' in your previous letter. What is it? Why does one watch football on this 'telly' thing? Don't leave me hanging, Evans, I'm bleeding curious as I am._

 _Yours,  
Arrogant Toerag_

…

Lily smiled as she read through her latest letter from her unlikeliest pen pal, James Potter. After she was found in an old wardrobe in the Room of Hidden Things with Barbara Winston's dead body last year, James Potter was suddenly determined to be the  
ultimate pest to her, continuously demanding her attention, cracking inappropriate jokes and doubled his requests to take her to Hogsmeade. Even when she was had been admitted into St Mungo's Spell Damage Ward for the healers to monitor her mental  
state, he came by the hospital every day just to annoy her, ranting about anything from the hospital's bad interior design or just the tragically horrid day he was having. Initially, she'd been unstable enough to alternate between snapping at him  
to go away and bursting into tearful fits, begging him not to leave her alone.

Regardless of whether or not she wanted his presence, he remained faithfully by her bedside to chew her ear off until the healers ushered him out the room when visiting hours were over. Eventually, she began to look forward to his visits, the rest of  
the Marauders would occasionally make an appearance as well. Although, they would usually be asked to leave shortly after because they were too rowdy, or for trying to bewitch some bloke's crutches to start flying.

She decided againsttellingher parents of her true whereabouts duringChristmas, worried that they might make her drop out of Hogwarts for her safety. The publicity on Hogwarts was bad enough as it ,with the death of  
a student within the infamous 'infallible' defense of the castle, the morality and faith of the public deteriorated tremendously. Pure-blood elitists were alreadymaking fun of Dumbledore's control over the school and countless muggle-borns hadbeen  
frightened into hiding. Barbara's parents had come to visit her in St. Mungo's, her mother had been furious with Lily and her father, simply heartbroken. To say that Lily hadfelt guilty was a severe understatement.

With false strength and honest words, Lily forbade herself from crying as she answered Mrs. Winston. She had no right to cry. Not when she was here and alive whilst theirdaughter was not.

 _Barbara had most probably been targeted because of her close relationship with Lily._

 _The message left on the dungeon wall had obviously been meant for her, Barbara had been a pawn to get to her._

 _No, she did notknow why she had been kept alive._

 _She was sorry it wasn't her that died in Barbara's place._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm so sorry…_

Knock. Knock.

"Lily?"

Lily jerked back from the verge of fitful tears to look around for the source of the voice. "Are you awake, Lily?" her mother's voice came from behind her door.

"I'm up!" she called back, folding her letter and handing the owl on her desk a treat. "Don't go anywhere now. I'll get back to you" she stroked her knuckles down the owl's chest.

"There's someone asking for you at the door, Lily. You'd best come down." her mother's voice faded and Lily assumed she had walked away. Brows furrowing, Lily wondered who could it be. Was it Severus again? No, her mother would've mentioned if it had  
been him; he lived down the street after all. So who could it be? There wasn't anyone from school who were anything more than acquaintances with her.

She pulled her front door open to see a head full of untidy black hair and silver rimmed spectacles. "Potter?"

His hand instantly shot up to entangle in his hair at her arrival. "Evans" he said, breathless. "I was beginning to think I got the wrong house" he said, almost sheepish.

Lily blinked at him, tilting her head at him "I was just about to reply your letter. Did you need something, Potter?" she asked, curious.

His eyes turned dark and he looked intently into her eyes. Lily swallowed, fearing the worst. "Yes, there is something I'd like you to help me with" He turned his head and pressed a fingertip to his cheek, leaning toward her. "If you would just press  
your lips here, it would be-"

Lily stepped back into her house and swung the door close, but James had pressed a hand against it, halting it halfway. "I'm only joking, Lily. Don't be such a spoilsport" he chuckled but the nervousness in his tone was evident.

When the red haired Gryffindor pulled the door back open, James was surprised to find her smiling. Although she wouldn't admit it, she had grown rather fond of his sense of humour, especially when she learned not to take him too seriously. "The giant  
squid might get jealous" she added cheekily.

There was a pause and the corners of James' lips quirked up and he snickered "Was that a joke, Evans? Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, not taking any offense. "Why are you here, Potter?" she looked at him expectantly. James shrugged and ran his hand through his hair again.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me" he offered lamely.

"It's been nine months since the incident, Potter. You don't have to keep checking up on me anymore. I've enjoyed your letters very much, but I'm alright, really." Lily insisted.

He's kept a vigilant eye on her when she had been discharged after Christmas holidays and persistently exerted his presence around her. Wherever James went, the Marauders went too. Except Sirius, who was too busy chasing tail most of the time to follow  
after her around the castle. For the first few weeks,she had been grateful to them, she felt much safer knowing if someone did try to come after her again, she wouldn't be alone. It was fairly convenient for her as well, because there was at  
least one Marauder in each of her classes and therefore she always had someone with her. It was only during patrols where she would worry most, but James had assured her that nothing would happen. When she had asked him how could he beso sure,  
he swiftly changed the subject.

Besides the fact that she was annoyed that they'd hexed any Slytherin that so much as glanced at her, she more or less enjoyed their company. It didn't take long for the news of her incident to spread throughout the school. Some people thought that she  
had been the one to kill Barbara Winston and others just felt sorry for her. Eventually, everyone looked at her with pity or with fear and the rest with hate.

"Who said I was checking on you? I happened to be in this area and thought I'd pay a dear friend a visit" James defended. Lily didn't believe that but chose to humor him nonetheless.

"We may be civil now, Potter but I'm still not going out with you" she crossed her arms and looked at him smugly.

"Hey, no one said anything about a date. Don't go making things weird now, Evans" he lifted his hands and shrugged with exaggerated innocence. Lily raised an eyebrow at him and he crossed his heart with one finger "It's not a date, I promise"

A small smile tugged at Lily's lips and she caved, unable to stand his endearing antics "Oh, all right" she turned back into the house and called "Mum, I'm stepping out for a while!" and her mother shouted something back about being home in time for dinner.

As Lily began to close the door, she paused "Do I need to be dressed for whatever you have in mind?" she asked.

Blushing at the hidden implications, James fought it back before clearing his throat and shrugged casually, he could honestly care less about what she wore. As far as he was concerned, she looked magical in anything. _Even in her sunflower printed pajamas pants and oversized T-shirt that read 'Boo, I'm Casper the friendly ghost!'_ Though  
that suspicious-looking white blob with a face looked nothing like a ghost to him. "We're just popping down to Diagon Alley" he shrugged.

"Oh, I should step into something more appropriate then" she casted him a meek smile and then disappeared into the house. James slid his hands into his pockets and waited patiently. A moment after, the door popped open, startling him. "Would you like  
to come in and wait?" Lily asked, the faintest trace of a blush on her cheeks. He stared at her, biting his tongue to keep him from saying anything about her obvious embarrassment, James simply nodded.

The Evans' household was nothing like his home. While his home was mostly filled with ancient magical relics for decoration, hers was filled with strange muggle contraptions. His home smelled like aged wood, hers smelled like flower tea. His home was  
bigger on the inside and more humble on the outside. Hers didn't look any bigger than it was on the outside. How did muggles live without magic? What did her room look like? Why is that black box talking about the weather?

"Hello, dear. Are you one of Lily's friends?" the woman asked him.

James snapped out of his trance to meet the eyes of someone who looked like an older version of Lily. She was the one who had opened the door the first time he'd knocked but he'd never paid attention to what she looked like until now. James assumed she  
was Lily's mother, their eyes were the same shape but she had brown eyes instead of green and her red hair had been cut to a more manageable shoulder-length. It suddenly became painfully clear to him that this was the woman who gave birth to Lily.  
Nervousness washed over him like a wave and James wracked his brain for something to say. What was her question again?

Oh yes, Lily's friends.

"Yes, Mrs. Evans. I'm James Potter" he answered.

The woman glanced at the stairway before turning to ask him "How is Lily at school? Every time I ask her, she always says she's doing fine" the woman's eyes lit up with curiosity, something Lily seemed to have inherited from her mother. "She hasn't been  
getting into trouble, has she?"

James stiffened. Did she not know about what her daughter had been forced to go through? Even the mere thought of it had his blood boiling all over again. The death eater gang had gone unscathed throughout the whole ordeal no matter how hard James had  
tried to convince Dumbledore that it was them who had killed Barbara, them who traumatized Lily. But he had no proof, not without revealing the Marauder's map to them. Even if he did, there was no leftovertrace on the map that would prove Mulciber's  
gang had ever been within the vicinity during the attack.

Before James could answer, Lily came down the steps wearing a long sleeved white shirt with ruffles running down the middle tucked into a modestly long black skirt with gold accents. Her long hair had been tied up into a ponytail, curls bouncing as she  
looked between James and her mother. "You two haven't been badmouthing me or anything, have you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Hardly, considering the only thing I managed to squeeze out of him was his name." Mrs. Evans sounded disappointed.

"You shouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth, mum. All he everdoes is tease me" Lily rolled her eyes and ushered James out the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, James snapped out of his haze and looked down at his company for  
the day. "Shall we?" she gestured at the path in front of them before walking down her front porch, leaving James behind to shift his trousers awkwardly. _Bloody hormones._

"Where are you going?" he asked her, falling easilyinto step with her. She looked up at him, confused.

"To take a taxi to London" she answered.

When the toerag smirk appeared, Lily knew she had said something wrong. "Are you a witch or not? Of course, we're going to apparate there" he said then paused as if to think "Unless, of course,you failed your apparition test?" he mocked.

Lily looked down and frowned "I haven't taken the test" she mumbled begrudgingly. Rolling her eyes when she felt a boast building up from James, but instead of teasing her like he usually would, he held out his arm to her. She looked up to meet his eyes  
before narrowing her own. "You _do_ have a license, don't you?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes "Have a little faith, Evans" he feint hurt.

Lily sheepishly reached for his forearm, but he pulled it out of her reached and she shot him a look. "Do you trust me?" he prodded. Lily exhaled in exasperation.

"Yes" she gritted out eventually.

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I trust you"

Satisfied, he held out his arm once again for her to take. Lily wrapped her hand around his forearm, ignoring the warmth of his skin underneath her fingers before asking "You do have that license, don't you?" she asked, obviously concerned. She's heard  
horrendous things about apparating accidents, some too gory for her to stomach.

There was something wrong with the smile on James' face when he turned to her, too bright, too optimistic and it made Lily's stomach flip with dread. "Maybe" Lily's jaw dropped and the next moment she was spinning.

When the world materialized around her, Lily staggered into James and gripped his arms to hold herself up. The ground was moving and buildings were dancing. A laugh of pure amusement pressed a semblance of stability into her body and she looked up to  
see James Potter looking down at her with mirth in his eyes and the world spinning behind him. "All right, Evans?" he asked her, the usual grin on his face.

The ground stopped swaying and she could feel the solid floor beneath her feet once again. It took her a moment to realize she was pressed up against him, his hand against her lower back and another on her left upper arm. She was trapped in his strong  
arms and warm body, Lily knew she should feel embarrassed about her position but there was something undeniably _right_ about this—about them. Before she could think too much into it however, she was hit bya wave of nausea. Squeezing her  
eyes closed to banish the dizzying feel, Lily swallowed deeply to quell her rolling stomach. "Are you going to be sick?" he said to her, amusement still evident. Lily took a steadying breath before shaking her head and pushing way from James, he reluctantly  
released her but reach out to grip her elbows when she began to sway again.

"I'm all right" she breathes then whacked him on the arm. "That's for scaring me" Lily glared then walked off with a laughing James Potter trailing behind her.

…

Their day at Diagon Alley had squashed any lingering thoughts on incident in Lily's mind. A day out with James Potter had honestly exceeded her expectations, he was great company, especially when there were no Slytherin around for him to hex. Also, she  
found that they were more different than they had initially thought. Which made things much more interesting because they learned a great deal from each other.

While they were browsing through Quality Quidditch Supplies, he taught her that every quaffle camewith a gripping charm that helped players keep their hold on the oddly shaped ball. Some players, who were more experienced, would reinforce the power  
of the charm with their own and it would not compromise the quality of their concentration on the pitch. Lily didn't have to ask to know which category James Potter fell under.

"Does it hurt to be hit by a bludger?" she asked him, glancing at the perfectly uncharmed metal ball on display.

James paused and made a show of thinking "The bugger'smade entirely out of iron and it weighs about 150 pounds. I don't know, Evans. What do you think?" he grinned at her and Lily cringed, feeling quitedim-witted for asking. She's seen him  
take a fair share of hits by the bloody thing, which would explain why his body had been riddled with bruises the last time she had seen it. Her cheeks warmed as the image of his lean back returned.

"Players get used to it after a while, I suppose" he shrugged, hoping to quell her worries.

"When was the first time you got hit by one?" she asked, picking up a quaffle, feeling the charm dancing against her fingertips.

"My first game at Hogwarts"

"Second year?"

"Yeap, right after I scored my first goal. Knocked me right off my broom, the teachers had to save with me an impediment charm."

"And what happened after that?" she asked him, voice lacing with concern even though it was an event of the past.

"I was dizzy but well enough to fly, so I got back up on my broom to finish the game" James took the quaffle from her and spun it between his two index fingers.

It was at that moment, Lily realized just how brave James truly was, and so completely— _Gryffindor. Where the dwell the brave at heart, indeed._ She wanted to know more about him, the part of him that wasn't an ignorant, arrogant, pompous bully.  
The _James_ part she has seen only glimpses of and not the ToeragPotter she's known for the past six years.

"Tell me something else, another quidditch story if you want" Lily urged him. James turned to her, surprised to find her curiously looking up at him with expectant eyes. His cheeks coloured and he was suddenly self-conscious. If it were anyone else, he'd  
immediately indulge them with the first story that came to his mind but he was with Lily Evans, the woman he's practicallyworshiped for the past six years of his life. He needed to thread carefully, if he chose his best moment, she would think  
he was bragging. But if he chose his worst, she'd think he was exaggerating; and a pansy. Nonetheless, he felt like he was growing just a little closer to the untouchable Lily Evans.

...

This day, just kept on getting better and better for James. Not only were he and Lily chatting like best mates but they honestly enjoyed each other's company. Despite their differences in interest, he was curious to learn more about her. He wanted to  
know everything there could possibly be known of Lily Evans. What was her secret? What made her so special to him? Was it the intelligence in her eyes as she searched for the ingredients she needed for her potions project when they visited Slugs &  
Jiggers Apothecary? Or how she was undeniably girly when she picked raspberry ice-cream at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour?

Absently spooning a bite of ice-cream into his mouth, he continued to stare as Lily licked her ice-cream cone, determined not to let any of the delicacy drip down the waffle. Her small pink tongue darted in and out, her expression twisting into pure happiness  
after a few licks. His trousers were suddenly too tight as his mind trailed off to the _other things_ her tongue could lick. It was then James found himself choking on nothing as Lily's attention turned to him, concerned. "Are you all right,  
Potter?" she asked.

James nodded with more vigor than necessary, setting his cup of chocolate ice cream down and using his free hand to cover his mouth as the other went down to discreetly shift his groin to hide his unwelcomed hard-on.

Lily Evans was definitely something and he was undeniably more attracted to her today than yesterday. James Potter was falling in fast and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop himself from crashing.

The rest of the day went by without any more mishaps, although when Lily picked up a book titled _'Ancient Werewolves and Lycanthropy'_ at Flourish and Blotts, he quickly cleared his throat and ushered her into a different section. They stopped  
by Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop so James could stock up on dung bombs and Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks so he would be prepared toa return the favor when Sirius' prank finally came. To his surprise, it was Lily  
who had suggested placing an invisibility charm on the No-Heat Fireworks and put them under Sirius's shower so it would go off when he least suspected it. He could've kissed her then but had to force himself not to because that was inappropriate and  
Lily Evans was nothing if not appropriate. _Perhaps a little too appropriate._

By the time they had bought everything they needed, the sky was already darkening and Lily had be home for dinner. Reluctantly, James apparated them back a few blocks away from the Evans' residence on purpose so he could have just a little more time with  
her as he walked her back to her house.

"I had a great time today, Potter" Lily said, breaking the silence as they walked back.

"Same here, Evans" he answered back.

"Why are you here, Potter? Really." She asked, halting in her steps to turn and look at him.

James, for one, didn't know how to answer her. _Because I feel guilty for not finding you sooner? Because the few moments when I thought I'd lost you were the worst moments of my life? Because I can't stand the fact that you were a target of Death Eater crimes? Because I've fallen madly in love with you._

"Because I had nothing to do today and thought I'd drop by to see how you were doing" he answered. It wasn't a lie. But it was far from the whole truth.

Lily smiled at him, a small but completely genuine smile. No sarcasm, no mockery, just Lily. "You're a decent bloke, Potter. Thank you. But I'm quite all right now" she said, continuing forward and James followed, dissatisfied. He wanted to tell her but  
now was not the time. When would it ever be the right time? He was growing more and more impatient by the day and it was killing him on the inside. He needed to know how she felt about him but he was afraid of the answer because as it was now, they  
were barely anything.

"Today was lovely, James" she said.

At the sound of his name from her lips, his attention snapped up from glowering at the ground to her bright green eyes then down to her outstretched hand. His heart sank as he reached out to take it. She gave their hands a firm shake and then a strained  
smile before walking up her front porch. She was infuriatingly clueless and if the opportunity for him to confess his feelings to her didn't arrive soon, he was going to go barmy. She gave him one last wave whenshe reached her doorstep and he  
waved back half-heartedly before disapparating.

Lily sighed, her shoulders sagging as the rapid thumping in her heart slowed at his exit. James Potter confused her more than ever, her new feelings for him, she couldn't tell if she was attracted to him as a person or attracted by what he was doing to  
sooth her vulnerability. As she turned to head inside, an achingly familiar voice called out to her and her whole body froze, dreading settling in the pits of her stomach.

"Why were you with him, Lily?"

Without turning around, Lily answered aloofly "You've no right to spy, Severus"

"What was James Potter doing walking you home?" his voice was hard, accusing and cold. Lily resisted the urge to hug herself at his tone. Gathering her Gryffindor courage, she turned and faced her former best mate standing in her front porch.

"We spent a day together" she snipped defensively.

"Are you seeing each other? Have you forgotten the type of bloke James Potter is? He's a bully, Lily!" he gritted out and Lily could see, he was really cross with her. This was usually the part where she crumbled down and apologized for being so thoughtless.

"He's changed, Severus. Unlike you, he's changed for the better. And no, we're not seeing each other, we're _mates_." she made sure to jab that at him. Some part of her still longed to mend her friendship with Severus but she already knew nothing  
would be the same between them. They have begun on separate paths and she could no longer see an interception.

"You don't honestly think that" he scoffed, taking a step towards her but she refused to falter.

"Look, Severus. You made it clear who you've chosen to side with and I've made mine. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier when you call every other muggle-born student a _mudblood_ except for me but you obviously feel the same about all of us  
now. I wouldn't even be surprised if you come out and tell me that you were one of people responsible for Barbara's death. But if you do, Severus, know that I will _never_ forgive you."

"Lily, I would never-" His voice cracked and Lily's heart squeezed at his sudden vulnerability. "I told you I didn't-"

"Didn't mean it? Oh but I think you did, Sev. You took one look at Marcus Mulciber's face and you found where you stand—with _them_. But I'd still rather be a _mudblood_ than associate myself with _them_ " she snarled and darted inside  
before he could so much as breathe anotherword. She's had enough of it. This conflicted storm of feelings between her and Severus, their shattered friendship and worn-out trust. It hurt her most to know that they were both still holding on by  
the skin of their teeth because despite how she wanted to sever all ties with her Slytherin neighbor, she wanted nothing more than to be eleven and foolish again.

…

The Lily Evans he knew was gone, replaced by this rebellious, snappy imposter. What happened to listening him? What happened to the unbreakable trust between them? Why couldn't they have stayed eleven forever? _Severus thought, bitterly._ This Lily,  
he didn't know. Or rather, he's never seen her act that way towards him. She was always soft-spoken, meek and unsure of so many things, it was one of the things he found absolutely endearing about her. Now, she was this fiery redhead with a temper  
he's never been on the receiving end of. It was always Potter who sees it, Potter who bore her hatred.

Yet he saw them together, talking and smiling at each other in such sickening sweetness. _That swine did not deserve her._ And _he_ did? There wasn't a day where Severus didn't question his decision that day and never a minute where he didn't  
regret it. If he could, he would've never said those things to her. He would've never given James Potter the chance to inch his fat ego in between them and steal Lily from right under his nose. Lily was _his_ , she would _always_ be his.  
Even if he had to live his whole life with her hating him, he would continue to love her. As he did for the past eight years of his life.

He had intended to tell her, that he overheard the death eater gang on their plot to murder Barbara Winston and traumatize her as a symbol of broken faith. As a message to all the muggle-borns in the school to cower in fear. He wanted to tell her, prepared  
everything to apologize and beg if it came down to it. But then he saw them together and he lost everything. The need for her to forgive him overpowered by anger directed not at her, but at his worst adversary, nonetheless he found himself taking  
it out on Lily and regretted it the moment he realized what he was doing.

Then she mentioned the incident and how she would _never_ forgive him, his resolve faltered and words of apology shattered like glass in his mouth and he swallowed them painfully. If he had come clean with her then, with all his good-natured honesty,  
even though he had nothing to do with the plan itself. Would she still not forgive him for doing nothing to stop them? Would she truly hate him then? Severus feared he knew the answer to that and that's what kept his mouth firmly shut as he watched  
Lily disappear into her home.

…

The next time Severus saw Lily was in the prefect carriage on the Hogwart's express—right alongside James Potter as the new Head girl and Head boy.

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 **There is a little tidbit cameo I included in here for those of you who are good with details, see if you can spot it! I'll reveal the answer in the next chapter! Leave a review and I might reply :D**


	2. Perks of Being Head Boy

**HDisclaimer: Do not own Harry Potter. No profit has been claimed from the creation of this fanfiction.**

 **Updates are every Thursday/Friday :D**

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 **Perks of Being Head Boy**

"It's not that I think you'll be a rotten Head boy, but _what_ was Dumbledore thinking? We knew he was a nutter, but I didn't think he was _this_ out of it." Sirius, for the fifth time that day mentioned. "I mean, James Potter? _The_ very  
same prat that set fire to the Ravenclaw locker room in fourth year because Scott Corner tried to ask Lily to Hogsmeade and released a flurry of scribbling quills into the girl's lavatory as he waited like a bloody wanker for Lily Evans to run out  
and into his arms—in which she didn't, by the way" Sirius let out a loud laugh before narrowing his eyes in thought "Now that I've mentioned it, all those petty pranks you suddenly 'felt like doing' all had something to do with-"

"Evans" James' distracted voice snapped Sirius' head around so they both faced a meek-looking Lily dressed in muggle clothing and _blimey_ , was she lovelier than ever. It wasa tradition now, every year on the 1st of September she would catch  
him off-guard with her ever-growing radiance before he proceeded to make a complete arse out of himself. And even on the last first of September, that tradition has remained unbroken, despite having seen her once before summer ended and avidly exchanging  
letters with her, James was still caught at a disadvantage. The reality of the time limit came down hard on James. This would be the last year he would ever see her if he didn't get his head unstuck from his arse.

"Congratulations again on Head Boy, Potter" she offered kindly. James nodded dumbly before fumbling with his words.

"You too!" he had blurted too enthusiastically and heard a snigger from Sirius. He swiftly elbowed his best friend in the ribs none too gently to shut him up. "On Head girl, I mean! N-Not that you're a boy. Of course you're not a boy, I wasn't insinuating-"

The loud hiss of the red and black locomotive cut into their conversation and to James it sounded as if Hogwarts was laughing at him for making a complete twat out of himself. "I'll see you in the prefect carriage, Potter" she smiled at him before moving  
to board the train like the others, leaving James to stare dumbly after her. She was suspiciously complacent about this.

After a moment, he heard Sirius say "You _are_ pathetic, d'you know that?" _Unfortunately, he did— known it since the first day he saw her._

"Just board the bloody train, you prick." James sighed

…

To say that Lily had been surprised to learn that James Potter received the Head Badge on the very day she did,was an understatement. She had been confused, nervous, worried, shocked and happy at the same time. Lily didn't know how she felt about  
having to lead alongside James Potter, the egocentric extraordinaire. Of course, she didn't deny that there were obvious leadership qualities present in him considering he was appointed quidditch captain before she even became prefect. However, to  
become head boy meant being the top student in the school, the person everyone looked up to. The model student everyone in Hogwarts should strive to become.

Indeed, many students looked up to James Potter for his joker attitude and ballsy pranks, however if students were to start following his footsteps, it would undeniably stir up more work for the prefects. She briefly recalled a few emergency prefect meetings  
she had attended were all to discuss his pranks and disciplinary actions against him. While Severus would always speak against him, suggesting the most brutal of punishments to throw at him, Remus would do the exact opposite. Needless to say, the  
Marauders gave the prefectorial board quality headaches. How was she going to work with him should he insist on being childish? It was quite a pickle.

After he had sent the letter informing her that he was to co-lead with her, they hadn't sent any more mails to each other. Today, on the first of September would be the first time they spoke for a week. Lily thought long and hard about her feelings in  
that seven days. Did she really want to lead alongside James Potter? Was she ready to take on responsibilities for the both of them, should he decide not to step up for the task? She still couldn't quite find it in her to trust James Potter with anything  
remotely responsible but she _was_ confident of her own abilities. Lily had worked long and hard for this ever since she had been appointed prefect, finally she was entrusted with the highest honour a prefect could ever imagine. James Potter  
should not be the one to take this away from her—she wouldn't let him.

In the end, Lily had resolved to give James Potter another chance. If he was anything like the James Potter she knew over the summer, she would have no qualms in leading the student body next to him. But if he was anything like the Toerag Potter she knew  
in Hogwarts, she was going to have to be ready to pull more than her own weight.

When Lily stepped into the prefect carriage after changing into her robes and pinning on her Head Girl badge, she was pleasantly surprised to find thatJames had done the same. Maybe she was stressing herself out for no reason after all.

"Hello, Potter" she greeted him, politely.

The prefect carriage located at the front of the Hogwarts Express was the largest carriage on the locomotive. The plush seats were lined against the walls of the compartments to make room in the middle for the Head Boy and Head Girl to give their briefing.  
The positioning of the seats also leave no room for anyone to spare their attention elsewhere. There were only a total of twenty-four perfects in Hogwarts at a time, the large compartment had more than enough room to accommodate their numbers.

"Do you have any questions before people start arriving?" she asked, taking a seat next to him with a parchment in hand and a quill.

"Yes, actually. I was thinking-" he paused and Lily caught him reaching up to ruffle his hair in the corner of her sight. "Since we're going to be working alongside one another, I thought maybe we should—probably—for teamwork's sake-" Lily resisted the  
urge to laugh at his nervous energy. "Get on a first name basis"

Rolling her eyes, the redhead answered him "I meant question on your duties as head boy, Potter. Not another one of your flirtatious attempts to get me to relent to your dates" Lily raised an eyebrow at him, trying her best to sound stern.

He turned his body to face her and raised his hands as a show of his innocence. "I'm all in for this responsibility thing, I just think that—as models students, we should show the others how much we get along. Like a symbol for peace and unity" he tilted  
his head innocently at her and Lily rolled her eyes. He did have a point, it would be much better for the mentality of the members of the prefectorial board if the Head Boy and Head Girl were on great terms.

"Alright, for teamwork's sake" she relented. "Let's go through the agenda for the briefing before the others arrive" Lily paused for a moment. "James" she said, glancing at him to gauge his reaction.

…

His body jerked to attention at the sound of his name from her lips. It made him wonder if he would ever get used to hearing his name from her. Sirius'sbemused face appeared in his head and he snapped out of his glee. Bloody hell, what was _wrong_ with  
him. It was just a bloody name! But she has always called him Potter, and every time she yelled it, he lost Gryffindor a few points.

 _Potter! What are you doing, put him down! 5 points from Gryffindor!_

 _Who do you think you are, Potter? Magic against other students is strictly forbidden! 10 points from Gryffindor!_

 _Potter! Did you think I wouldn't see that? 15 points from Gryffindor!_

James cringed as the memories of her voice resonated in his head. It became a knee-jerk reaction to expect her fury whenever she yelled his last name. _No. No more fooling around, Potter. This is your last year with her. Its make or break, mate._

She briefly ran him through his main duties as Head Boy, as she was obviously the veteran between the two and James struggled to pay attention to her words, rather than notice her slightest ministrations.

The way she tucked her hair behind her ears when she looked down.

The way the tip of her tongue peeked out in the corner of her lips whenever she paused to scribble something on the parchment.

Or the way her eyes looked when she's frowning at him.

"Are you even listening, Potter?" she said, the familiar tone and use of his last name jerked him out of his loopy vision.

"I thought we were on first name basis" he frowned.

"It's hard to call you James if you keep doing things that remind me of Potter" she huffed and turned her attention away from him.

Confused, James frowned "What's that supposed to mean?" How was Potter any different than James. They were both him, after all. Unless she knew another Potter that made her life difficult.

Shaking her head, she dismissed his question and continued to explain the system for the prefect patrols. "So as I was saying, prefects who are stationed to patrol in the dungeon floors, need to be put in pairs whereas-" she droned on and James found  
himself losing interest in her words and allowed himself admire the look on mild concentration on her face-

The compartment door slid open and they both look up to see Remus walking in with a surprised look on his face. "Looks like Sirius wasn't pulling my leg, after all. You _did_ make Head boy"

"I'm beginning to question Dumbledore's decision as we speak" Lily grumbled under her breath.

She was right. What was Dumblefore thinking? Appointing him as head boy was the worst thing Dumbledore could do to Hogwarts, now with all the pure-blood elitists hounding their backs about the quality of education. He was rash, impulsive and hot-headed.  
The worst combination a leader could possibly have.

Noticing that James had gone quiet, Remus walked over to them and patted him on the arm. "Good on you, Prongs" he said, discreetly nodding his head over at Lily, who was focused on indicating time estimations next to each agenda.

James smiled back weakly. "Thanks, mate"

"James, help me do the patrol schedules" Lily said, holding out a list of names for him to hold. This time, James tried his very best to concentrate.

Although they had inevitably ended up with Remus' help, they managed to get the time slots filled with names by the time the first prefect came in. Who turned out to the last person James wanted to see.

…

"What the bloody hell is _he_ doing in here?" the venom laced words were out of his mouth faster than he could stop it. It wasn't like him to lose his cool. But seeing Lily and that swine together, sitting side by side as if it were the most natural  
thing in the world, annoyed him more than anything else. A fool would be able to tell that James Potter obviously had feelings for the redhead and to see his greatest satisfactions fulfilled, was the worst thing that could happen to Severus.

That swine was in his own league of pompous and prouder than a peacock about it. He was still surprised Lily had even given him a chance at all. _Lily._ He's been seeing her around Potter much too often. Ever since the incident, he and the Marauders  
had been hanging around her like bees to a nest. Hexing anything and everything that looked at Lily the wrong way. _Tyrants_. Because of them, Severus wasn't able to catch Lily alone to speak with her in their sixth year.

"Haven't you heard, Snivellus?" James stood, his face smug even as Lily scowled at him for using his nickname. "I'm Head Boy now"

The world threatened to crumble beneath Severus' feet. James Potter as Head Boy and his Lily as Head Girl? There had to be a mistake, Dumbledore was a reigning genius. He was well-respected and wiser than anyone in the wizarding world. Why would he choose  
James Potter, the school bully, as Head Boy? Unless-

"Did daddy put a good word out for you at tea with Dumbledore? No, perhaps he threatened him just so you could extort its benefits." Severus sneered viciously. He pushed past his conscience to stop there, telling himself that he didn't care that Lily  
was looking at him with wide eyes. "Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do, Potter. You're going to fill Lily's head with your frivolous lies and trick her into thinking that you're anything more than a pig-headed-"

"Enough!" Lily's voice snapped him out of his rage and he turned to meet her frantic eyes. "What has gotten into you, Severus?" her voice barely a whisper.

"Lily, I-" he snapped his mouth shut, at a loss for words. He's never been so verbal with his thoughts before, even when Potter had provoked him, taunted and physically harmed him, he has always glared and glowered before he complained to Lily afterwards.  
But after the dissolution of their friendship, he hadn't been able to vent out his feelings and seeing Lily try to rebuild what they had with his most hated adversary set something off in him. An emotional side he had hoped to bury within the icy  
barrier in his heart. _T_ _oo naïve._

Lily—it was always Lily who could understand him best, Lily who had stood with him, Lily who had fought them off, Lily who always made his dark days brighter. And now she was no longer his Lily. If he didn't do anything about it, she was going to be Potter's  
Lily.

The worst part was how much he hated that look on her face. With furrowed brows and the helpless look in her eyes, as if she were afraid of him—of what he's become. Guilty, he lowered his eyes to the ground as he heard the other prefects begin to file  
into the compartment, oblivious.

…

Lily tried not to let her thoughts linger on Severus' outburst but found it difficult to remember what number came after twenty before she realized that she may have counted Gilderoy Lockhart twice.

"There's twenty-five present, Lily" she heard someone say from beside her. Huh, James Potter could be surprisingly helpful at time. Flashing him a grateful smile, Lily proceeded to conduct the briefing just like she had seen it done for the past two years.

"I would like to welcome the new fifth year members to the prefectorial board and congratulate you all on this achievement. I trust that you will all uphold this title in great honour-"

"Are you joking? A filthy mud blood as head girl? Wait till my father hears of this" a fifth year prefect had interjected, Lily turned to look at him, not surprised to find him dressed in Slytherin robes. Rabastan Lestrange was a well-known Slytherin  
even amongst the seventh years. As the brother of Rodolphus Lestrange who had recently tied the knot withSirius' cousin, Bellatrix Black. He was determined to carry forward his pure-blood brother's cruel legacy when Bellatrix and Rodolphus were  
in Hogwarts.

Of course, he had mostly done so with the influence of his father's money. Professors couldn't touch him and the students feared the consequences should they cross his path. Lily caught him bullying muggle-borns more often that she would have liked and  
had been one of the few prefects to have the courage to give him detentions and strip his house points. Because her parents were muggles, Lestrange's words against her through his father had no authority to scare her.

She was almost sure that the only reason why such a horrid boy was made prefect was because his father decided to have a word with the headmaster and ProfessorSlughorn. Lily had feared this sort of confrontation with the students about having a  
muggle-born as a student leader, but she hadn't thought it would come so soon and from her fellow prefects, no less.

Hearing the word mud-blood had undoubtedly wounded her self-confidence but before she could allow it to sink in, James Potter had seized the boy by the front of his shirt and hauled him to his feet as he snarled in his face. "You will apologize for that,  
Lestrange"

With all the big words and arrogance, Lestrange had cowered at the confrontation, looking thoroughly shaken as he took the full brunt of James' fury. He tore his eyes away from the fuming Gryffindor to look frantically around the compartment. "Somebody  
do something! He's mental!" he yelped as James jerked him by his shirt.

"Honestly, I think you deserve that" Scott Corner, the Ravenclaw prefect in her year had said, leaning back against his seat and crossing his arms as if to enjoy the show.

"You don't know how hard Lily's worked for it" A sixth year Hufflepuff prefect interjected.

"Yeah!" a few other prefects had echoed.

Feeling warmth rushing into her chest, Lily bit back a smile and placed a soothing hand on James' arm. "It's all right, James" she assured him.

Unconvinced, he turned his head to meet Lily's eyes, searching for any signs of hurt. "He called you a—a _you-know-what_ " he reasoned, sounding like a child told to let go of his favourite toy.

Lily frowned and looked down at his hands fisted in the trembling fifth year's robes. "Well busting his chops about it won't undo what's already out his mouth" she said, placing her hands on her hips in an effort to look stern. James had opened his mouth  
to counter but quickly shut it when Lily lifted a hand to dismiss his opinions. Begrudgingly, he released the slytherin's collar and the frightened boy staggered back into his seat, looking thoroughly shaken.

"Shall we carry on then?" Lily regarded the others and a few nodded solemnly.

…

Severus watched as Lily effortlessly sorted everything out, from the timings of the patrols to the new passwords for the common room. Her explanations to the fifth years regarding their duties were clear cut and easy to understand. As she briefed them  
separately, James made short work of duplicating the duty schedule and proceeded to hand them out to everyone before returning to stand awkwardly at Lily's side. Waiting for her next set of instructions.

He looked thoroughly lost and completely out of place. It was curious on Dumbledore's end to have chosen a person who had not been a prefect as Head boy and stranger still for him to have chosen James Potter. When he didn't receive the head badge like  
he had hoped, Severus had thought it would have went to Lupin instead. Despite him being a Marauder, Lupin has been right up there with him and Lily in their classes and not to mention he had a strong sense of responsibility. His only flaw was being  
loyal to a fault.

Honestly, anyone within seventh year prefects would've been much better compared to that swine. The only logically explanation would be from his father's influence. The sneaky little prick was no doubt aiming to deepen his relationship with Lily, that  
angelic halo that he donned was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen. How can Lily not see past that? She may think he's changed but only because that swine has gotten better at hiding his bullying ways from her.

James Potter and Sirius Black were the biggest contributing factor to why Madam Pomfrey has been constantly receiving patients from the Slytherin house. They were tyrants who just didn't know when to stop. It sickened him to know that they were probably  
filling her head with lies, pretending to be her allies, tainting her with their filthy Gryffindor bond.

Before he realized, Severus was glaring at James Potter with every ounce of hatred in his body. The latter must've felt it because he turned his attention from Lily to look him dead in the eyes, matching Severus' deadly glare with a warning look.

The train jerked and Lily's shoulder brushed against his arm and Severus watched as James reached out to steady her. Hating the fact that Lily had naturally accepted his touch.

"Leave them alone" he heard the familiar voice of Remus Lupin tell him. The Gryffindor prefect was sitting across of him in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes hard and filled with warning. Severus scoffed. Like hell he'd listen  
to a Marauder.

…

Lily watched as Remus and James gathered the Gryffindor first years in the great hall, counted them and proceeded to lead them towards the common room. She stayed behind in the Great Hall to make sure that the rest of the prefects had all their designated  
students under control. It wasn't until the last the students filed out before Lily allowed herself to relax. Her shoulders sagging as she looked down the empty hall.

One event down for the night, now to check the common rooms. As she stepped off the Grand Staircase and towards the corridors leading to the Gryffindor common room, she rounded the corner before clapping her eyes with a painfully familiar scene.

James knelt down to eye level with one of the first years she watched get sorted into Gryffindor. The echo made it possible for her to hear their conversation.

"So what if you're muggle-born? So what if you don't know anything about the wizarding world, that's why you're here, aren't you?"

"Everyone here says I shouldn't be here. But I can't go home! I can't! The other boys at home think magic is freaky." The boy's voice wavered, his brows furrowed as he scowled at the ground.

Lily's heart squeezed, she could understand where the boy was coming from. She wanted to intervene, to tell the poor child that the others are wrong about him, that he was going to be a fantastic wizard despite him being muggle-born. And if he worked  
hard enough, everyone will accept him. But she couldn't say it without becoming a hypocrite. She couldn't fill his head with hope she didn't have. Muggle-born children would always be caught in between the two worlds. While the wizarding world seemed  
too big, the muggle world was too small and they would be left with nowhere to go.

"Now you're just being ridiculous, of course you belong here!" James snapped, seizing the boy by the shoulders, giving a little shake until he looked up to meet his eyes. "Look, just because you have different blood running in you doesn't make you any  
less of a wizard-" he released on hand to point a finger at the boy's chest "In here. You understand?" James said and Lily noticed how the usual mischievous twinkle in his hazel eyes were missing.

James Potter was not simply humoring the child, he truly believed every word he told him and Lily's heart leapt at the thought. This was unexpected for him who came from a renowned pure-blood lineage. Stepping back behind the corner, Lily chose to check  
on the other common rooms as to not interrupt a vital moment in the boy's life but the next words stopped the head girl dead in her tracks.

"I know a muggle-born, we're not really mates but I know her. I've watched her for a long time now and she's nothing short of brilliant. Talented, hardworking and just downright _brilliant_. D'you want to know something?" there was a silent pause  
and Lily guessed the boy must've nodded. "She's made head girl"

Lily's cheeks colored and her heart thundered against her ribcage, she feared if the damn thing pumped any louder, she would be caught eavesdropping.

"Wow" the boy exclaimed and there was once again silence.

"So bollocks to everyone who thinks you should go home. You'll show them, won't you?" there was a shuffling of robes and Lily assumed James had stood up. "What did you say your name was?"

"Williamson. Jasper Williamson, Mr. Potter"

"Oh god, you're not really going to call me that, are you?"

The rest of their conversation faded as they began walking to the common room. Lily bit her lips to stop herself from smiling because her cheeks were beginning to hurt.

…

"Wishing Well" James told the portrait of Valeria Myriadd who guarded the entrance to the Head Boy and Head Girl Common room. The beautiful woman nodded solemnly and the door swung open for James to step in. As soon as he was through, the opening swung  
to a close and he stood awkwardly at the entrance, looking into the cozy room in awe. The room was fairly big for a common room to be shared between two people. He carefully stepped down the two steps that elevated the entrance. Directly across was  
the fireplace place which was but a mass of glowing cinders just to keep the room warmer than the outside. In front of the fireplace was a large sofa, grander than the one in the Gryffindor common room but a little stiff-looking in James' opinion.  
He glanced around, the whole room was of a circular shape, and therefore there were no corners.

As he glanced around the room, there was an armchair and a stool position next to the fireplace and all around the walls of the common room were portraits of the notable witches and wizards. On two separate poles of the room were the staircases that led  
up to their respective dorms with wooden signs carved with the words "Head Boy Dormitory" and "Head Girl Dormitory"

He knew he should be heading up to the one that indicated "Head Boy Dormitory" but instead James found him lingering towards its counterpart. With great curiousity, he wondered if the same rules in the Gryffindor tower applied here. Was he allowed up  
there? Hold on, what would he do even if he was allowed up there? It wasn't as if Lily was just going to invite him into her room, although the very thought of it made James desire it, very much. Maybe he could find something to use against her in  
there. Oh who was he bluffing? This was Lily Evans he was talking about, he'd have better luck finding a porno stash in McGonagall's office.

He stood thoughtfully at the bottom of her stairway. Should he go nick a pair of her drawers? His subconscious sat upright with bright twinkling eyes but James batted at it. Has the desperation stripped him of his pride? That he would stoop to stealing  
and sniffing her underwear? _No one mentioned anything about sniffing her underwear, ya dickhead._

His legs were moving towards the steps before he could stop them and the next thing James knew, he was sprawled out on his back at the bottom of the steps he tried to climb. _Perhaps it was best that the founders jinxed the female dormitory steps after all._

A soft mew reached his ears and James felt a rough tongue lapping at his palm before something soft pressed against his hand. Confused, James lifted his head off the floor to look at what was attacking him. His eyes were met with two bright emerald feline  
eyes staring up curiously at him. Funny, the shade of green in its eyes looked vaguely familiar.

"Andros?" a hushed but frantic voice cut through the silence in the common room, James pushed up on his elbows just in time to see the Lily Evans, walking down the stone steps in her long sleeved pink nightgown with ruffles on the chest area. Her long  
and wavy hair looked frizzy like she had been rolling around on bed before this. His face warmed at the thought of her in bed.

"Are you alright, Potter?" she asked him, tucking her hair behind her ear as she leaned over him.

James slammed his mouth shut and wiped at the corners of his mouth to check for drool before clearing his throat. "I don't answer to that name anymore" he joked pulling his hand from the warm furball and stood. Lily leaned back as he did, eyes following  
his movements before her green eyes found his. The similarity in the shade was impeccable. As if it read James' mind, the cat purred and rubbed its side against his leg and Lily bent down to scoop the cat up into her arms.

"Sorry about Andros, she seems to be quite taken by you. I hope you don't have anything against cats." Lily smiled apologetically at him, ignoring his subtle jab at her for using his last name.

A smirk curled at the corner of his lips and his reply was more instinctive than anything else. "I don't fancy them very much but if it's yours, Evans. I'll make an exception." He leaned in to watch her reaction like he always did but caught himself when  
she frowned. Oh no, he's done it again, gone and made a complete twat out of himself.

"You don't fancy cats?" she asked.

James drew back, she was worried about that? He opened his mouth to redeem himself but was interrupted when a black mass of fur was thrust in his face, two glowing emeralds blinking curiously at him before the pink of its mouth revealed itself for a soft  
mew. "Even if she's this adorable?" Lily asked and as if it understood, the car mewled.

He wasn't particularly fond of cat but he didn't dislike them either, however as two pairs of emeralds started at him, he desperately wanted in on Lily's good books.

"I love cats, love them like my own children" he blurted out rather dimly and resisted the urge to cringe at how terrible that sounded out loud. Then she giggled, a lighthearted and carefree giggle. She's never made that sound when they were alone before.

"I'll let you play with her in the common room some other time, we need to get to bed. The real work begins tomorrow, Head Boy" she flashed him a smile over her shoulder as she climbed the steps.

James watched as her long dress swayed with her every step before he hurriedly called after her "Good night, Lily!" but he could no longer see her due to the curve of the steps. Then by some miracle, she answered him.

"Sweet dreams, James"

Wow, that was beyond their usual form of civility. It was almost as if she was flirting back. Progress! He was making progress! With that in mind, James headed up to his dorm with a bounce in his step and the goofiest grin on his face. He was almost certain  
that he would be dreaming of Lily tonight and it was definitely going to be sweet.

...

It started out with the incessantly throbbing in her cheeks and then the thumping in her heart before Lily finally realized that she was grinning from ear to ear. A pained wail from Andros pulled Lily from her giddy reverie and she immediately released  
her victimized familiar, very nearly suffocating it against her chest. The struggling cat leapt out of her arms and onto the bed, turning its head around to shoot Lily a dirty look. "I'm sorry, Andros" she gasped and the black cat sat down in the  
middle of her bed and looked up expectantly at her.

Lily crawled into bed, leaning against the headboard and pulled her legs up to her chest, her smile remaining unaltered. "Do you think it's weird I suddenly find James Potter positively charming?" her voice barely above a whisper as Andros licked her  
paw in a prim and proper fashion but Lily continued to speak nonetheless. "He seems to have genuinely changed, don't you think?"

Andros mewled softly, her tail swishing about as she looked at Lily. "Oh you wouldn't know, would you? You've only just met him today" she tucked into her blanket and Andros took that as its cue to curl up next to Lily and sleep.

As Lily laid in her bed, absently stroking the black cat's head. Her thoughts were thoroughly occupied by James Potter and his sudden change of demeanor. Was it cruel of her to think that he looked positively adorable when he stood around awkwardly as  
the other prefects carried out their duties with practiced actions? Or maybe it was the joy in her chest when he revealed how much respect he had for her as a peer. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest again and she muffled her smile into her pillow. _I could get used to this Potter._

* * *

 **How was that? Leave a review for no charge at all :D I might throw in some replies once in awhile and as for the tidbit I mentioned before:**

 **The flavour of Harry Potter's ice cream at the Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour is Raspberry and Chocolate. In the previous chapter, James got chocolate and Lily got Raspberry :D**

 **This week's tidbit:**

 **From whom did I steal Lily's cat's name, Andros?**

 **Answer will be revealed next chapter.**


	3. The Chains of Responsibility

**Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **The Chains of Responsibility**

 _He was impossible!_ What made her think that James Potter could be anything more than the pig-headed toerag he was? How bloody _naïve_ was she to think that he would step up to his responsibilities and everything would be fine and dandy? Rubbish!

As she stormed her way through the corridors, students shuffled and dodged out of her path. It wasn't until Lily noticed this that she realized she must have donned an especially horrid expression. If James Potter didn't stop fooling around anytime soon, the student body was going to believe that her face permanently looked like that.

God help James Potter, because the second Lily got her hands on him, she was going to strangle the life out of him. This was the fourth time he stood her up this week and it was Tuesday!

…

As Lily stormed the grounds in her frantic search for James Potter, said boy laid on the floor in the boy's dormitory draining a bottle of fire whiskey alongside a big black dog. It was only the second week of classes and being responsible was beginning to wear James to the bone. On top of the new N.E.W.T content they were learning in class, Head Boy responsibilities and the fast approaching quidditch tryouts, there wasn't much of James left.

The Marauders had yet to make an appearance as a whole since the new school year. Sirius was chasing tail harder than ever and Peter was struggling to cope with the classes while Remus spent most of his free time studying in the library as he had patrols at night. James however, was lost most of the time. If he wasn't being pulled to the side by a prefect with a question, he was pulled to the side by an overly eager Gryffindor who thought that sucking up to him would give them a better chance at making the team.

Because he wasn't allowed to hex students as Head Boy, everyone suddenly found him ever-so-approachable. Why did he even accept this position anyway? They could've been setting Peeves up, raining dungbombs all over the courtyard, or even spiking the first years' pumpkin juice with Dogbreath Potion. He sat up abruptly and the world spun around him before he landed back down with a thud.

He groaned and Sirius in dog form whined in response but James' mind carried on, the thoughts whirling in his head like storm. Perhaps this was Dumbledore's plan after all, by giving him such an important role, the old coot had probably hoped all the responsibility will help weigh down his trouble-making tendencies. Well he'd show him! James tried to sit up once again, however this time, it was his stomach that protested and he slumped back down onto the floor willing himself not to be sick all over their dormitory floor. He'll show him tomorrow.

Sirius rolled over and let out a growl that almost sounded like a human groan. It just so happened that his best friend's black tail rested against his face and it began thumping up and down. James took a swing at the slapping tail but his body was numb with alcohol and he missed by a mile before his arm came crashing back down. He couldn't feel his face anyway and with that last thought, James drifted off.

They were both startled into consciousness when the door slammed open and Remus's voice hammered into their ears.

"Have you both gone mad?" he snapped angrily.

This wasn't good. It wasn't often that Remus got angry but when he did, they had to sit through his rants on what they had done wrong. No one could interrupt because it was all true. It was time they pulled on their shamed faces and be done with it. James blinked groggily and smacked his mouth to get rid of the cottonmouth, cringing when he tasted sour.

"What time is it?" he croaked past the sandpaper in his throat.

"It's 9 in the evening, you were supposed to be on patrol, James!" Remus stomped over until he was at James' feet, a pair of dark green eyes stared down at him but James couldn't be bothered to keep his eyes open, instead choosing to lean his head back down on a sigh. "Were the lot of you up here all day?" Peter, who had been fiddling with James' quaffle until Remus showed up, shook his head to deny the claim.

"I got in after classes and found them like this" he surrendered the information quickly.

"And you just sat on your arse? Nice going, Peter." Sarcasm dripped from Remus' words as he shifted his attention back to the delirious Head Boy.

When James didn't respond to his earlier question, the werewolf kicked his foot. "Lily was looking for you the whole day, Prongs. Because you were a no show, she had to go on dungeon patrol _alone_ "

At that, James was immediately sober. His head snapped up and his aching body struggled to flip himself off his back so he could at least crawl somewhere. "Where's the map" he wheezed, looking around the ground frantically as if he would find it there. "Lily, is she-" he paused to squeeze his eyes close, fighting off the wave of nausea that slammed into him. "Is she alright?" he breathed.

"For god's sake, James make up your bloody mind! Do you like this girl or not?" Remus huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, watching the pathetic creature known as James Potter wriggle about on the floor in search for something that he wasn't going to find.

"Of course I do, I just-" he sighed and rolled onto his back, pressing his palms into his eyes as another terrible wave of dizziness wracked his head. "Everything's just gone to hell" he groaned.

Remus rolled his eyes and glanced down at the sleeping dog by his feet. "And you! How long are you going to stay a mutt?" Remus harshly nudged the transformed Sirius with his foot.

James rolled his eyes "He might as well make the transformation permanent." The dog's eyes snapped open and it growled at their former roommate. Drawing his wand, Remus did the quick incantation in his head before letting the spell fly out the tip of his wand and hit Sirius straight in the ribs with a bright flash.

The dog yelped, his black fur receding and his body elongated and morphed into its natural form, equally drunken. "C'mon, pull yourself together, Padfoot" Remus pleaded, this was their last year in Hogwarts. The year had barely even started and his mates were already trying to kill themselves.

"Moony! How nice of you to join us!" Sirius' words slurred and his eyes drifted open and close as he spoke on the floor.

Sighing, Remus decided not to pursue his point. He was tired because he offered to help Lily with the head boy duties as James had been missing and on top of his own patrols, he's not had a single free moment for him to study. He wasn't about to spend his whole night trying to get his friends to get their shit sorted.

"Prongs, just get your drunk arse back to your room. Lily's still looking for you." He sighed in exasperation, stepping over his friends to get to his bed. At the sound of Lily's name, James wriggled his way into a standing position and stumbled about, knocking into everything and accidentally kicking Sirius in the head.

"No, Mrs. Potter I would not like another biscuit" Sirius grumbled and curled up on his side.

"Oy! Stop dreaming about me mum" James snatched the quaffle from Peter and flung the ball at Sirius with instinctive good aim. It bounced off his best friend's black mop of hair and Sirius swiped at thin air five seconds after contact. James sat down on Peter's bed, laughing as the sudden bubble of giddiness in his chest rose to tickle his throat and Peter joined him.

…

By the time James had managed find his way back and remember the password to get in the head common room, it was already half past ten and he was halfway to being sober. It was a good thing it was so late because the extra courage from the alcohol was beginning to dissipate and suddenly coming back to their dorm didn't seem like such a bright idea after all.

The portrait swung open and James rubbed his hands over his face before stepping in. This has been a rubbish day filled with rubbish decisions and now he was having a borderline migraine. He stepped into the common room with extra care in his steps, the ground seemed to have developed the ability to jump up and smack him in the face.

And then the room was filled with a heart wrenching plea for help.

"Help! Someone please! I can't breathe…"

 _Lily._

The fuzzy waves of the alcohol's influence waned immediately, replaced by a rush of adrenalin. His head shot up, eyes searching the common room for the cause of Lily's distress but found her curled up in a fetal position when he looked over the sofa.

She whimpered and sobbed, her eyes squeezed closed with no other signs of consciousness aside from the occasional pleas to an invisible enemy to _stop_. Suddenly feeling violent he had no power to save her from herself, James rounded the couch and attempted shake her awake.

Her breathing continued to fluctuate, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead and her face contorted in pain. Whatever she was dreaming of was bordering on a night terror and James could feel her fear seeping into him through his hold on her shoulders. "Bloody hell, Lily!" he shook her again, his voice wavering in desperation as he called her name again and again, but she didn't seem any closer to waking.

"Don't hurt her!" she sobbed, her body writhing as if in pain and her right hand clawed at her left arm, her fingernails marking her skin.

Sitting at her feet on the couch, he drew her up by her upper arms and engulfed her small body with his own, pressing her up against his chest and speeding heart to stop her from moving. He felt her tears seeping into his shirt but her breathing slowed nonetheless. After Merlin-knows-how-long, her body finally went lifeless in his arms as she drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

James was not in any position to free himself, not that he was complaining, the nervous head boy continued to hold her awkwardly against him. Should he lie down? Wriggle free? She had a tight grip on his shirt and she was literally breathing into his neck, tightening his trousers. Did he not dream about this moment every single day since his puberty began? Of course he had imagined her more _conscious_ , so to speak. Needless to say, James was quite happy where he was, he just wasn't sure if Lily would appreciate it when she wakes.

Oh, to hell with it! It wasn't as if a chance like this was ever going to present itself again. So James shifted them into a more comfortable position with both of them lying on their sides, her against the back of sofa and his on the outside with her tucked neatly into him. James thought about how nicely she fitted into his body and allowed sleep to take him.

…

Lily's nose wrinkled when the smell of alcohol, grass and aged wood reached her nostrils. Where the hell have Andros been to pick up this combination of smell? Out drinking in the forbidden forest? Her biological clock tells her to wake up but she was awfully comfy where she was. A little too warm but very comfy. She snuggled her face into her breathing pillow— _hold on_.

The redhead's eyes shot open and Lily found herself staring at the structured jaw of James Potter. Any trace of sleep lingering in her body was long gone, she just stared at his face, wracking her brain for the details of the previous night. What happened? Why was Potter in her bed? What happened to the stair jinx? How did he managed to bypass that? As she prepared her throat the scream her head off, James sighed.

When his arms flexed and pulled her against him, crushing her face into his chest. The scream died in her mouth. _That feels nice_. She could feel his slow, sleepy heartbeats against his chest and his warmth was comforting. Maybe just a few more minutes…

 _Merlin's beard!_

With a hard shove, Lily disentangled herself from James' arms and knocked him to the floor in the process.

"Fuck!"

 _Thud._

"Ow."

Lily's chest rose and fell in rapid succession as her heart thundered forward. What was happening to her? She pressed her back against the cushion of the sofa, dreading the confrontation. Her mind was but a jumble of thoughts and frantic emotion, what was going on? Why was she-

A hand came down on the edge of the sofa before the untidy head of black hair lifted from the ground. "What gives?" James groaned tiredly, his free hand pressing on his temple.

"W-What's going on?" she sat up, feeling her body to check for clothing, sagging slightly when she felt them there. "Potter, if this is another one of your pranks, I swear-"

"I see someone's a big morning person" he jabbed sarcastically and ran his hand through his bed hair "Good morning, dearest" he flashed a big smile and Lily's stomach flipped, her heart felt like it would explode. She was suddenly heating up between her legs.

"I-I have to-" she had nothing. There was nothing on her mind. _Nothing._ For the first time in her life, Lily's mind was completely blank. So she continued to stare at James Potter with wide, fearful eyes. She looked absolutely scandalized.

Finally he sighed and decided to spare her. "You were sleep-talking, Lily" he told her, lowering his hand to the floor behind him to support him up. "I thought it would make you feel better if I stayed with you" he told her, lowering his eyes almost guiltily.

There was a long pause before Lily finally spoke "W-What was I saying?"

It was instantaneous and gone as soon as it came but Lily saw it nonetheless. A violent look in his eyes, as if he had been reminded of something terrible. When he slapped the grin on his face and looked up at her, Lily knew she wouldn't like the next words that he would say. "You said that I was the most charming and good-looking fellow you have ever seen."

Lily upped and left him in the common room without so much as sparing him a second glance.

…

By the time James had finished washing up and headed back down to the common room, Lily was already there to ambush him, their earlier incident thrown in the wind.

"We need to talk, Potter" she stood in the middle of the massive room, making her look much smaller. Her skin was pale and her eyes were still swollen from the night of crying. Now that he's stop avoiding her and had a good look she looked unhealthily frail. How many nights like that had she endured on her own?

Now he just felt guilty for dumping all his responsibilities on her. He'd been a real prick for the last couple of days. So he was going to stand there, take whatever she had to throw at him, then he was going to apologize and start acting like a real head boy. _That was the plan._

"What did we say about using first names?" he said, trying to lighten the mood but with no such luck.

Lily ignored it and shifted her Tranfiguration textbook in her arms before continuing "I need you to give me the paperwork you have regarding the points that Lockhart took from the second year Slytherin for trying to steal pocket money from a Hufflepuff first year. He said it's with you." She snipped.

There was a strange lack of shouting in this scolding. Was this all? "That's an awfully specific description, are you sure you want that one?" Why did she even need that slip? It was the only one he's managed to collect. He thought they agreed to sort the paperwork out together at the end of the week before the prefect meeting.

"Do you have it or not?" she snapped, hotly.

"It's upstairs." He answered cautiously.

"Good, can you go get it?" she looked unimpressed, shifting her weight to lean on one leg "Before you go gallivanting off, skipping classes to drown yourself in smuggled alcohol again." her eyes were cold and her tone, bitter.

"Why? We're going to sort that stuff out at the end of the week anyway." He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, seeing as you're preoccupied with your _other_ habits, I figured I might as well do them myself"

He should be happy that she had offered to do his job for him, that way he could go back to his routine pranks with the Marauders. He could go back to ruling the school. _He could go back to having fun._

But he wasn't pleased. Not even a little. For some reasons, the mere thought that Lily had given up on him made him angrier than he should be. She had every right. He was the one dodging her every attempt at trying to meet up and discuss about the school's disciplinary problems. He was reminded that the only reason why he had accept this position was because he wanted to be close to Lily. He wanted her to like him, he wanted to get to know her better. But every time she's asked them to meet up, all she ever talked about were her duties and rambled on and on about what he needed to do.

He was cocking about like a child because nothing seemed to be going his way. Lily remained apathetic to his passes and she showed no interest in getting to know him. So he hid from her. He wanted to watch as she chased after him, he wanted her to suffer the frustration of not being able to get what she wanted—just like he did.

He's had the niggling conscience nudging him, telling him that this was going to get him nowhere and possibly land him a one way trip into her bad books but Sirius had sorted that out quickly, always there to offer him an easy way out and James took it. Now he was beginning to regret his course of actions.

"No" he said, simply. Lily faltered, frowning deeply at him.

"No? You refuse to do your job properly and now you're trying to stop me from doing mine?"

"Who said I wasn't going to do it?" James said defensively.

"You did!" Lily shouted at him, green eyes glaring at him with fury "You've been constantly trying to avoid our meet ups and whenever we do, you just sulk because you actually have responsibilities now and complain about having to sit through meetings!" Oh, she was _livid_.

"I wasn't sulking" James said rather unconvincingly. "Even if I were, I wasn't sulking about my responsibilities." That was the truth, he was sulking because a stubborn someone refused to take a break and would not talk to him about anything other than work.

Lily raised an eyebrow, skeptic.

"At any rate, you can't take my job away from me. We are going to meet up at the end of the week to sort this out. I will continue to collect the slips from anyone that hands them to me and I will _not_ be giving them over to you. End of discussion" he huffed.

For a moment, Lily looked like she was going to yell again. Her chest swelled and James mentally prepared himself for a tongue lashing but she let out a sigh. She looked tired, as her eyes closed and she breathes in deeply again, he noticed the dark rings around her eyes and pasty skin. "All right" she said with a tone of finality. She really did look unwell.

Adjusting her textbook in her arms, she turned and he reached out to tug on her wrist. "Hey" he called out to her but she stiffened under his hand. "Doing all right there, Evans?" the familiar line tumbles out his mouth, he didn't even realize he had called her by her last name out of habit.

"I will be, if you actually show up for the meeting" she answered solemnly, keeping her head turned away from him as she spoke. Lily pulled herself free and scampered quickly out the common room, leaving James to feel responsible for her distraught— _again._

 _For fuck's sake!_ His hand reached up to tangle in his unruly hair and yanked. Coupled by the massive hangover, the pent up frustration with Lily and her worrisome episode from last night, James' day was off to a rubbish start.

…

Little did he know, Lily's quick exit had little to do with her annoyance for him. Rather, the loud, distractive pounding in her heart that spiked every time she looked at James Potter was driving her mad. Of course, she was still disappointed in him for straying from his responsibilities but after waking up in his arms on the common room couch, after finding out how it felt to snuggle in his protection, something's changed. And Lily wasn't sure if she liked it.

Now every time she looked at his face, she would be reminded of the sleep etched expression that morning and the warmth rushing through her body. She wasn't naïve enough to think that she was like this because of her hormones and that it would've happened to her with just _anyone._ This was not the first time she has fantasized about a boy like this but she wasn't just physically attracted anymore. This was beyond that, she could feel it—in her heart. With James Potter, she felt safe and happy; even if he did do a great job at setting off her temper. While she hasn't given anyone the chance to form an intimate relationship with her, she has never felt quite like this about another person.

It was different with James. She _wanted_ to let him in. She wanted to share her secrets, her fears and _her time_ with him. Wanted to be as close as possible to him and she didn't know why. He was infuriating on every level. He was a bully. His charming smiles were pretentious. And he enjoyed pushing her buttons, in fact he treated her like a game for the past six years. For just as long, Lily has remained indifferent to his pompous attitude and charming words but now he was finally getting through to her.

But Lily knew. She wasn't a fool. If she allowed herself to believe that he was serious about her, she would surely end up drowning in disappointment. James Potter could not change. He has always been this way and he would remain as such. Severus was right. _He was always right._

Her footsteps slowed as the tears prickled at her eyes, the weight of acceptance crushing at her heart. A fresh throb of pain stung her chest as the last of her icy indifference fell away from her heart. Her conscience whispered her childhood mantra one last time— _James Potter is an arrogant toerag_.

And Lily Evans was but a fool because she has already fallen in love with him.

* * *

 **The name 'Andros' originated from one of the wizards listed on the Chocolate Frog Cards, 'Andros the Invincible'**

 **Fun fact: Andros the Invincible mastered wandless spellcasting and was able to perform the Patronus charm without one.**

 **Reminder: Updates are every Thursday/Friday. See you next week!**


	4. Mixed Feelings

**Welcome back!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of his fanfiction.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Mixed Feelings**

For the first time since he had become captain, James Potter was brimming with satisfaction at the thought the Quidditch try outs. Found himself an excellent Keeper in sixth year, Dirk Cresswell as well as a powerful sixth year Chaser, Emmeline Vance and a potential-filled fourth year Seeker, Hestia Jones who had previously played as a reserve Chaser the year before. The meeting with Lily prior to the weekly prefect meeting had gone smoothly with the redhead Gryffindor praising his competence and thanking him for his hard work, which was more than what he usually gone. This meant he was making progress with the stubborn Gryffindor. The actual prefects meeting had gone even better when the points that several Slytherin prefects had taken from Gryffindor students had to returned because they had been caught falsifying their reasons.

It's been a month since then and James had fallen into step with his new routine. It was nearing the end of the week and as usual, James was headed towards the library so they could look through the paperwork together with Lily. While it was still a stretch to say that James enjoyed his new hectic schedule, however he didn't quite hate it as much. Knowing that the meeting with Lily would take about an hour or two at most, he enjoyed the new peace between them. It felt natural. _It felt right._

Even though she continued to reply curtly to his attempts at starting non-work related conversations, he could feel there was something different about the atmosphere and he liked it. Slowly but surely, he was getting through to her; James could feel it. He just had to patient.

As he approached the library, all thoughts on patience were thrown out the window.

 _What the bleeding fuck was that?_

If James was the arrogant prat of Gryffindor then Scott Corner was about tenfolds the version of him from Ravenclaw. He has also been pining after Lily Evans since Professor Slughorn announced that she was his favorite student. The scheming git's been trying to get in Slughorn's good books and he thought that his chances would be upped if he had Lily Evans on his arm. Because nothing could go wrong if you had the school's star pupil tucked against you—specifically Lily Evans.

And there he was, standing outside the library with none other than _the_ Lily Evans as they conversed animatedly about something James couldn't give two shits about. But since he wanted Lily's attention, he decided that he _was_ going to give two shits about the topic of word exchange. As he approached, snippets of their conversation began to unravel.

"You look wonderful, Lily. Did you do something to your hair over the holidays?" Scott Corner chuckled flirtatiously and James repressed a gag. He'll bet his granddad had better social skills with a woman. And she did _not_ look wonderful, she looked unwell. She looked exhausted and weary for the past week. The ignoramus was stupid _and_ blind.

"Oh, I did, actually. I had it trimmed over the summer and my mother recommended a different hair product for me" Lily smiled kindly at him. "How very observant of you."

"I knew I smelled a difference" he leans in towards her as if to prove his point.

 _Oh hell- Not if James had anything to say about it._

But he didn't need to, Lily leaned back and strained a smile at the Ravenclaw prefect. "Thank you for your help with the troublemakers, Scott. I have a meeting with James now, so if you'll excuse me" she side stepped from him and nearly stumbled into the Head Boy himself. "Oh!" she blinked, stepping back to avoid collision. "James! I was just headed in" she said, sounding a little out of breath.

But James wasn't listening so much as thinking of the right hexes he would throw at Scott Corner the next time he saw the fucker loitering the corridors. "James, are you coming?" Lily voice came from behind him and he knew that Scott Corner would have to wait, nonetheless he threw the bemused Ravenclaw his filthiest look and turned to follow Lily into the library, dramatically flapping his robe behind him with a huff as he did. Childish but satisfying, nonetheless.

…

The next hour with Lily was filled with work, work and more work. He didn't even get a reply when he asked about her summer and she completely blew him off when he mentioned accompanying him to Hogsmeade some time. Perhaps he was being too indirect about this, it would probably take nothing short of a direct confession from him for Lily to finally realize his feelings. But he didn't quite have the confidence to do that just yet, he needed some form of emotional reaction from her and she just wasn't giving it to him.

 _Patience. She just needed time to get to know the new him._

"So Lily, I was thinking-" he began

Lily looked up from stacking the parchments and smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement  
"That's new." she said jokingly.

James narrowed his eyes at her before deciding to ignore her little jab. "I want to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend" he blurted out before he could chicken out again. There, he said it. There was no way Lily could call on him for joking this time, she was going to have to answer him with just as much seriousness.

Her emerald eyes were wide when their eyes clapped, he stared back with just as much intensity. He was not backing down— _not this time._ But he hadn't count on Lily averting her gaze and biting her lip like she always did when faced with a problem she couldn't solve. _So he was a problem now?_ His palms were sweating as he watched her expression change from troubled to contemplation to resolve. When she looked up, James hurriedly wiped his hand on his robes and swallowed nervously.

"I'm… busy this weekend, perhaps another time, Potter" the corners of her lips tugged up in a strained smile and James felt his spirits dampening.

"Yeah. Sure. All right" he told her, standing up as she packed away the last of her things and tried his best not to look disappointed. _Patience, Potter. It's only been a month and a half since school started. She liked it when Corner complimented her hair, maybe you could try that-_ James promptly shut out his subconscious. The day he began taking advice from Scott Corner, was the day he would lose all self-respect and start begging Lily Evans to fall in love with him. And he wasn't quite up there. _Yet._

Repressing a sigh as Lily stood, James tried to save their dying conversation. "So have you gotten the agenda done for the meeting tomorrow?" he asked and she immediately perked up. Shoulders slumping, James allowed her to ramble on about the topics of discussion she was going to bring up during the meeting; occasionally throwing in a half-hearted opinion to show that he was in the conversation.

…

It was past curfew and James found himself in his old dormitory in the company of his mates. It felt nice to get away from the extravagance of the Head Dormitory and back in his lumpy old bed in Gryffindor Tower with the lights off and just talking to people who understood him. "So what you're saying is that she _doesn't_ react when you try to imply a relationship between the two of you?" Sirius started, his voice coming from the bed on James' right.

"Nope" his lips making a popping noise from the 'P'

"Did you ask her nicely instead of using your dreadful pickup lines?" Remus perked up from his left.

Peter chuckled from across, completing the circle of their bed arrangement. "Pickup lines" he echoed and then laughed again.

"Hey, I use the same pickup lines and they always work for me!" Sirius protested.

"I'm sorry to have to say this, but the birds you go after are rather loose, Padfoot" Remus deadpanned.

"Well it's not _their_ fault, all women are loose in my presence"

"Then why does Lily hate you so much?" Peter asked.

"Only because Prongs over there already has his heart set on her. Going after her would be less than honorable. No bird is worth six years of friendship." Sirius said, attempting to sound solemn. "If she was fair game, I'd have her eating out of my palm" Sirius added quickly, earning himself a small stinging hex to his side. "Ouch!"

"She's not like everyone else, you arseface" James reprimanded, feeling peeved even though he knew Sirius meant no harm. He was just being well—Sirius. But he wasn't about to let anyone taint his image of Lily, not that they could, but something about her makes him jump to her rescue. _Every. Single. Time._

Sighing loudly and flipping over to bury his face in his pillow. James was in way too deep and she was too unaffected by him. He knew he wasn't bad-looking by any means, he's had his fair share of Valentine chocolates and sweets delivered to his dorm so that meant that _someone_ out there found him attractive—just not Lily Evans.

"You really like this girl, don't you, James." Sirius said, it was a statement and James didn't have to respond to confirm.

There was silence all-round the room and it seemed like the Marauders were all thinking—until they heard a snore from Peter's side of the room. Sirius guffawed and the ruffling of his sheets told James that he had just sat up to peer over at the sleeping Marauder.

"Unbelievable. Our best mate is having girl problems and the twat's nod off." Sirius sneered.

"Let him sleep, Sirius" Remus said, James was close enough to hear him stifle a yawn. "The professors are giving him a hard time because he's on the verge of repeating the year"

Sirius flopped back onto his back and said nothing else.

"Honestly, Prongs. I think you should just tell her you feel. You said so yourself, she's not like anyone else. Pick up lines and cheeky comments will only confuse her." Remus pointed out thoughtfully.

Sirius scoffed "So… _what?_ You want him to talk about his feelings? When did our bollocks fall off? What he _needs_ to do is sweep her off her bloody feet, that's what."

Remus snorted. "And that _always_ ends up swimmingly, doesn't it?"

Sirius sneered. "What do _you_ know about women, Moony? You haven't so much as touched one since Bertha Jorkins kissed you on the cheek in first year for rescuing her toad from my lunch" the dark haired boy shuddered as the memories surfaced.

"More than you if you think that Lily would fall at your feet if you winked and grinned at her" Remus argued.

"That is _not_ how I pick up women"

"No, but that _is_ how you pick up _girls_ "

"You want a go?"

James interjected "Guys! How does this help?" he snapped, exasperated.

"We're sorry Prongs, mate, it's just—none of us really had this sort of problem before. Moony's too worried about his condition to fall for anyone and Wormtail… well I don't know what goes on in that boy's head sometimes but you know me! No bird's worth the trouble if you ask me." Sirius said, sounding genuinely bad for not being able to help.

"Just _tell_ her, James." Remus urged on.

He felt like he was talking to the angel and devil that sat on a person's shoulders, whispering conflicting thoughts into their heads just to fuck with them. It was easy for Remus to suggest talking about his feelings to Lily because she's always been nice to the bloke and Sirius' advice was just plain risky considering none of his suggestions actually worked on Lily before, in fact sometimes it blew up in his face. He didn't want to tell Lily how he felt because he wasn't sure she would give him the answer that he wanted to hear. And Lily was definitely worth it. No one dared to speak for the rest of the night and James eventually fell asleep, dreading his next encounter with Lily.

…

It's been awhile since he went down to the Great Hall for breakfast in the company of his mates. But it felt great to be surrounded by crappy jokes and laughter. His day was off to a great start—at least it was until he saw Lily. While his day brightened considerably after seeing her, his mood plummeted when he saw who she was with.

"Isn't that Scott Corner over there at the Gryffindor table?" Sirius said over James' shoulder.

"Not for long"

It seemed like Lily brought about the worst in him these days, he was happy when she was near but his mood immediately turned sour from the slightest thing she did. Whether it be brushing off his compliments or just speaking kindly to someone he knew had his eyes set on her. That someone being Scott Corner in this case. What was it about that prat that had her so enthralled? Of course, he wasn't bad looking but with his horrible sense of humour and creepy comments, Lily had to find him somewhat unattractive. Right?

She sat down on the dining bench with the table behind her and her body turned to face Scott Corner fully as he stood in that sloppy manner he thought was laidback and enticing. _Oh, I'm going to be sick._ Crowded behind the git were most of the seventh-year Ravenclaws clumped up together, sniggering and nudging each other as if they knew something no one else did. James didn't like it.

"Lily, as you know, we've known each other for quite a while now and we've both become quite accomplished as prefects and so I was wondering" he paused when his friends sniggered loudly, interrupting him. He turned to shoot his friends a filthy look before turning his attention back at Lily's curious but suspicious stare. "Would you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? Specifically on Saturday."

 _Son of a-_

"All right" Lily leaned to the side to look at the group of Ravenclaws curiously before looking back to Scott's face. "I'll go with you" she reaffirmed.

"Brilliant! We'll meet at the entrance at noon?" Scott asked and Lily nodded silently. As soon as he turned and left with his posse of snobs, Lily's entire form seemed to sag with relief but James took no notice. _No_ , his mind was too clouded with frustration and his vision swam with red.

"Busy this weekend, eh?" he walked up to her and snarled.

She jumped in her seat, eyes frantic and filled with fear for a split second but James couldn't bring himself to be delicate with her. In fact, he couldn't even look at her. Not when he knew where the problem laid; she would say yes to anyone _but_ him. Before she could so much as utter a word, he turned and stormed out of the Great Hall, shoulders bumping against Peter's as he brushed past his mates.

…

Lily stood up, staring after the fuming James with a longing look in her eyes. Sirius entered her peripheral vision as he followed after his best mate out the hall and Lily turned her attention away to look apologetically at Remus, who mirrored her look. "We're sorry about him, Lily. Hope your date goes well." He said before turning to chase after James and Peter followed this time but not before glancing unsurely back at her.

She hadn't realized that James would take so much offense in her little rejection, not when he always brushed things off like everything was a joke to him. To see him so genuinely angry, and at her, filled her heart with more unease that she would care to admit. He's never looked at her like that, even when they were arguing, he never looked angry or even remotely so. In fact, he always seemed to be enjoying himself while she was busy blowing her head off with scathing words and filthy glares.

Lily hadn't wanted to go on a date with Scott Corner. She wasn't foolish enough to believe that Scott was looking for friendship in her and her sub-conscious had told her not to lead him on. But for once, she ignored the tiny voice in her head and braved the possibility that she could find her first functional relationship with him. Perhaps she would grow to like his strange compliments or the way his longish hair was not quite as untidy— _or accept the fact he was simply not James Potter._

Compared to James Potter, Scott Corner was safe. If things didn't turn out all right, she could handle walking away from Scott Corner without so much as a second glance back. But she wasn't sure if she could do the same with James. After her realization a month ago, she had done everything she could to stop thinking about it. Even as she drowned herself in her studies and head girl duties, it didn't help that he seemed to be everywhere.

 _Lily, professor McGonagall just gave me these slips. What do I do with them?_

 _Detention duty again, Lily? Well then I'll join you! I think Sirius is in there._

 _Lovely as always, Lily._

 _Up studying again, Lily? Which is it this time? Transfiguration? I can help._

Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily! The way her name sounded as the two simply syllables rolled off his tongue. She liked the way he said her name—she borderline _loved_ it. And how he liked to lean so closely to peer over her shoulders and peek at what she was doing. His endearing smiles and helpful streak. His humorous comments and deep chuckles. And then there was his unruly hair sticking out in all sorts of angles that made Lily want to run her hands through them _herself_. When did James Potter learn to be so courteous? And where has all her self-respect gone? Acting like a dog in heat whenever he was near. She was certainly raised better than this but without anyone to go to with her problems, she feared that she may implode if she didn't find something else to distract her.

That's when Scott Corner appeared with his awkward stance and cheeky attitude. Lily had found her escape. Scott was a genuinely nice person, he was well-informed and spoke his mind so Lily relented. Out of fear for her newfound feelings for James Potter or because she wanted a relationship from Scott Corner? Lily was ashamed because she knew the answer to that question.

The disheartened Gryffindor stood by her house table for who knows how long, before finally walking out with a diminished appetite and off to her first lesson. Potions. Good, James didn't take Potions.

…

The day hadn't gone well as Lily had hoped. In potions, not only had she failed to concoct a cauldron of Living Death, something that she had been so confident of, but because she had been so distracted by the thought of James Potter's fury directed at her, she nearly killed Remus when her concoction bubbled over and split over to his side of the table. As she was busy trying to counteract the unfinished draught, Severus had already handed in his Draught and claimed his prize. As Professor Slughorn remarked; 'In all my years of teaching, no one has been able to concoct this potion quite so splendidly. A well-earned reward, Severus. Use it well."

From then on, Lily's day only continued to snowball downhill. James and Sirius were missing from Charms and Transfiguration while a particularly feisty Snargaluff tried to strangle her in Herbology and the two Hufflepuff students she was paired with, stood by with horrified looks on their faces before Peter and Professor Sprout appeared to wrestle her free from the thorny prison.

When classes had finally ended, Lily had actually looked forward to the prefects meeting as it was her last chance at being able to see James before the day ended. But found no such luck when ten minutes past six, James had not walked through the door; Lily was forced to chair the meeting without him. All while pretending that his absence did not affect her in the slightest.

At last, as Lily virtually hobbled her way up the grand staircase to the head dorm, only to find it empty, she did not bother waiting up because she knew James would not be returning to their dorm tonight. And her fears had truly come to life, James Potter hated her. She was a horrid person for toying with another person's feelings, wasn't she? Lily Evans was a _foul_ and _wretched_ person.

Wiping furiously at her teary eyes, Lily sniffled back her drippy snot and blinked furiously, biting her lips to stop the sob from tumbling out. _You did this to yourself, Lily. You have no right!_

* * *

 **I absolutely looove building up romantic relationships. Now I do apologize for the cliffhanger but I promise it will be worth it!**

 **I'm afraid I haven't got any quirky quotes or information for you this chapter but do leave a review, it makes my day!**

 **Tune in next week for the resolution of James' dilemma! :)**


	5. Impulsive Behaviour

**Welcome back to another chapter, I think you might like this one- or not. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Impulsive Behaviour**

As James rolled over on his bed on a laziest Saturday in Marauder history, he decided that he was over Lily Evans. Completely. Indefinitely. In fact, he hasn't even thought about her _once_ as he lazed through the morning. His mind occupied with the latest strategy he wanted to test out on the quidditch pitch—that is, until now. It was past noon and the Marauders were all experiencing an especially lazy day with Remus being the only one that was fully awake and reading on his bed with a sprig of cowlick sticking up on the side of his head. Sirius had only gotten in after midnight after hooking up with Demelza Wynch, smelling faintly of fire whiskey and cigarettes so the bloke was still knackered. Peter was asleep because he had been up studying with Remus' help, the poor guy probably exhausted his brain after a session like that.

And James? Well he was simply in bed because he was unhappy. And it had _nothing_ to do with Lily Evans' date or the ignorant prat of company she was having. Not at all. He was unhappy because— well he didn't need a reason to be unhappy, did he? He felt like he had just grown a tad closer to Filch now. They really should cut that man a break. Sighing loudly, James turned onto his side and closed his eyes, maybe he could go back asleep and not wake up until dinner time.

For Merlin-only-knows how long, James tossed and turned on his bed, trying to quell the traitorous energy that filled him until Sirius finally spoke. "That is the fortieth time you've sighed, Prongs. Why don't you just hurry along and wreck Lily's date already?" Sirius said, annoyed, his pillow on his face.

"What makes you think I'm in a state because of Lily?" James said defensively, sitting up and frowning at his friend.

"You woke the entire room with your tossing and turning" Peter yawned, rubbing his face.

"You're always in a state because of Lily." Remus rolled his eyes

"No I'm not!" James denied apprehensively. "I don't quite fancy her anymore"

Sirius exhaled heavily through his nose and sat up, his pillow tumbling to the floor to reveal a mop of black hair looking unruly and tangled beyond salvation. "Right then, we're going out. Suit up, chaps. Lily's date isn't going to spoil itself" he said, suddenly more sober than James has ever seen Sirius for the whole year.

"I haven't a care about what that snobbish _prude_ is up to" James snapped. Remus scoffed and James shot him a narrow eyed look.

"Well get up anyway, I've got a bone to pick with her because that woman is eating you alive, James. So whether you like it or not, we are going to make sure her date goes _swimmingly_." Sirius said with a tone of finality and left for the bathroom, leaving James to contemplate his words.

…

And that was how James found himself walking down the nearly empty corridors of Hogwarts at four o clock in the afternoon, arguing with his mates about how they were going to track down Lily and Sir Brags-a-lot.

"She could be anywhere by now, they might've already parted and are heading back to their respective dorms as we speak" Remus reasoned.

"I told you Moony, we'll just look for them. Hogsmeade isn't that big. We're bound to bump into them one way or another" Sirius countered.

"Hogsmeade _is_ that big, Padfoot. If we wander about aimlessly, we might miss them" James said in exasperation.

A scatter of Ravenclaws came out of a classroom, no doubt from smoking. Remus wrinkled his nose and James contemplated stripping them of their points just to spite Scott in the next prefect meeting. But decided they didn't have time to start a war with Ravenclaw.

"We could just go and ask them where Scott's taking Lily" Peter pointed at the group of hustling Ravenclaws.

"You really think they'll just sell out their lord and savior, Wormtail?" Remus said. Everyone knew the whole Ravenclaw house worshipped every word that came out of Scott Corner's mouth and clung to it like baby chimps to their mother. This was all because he had once knocked James off his broom in a quidditch match in fourth year on the prat's first game. Beginner's luck, James called it. But the rest of Ravenclaw didn't seem to think so.

A manic grin nearly split Sirius' face in half as an idea lit up in the cheeky Gryffindor's mind. "Nah, all they need is a little persuading, innit Prongs?" he nudged the taller boy in the side as their eyes fell on the last boy who just bade his mates goodbye. Jacob Harper was a close friend of Scott Corner's, the sly-looking boy followed the latter around like he was some sort of savior but everyone knew Harper only followed Corner around because he was jealous of him.

Needless to say, a boy as vain as Scott Corner would undoubtedly reveal his plans to his mates as means of bragging. And a date with Lily Evans was certainly something to brag about. So James and Sirius broke away from the gang to flank Jacob Harper, steering him into a darker corridor where they would commence their interrogation. With a rough shove, James pushed Jacob against the wall, his robes ruffled as his arms flailed about, trying to regain balance before his shoulder collided with the solid wall in a hard thud.

"Ow! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harper was not pleased. Good.

"Us? Oh we were just taking a leisurely stroll down the corridor with an old friend, weren't we, James?" Sirius shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh sure, we're mates, aren't we, Jacob?" James flashed the boy his biggest, falsest smile.

"If you're going to bully me, I'll tell on ya!" Harper made a move to push off the wall and past Sirius and James only to be roughly shoved back by Sirius, this time the latter seized him by his collar and pressed him firmly against the cold stone.

"Bully you? Naw, you're just going to tell us some things, _Jacob._ " Sirius sneered his name in disgust. "Mates tell each other things, don't they?" Sirius tilted his head in a way that reminded James too much of his cousin, Bellatrix.

"I don't remember becoming mates with a bunch of hooligans" Harper snarled.

This time, before Sirius could reply, James interjected. "Right then, if you don't tell us where your best mate Scott has taken Lily. My friend over here is going to slap the shit out of you. You have three seconds" the widening of Jacob Harper's eyes told James that Sirius had probably just flashed his best mad grin at the Ravenclaw captive.

"One" James counted.

 _Thwack!_

Jacob Harper's head snapped to the side, his cheek reddening as he turned back to face Sirius. "The fuck was that?" he snapped, looking completely scandalized.

"Apparently, I can't count" Sirius shrugged.

"Okay, let's try again" James cleared his throat in an act of exaggerated professionalism. "One" he paused "What comes after one?"

 _Thwack!_

"Oh yes, that" James sounded pleased

Jacob's jaw was open as he stared between the two "You said I had three seconds!"

"Did I?" James frowned "Oh well let's start over then" he beamed excitedly.

Jacob's eyes widened "You-"

 _Thwack! Thwack!_

It didn't take long for Jacob's face to start looking like the behind of a baboon and when Sirius chose to point that out, the Ravenclaw sang like a canary. Informing Sirius and James of not only where Corner was taking Lily but his entire schedule, completed with time slots and all. Guess that Ravenclaw brain was good for something after all.

…

The sky had been dyed red with the sunset and Lily wondered what time was it, she thought about asking Scott for the time but didn't want to seem like she was in a hurry to leave— _even though she was._ While it seemed like Scott Corner's planned date was flawless, Lily had found it rather _predictable_. It was as if there wasn't a single creative bone in the fellow. Or perhaps Lily was just unconsciously comparing him to _someone else._

Oh this was hopeless! It seemed like no matter how hard she tried to bring up the image of Scott, the thought of James Potter would always be close by to ruin everything. It wasn't fair to her date, he certainly didn't do anything wrong, in fact she had been impressed by how prepared he was. She just wasn't impressed by the person himself, but the fault was completely her own. No one forced her to fall in love with the most arrogant prick in their year. Except well, perhaps James Potter himself. But she really should've known better!

All those years of teasing and bullying should've been enough warning for her steer clear of Toerag Potter. But he wasn't just Toerag Potter anymore. He was James. Sensitive, goofy, caring, curious, cheeky, dreamy—James Potter.

"I had a lovely time with you today, Lily" said Gryffindor jerked back from her daydream to stare up at her date. They were currently passing the Shrieking Shack, the path dye red and orange by the leaves of autumn. As Lily looked out towards the vastness of the land surrounding the lone building, her heart tugged.

"Are you afraid of it?" Scott tried again "The Shrieking Shack?"

Oh, she's gone and done it again! Thinking about irrelevant things when she should be offering her wholehearted attention to the person who gave her a wonderful day at Hogsmeade. She presented Scott with a full and whole-hearted smile "No, I'm not afraid."

It wasn't until she felt the squeeze on her hand that she realized that he's been holding onto it this whole time. Suddenly uncomfortable, Lily shifted on her feet and tried to move a little further from Scott, hoping she wasn't too obvious about it. "Don't be silly, Lily. Perfectly all right to be afraid." he tutted, stepping closer to her as if trying to overwhelm her.

"But I'm not!" Lily protested, wriggling her hand free and turning to face her date. For a long pause he just stared back at her, something unidentifiable flickering across his dark eyes and Lily wasn't sure she liked it.

"You know I've always wondered" he started, taking a step toward her and closing the already scarce distance between them. The heavy scent of his deodorant unwelcome in her nostrils. Lily tried to shuffle back as inconspicuously as possible, but he soon seized her by her elbows, and she swallowed thickly. "What does that _prick_ Potter see in you?"

Blinking, Lily's brows furrowed. What did that have anything to do with well—anything? "James Potter, the professors, our peers, the headmaster. What makes _you_ so special? A muggle-born from a no-name family. Just— _who_ are you?" his eyes narrowed and something seemed to glaze over his dark eyes, a pale hazy color that reminded Lily of her granddad's cataracts but not quite the same. Scott Corner was looking at something but it wasn't here. His eyes focused on a faraway scene and Lily leaned in to take a closer look. He was in a trance. His lips began to move in a mumble but his voice was muted. A divination?

A loud whoop snapped the look from Scott's face and Lily reeled back in embarrassment at their proximity. "W-Wha…?" Scott seemed fatigued and confused for a moment before a voice from the sky startled him and Lily both.

"Oppugno!" James Potter's voice shouted from above her and before Lily could react, a whirlwind of leaves rose from the ground, slapping and completely overwhelming Scott's form with such intensity, Lily was forced several steps backwards.

Wild laughter filled her ears and the voice seemed to circulate around her head before she finally looked up to see Sirius and James conjuring doves overhead. What was going on? Scott's grunts and struggles fell on deaf ears as Lily stepped away from him to try and figure out what the two troublemakers were trying to do. With an effortless wave of their waves, streams of doves filtered out the tip of their wand and circled over her head— no, they were circling over Scott's leaf riddled form.

"Immobulus!" Scott shouted and the leaves around him immediately stopped moving to suspend all over him in mid-air. As he angrily brushed the leaves off, the ravenclaw was promptly showered with bird droppings. Now, as he struggled, drenched with the sticky and foul smelling substance, getting the leaves off became a near impossible feat.

Lily stood frozen with her jaw slack, her mind struggling to keep up with the events as she fought back the small voice in the back of her head that found the situation somewhat amusing—if not a little cruel. As Lily finally broke free of her horrified trance, she reached for her wand, attempting to help her troubled date but a new voice entered the vicinity and it wasn't the least bit helpful.

"HOLY SHIT!"

"MAKE WAY!"

As Lily turned her head to the path that lead from Hogsmeade village to the Shrieking Shack. Remus and Peter came bounding down the path with terror-stricken faces and an army of pumpkins of every shape and size with sprouted lady legs charging running behind them. It was a stampede of bewitched pumpkins and they were approaching too quickly.

Gasping, Lily reached for Scott to pull him out of the way but before her hand could so much as touch the incapacitated Ravenclaw, the ground fell away from her.

Screaming for her life, Lily watched as the ground sank further and further away. She pressed herself closer to what felt like a solid pillar of safety until she realized it was cackling with laughter. "W-What's going on?" Lily spluttered helplessly, turning her head to come nose to nose with none other than James Potter. No one was laughing now.

Being suspended dozens of feet from the ground with a rising temper was not good for either of them. "Potter! What is the meaning of this? Put me down!" she squirmed and pushed away from him as he continued to press his hand against her lower back to hold her in place whilst his other hand held the shaft of his Nimbus broom.

Leaning over, Lily caught a glimpse of the height they were at. The strip of wood she was sitting on suddenly seemed too thin and her feet were too—dangly. "Oh dear Merlin's pantaloons, that' really high up" she gulped and kicked her legs on instinct as if to inch away from the dizzying view but found herself losing balance instead. The broom shifted and Lily gasped, throwing her arms around James' neck and burying her face in his shoulder to rid the fear.

"If you drop me, Potter. I swear-" her voice trailed as a dizzying wave of height fright returned. The hand on her back suddenly became awfully comforting.

"Never" his voice rumbled deep in her ear and Lily found her cheeks heating up despite the cold lash of wind attacking her face as he flew them over the in the direction of the castle. Lily watched from over James' shoulder as the rest of the Marauders and Scott were being kicked about by angry, legged pumpkins.

Sirius had reached for Remus on his broom but Peter barreled into him and Sirius ended being pulled down into the chaos. Their laughter could be heard from quite some distance away so Lily knew that they weren't too hurt at least. She just wished she could say the same about Scott's ego.

As soon as her feet touched the ground of the Quad, Lily's anger returned with a vengeance. Although she was still swaying slightly, the rush of adrenalin kicked in and she soon found her balance as she turned around to face a cheeky Gryffindor who looked too proud of himself.

"You relish in the idea of making my life as difficult as possible, don't you?" Lily snarled with viciousness she didn't even know she had and her body filled with rage she didn't recognize. But she knew being angry at James Potter was just to cover a much bigger turmoil raging in her. Nonetheless she allowed herself to vent her frustrations on him. After all, he was partially to blame for her day-long sour mood.

"Ruining my date was one thing, Potter, but putting Scott Corner through all that was uncalled for." She met his deadpan hazel eyes and held his gaze steady but the longer she looked, the less angry she felt. This was no good, her façade was tearing at the seams and it was taking too much out of her to stay angry at someone who didn't deserve it "You are-" she huffed, the words on the edge of her tongue but she couldn't find the breath to say them so she turned on her heel and stormed back into the castle.

The sky was darkening and students filed in from Hogsmeade to meet curfew so when she heard hurried footsteps echoing hers, she didn't dare turn to confront the culprit. It would do her no good if people were to catch their head boy and head girl in a heated argument over trivial, personal matters.

So Lily hurried back to their shared quarters, practically snarling the password at the miffed portrait. Begrudgingly, the former Hogwarts professor allowed them access and Lily stormed through, no doubt with James close behind her.

Lily recited the times James Potter had broken the school rules one way or another like paragraphs from a textbook in her head. Willing her anger to stay and her traitorous heart to stop speeding. Why did she come back to the head common room anyway? They would be alone and intimate and it would nothing short of a disaster. Lily repressed the urge to bury her face in her hands and groan. Instead, straightening her back and spun in her heels to face James Potter as one would when pitted against a dangerous opponent.

However, before Lily could force the words out her mouth. James beat her to it. "Go out with me."

There was a long pause as Lily tried to reign in her scattered thoughts. Her heartbeats sounded unnaturally loud and she feared James may be able to hear it. He's asked her of this countless times before, so why was it any different now. Perhaps it was from their lack of an audience or the completely somber expression on his face. Nonetheless, Lily allowed her instincts to kick in and her mouth automatically responded for her. "No." the single word harsh on her lips and bitter on her tongue.

"Why not?" James asked, impassive.

Lily blinked. _Why not?_ She could think of several reasons why not, but none of which she were willing to admit to him. "Because, _Potter_ , you are an insufferable toerag who just don't know when to quit. You are a bully, you are irresponsible and spiteful and—and" Lily trailed off, ensnaring her fingers into her windblown, frizzled red hair.

She looked up to collide gazes with James once more to gauge his reaction, something dark flickered in his eyes and the knife in her gut told Lily it was anger. "I have done everything you asked as Head Boy." He stepped forward so their faces were inches away from each other "So yeah, I fucked over in the first few weeks but I have been responsible, sensible and understanding ever since. Even _you_ have to admit that! I have let you avoid this conversation for long enough, Lily and I've run out of patience. Go out with me."

He was right, he was all those things and _more._ Shaking the unwelcome thoughts from her head with a sudden bout of defensiveness, Lily pulled away and turned her back to James, pacing back and forth "That doesn't change who you are, Potter. You can be as wonderful as you want on the outside but you'll still be rotten on the inside. I've seen how well you can lie, you're not fooling me. Six years of your bullying doesn't just take off" It was a poor argument and Lily didn't know if she was trying to convince James or herself. She wasn't being fair to him but she was too afraid to admit it to him— or to herself.

His chest rose in fury and Lily prepared herself for his outburst. "I'm James when I do something right and Potter when I've fucked up. But whether you like it or not, they are both me! Just what the fuck do you want from me, Evans? A letter of apology to everyone I've ever hexed? Because if that's what it's going to take for you to admit that I've changed, I'll fucking do it" he snarled in her face, sizing her up even though she was a good few inches shorter than him. As she stared back at him with those tantalizing green eyes, James found himself asking again. "Go out with me"

Immediately, the clear brilliance in her eyes dissipated and the window to her emotions slammed shut. She pushed away from him but in one bold move, James shackled her wrist with his hand. He was affecting her, he could see it now. All she needed was a little push. "No" she said but this time, her eyes were avoiding him.

"Why not?" he repeated, fingers tightening around her wrist when she began to struggle. "You would give Scott fucking Corner a chance but you can't even look at me while I'm talking to you?"

Lily was looking around the room frantically now as if the answer to her problems could be found on the walls, her chest rising and falling with every shift in her gaze. "Damn it, Lily! Are you crying?" James promptly released her wrist and Lily immediately lifted her freed hand to touch the trail of tears running down her cheeks. She hadn't realized she was crying. She was just so _frustrated_ at herself, at James Potter, at everything had been so perfect before he made it better. Turning her back to him, Lily attempted to piece herself back together. "What is it going to take for you to admit that there could be something between us?" James questioned, his voice quiet and pleading.

"I _can't_ " Lily croaked, her façade shattering even further.

"What the fuck does that mean?" James growled and Lily could feel his frustration rolling off of him to beat against her back. "I swear, Lily. You are can be so _frustrating_ at times. _Why_ are you _looking_ for reasons to hate me?"

In a blind moment of bravery, Lily spun around with frantic eyes and the need to free herself from the aching burden in her chest. "Because you _are_ James Potter! You are an impulsive, wild and an unstoppable menace! You are always, _always_ teasing me, pretending that you're so fascinated in me to your friends when I know the only reason why you're doing this to me is because you've never been told _no_ in your life!" She stared into his eyes with an unfaltering gaze and James remained silent as she continued to rant. "But you know what?" she gritted "You saved me. You always seem to be there for me while at my lowest. You bring me up, believe in me and continued to do so for the past six years even though I have never so much as uttered a _thank you_. In a span of weeks I've been seeing a side of you I've only seen glimpses of in six years. There are… feelings I'm not willing to admit because I'm afraid of what would happen if I do." She ended with a sigh, her gaze shimmering.

James blinked, not quite knowing what else to do but stand there and take in her words. "I tell myself not to fall for your shallow words and casual confessions but it's difficult when you've changed from the arrogant toerag you were to the head boy you are today" Her voice taking a much softer tone now. "I only went out with Scott Corner because I wanted to prove to myself that it could be anyone but-"Lily shook her head and bit her lip, her face contorting in pain "You win, Potter. I hope you're pleased with yourself because you've driven me out of my mind." Lily whispered, lowering her gaze.

A pregnant pause sailed through them before James seized her by her upper arms and slammed her up against the solid wall just next to the stairway to the Head Girl Dormitory, ignoring Lily's wince "You thought I was just yanking your wand when I asked you to go out with me? You thought _that_ was driven by impulse because you said _no_?" he was angry.

"Wasn't that the reason? What could I possibly have to offer _you?_ " the ugly head of her insecurities surfacing.

"Hell if I know!" he snarled, jerking Lily by her arms. "I may have made a complete arse out of myself every time I opened by mouth around you, Lily. But that's all your fault." His voice deathly quiet now.

"M-Me?" Lily spluttered, her eyes wide with a hint of angry.

"You're always buzzing around my mind with your snarky words, annoyingly red hair and your fucking green eyes! You think I _like_ being rejected? That I actually _enjoy_ the feeling of being shot down like some sort of disease-riddled _animal?_ Yeah, so I admit I like teasing you but I wouldn't have done that at the expense of my own dignity for the past four fucking years! Contrary to what you may think, Evans, I have _feelings_ too." James gritted out. Exhaling calmly, his next words were spoken in a much gentle tone.

"I've lied about loads of things in my life, gotten into trouble and broken several laws. I won't deny that. But believe me when I say this— you have _everything_ to offer" His hazel eyes suddenly devoid of any anger, instead, a look of desperation surfaced "I've not wanted anything more in my entire life, than to know what it feels like to have you feel the same."

A short gasp breezed past Lily's lips and James pressed his forehead against the wall next to her ear, his upper body sagging slightly against her. "Lily, I've loved you from the moment I saw you on September the first and since then you've been driving me closer to the brink of my sanity with each coming year. I think about the next first of September and remember that this is our last year in Hogwarts. I tell myself every day that if I don't do something soon, we may never meet again. There won't be another first of September and no platform 9 and ¾. So don't you dare tell me I'm being impulsive." his voice hoarse and weary. There, he said it. If she rejected him now, he was going back to Gryffindor tower to sock Remus in the face.

For the longest time, they remained in that position and James worried that if he moved now, there was going to be a red print on his forehead. Humiliation was the last thing he needed now.

And then a miracle happened. Slowly, Lily began to snake her arms around his midsection and pulled him against her. James remained deathly still, fearing that if he moved, it would frighten her and force Lily to draw up her emotional shield once again.

"I'm sorry" she breathes, her warm breath brushing the shell of his ear and forced him to repress a shudder. "I was insensitive and unfair to you—I was _mean_ " she gave him a light squeeze and James chuckled.

"I know mean. You don't know the first thing about being mean" he joked and Lily felt an enormous weight being lifted off her shoulders. Hesitantly, James drew his shaking arms around Lily and pressed her to him, sighing at the perfect fit their bodies were for each other. "I really am mad about you, Lily" he tried again, desperate for an answer.

"I know" she breathed "I am, too" her words, though feather soft, felt like a sledgehammer to his chest. He felt like he had just won the lottery, battled a dragon and won the Quidditch cup all at the same time. His heart a banging a fracture from the inside of his ribcage and his head in the clouds. He's dreamed of this moment for so long in so many different scenarios, when it actually came down to it, his smooth come back lines were nowhere to be found. It seemed like his head was being pumped with air, his lungs permanently filled and— _why was the world tilting?_

 _Thud._

"Merlin's beard! James? James!"

* * *

 **So I had been spell-checking this and just as I was getting to the raw and emotional parts of the chapter, I farted. It took all I had to finish editing and upload the bloody chapter.**

 **Leave a review, I want to hear your thoughts! About the chapter please, not my badly timed fart.**

 **We meet in the next chapter! Ta!**


	6. Sworn to Secrecy

**Hello again! It's a little later than usual, but here it is! I've also been reading the reviews and I would like to reply to some of them- at the end of the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Sworn to Secrecy**

"How many of these sausages d'you reckon I can fit in my mouth?" Sirius pondered absent-mindedly, his mouth still half filled with a bite of the mini breakfast sausage he was twiddling between his thumb and index finger.

Remus scoffed from across the table, looking up from his copy of the Sunday Prophet, nose wrinkling in disgust "I pray you wouldn't attempt to find out." the prefect flipped a page and flapped the paper open in front of him.

"You're no fun, Moony" Sirius waved him off, tossing the other half of his sausage in his mouth.

"I bet I can fit more that you" Peter challenged.

"Yeah?" Sirius straightened, eyebrows raised and expression, ready.

"We should be worrying about James" Remus interjected, slamming his paper on the table with both hands, startling some of the nearby first years at the table. Casting an apologetic look at them, Remus pressed on "We sabotaged Lily's date and he took off with her on his broom, practically kidnapped her! And not a word since!" he whispered harshly as to not draw in any more attention. Truth was, after the Marauders had detangled themselves from angry, stompy pumpkins and left Scott Corner for dead, the three of them had waited desperately by the two-way mirror for James to report in.

Now, they couldn't decide if his silence was a good thing.

"He ditched his mates for a bird, that's what he did. My poor body's still achy from all that stamping" Sirius threw in bitterly.

"D'you reckon she's killed him?" Peter asked and Sirius cackled with laughter.

Remus snorted "I reckoned he'd have killed himself, if anything."

"If everything goes swell, she's probably transfigured him into a pig and slaughtered him." Sirius paused and stared at his piece of bacon suspiciously as Peter snorted out in elaborate laughter, the dark haired Gryffindor shrugged. "Or maybe James finally gave in to his urges and shagged that ginormous brain of hers out" Sirius joked while Peter was having a sip of his pumpkin juice and caused the liquid to spurt from the boy's nose from laughing.

"Bollocks, you've got pumpkin juice all over my papers!" Remus groaned.

"Stop being a girl, Moony. It's not like the ink's come off" Sirius reached for a strip of bacon as Peter coughed and spluttered into his sleeve.

"Rita Skeeter on page six don't look too please." Remus folded the journalist having a silent fit away and reached over to thump him choking friend on the back.

Sirius wasn't listening, as if he had been pre-informed, he looked up just in time to see James walk through the large doors of the Great Hall. "Oh look, the wanker's finally come down to face the music. I have a few things I'd like to say to that traitor"

"Don't be so hard on him, it doesn't seem like he's had his fairy-tale ending either" Remus said, ever the sympathetic one.

"What makes you so sure?" Peter asked, stretching his head to try and catch a glimpse of their friend.

"He's alone" Remus said as they watched James slip into his usual seat next to Sirius and across Peter. All was silent as James began to pile food onto his plate, he seemed to be deep in thought while the three Marauders eyeballed each other, silently urging one another to say something.

"Prongs, mate! How was the uh—the Lily?" Sirius cleared his throat, folding his forearms on top of one another and leaning his weight onto it, making an elaborate show of attentiveness. A heavy silence settled on top of the rowdiest gang in Hogwarts and it was all Sirius could do to keep himself from leaping from his seat and shake some answers from his unusually solemn friend.

"If say, you lot are a bunch of birds— specifically the same bird. And you're dating someone like me. Would you be ashamed? Of me that is. Given my past fuck ups and all." James asked, his expression completely serious.

"Well that depends, are we good-looking girls?" Sirius rubbed his chin, a curious look in his eyes.

"Definitely" James answered immediately.

"Do we have luscious, wavy, red hair and stunning green eyes?" Sirius fanned himself for emphasis.

"Uhh…"

"Did we score eight O's and two E's in our O. " Remus chipped in.

"M-Maybe"

"Did we once cost Gryffindor a hundred and fifty points because we couldn't keep our pouty mouth shut from telling Professor Slughorn that the Marauders planted an invisible dungbomb at the bottom of his cauldron in fifth year?" Sirius leaned his cheek on his hand.

"You're still bitter about that, aren't you?" James deadpanned.

"We served double detention for that!"

"W-We're talking about Lily, aren't we?" Peter finally chimed in, looking immensely proud of himself for pointing that out.

"Oh course we are, you moron." Sirius rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"So the plan worked? You two are seeing each other?" Remus asked, seemingly the only one who was visibly excited for James.

"Well we-"

"Did you shag her brains out? Was she good?" Sirius interjected, leaning forward on his seat.

"Merlin's sake, Sirius!" Remus recoiled, disgusted.

"A mate's got to know these things" Sirius pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Do you wankers want to know what happened or not?" James snapped, annoyed.

Sirius raised his hands in mock surrender. "Spotlight's all yours, mate"

 _-5 hours earlier-_

James woke to a slow warmth, lazily beating against his face. Squeezing his eyes closed, James willed some movement into his rigid body, wondering why his bed felt so stiff. As he tried to wriggle onto his back, James felt an obstruction pressed against it, he froze, instantly on alert. _This wasn't his bed._

Cracking an eye open, his clapped sight with the common room fireplace. Flames licking from the cracks of the cinder caked firewood. His eyes moved higher to reach the clock embedded in the wall. It was half past two in the morning.

 _What was he doing in the common room?_

Something moved in his peripheral vision and the head boy's attention snapped to the bundle curled up on the armchair next to the sofa. A mass of red hair cascaded down one small shoulder as Lily snuggled into her blanket, her head leaning against the arm of the cushy chair with her neck tucked in and her cheek kissing her shoulder. The faint light provided from the dying fire illuminated her pale face, caressing her rosy cheeks, pouted lips and thick lashes fanned out on her cheeks.

At the sight of her, James' heart squeezed tightly in his chest. It's become a knee-jerk reaction to Lily's presence over the years. Nonetheless, the very sight of her had caused the day's events to come rushing back to him in dizzying speed. Lily's angry confession, his own and then her response. What followed after was merely an overwhelming amount of joy before everything went dark. _That can't be right_. Leaning forward on his seat, James buried his face in his hands, prodding his brain for information until he groaned, feeling quite miserable.

"James?"

James started, nearly jumping out of his skin when a croaky voice called out to him. His head whipped up to the voice and saw Lily's pale face glazed with moisture, her hooded eyes looking red and agitated. Her flaming red hair looked dull, strands of it sticking against her moist skin. She looked sick. "Hey" James scrambled to his feet to get to her "All right there, Evans?" he sat on his haunches in front of the armchair to get on eye level with her.

Lily sniffled, wiping at her eyes to check for tears. She nodded quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat before speaking. "How are you? You fainted all of the sudden. Scared me half to death" Lily tried to sound light hearted but her clogged nose was making it difficult for her to sound anything but shaken. James wanted to comfort her but decided not to push it, for now.

And then there was the event of his pristine show of emotional capacity. _Kill me now._ "I can only imagine what you must think of me now" James rolled his eyes in a desperate act of sarcasm, he was grasping at the straws of his dignity, hoping to seem nonchalant when really he was quite upset with himself.

"I thought it was rather endearing" she leaned forward to touch his hand, an affectionate gesture James was sure she wouldn't have attempted had it not been for yesterday's events.

"Which part? The fainting or my genius confession." James joked, grinning wide on the outside but cringing internally on the inside.

Lily took one of his hand in both of hers and squeezed, looking at him with adoring eyes. "Both" it was then that James took notice of the light trembling against his searing skin.

"You're trembling" he reached to cup her hands that gripped his. "What's wrong?" he asked, tone clear of any of his usual playfulness.

Lily's bottom lip quivered and she pressed them together to stop the tic. "It's just a bad dream" she whispered quickly.

"You should see Madam Pomfrey about this, she'll administer you a potion for it" James said, resting his hand on the armrest to look closely at Lily's complexion.

"It's just a bad dream, James" Lily repeated, trying to reassure him but her refusal to meet his eyes had unsettled James enough to pursue it.

James hooked a finger underneath her chin and urged her to face him. "Lily, you're sweating" he brushed his hand over her temple and combed through her red hair with his fingers.

"It's none of your business, Potter" Lily snapped irritably, brows furrowing and eyes glimmering with familiar annoyance. But instead of stepping down, the biggest grin threatened to split his face in half.

"You've run out of excuses this time, Lily." he squeezed into the seat with her and positioned her legs over his lap so her knees draped over the rounded armrest and her feet dangled over the chair. Lily ended up sideways on the chair and James sat, looking and feeling like a king on his throne "I may have blacked out but I've no trouble remembering your words. Shall I recite them to you?" He asked, the smugness plainly evident in his voice.

Lily's cheeks went red at the memory of their heated argument-turned-confession. "No, thank you" she squeaked, fiddling with her blanket. "But I really don't want to talk about it either" she looked pleadingly into his eyes and James faltered.

"I thought I made you feel safe." His thumb rubbed up and down soothingly over her back.

"You do, but there are things that even you can't protect me from" her voice quiet and faint.

"But I can try" he sounded optimistic.

Lily smiled at him but made no move to elaborate and James decided against trying to force anything from her. When she was ready, she would tell him. Although, he already had good idea on what haunted her rest. When she leaned her head on his shoulder, he wrapped his arms around her and she nuzzled closer until they were as close as can be.

"Lily"

"Hm?" she murmured. James glanced down to see her eyes closed.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Are we dating?"

"I would like to believe so" she hummed with contentment and snuggled closer until her head was tucked underneath his chin and her warm breath cascaded down his neck. Highly intimidating but extremely arousing. After mentally beating down his tainted thoughts, he braved another question.

"So I can girlfriend?" He was unable to hide the smile from his voice.

"If you must." Her voice was distance and half-asleep.

"Well you don't sound too pleased with the idea/" James frowned, heart already thumping into overdrive. _Maybe she was having second thoughts._

"Sorry" she pulled her head away to look at James who was looking questionably at her with a slight hint of panic in his eyes. "I'm not wholly familiar with the whole dating thing, I suppose. I've never… well— I've never dated before and, suddenly having to put a label on my feelings is making me a tad nervous. Is all." she looked down, fiddling with her blanket once again. It was a nervous tic, James realized.

As James opened his mouth to reassure her, but Lily blurted out "Can we keep it a secret?" she sounded hopeful.

 _What?_ "What do you mean, keep it a secret?" He's spent six fucking years hexing and jinxing anyone that so much as thought about a relationship with her, practically fighting off an army of admirers to get to her and she want him _not_ to brag about it?

"As in not tell anyone." Lily clarified, meeting his eyes with her glimmering, pleading emeralds. James mentally winced, knowing how this would play out.

"I know what you mean." James grunted impatiently "But why?"

"Because well… We're head boy and girl. Don't you find it a little… indecent? We've our own quarters entrusted to us and all this responsibility. What will the other students think? They're going to stare and whisper amongst themselves-" there was a mild pause before Lily continued, her tone considerably more alarmed. "What if the teachers find out?"

James snorted at that. He could care less about what those fools think. As for the staring; nothing a little bat bogey hex can't fix. He was not giving up the chance for a free relationship to please a bunch of shrivelled old professors and live like a saint to avoid looks from students who didn't know not to stick their nose in other people's business. No way. He was going out with _the_ Lily Evans. The girl of his dreams. Was he going to show it off? Fuck yes. And he was going to be indecent about it too. He would display his affection for the world to see. Snog her in the corridors, before class, in the great hall, in the Gryffindor common room when it's crowded and a whole load of other places he'll soon think of. Hold her hand as he walked her to class. Smother her whenever he laid eyes on her, everything he's dreamt of doing since the first time he's asked her out.

But as he looked down to give his firm refusal of the idea, he saw Lily chewing on her bottom lip, her brows knitted in deep thought. She was really fretting over the idea of a relationship with him. And the worst part was; James could come up with multiple reasons why.

 _-Present time-_

"Ashamed of you? Prongs, mate, what is there to be ashamed about? You're Gryffindor's quidditch hero, captain of the team and now head boy. If anything, _she's_ the lucky one" Sirius clapped him on the back but James didn't feel any better.

"I'm also a bully."

"A bit of harmless spell practice, I'm sure everyone's done it"

"I tormented her best friend for six years"

"Well, he's not her best friend now. 'Sides, he turned out to be real prick." Sirius shrugged.

"The professors hate me"

"No they don't, McGonagall loves you. I think the old girl's got a crush on you, honestly." the wavy haired Gryffindor heartthrob winked and James rolled his eyes.

"And I'm not exactly in the running for most fantastic head boy of the year"

"You've barely started" Sirius countered smoothly.

James scowled at him. "I appreciate you stroking my ego, Sirius, I really do, but how does this help? And since you obviously know more than I do, what would _you_ do in my situation?"

"Well I would've told her _no_ , for one. And then I'd snog some sense into her." Sirius shrugged rather proudly "Show her exactly what she'd be missing if we had to sneak around behind everyone's backs." There was an almost embarrassed pause and Sirius wasted no another second before he accused, swiftly. "You _haven't_ snogged her."

James looked guiltily to his plate "It didn't seem like the right time."

Sirius looked completely scandalized. "You brood over this girl for years and when the opportunity is handed to you—by us, might I remind you about the stamping pumpkins— you let it slip through your fingers"

"I didn't let it-"

"Tut tut. Don't speak to me. I didn't get stamped on by an army of lady-legged pumpkins just so you could pussy foot about. I'm disappointed in you, Prongs, I am." Sirius huffed, turning his head away.

Sighing in exasperation, James turned to his other best friends for help.

"If it means that much to you, just talk to her about it. Find a compromise. You've already got her to like you, what could be worse than six years of her hating you." Remus had been right about confessing his feelings for Lily. James was beginning to think that Remus understood women much better than they thought. But the thought of confronting Lily so bluntly frightened him to some extent and that's saying something because he rarely ever got scared. It did seem to be a recurring thing with Lily, however.

"It's not that simple, Remus" James mumbled moodily.

"It would definitely do you some good to get it off your chest, at least tell her know you're not fond of the idea" Remus' proposal put up a convincing argument. Except he was more afraid of Lily's reaction than fret over a little weight on his chest.

"That's bull, men don't talk about feelings. We get right to it! What if Lily says no? She'll be cross with him, they'll argue and all that trampling we've endured will be for nothing." Sirius interjected, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

And while Sirius drove a fair argument, he couldn't resist "Are we on speaking terms now?" James questioned mockingly.

Sirius didn't falter, instead he looked over to Peter, who had been busy eating throughout their discussion and said "Wormtail, tell James that he's a prat"

Swallowing a mouthful of bacon, Peter obliged "James, you're a-" but he didn't get to finish his sentence as James shushed the group, straightening his back and craning his neck to look over heads, spotting Lily as she entered the Great Hall.

"No one mention anything about last night. I'm not supposed to have told you lot" James hissed.

"So you're a traitor _and_ a tattle-tale" Sirius looked smug. "Oh, wait till I feed _you_ to the sharks—or in this case—shark. A red headed freckled sha-" James crammed a muffin into his mouth.

"Good morning to you too, Sirius" she breezed in, her complexion looking healthier than it did in the past weeks. James wondered if he would ever get used to her presence. His eyes followed her as she walked past him, trying to crane his head 180 degrees around to look behind him as she took a seat next to him. James eventually gave up, turning his head back around to meet Sirius' bemused eyes, an eyebrow cocked at him and the muffin still in caught in his mouth.

Lily set her book down next to her plate as she gathered her robes to step over the bench. "Have you started on your Herbology homework, Peter?" Lily asked Peter who paled immediately after her question. Lily cringed, perhaps that wasn't the best way to start someone's morning.

"What homework?" he asked urgently, dropping his forkful of eggs.

"The research we had to do on Snargaluffs over the weekend" Lily answered meekly, guiltily.

Peter's hand snaked up to his hair "It completely slipped my mind. When is it due?"

Lily almost didn't want to tell him. "Tomorrow" she squeaked and Peter nearly fell off the bench.

"Y-You have to help me, Lily! Please? I-I helped you and James get together after all." Peter blurted rather loudly. There was silence all-round the table, the other Gryffindor students that were sitting nearby seemed to have overheard as they were now glancing at James and Lily, thinking she didn't notice.

"Oh no." Peter slammed his hand over his mouth. _Yes, she wished he could unsay it too._

Sirius was lazily peeling down his muffin liner with two fingers, looking rather disinterested but Remus, on the contrary seemed to find the papers extremely interesting as he had lifted the newspaper to physically shield himself from Lily.

She knew James couldn't resist telling his mates but she hadn't expected him to be so immediate with it, or choose to disclose it in such a public place. Now that it's slipped out of Peter's mouth and rather loudly as well, Lily dared not look up. She's been told to be a horrible liar and if she looked around to see if anyone heard them, it would only serve to confirm the rumour that was about to spread like wildfire.

"Lily—James, I-I-I didn't mean to-" Peter looked back and forth Lily and James, gauging both their reactions to his slip up. But Lily was staring stiffly at her plate and James was looking at Lily with wide eyes, possibly thinking of something to say. It was a while before anyone spoke, Sirius had finished off his muffin and was now licking crumbs off his fingers.

Lily cleared her throat and blinked a few times "Well that was unexpected. I was hoping you'd wait a while before opening your big mouth, Potter" she said quietly.

James groaned at the use of his last name and Lily, however childish, was determined to make him feel bad about it even though she did expect it. "They're my best mates, Lily. They won't tell" he reasoned with her, hands itching to grab her hand now that he knew he could but chose not to make the situation worse if someone were to spot them. They weren't exactly known for being friendly with one another, if someone with half a brain spotted them and began gluing pieces together, people are going to find out.

"It's a little too late for that now" Lily sighed softly, her eyes subconsciously traveling to the group of fifth years sitting close by. She accidentally made eye contact with one of them and the girl turned away immediately, whispering urgently to her group of friends. Lily's heart sank. Then as paranoid as she was, her head snapped over to the high table where a few professors were having their meal to check if they had noticed.

"Honestly, Ms. Evans. If there's anything to gossip about, it's on your suspicious behaviour. You look guiltier than a red handed burglar" Sirius chuckled, reaching for another muffin but James slapped it away. "Oh, _now_ I'm not allowed a muffin?"

"It's hopeless isn't it? By the end of the week, everyone with half a brain will have worked it out" Lily bit her lip and before anyone could say anything, she grabbed her book and left the table in haste.

She heard James calling out to her but he didn't follow. At least it told her he was at least _trying_ to keep their secret. Lily clutched her book to her thumping chest where a numbness was beginning to blossom and continued to grow until her whole upper body was clenched in a stiff brace. Earlier that morning, as Lily was making her way down to the Great Hall in light step, anticipating the sight of James, she had bumped into Veronica Anderson, the fifth year Ravenclaw prefect who stopped her to ask for advice.

Lily had liked her on the train, she raised her hand and asked sensible questions. Completely different from her boy counterpart, Gilderoy Lockhart, who seemed more interested in looking at himself in the mirror than pay attention to the briefing. She had half a mind to confiscate his mirror.

Veronica had been asking Lily for advice with her peers. Some of the fifth year Slytherins had been fooling around in the corridors with alcohol and she had gone up to them to confiscate it. But despite having taken a total of fifty points from Slytherin, as she took ten from each present person, the jokers had refused to hand over their bottle and instead, attacked her with the Jelly-legs jinx before leaving her on the floor for other students to find.

The girl looked on the verge of tears as she spoke and Lily empathized with her. Over the years as prefect, she has had her fair share of troublesome students but she was thankful none of them had the audacity to jinx her. In fact, she's never been openly jinxed. Thinking back to James' confession, and his insistence that he's looked only at her for the past six years, his persistent public courting must've warned off the other troublemaking students. For as much as she disagreed with their methods, even she knew that no one in the right mind would dare go against James Potter for fear of eliciting the wrath of the Marauders. Knowing this, she felt somewhat grateful to James for the protection he'd given her.

So Lily did her best to advice the troubled Ravenclaw, telling her not to openly antagonize them. Rather, back down if she started to feel threatened and leave them with a warning instead before going to tell a teacher or find Lily herself. Looking to be in much better state, Veronica left with taller shoulders and Lily couldn't help but swell a little inside.

That feeling soon morphed into a bucket of ice water to the face as she remembered her duties and obligations toward the school as Head Girl. While it might not be a majority group in Hogwarts, there were people who looked up to her for direction. She, who had earned her position with spades of hard work and determination, inspired people. To some people, she held their trust and to others, she was a goal. A symbol to show that even muggle-borns could achieve anything with enough hard work.

If they were to find out that she was currently dating James Potter, the troublemaker. Would she be tarnishing that trust? Or worst, would she be overstepping her boundaries within social norms? James Potter was from a pure-blood family, his mother belonged to one of the most ancient families in wizarding history and his father was a descendant of Ignatius Peverell. He was practically royalty. While it was wrong of her to think so, she couldn't help but think that a muggle-born with no heritage such as herself, would be committing a crime if she were to enter his life.

They would brand him as a blood traitor and there were people in his world that would shun him or worse—harm him. Lily couldn't do that to him, but she was already too much in love with him for her to walk away and judging from last night, she knew James felt the same, regardless of her bloodline.

James Potter was a prat. An arrogant toerag who thought that the world revolved around his very existence, but he was with a good heart. He was never prejudiced against muggle-borns and he was fiercely loyal. Her chest warmed at the thought of him and Lily finally resolved that it was best that their relationship to remain a secret for now, no matter how futile it may seem now, she had to try.

So as she walked the corridors with no specific location in mind, Lily began to truly dread the revelation of their relationship. Not just for her own sake, but for James' as well. She only hoped those who overheard them were not gossipers. Though, it was a highly unlikely turn of events, Lily couldn't help hoping.

She found herself at the willow tree by the Great Lake. It had been her favourite reading spot up until fifth year when Severus lashed out at her. Since then, the place had been tarnished by bad memories. Lily decided it was time to put it away, memories were a figment of the past. She marched up a slope and toward the tree, only to freeze as a pair of dark eyes glanced up to meet her own.

"Severus."

* * *

 **Saucysasusaku: I like your pen name : I happen to like that ship too. Your review really brightened by day!**

 **deant33: I'm sorry this is another cliffy heehee, just a heads up, unfortunately quite a few of my chapters have cliffhangers**

 **youhavedirtonyournose: I like your pen name too! XD and yes, James Potter just swooned.**

 **YuMCheesemaster: Believe it or not, your review actually reminded me of my lateness in uploading the chapter.**

 **SelenetheRavenclaw: I'll try to be nice :3**

 **So you enjoyed the chapter, until next week!**


	7. Happiness that No Longer Belonged

**So... if you're up to date in your social media. Some of you may know that Alan Rickman (Actor of Severus Snape) has recently passed away from battling cancer. I didn't actually plan for this chapter as a tribute to him, but it was a coincidence that this chapter was written in Snape's point of view. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Happiness That No Longer Belonged**

Word travelled quickly in Hogwarts; especially when public confessions were involved. Severus wasn't the type of indulge in such trivial frivolity, but when someone of his house mentioned a certain name, he couldn't help swivelling around to watch as the insolent buffoon known as Scott Corner inched himself closer to Lily who sat with her back to the table. With her back rigidly straight and smile so strained, Severus didn't require a closer look to know that Lily was uncomfortable. _After all, he knew her best._

Eventually the nosy mutterings reached the Slytherin table from across the room and as annoyed as Severus was that Lily had just agreed to go to Hogsmeade with the Ravenclaw git, he hadn't felt too strongly about it. Scott Corner was vain and idiotic for a Ravenclaw. Lily was clever enough to realize that, there was no doubt about it. Scott Corner was no threat.

No, it was the event that occurred after the group of Ravenclaws had dissolved that truly caught Severus' concern. A very cross James Potter with tense shoulders and an angry scowl confronted Lily who looked almost _guilty_. She had no reason to, it wasn't as if she belonged to James Potter. But as James Potter stormed from the Great Hall, Severus didn't miss the way her brilliant green eyes dimmed with dismay. _Something had happened between them._

…

 _Summer of 1975_

 _Severus was in a hurry. He was running late with his meeting with Lily because he hadn't much sleep last night. He couldn't. Not with all the shouting that was going on downstairs. He washed up and dressed quickly before creeping downstairs, careful not to step too hard on the creaky wooden floor. He stopped on the last step, listening intently for any sign of presence before finally stepping off the stairway, relieved that no one was there._

 _He grabbed a few biscuits from the tin and his book clutched tightly in his other hand, Severus hurried out the door and up the street toward the polluted river as he wolfed down his small breakfast._

 _Lily was already waiting by the willow tree when he arrived, panting. She sat on the bulging roots of the willow, playing with what seemed to be an unfinished wreath of wildflowers. "Are you all right, Sev?" she looked up, smiling as he approached._

 _His heart skipped a beat at the very sight of her but only offered her a small tug on the corners of his mouth. "Was it your father, again?" she asked sympathetically and Severus shook his head. Nothing was wrong now that she was here._

 _"What was it that you wanted to show me?" she asked, quickly changing the subject as she hopped off the root._

 _Severus lifted a tattered old book. The spine looked thoroughly bent and there were a few stray papers angled out of the pages. On the cover read the words "Libatius Borage's Advanced Potion Making"_

 _"Wow, is that an old textbook?" she stopped close him to look at the book. Severus couldn't help but realize how her name suited her so perfectly because she always smelled of flowers._

 _"It was my mother's, she said we should be using this book for our sixth and seventh year" Severus answered matter-of-factly._

 _"But that's N.E.W.T level; we've not even done our O. !" Lily gasped._

 _"I've gone through a few of the potions in there, it seems simple enough. Pretty straight forward."_

 _"There must be some sort of twist to it. Could I have a look?" she asked, bright eyed and curious. Severus willingly handed it to her and watched as she read through the instructions, brows furrowing when she crossed an ingredient she wasn't familiar with and wincing when one of the pages suddenly came loose. She looked up apologetically at Severus and he shrugged dismissively._

 _"We should try one of them. Maybe this one" she lifted the book for him to see, her finger pointed at a potion titled "Draught of Living Death"_

 _And so over the summer, Lily and Severus worked on their little pet project. Lily would sneak into Severus' house whenever he knew his parents wouldn't be home—or at least in his father's absence because they couldn't do anything in Lily's home. Her sister would kick up a huge fuss if they were to do anything magical in the house._

 _His mother hadn't minded much of them fooling around with the cauldron. They learned that indeed, the instructions were not what it seemed. On their first try, their ladle had melted when they tried to stir the concoction. After disposing it quickly in the fireplace, they bought more ingredients and tried again. And again and again._

 _Eventually, the page became filled with notes and scribbles they learned from trial and error. Their last mistake had been to correct the amount of powdered root of asphodel with the infusion of wormwood. When they had finally succeeded, Lily had been so happy she nearly knocked over the cauldron. "We're brilliant! I can't wait to finish our O. so we can begin our N.E. ! Oh, Professor Slughorn will be so pleased!" she had said and Severus couldn't agree more._

…

Present 1978

As Severus raised his hand to hand in his finished potion, he was surprised to see Lily fussing over her overflowing cauldron, apologizing profusely to Lupin. Her asphodel untouched which meant she hadn't even come close to finishing her draught. His mind barely registered as Professor Slughorn rewarded him because all he knew was that something was seriously bothering Lily.

Throughout the rest of the day, Lily had been in a bit of a slump. Her shoulders seemed smaller, her skin lost its glow and she walked without confidence. Even as she reprimanded a first year for trying to jinx his friend, she did not seem to genuinely care.

As he entered the classroom and sat down in an empty seat to wait for the prefect meeting to begin, Severus watched as Lily fidgeted in her seat up front. Frowning and chewing her lip as she stared at the pile of parchments untidily stacked together in her hand. Glancing at the clock, Severus realized that it was nearly ten minutes past the designated time to start the meeting and when he looked back to Lily, she was staring longingly at the door. She was waiting—and the only one still missing was _James Potter._

A flare of annoyance bubbled in his chest at the thought. Weeks ago, she would have carried on with the meeting the moment she counted twenty-four heads in the room as Potter was often late. But recently, the swine had been trying to get into Lily's good books with sickening acts of a false sense of responsibility. He had never seen anything more ridiculous as James Potter _reminding_ Lily of their weekly meeting. It was ludicrous! However, it seemed to have worked for the most part as he feared the person inhabiting Lily's trouble thoughts at the moment was none other than the swine himself.

…

On Sunday, a day after Lily's day out with Scott Corner, the Ravenclaw prat had ended up in the hospital wing. People were saying that he had been attacked by the Marauders and others say that he showed up in the hospital wing covered in leaves and bird droppings. He'd made a big fuss about it, branding James Potter as a ruffian who kidnapped Lily in the middle of their date.

Severus should know better than to care, but there was an unsettlingly feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him something was off. It was true that Lily was now civil with Potter based on their interactions as Head Boy and Head Girl. He supposed it was Lily's plan to ensure that they'd set their differences aside to make their job easier, but he has also seen them in the library together; talking and discussing topics with great synergy. Suddenly bitter and annoyed, Severus tried not to ponder on the allegations as he sat under the willow tree by the Great Lake that morning, there were other things that deserved more of his concern. _Like Mulciber's offer._

But try as he might to sway his mind, however it seemed like his train of thought had but a one track railway that led through thoughts of Lily and that _toerag_ Potter. Seeing her in the library with his nemesis reminded him of what he once had with her; a peaceful synergy, working together to achieve a common goal. _What he wouldn't give to have that back._

He felt her presence before he saw her. It was not often that other students came by the willow. So it was either James Potter coming to torment him again or Lily. But since there was the lack of rowdy laughter, he deduced it was Lily. He looked up and she stood with her face twisted in slight shock. This was the first time he had a good look at her since classes began.

It seemed more and more often that he stood at a distance, sneaking in glances of her whenever he could, hoping to salvage whatever memory of her he could before the thin thread between them snapped forever.

"Severus" she greeted him and his heart squeezed painfully. He missed her too much, no words could form in his mouth as he continued to watch her. Rays of sunlight caught in her hair made it glisten a beautiful shade of red that reminded him of warm sunsets. Suddenly, they were nine again and she was the scared little girl he watched play with her sister. He scrambled to his feet, knowing that he was sitting on her favourite spot.

"Lily" he said. "I'm sorry, Lily" he took a step toward her, suddenly ready to beg for forgiveness. "For everything I said, I-I shouldn't have-"

She raised a hand and he slammed his mouth shut, snapping out of his desperation, realizing what he had been prepared to do. He allowed the ice wrap his heart and rearranged his expression to the stony mask he always wore. It was too late for that now. She had no intention of forgiving him. He should've known that by now—but the desperation gripped him every time he saw her. He feared he would never be able to let her go.

"I was just leaving" he said, surprised to find his voice so composed when he felt anything but.

Lily scoffed "No, you weren't. Sit down, I'll study on the other side" Lily walked past him and he heard the shuffling of robes as she settled down in the grass.

Repressing a sigh, Severus sank back down to the grass and opened his book. Really sighing when he realized that he had shut the book in haste and now he couldn't quite remember where he had left off. It was eerily quiet, save for the faint sounds of students as they played about by the lake. He finally found his page.

"Say, Severus?" her voice startled him, he jumped and nearly dropped his book and looked down to find that he had once again lost his page.

"Yes?" he strained to keep his voice even.

"What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?" Lily asked from behind the tree.

Severus paused to think "Nothing, they're just different names for the same plant." He answered "Why?" he couldn't help asking.

"Oh, thank you. The book confused me, that's all" she answered meekly.

Severus hadn't realized that his heart was racing. They almost had a conversation. He wondered if he should say something else since it didn't seem like Lily was prohibiting small talk with him. "What are you going to do for your independent potions research?" Severus blurted out before he could stop himself.

"I haven't quite decided yet." He was pleased to find that Lily answered.

Severus spent the next few minutes thinking up another innocent question to ask her without seeming like he was trying to pry. But before he could do so, Lily's solemn voice stopped him dead in his tracks. His body froze and his heart stopped beating.

"I'm seeing James Potter."

He realized that his heart hadn't stopped beating— _it broke._

* * *

 ** _Yes, that was a relatively short chapter and no progress on Lily and James' relationship. But the plot thickens! See you next week!_**


	8. Open Wounds

**Sorry for the late update! Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has be gained from the creation of this fanfiction**

* * *

 **Open Wound**

Lily did not truly understand why she had told Severus when she already resolved on keeping her relationship a secret. Perhaps old habits were surfacing as she's never kept secrets from Severus for long because even if it wasn't the case now, he was once the boy who understood her best. But it was more than that. She had _trusted_ Severus Snape more than anyone else in the world before his blatant betrayal in this very spot, ironically. She had been angry. She hadn't even been that bothered that she had been called a mudblood by him. He's always called other muggle-borns that to her face without so much as a flinch, it was only fair he be consistent with his labels or else he'd be a hypocrite. But for the longest time she had been _so angry_ at him for choosing to side with Mulciber of all people, when he _knew_ what that boy was capable of was pure _evil._

She shoved him right out her life, reflecting on their years of friendship and wondering if all that time they spent together meant anything to him at all. Then she tried to force herself to hate him but she just couldn't do it, even if it wasn't the case for him, their friendship meant more to her than a few foul words. Eventually they drifted to a distance far enough that she became numb to his presence. Their bond, while having been thoroughly stretched, was still undoubtedly there. Now, they were mere acquaintances, and it was as close as she would let him get because it's become obvious that they stood at the beginnings of different paths.

Regardless of their falling out, she felt it was safe to let him know. He was not one to spread rumours, in fact he rarely spoke at all; but he would always listen. She would rather have him hear it from her than someone else because she knew how much he hated James, she knew the cruelty he had endured. And if his reaction to seeing them walking home together back in Spinner's End was anything to his actual reaction to them dating, she could only hope he had the patience not to confront James about it. A bitter and unforgiving voice in the back of her head mumbled that it was none of his business in the first place but the angel on her shoulder told her than Severus meant well.

Severus was deathly quiet and Lily wondered if he had got up and left without her knowing. While she wouldn't blame him for being angry with her, she would not feel guilty about loving James—even if the bloke does possess the uncanny ability to press all her buttons in one conversation.

She waited and waited, staring at the same page in her book for what seemed like the longest time when finally, she heard a voice—only it didn't belong to Severus.

"Lily" James was panting as he jogged over towards the tree. He doesn't seem to notice Severus or perhaps he had already left because James made a beeline for her without so much as a side glance. "I'm sorry, Lily—I really am" he stopped in front of her, bent over with his hands on his knees and his mouth opening and closing with pants.

"I'll wipe their memories if you want me to, Peter and Remus even agreed to it" he reasoned. "Sirius didn't agree but I could do it when he's sleeping. I'm sure he wouldn't mind" he sounded hopeful.

Lily stared up at him, stunned. Peter's little slip up had already escaped her but seeing this frantic part of James amused her immensely, it was a big change from his usual cocky smugness. It was as if he was dreading the end of their relationship and was taking desperate measures take responsibility for his friend's mistake. While Lily was indeed genuinely worried about the incoming rumours, but she felt braver about confronting them now that she admitted it out loud to Severus.

"Lily?" He tried again, his breathing calming considerably but his expression still panicked.

Lily couldn't keep the smile from her face as she asked with an outstretched hand "Help me up?"

James blinked stupidly at her for a moment before scrambling to grab her hand. With a firm tug, he had Lily on her feet, standing mere inches away from him. The proximity was intoxicating Lily and a cheeky grin appeared on James' face as he smoothly cut away the tension "You're heavier than I thought"

Lily rolled her eyes and squeeze his hand. It was the only warning she gave him before she leaned up to peck him chastely on the lips, pulling away to see James looking as if he had been hit by a stunning spell. She revealed a shy smile to him, her cheeks flushed with colour as she gauged his reaction with caution.

Finally, James blinked and looked around to see if anyone had spotted them before he tugged urgently at her hand. "Can we please continue this discussion in our common room?" he growled and Lily was reminded vaguely of a starving animal. With her face heating up, Lily managed a nod before James turned and tugged her urgently along.

Lily's mind raced with explanations, logical reasoning and arguments for their impending discussion. With her mind full of conflicted thoughts, it was no surprise that she was shocked to be interrupted by a voice that did not belong between her and James as they stepped away from the willow.

"This is not allowed." a cold and vicious voice sneered.

Lily and James halted and turned to the third voice. She should've recognized his voice but she couldn't. When she turned to meet the dark eyes of her former best friend, she resisted the urge to shudder as a pair of dark tunnels stared back. No longer were his eyes blank—they were now hollow and Lily feared she may have lost any semblance of the Severus she had once known.

"Oh, it's you." James sounded disappointed. "What's not allowed, Snape?" he asked in a tone that strongly hinted his lack of interest in the answer. Lily noticed that he held back from using the foul nickname, and was grateful for it.

"For the two head of prefects to be intimately involved, as a prefect myself, I will have to report this." Severus gritted and Lily paled. Had he seen it? Her shamelessly public display of affection? She hadn't meant for Severus to witness it but his presence slipped her mind as soon as James stumbled into her sight, panting and desperate. It felt like being caught snogging by her parents, the fear dissipated but only to be quickly replaced by embarrassment.

James snorted, unaffected by his threat "I'm sure the professors will be _very_ disappointed in us" he mocked before turning away from a fuming Severus and tugging along a very guilty looking Lily.

"Don't turn your back on me, Potter!" Lily heard Severus snarl and before she knew it, she was pulled to the ground, a familiar warmth washing over her. She opened her eyes to see James' hard gaze but he wasn't looking at her. In an instant, he was on his feet with his wand drawn and an incantation on his lips.

" _Stupefy!_ "

But Severus blocked it in an instant before launching his counterattack.

" _Expelliarmus!_ " " _Reducto!_ " they cried at the same time, the collision of the two spells released pulse of invisible force that made Lily stumble back several steps, shielding her eyes from the bright light.

"Knock it off! _Both_ of you!" she cried desperately from the side lines but neither of them seemed to have heard her. She brandished her own wand, clutching it desperately in her hand as she tried to look for an opening to subdue them but. They sparred with such intensity, there was no room for her to squeeze in full body-binding spell on either one of them. If she bound either of them first then they would be hit with the other's spell.

A few spells into their duel, the two wizards had gone silent, throwing out only non-verbal spells and the only sounds were the loud pops and sizzles as their spells collided and blocked. The tension in the air was beginning to choke her as the heavy use of magic began to fill her senses. It wasn't just the air that was changing, the turf they were standing on seemed to change colour, browning and withering away from them as if affected by the amount of negative energy overflowing from their battle.

Severus looked more and more livid as he casted spell after spell, sections of his robes had been singed by incompletely blocked Fire-making spells. While James looked like he was somewhat enjoying the duel, his eyes focused and his expression twisted in confidence. He hasn't been hit by a single spell, blocking most of Severus' attacks and dodging the rest with his quidditch honed reflexes.

Lily decided that it was best to call a professor or perhaps Hagrid since he was closer but as she turned to run, it was just her luck to run into a group of snickering Slytherins.

"What's the hurry, precious?" the cold snigger of Marcus Mulciber's voice froze Lily's blood and as she tried to wrench away, she felt his claw like hands tighten against her forearms.

"Mulciber." she said, struggling to keep her voice even.

Marcus Mulciber was a psycho renowned even to the muggle-born first years. One didn't need to know who he was to understand that he was bad news. It was in his eyes, the wild look in his pale green eyes that made him look like he was permanently under the influence of the Imperius curse. His frazzled curly hair only served to accentuate his unpredictable character.

Ever since her incident, she's grown a greater dislike toward Mulciber and his gang. It was just a gut feeling but she wouldn't put it past the school's most speculated Death Eater gang to be behind the Barbara Winston's murder, the nature of the events were right down their alley. While she had no proof behind her speculation, she couldn't shake the feeling. Even if they weren't, she would bet her life that they saw the whole crisis as one big joke.

"We can't have you running off to call anyone now, can we? It's only getting to the good part." Mulciber had her wrists shackled in his hands, his eyes moving past her to watch the fight between Severus and James. A slow, sinister grin spread on his lips and Lily shuddered. He must've felt it because his eyes immediately shot back to her face.

"Something's finally set Snape off and this is too good to end. You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?" he sneered and a few chuckles sounded behind it. Only then did Lily notice that the whole Death Eater gang was behind him. They were outnumbered either way. Summoning her courage, Lily looked Mulciber straight in the eye.

"This is your first and only warning, Mulciber. As head girl, I am _ordering_ you to step aside as you are interfering with prefectorial business" She told him evenly.

Mulciber looked back at his mates and they burst out into raucous laughter. "I think it's about time we get off your high horse, you filthy mudblood" he snarled in contained angry. "With Potter preoccupied and the rest of his pathetic gang nowhere to be found, there's no one here to protect you."

With a deep breath, Lily stopped struggling in his grip the charm envisioned clearly in her mind all she had to do was speak with a clear voice. " _Baubillious!_ "

In an instant a bright yellow flash producing a loud zapping sound had Mulciber was sent flying backwards and crashing into the support of his friends. Lily reached into her sleeve to pull out her wand as she heard Avery's furious voice shout "YOU FILTHY LITTLE-" the rest of his sentence became as blur as Lily found herself hurled sideways from an invisible, slicing pain.

…

Eye contact was important during a duel; it is to ensure that every spell casted from the wand is directed at the right target. One did not aim with a wand, one aimed with their mind. So as James watched as Severus grew hastier and hastier with every spell, he could tell that the fight brought something ugly out of the slimy git, his spells were not driven by wit, but more from fury. It would be dangerous if James allowed even a single slip up.

As he shot forth a blasting charm, a bright yellow flash stole his attention and as he turned with Lily's safety on his mind, he heard Snape's next attack coming. "Sectumsempra!" he hadn't much time to cast a counter spell so he blocked it hastily but the spell had been too powerful for his half-hearted shielding charm. James felt the quick bite of the spell before he opted to redirect it instead. His eyes followed the white light until it collided with a familiar figure. Her red hair setting off alarm bells in his head as he watched her body fly sideways, rolling a few times before settling limply on the grass like a ragdoll.

"No!" he barely recognized his own voice.

James glanced back at Severus to see that he had frozen on the spot, his eyes wide and panicked. A loud boisterous chorus of laughter snapped James' attention away from Snape to clap eyes with his least favourite group of Slytherins who seemed to find the whole ordeal hilarious.

"Served that little mudblood right!" he heard Rosier shout and at once, James conjured a stream of fire that hit Rosier straight on the chest and knocked him back, setting his robes on fire as well. With a quick swipe of his wand, he rebounded Wilkes' Stinging hex back to its caster, knocking him onto his back. Avery who was holding up an unconscious Mulciber used his friend as a shield to hobble away with their leader in tow, literally.

His rage had calmed and he hurried over to the immobile Lily. _Please let her be alright_. He prayed. Crashing onto his knees next to her and feeling his wand slip from his fingers as he braced himself on the ground. With trembling hands, he pulled on her shoulder to ease her onto her back. "Lily?" he called to her but there was no reply. His hand came in contact with something warm and sticky and he almost didn't want to look down as the potent smell of blood hit his nostrils.

"You're bleeding. Oh god, Lily." he said unevenly.

Lily groaned as his fingers accidentally pressed down on her wound and he released her immediately, his trembling hands hovered over her broken body, aching to do something but didn't know how. At closer inspection, James saw that there was a long gash on the side of her body, running vertically up from her hips to her chest.

He had no idea how deep the cut is but blood poured from the open wound at an alarming rate and James swallowed thickly. "We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey." he resolved but as he moved over to her other side to scoop her up, Lily stopped him.

"No" she said breathlessly and James feared that she was feeling light headed from the loss of her blood.

"Lily, I have to move you" his voice cracked "I don't- I don't know what to do." he entangled his fingers into his hair, breathing harshly.

Lily blinked, her eyes watering from the pain as she swallowed to speak "S-Sev" she croaked "He knows."

At once, his head shot up, relieved to see Snape still frozen on the spot, "Snape!" he shouted at the petrified boy, he'd never thought he would have to say his next words to him "Help me!"

The Slytherin snapped right out of his trance as soon as his eyes landed on Lily's limp body. He scrambled to them, stumbling a few times before finally crashing on Lily's other side—her wounded side. Severus, like James examined it with trembling hands before letting out a sob-like plea "What have I done?"

"She's bleeding out." James growled

"I-I-I've never-" he had never heard Snape so lost.

"Fix it!" James shouted, hotly.

"I don't know how!" Severus snapped back.

"Fucking hell! Why does she trust you?" James made to move Lily but Severus stopped him.

"She'll bleed out before you get her to the hospital wing" Severus reasoned and James snagged him by the front of his robes, the snarl rising in the back of his throat interrupted by Lily's faint voice.

"Vulnera" she whispered breathily.

"What is it?" James released Snape to lean over her, straining to listen once more.

" _Vulnera Sanentur_ " Severus finished. "But it's never worked before"

"Well we don't have a fucking choice, do we?" James snarled.

And then a miracle happened, Snape nodded solemnly and it was the very first time he and Snape had ever agreed on anything. With his wand hovering over Lily's wound, her chest rising and falling at her heavy breaths, Snape chanted _Vulnera Sanentur_.

It was a soothing incantation, the words itself sounded magical in his ears but even more so as he watched the open wound stitch itself back together. James' heart sagged in relief as he watched the pained expression on Lily's face fade and her eyes blinking slowly in bliss.

Snape's chants stopped and the world seemed eerily silent aside from Lily's deep breathing. "I didn't manage to close the wound completely, we should take her to the matron just in case." Snape told him.

Before Snape could offer his help, James slipped his wand into his robes and snaked a hand underneath Lily's shoulders and knees "I've got her" he snipped before lifting her up with ease. The look on Snape's face told him he wanted to come with but the look in his eyes told James that the guilt of hurting Lily was probably holding him back. Then like a disease, James felt the claw of guilt reaching for his neck, choking him as he watched Lily's pasty face leaned against his shoulder.

* * *

 **Ooooooo... what did you do, Snape? D:**

 **Leave a review and make me happy :P**


	9. Trouble Making

**Just a bit of fluff for your daily dosage of happiness. I was continuously squealing internally as I wrote this, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Troublemaking**

Lily woke to the feeling of ache _all over_. With a body of lead and her mouth so dry she could almost feel _cracks_ on her tongue. The unpleasant feeling told Lily that she has probably been unconscious for quite some time. After a while of trying, she finally managed to coax her eyes open and was not surprised to find herself lying in the hospital wing. It had gone dark outside and it didn't seem like anyone else had been admitted.

Forcing her arms to move, Lily lifted the blankets to see that she had been changed into a warm cotton nightgown with flowery markings; no doubt it was one of Madam Pomfrey's well spun conjurations. Lily laid back and tried to occupy the silence with her thoughts, letting her latest memories wash through her.

She remembered the intense fight between Severus and James quite clearly, then hitting Mulciber with the Baubillious charm without her wand— _she still couldn't believe that had worked_ —and then there was pain; buckets of it. She ran a shaky hand down her side, feeling the sensitive tingle of her newly grown skin.

She would have to thank Severus for saving her life and apologize for giving him and James such a scare. There was the sound of soft footsteps and Lily hastily resumed her unconscious position, not quite sure why she was hiding; it wasn't as if she had done anything wrong.

The door to the hospital wing creaked open and there was the shuffling of footsteps to tell her that the stranger was headed towards her. Lily kept her eyes closed and hoped she wasn't twitching. Straining her ears, she heard the shuffling of robes before the soft thump of something being set down on her bedside table followed by a rustling of something plastic. Something solid—a book, perhaps? But what was with the crunchy material?

As the footsteps faded, Lily peeked open an eye just in time to see the familiar sight of shoulder-length black hair and faded old robes, which were slightly singed, disappear through the door. _Severus?_ She turned her head to the table to see the book she had checked out of the library laying underneath her wand with her blue bookmark still intact and a careful packaged cauldron cake sitting on top of it. Smiling to herself, she felt her eyelids drooping as unconsciousness beckoned her and she yielded with enthusiasm.

She was later woken up again in the middle of the night when her stiff body screamed for a change in position. Half conscious, Lily tried to shift onto her side when she was met with a roundish obstruction. She looked up but saw nothing there except for the niggling suspicion that the chair next to her bed hadn't been there the first time she woke. Pushing her sleepy thoughts aside, Lily tried again to move but her side bumped into something and it groaned.

Squeaking in alarm, Lily shot up and pushed herself up against the headboard, her sore body protesting all the way. If this was Peeves' idea of a prank, she was seriously going to let James go through with his next scheme on the troublemaking poltergeist. However, instead of Peeves' pitchy voice, she heard the deep rumble of grown _man._

First a hand peeked out from thin air and Lily covered her mouth to stifle a scream. And then like liquid, the invisibility peeled away from a whole body to reveal none other than James Potter seated on the chair she had thought was empty, with his hair untidier than usual.

"Bad dream?" he asked, eyes hooded and sleepy written all over his features. "Does someone need a cuddle?" he continued with a sort of goofy grin on his face as if he still lingered between sleep and consciousness.

"Have you _lost_ your marbles, Potter? What are you doing out after curfew? And is that an invisibility cloak?" she asked, now wide awake.

James blinked a few times and rubbed his face to banish the sleep before answering, when he looked back up, Lily was met with a pair of blazing hazel eyes. He was angry. But what for?

As if he'd read her mind, James proceeded to elaborate hotly. "You were cornered by the school's most dangerous band of Slytherins, hit by that greasy git's bloody murder spell and then you proceeded to bleed out all over the grass while I was forced to do nothing but put my faith in that slimy toad you call an ex-best friend's counter-curse." He had been leaning forward as he spoke, his eyes flaring with unwavering angry as Lily was forced to maintain eye contact, repressing the urge to cower. She nearly sighed in relief when he leaned back to cross his arms over his chest "You will forgive me for wanting to sit by my _girlfriend's_ side while she heals from a _bloody_ hole in her side, _Evans._ " he said her name with a bitter sneer as if to provoke her. "I am very cross with you, I can play the name game too." He sneered and then added as if he could not resist to remark. "And I assure, my _marbles_ are still very much intact."

Lily blinked. Surely it wasn't as awful as he insinuated? After all, she survived, didn't she? But James didn't think so. In fact, he looked genuinely unhappy with her. With his arms tightly crossed over his chest, his back leaned against the uncomfortable-looking chair and his expression twisted in annoyance. Yes, the easy-going, fun-loving James Potter looked stern. And Lily had to admit, it made her… _hot_ in places she daren't not mention.

Before she could help it, a giggle tumbled past her lips and she immediately regretted it when James snapped his eyes to hers, looking the epitome of outrage.

"Do you even realize what you've done? Or feel any sort of repentance at all? I've been out of my mind with worry and you _giggled_ in the face of my concern?" he was starting to sound like herself when she was the one doing the lecturing. "First you make me think you're going to break up with me then you rile me up like some kind of hormone-driven prat with your _mixed_ signals, I _duelled_ your snivelling worm of a former mate, then I watched you get blasted several feet away—you could have died, Lily and I wouldn't know the first thing to do" he sounded so broken and Lily's heart sank. It was then that she noticed he was still in his uniform, he hadn't even cleaned up. He really was torturing himself over this.

"I was worried you'd have nightmares, and that you'd feel scared waking up alone in the dark. Worried that Snivellus' miraculous counter curse had nasty side effects and Poppy wouldn't know how to treat you" James sagged back in his chair and sighed "I don't believe I can handle another day like that, Lily. I've lost a few years already, I'm sure." He took in a shaky breath and his hands squeezed hers. "I came far too close to losing you than I ever want to be."

Twiddling with her blanket, Lily bit her lips as she tried to find the right words to say to him. She stole glances at him but keeping her chin angled downward and hoping her mess of frizzy red waves would obscure her troubled expression. James looked to be deep in thought, leaning his head back with his eyes gazing blankly forward. Then Lily was hit with an idea. Bold as it may be, perhaps it even bordered on loose, but if she couldn't find the words to express herself then she would just have to show him just how much she appreciated him and eased his concerns about her well-being.

"My side's hurting a little, could you take a look?" she asked him, look at him through her lashes and hoping she didn't look too guilty for what she was about to do. James was on his feet at once, concern etched on his brows.

"I knew that _snake_ couldn't be trusted." he hissed under his breath as he leaned over Lily's body. Then, as he peeled the sheets from her body, she seized him by the front of his uniform and pressed her lips firmly onto his. She felt his stifled yelp against her lips and his entire body seizing up at her bold move. But Lily pressed on, quite literally.

It was a strange thing, kissing. She had kissed someone before James Potter as a result of adolescent curiosity but it had felt stranger then. And curiously, that Hufflepuff boy never spoke to her again so she had assumed she scared him off. She hadn't read too deeply into it as she wanted to tell him she wanted to stay as friends in the first place but now that she was snogging James Potter good and proper, she couldn't help but compare the two.

With Hufflepuff Bertram Aubrey, it had felt gross and forced— and just plain _wet_. So she had assumed all kisses were the same. But she could not be more wrong, because with James, it was still wet but it was also warm and _right_ in every way. With every brush of their sensitive skin, fireworks seemed to go off at each awakened nerve ending. It felt like the key to her soul was turning, clicking slowly into place. Lily's eyes were firmly shut, but she could feel his arms coming out to support himself on the bed's headboard, trapping her effectively—not that she wanted an out.

It came to a point where she craved more than just the feel of their lips rubbing against each other. Like a starved animal she pushed her lips hard against his and with a silky smack, she pulled away slightly to open her mouth. Thankfully, he didn't deny her entrance as she snaked her tongue against his. James made a sort of strangled noise in the back of his throat, faltering at the sensation. Intense as it was, Lily tightened her fist in his shirt, pulling him down until he was forced to press his knee down on her bed to regain his balance.

He nipped on her bottom lip and a breathy sort of groan escaped her before he pushed his warm tongue back into her mouth, coaxing her own out to play. A small whimper escaped him and Lily felt the bed move as James shuffled even closer to her but found it odd that his hands remained securely fastened on the top of the headboard against her back. Lily released her slightly cramped fingers from his shirt to snake her fingers over his exposed forearms, feeling the smooth skin on her sensitive fingertips and his angry, bulging veins stemming from his wrist.

His muscle twitched as she trailed her hand up and down his arm, trying to entice him to touch her. Before she could succeed, however, James twisted his head in the kiss with a growl, and the shift in sensation distracted Lily, her hands clenched down on his forearms and she lost herself in the rising ecstasy. There was no end, she felt possessed; addicted to the pleasure spikes running through her body every time their tongues tangled or their lips scrapped against each other. She tried not to let the fact that he seemed _too adequate_ with snogging, bother her.

The whole day had been nothing but a dizzying whirlwind and any physical contact with him acted as an anchor, tugging her back down to the ground where she felt safe once more.

Their moment, however, was short lived as someone had slammed open a door. But it wasn't that that broke them apart, no, it was the shrill voice of outraged astonishment that had them springing apart. James' hand flying straight into his hair, lips pressed tightly together as if to hide the evidence. Lily sat up with her back rigidly straight and her fingers tangled in her sheets, her eyes wide as she stared at her white knuckles.

Madam Pomfrey had entered the hospital wing in her nightgown, shouting about indecency and disbelief, and that they ought to be ashamed of themselves as Head students. Lily was sure she had turned every shade of red possible but James seemed unaffected, in fact he seemed to be trying to flirt his way out of trouble with the Hogwarts matron using sickeningly sweet words and compliments, as well as her first name.

Although they were going to be serious trouble if James failed to charm Madam Pomfrey, or as he so boldly called her: _Poppy,_ Lily found the whole ordeal rather exhilarating if not a tad bit amusing. She had never been the one caught snogging a boy before, but felt lucky it had been with James. With Madam Pomfrey's fussing and James' sheepish words in the background, Lily was left to wonder about the next school rule they would break.

* * *

 **Right, now for a little serious question: Would you object to having me throw in a few lemons in here?**


	10. Scandal

**This was a particularly fun chapter to write and it may have something to do with the fact that I'm perpetually torturing James. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Scandal**

Hogwarts was a place of history, filled with secrets not even the best wizards has uncovered. There were passageways undiscovered and rooms that laid forgotten. A personal favourite of Lily's was a storeroom hidden behind Gunhilda Goosemoor's tapestry on the third floor. It was a dingy sort of room with no source of light. It had a perfectly round shaped and looked it was once used as an equipment room, however the ceiling was infested with cobwebs, the floor riddled with dusty cauldrons and shelves filled with yellow paged books. Which begs the questions, why has it become a favourite place of Lily's?

Because with her back against the brick wall, James' forearms pressed on either side of her face and his warm lips moving against hers, Lily was convinced that this place was much more enjoyable than the library. Her pile of books lay forgotten on the floor with James' homework scrolls.

"James" she breathed his name urgently as soon as the weight of his lips left hers. Moaning loudly as he moved to kiss the sensitive skin of her neck. She squirmed against him, feeling skittish yet impatient as he planted scalding hot ripples on her skin with every gentle suckle. "James" she repeated and he hummed in response. The floaty feeling in her chest injected her with the bravery to snake her hands into James' robes and under his untucked shirt to trace her trembling fingers over tautness of his abdomen.

He groaned and Lily felt the muscles twitch and recoil from her touch. In the blink of an eye, James pulled her hands out of his shirt and pinned them over her head with one hand. A low growl escaped as he tugged at her neck-tie with his free hand, nipping her collarbone before trailing kisses down her chest while simultaneously unbuttoning her top.

He stopped his lips on the top of her breast and trailed his lips over the skin on the border of her bra. Lily's chest rose and fell rapidly, his every breath felt like a fire on her skin and the firm grip he had on her wrists made it that much more exciting. How she longed to bury her hands into his untidy hair and tug his face up to hers but being held away from that gave her a thrill, it made her want him that much more.

She leaned harder against the wall, her legs struggling to hold up her weight as a pulse of excitement wracked her writhing body in anticipation for his next move. With a chaste kiss over her pounding heart, he pulled away just far enough for her to regain a semblance of conscious thought. "What's the magic word?" his lips brushed against her skin as he spoke and Lily shuddered.

"I love you" she breathed and his hand fell away from her wrists just in time to snake it around her waist, holding her up against him as Lily swooned. Her legs bent uselessly under her weight as he pressed her against his chest, her lungs heaving for air and her body throbbing with heat. Panting, Lily shifted her heavy gaze to his face to find him grinning cockily at her.

"All right there, Evans?" his voice gentle and the old use of her nickname brought back a fresh wave of nostalgia amidst the flurry of emotions swirling in Lily.

Warmth rushed to her cheeks and she shyly avoided his gaze. She felt his hand hook her chin, steering her eyes back to his. "Can you stand?" he asked cheekily and Lily nodded meekly before he eased her back onto her feet. James kissed her full on the lips one last time before moving to button up her shirt as Lily continued to stare dazedly at him "We have transfiguration." He told her matter-of-factly as he bent down to scoop their books and homework scrolls into his arms.

At the mention of classes, Lily effectively snapped out of her dreamy trance. Everything rushed back to her at and dizzying rate and suddenly Lily was standing in the dim of a dusty old room. Without the hormonal filter in her eyes, the storeroom looked alarmingly filthy.

Aside from having broken five rules in a single day, there was another matter that topped Lily's concern. While she and James had been seeing each other for almost a month now and this was far from their first storeroom escapade, however, this was the sixth consecutive time James had ended the moment after coaxing the "magic words" from her mouth.

He roused her up, ensnaring her senses with nothing but his presence and made himself the centre of her universe every time he had her behind closed doors. She had thought he would've wanted to initiate the next level of their relationship by now but Lily was always left blinking stupidly in the dark as he redressed her after distracting her with long, loving kisses. For the best friend of the biggest boy-tart in school, James Potter had an alarming amount of self-control.

At first, she was grateful to him for not pushing her with sex. But lately Lily has been having mixed thoughts about the inevitable. She knew where their physical relationship was headed and honestly all this stalling he was doing was driving her to the brink of insanity.

He kissed her like it was their last and made her believe that they were finally going through with it, only to stop when things got too steamy. Stamping his foot down on a screeching halt at the edge of the leap to pull her out of the haze.

One would think that professing their love for another person while they were snogging would encourage sexual activity but every time Lily stripped her feelings bare for him, James would put an end to his provocative kisses like he's escaped some sort of hypnotic trance.

She reached over to take her books from him but he pulled them away, instead talking her outstretched hand in his free one. Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "I can hold my own things, thank you." she told him, her voice clipped.

He lifted their intertwined hands for her to see "You want to let go of this?" he cocked an eyebrow at her.

Lily pondered for a moment, nibbling on her lip before she made a decision. "No, I'll hold it in my other hand"

"There who's going to open the door?"

"You can do it"

"My hands are full."

"Then I'll hold your scroll for you while you open the door"

"But I can hold my own things" he grinned widely and Lily knew she had walked right into his trap. Rolling her eyes, she decided to humour him and just open the bloody door.

- _One month ago-_

It was just as Lily predicted, word got out that she had begun dating James Potter and the whole school suddenly decided that it was their business who the Head Girl was seeing. The day after her accident, she walked the corridors to find it bustling with snippets of her love life. She was vaguely thankful to the person that had sent her the particularly large get-well-soon hamper for she had used it to hide her flaming face from the stares of curious, nosy students. Unfortunately, her romantic progressions were the least of her worries as some students had witnessed the fight between Severus and James. As nosy as they were, the students were also very imaginative.

So now, there were circulating speculations of a love triangle between the three of them. Due to her previous friendship with Severus, some had perceived it as a romantic relationship and accused her of seducing James after dumping Severus, thus it immediately and illogically branded her as a tart. Various people, the more bitter ones, were also insinuating the use of love potions. Lily hadn't taken them to heart because they were but mindless rumours.

There were also a fair few people who congratulated her for her new relationship, mostly bright eye fourth and fifth years who thought she and James made the loveliest couple. She found herself swarmed by excited giggly girls in the Great Hall during supper one day while James was busy serving detention with Filch. They swooned and sighed as they demanded the details of her confession with James.

Personally, Lily thought it really should be none of their business how she and James started dating, but she had decided to put her foot down when they began concocting stories of their own; some which included a rather obscene turn of events, although she wasn't sure how useful the truth would be with all the lies lingering around. Needless to say, Lily deliberately cut out some of the more intimate parts of the story; she wanted those unsullied for her to keep and no amount of begging would make her give them up.

But no matter how much she gave up, it never seemed to be enough for them. Lily thought they much want to squeeze every drop of anything gossip worthy from her before they would leave her alone. Unfortunately for them, Lily just wasn't willing to give it up. Even though she had tried to mask it by assuring them she's told them everything, they surprised her when they continued to insist; as if they could smell gossip.

Thankfully, Sirius had arrived to save her but he was alone, as Peter was busy serving detention for failing to finish his Herbology research and Remus had patrol duty. Sirius, however, proved formidable on his own. He had a natural way of charming people, particularly girls as he had them in fits of giggles, gazing adoringly at him while he rambled on about the stars and Jupiter's alignment. In all honesty, Lily thought that everything that left that boy's mouth was poppycock but the girls seemed to cling onto his every word as if it were his last.

On more than one occasion, Lily caught his eye and he winked at her, probably expecting some sort of reaction from her, but only to be shot down as Lily never gave him anything more than an eye roll. She munched on a few biscuits as she half-heartedly listened to Sirius' astronomy bull.

Remus appeared shortly after Lily's fifth biscuit, much to her relief; there was finally someone competent to talk to at the table. The Gryffindor prefect settled next to her on the bench and helped himself to the drumsticks as he complained "Bartemius Crouch's gang is getting quite out of hand. I caught them smoking in the fourth floor corridor so I confiscated their cigarettes. The lunatic attacked me." Remus huffed "I hate to say this, but if it weren't for Peeves, I'd probably be stuck fighting a bunch of fifth years."

"Oh, dear. I think Veronica Anderson had the same problem with that group. I'll let James know to bring it up in the next meeting." Lily said, genuinely worried.

"Odd of Peeves to be so helpful, isn't it?" Sirius said, turning his attention away from his flock of gigglers.

"He was unscrewing the chandelier above the group before I got there. Took him a while to finally get it undone because he'd been turning it the wrong way." Remus explained.

"You'd think he'd learn after all those years of dropping chandeliers on our heads. Rather, doesn't the school ever run out of chandeliers?" Sirius tutted.

"Where's James?" Remus asked, swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Detention." Lily and Sirius answered in unison.

"Oh, he did mention that. But what for?" Remus questioned.

"He wouldn't say" Sirius shrugged but when he noticed that Lily had gone crimson, the dark haired prankster decided some prodding needed to be done. "But I think someone else might have an idea" he tilted his head and leaned close to the table to try and meet Lily's downcast eyes.

"You know something, Ms. Evans. You're not a very good liar" he grinned at her and Lily shrugged, hoping it looked nonchalant.

"I haven't a clue of what you're talking about."

"Wow, you _are_ awful at lying. It is a tragedy." Sirius straightened and crossed his arms.

Lily looked to Remus for help but he simply shrugged "I'm curious as well."

Huffing, Lily slumped in her seat "Oh, all right! But I can't say it with-" Lily paused and nodded inconspicuously towards the group of fifth years who were still huddled around Sirius. Catching her eye, Sirius clapped his hands together and beckoned them to give him some privacy.

Although they did so begrudgingly, the girls dispersed, whispering amongst themselves. Lily gave them a moment to move out of earshot, once she was sure they would not be overhead, she leaned forward and looked warily between two eager pairs of eyes. "Madam Pomfrey caught us snogging in the Hospital wing."

Sirius' face split in half with the widest grin she had ever seen on him while Remus tinted red at the cheek, clearing his throat and looking like he regretted asking. " _That's_ my best mate right there! Good on him!" Sirius thumped his chest proudly.

"But you mustn't tell _anyone_ , Sirius" Lily hissed, looking around frantically.

"Me? It's Remus you have to worry about!" Sirius pointed an accusing finger at the blushing boy.

Lily scowled at him and Sirius grinned cheekily "All right, all right, don't look so harassed. James will be cross with me if he thinks I've bullied you." Sirius waved his hand dismissively to punctuate. At the mention of James, Lily glanced about the Great Hall to see that it was nearly void of students and there was still no sign of James. Lily decided she would wait until the feast ended before she returned to the head common room to wait for him.

In fact, James did not return to the common room until it was six minutes before midnight while Lily was close to dozing off by the fire. She was startled awake when he had stumbled in through the portrait hole, cursing and grumbling under his breath as he did. However, as soon as his eyes spotted Lily sitting meekly by the fire, his whole demeanour had changed as if a switch had been flicked.

They snogged and cuddled by the warmth for as long as they could stay awake, and Lily could think of no better way to end her day. If she was with James, everyday felt like perfection.

- _One month later-_

With the face of an angel's, skin like a veela and voice more enticing that a siren. Lily Evans had just gone from being the bane of his existence to being the ultimate reason for his impending downfall. From the moment she kissed him in the hospital wing, James had begun fighting a losing battle against her silky seduction.

It has almost become a routine event for James to find himself locked in a cubicle or whenever he was with a free period, in his personal dormitory bathroom, wanking off to the thought of Lily's searing touch and needy kisses. It was done solely to prevent his trousers from tenting.

So after having snapped out of his most recent conquest, James was currently sat on the toilet lid, feeling quite sorry for himself. He sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth before he proceeded to untidy his untameable hair. He had come so close that time in the storeroom, the niggling voice in the back of his voice had come to a deafening silence in his mind, the only thing he could hear was Lily's heavy breathing and unwinding moans. Her body stood out in the clear while everything else blurred into a fade. Her warmth and scent beckoned him while her writhing body screamed for his touch; who was he to deny what the lady wanted?

He's memorized every touch he drew from her body, every sinful moan that fell from her swollen soft lips and every time she pleaded his name. It had become increasingly harder to stop when he's had a taste of her. And then she had to roam his skin with her agonisingly warm hands, coating his stomach with sweltering heat everywhere her greedy hand had nicked. Although he had restrained her hands in one of his own to stop himself from losing his mind—James feared he may already have.

As he unbuttoned her shirt, everything she did to him came back with tenfold the power. It felt like every intimate moment they've shared had come back to drive him forward, impatience filled his body and any thoughts on her body left his mind befuddled. He had come so close to unwrapping her completely, his world was but a flurry and nothing could stop him. But subconsciously he knew he needed to stop, so in a desperate attempt to regain himself, he pulled the trigger. The question in which he knew the answer.

Then her voice emerged from the blur, as clear as day, told him. "I love you."

Everything came to a train-wreck-halt and control came back to him in a dizzying rush. He looked up see how much he affected her, settling for the small rush of pride at seeing her so unwound and needy, relishing in the idea that she could barely stand because of him. A small victory at most, but satisfying nonetheless.

But that screeching halt came too close for comfort, in fact, the closest he had been to taking her. As he dressed her, he reminded himself of what he told himself years ago as he stared enviously after Snape and Lily; that if he ever succeeded in courting Lily, he would treat her right. But after such a success, his behaviour so far was nothing short of disappointing. Lily didn't deserve to have her first time in a shady old storeroom, she deserved what every girl dreamed, romantic candles and rose-petal-covered beds. _Girls like that sort of stuff, right?_

He had bent down to voluntarily retrieve their books and scrolls to shift his embarrassingly prominent boner into a more comfortable position in his trousers before straightening to engage their usual quarrel to distract his thoughts from her silky skin. _She's got great skin._

As they stepped out from behind the hidden room, students had just begun filling out of their classes to go to their next so they easily blended themselves into the chaos and toward Classroom 1B—or well, _tried_ to blend it.

As famous as he already was around the school prior to his relationship with Lily, now whenever they were seen together, the attention would turn to them; some of it he would gladly do without. Not everyone had been happy with their relationship, like Lily had predicted. And like James had known all along, he couldn't give a rat's arse about what _they_ thought.

He gave Lily's hand a little squeeze before turning to watch her expression, Lily had received more of the negative side of their popularity and it was all he could to do to not to jinx anyone that looked at her funny. On the first week after they had made their relationship open, Lily had received a few cursed mail, some of which had been bewitched to explode when she opened it and others just had very mean words in them. He had opted to take things into his own hands and seek out the people behind it himself, but Lily had openly distressed over him picking fights. When Remus opted to go to the teachers with the letters, Lily shook her head and told them she wasn't bothered by the mail but James knew better than to believe that was completely true.

Needless to say, he's kept a close eye on her since then. The cursed mail had continued to come, but he and Sirius had made it a habit to take them off Lily and make fun of them as means of entertainment for breakfast before folding the physically touchable ones into paper airplanes and bewitching them to dive into pumpkin juice pitchers at the Slytherin table.

"… As I have told you before, Human Transfiguration is a dangerous and potentially permanent form of magic. If one is not careful, they risk irreversible physical harm upon the subject. Last year I introduced this topic by having you change the colour of your eyebrows, I do hope you have been practicing because I am going to have you demonstrate to me the extent of your transfiguration prowess by changing your facial features…"

McGonagall walked up and down the row of seats, filling the class with information from her lecture but James couldn't seem to pay any attention to her. His mind had mostly been occupied by Lily, who sat next to him and clung on to McGonagall's every word

It didn't matter how much he managed to rile her up before a lesson, she seemed to be able to pay full attention in class no matter who was teaching. James on the other hand, always seemed to have other things on his mind; such as the perpetual stiffy in his trousers—he feared it may never go away.

Inconspicuously, James shifted on his seat to adjust his trousers for the umpteenth time and accidentally caught Sirius' eye, who had looked up from his nap on the table. His best friend eyed him suspiciously and James tried not to look too uncomfortable under his scrutiny while repressing the urge to check if the tent in his trousers could be seen.

"Mr. Potter!"

James nearly leapt out of his seat at the abrupt mention of his name. He turned on head to have a very bemused Professor McGonagall, bearing down on him. She continued "I do hope I am not interrupting a moment between you and Mr. Black but if you are quite done, would you care to demonstrate the Crinus Muto spell to the class. Non-verbally, if you please"

Usually he would've said something witty to McGonagall by now but his mind drew a painfully embarrassing blank as the sudden thought of Lily finger running through his abdomen had all the blood shooting down to his cock, with none for the brain and leaving him feeling lightheaded. Try as he might to banish the thought and _not_ embarrass himself in front of the whole class, James had already forgotten his task as he reached a shaking hand into his robe to retrieve his wand. Shuddering as he remembered the state Lily left him in at the loss of her touch.

Thankfully, before James could embarrass himself any further, he was blessed with a loud crack of explosion from the row behind him and everyone's attention shifted to the source of the blast instead.

"Ms. Dorsey, I don't even want to know _how_ you managed to blow _this_ up."

Sure enough, as James turned to look at Shawna Dorsey, who was renowned for being unfortunately gifted in the art of Pyrotechnics, the girl was blinking dazedly after singed off her eyebrows.

"Mr. Pettigrew please accompany Ms. Dorsey to the hospital wing" Professor McGonagall waved her hand impatiently. Peter, who had been sitting next to Shawna, scrambled to his feet and did as he were told.

James sat down, relieved that McGonagall had forgotten all about him as she continued to pace between the desks. James didn't have to look to Sirius to know that the boy was snickering at him but what he didn't expect was for Lily to touch him so suddenly. He felt her fingers brush against the back of his hand and it was all he could do to not yelp out loud, instead he drew away from her hand as if she had burned him.

Lily looked confused and then concerned as she leaned over to whisper "What's gotten into you?"

Throwing his robe over to cover his lap, James shifted on his chair before answering "Nothing." his voice sounded pathetically high pitched in his own ears.

Lily shot him a worried look before sitting back as McGonagall approached her table. James sighed as McGonagall blocked her from his view. It was a good thing he had quidditch practice scheduled after classes that day to work off his excess energy or he would be quite miserable when night falls.

...

"I'm telling you, Prongs. Rebecca Shawl wants me. This is the fifth time I caught her staring at me and practice barely began" Sirius said from beside James as they hovered above the golden hoops on the Quidditch pitch.

"She could be looking at me." James quipped, glancing cockily at his best friend.

Sirius snorted "Fat lot of good that's gonna do for her."

"At least we'll know she has good taste."

Sirius clicked his tongue "She's looking at _me_ , I'm telling you."

"Let me know which broom cupboard you took her to so I can blow it up later." James wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Don't bother, I only ever take them to the one in the Entrance Hall" Sirius looked smugly at James "It's Filch's favourite. Leave him a few used Johnnies from time to time, gives the depressing fellow something to think about."

James grinned in amusement "You _are_ foul"

"Oh, you won't be judging me when you and Ms. Priggy pick up the habit and I assure you that _will_ happen" Sirius watched as a Dirk Cresswell blocked a shot from their sixth year Chaser, Gordon Johnson and nodded approvingly "Speaking of the missus, when are you going to shag her?"

They both ducked out of the way as a bludger came flying at them and Florence Shacklebolt shot them a disapproving glare but they ignored her and continued with their conversation.

"What makes you think I haven't already?" James said, snippily.

"Little James is sticking out." Sirius said, his eyes straying too far south from his face for James' liking.

"He is not!" James turned his broom to face away from his best mate before deciding that he's had enough of teasing and sought company from someone in his team who wasn't a dickwad. He heard Sirius laughter fade and turned back just in time to see the Gryffindor prankster make wanking motions in the air. James promptly flipped him the bird and huffily shouted for the team to gather.

It wasn't as if James needed to be tormented for his sexual frustration, his lower body's been virtually shouting it in his ear. He just didn't feel like his relationship with Lily was strong enough to withstand a blow should they find out that they were sexually incompatible. Honestly, it would kill James if that were the case because he had been dreaming about the moment since his first erotic dream which starred an inappropriately familiar redhead.

To vent his sexual frustration and get back at Sirius for his inappropriate comment, James led a record breaking practice session that included rapid acceleration on command, instant braking, tumbles and being pelted by loose bludgers. By the time he was done, there was scarcely anything left of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and James was no exception.

The good news was that James no longer had a semi and he now had an excuse to hide in his room from Lily. Not that he was avoiding her but he had just managed to get rid of his stiffy and he was sure a few kisses from Lily would undoubtedly wake the randy bugger. So yes, he was avoiding Lily but for all the right reasons, of course. He was sure Lily would appreciate his efforts as well, not that he was planning to let her know. James didn't know what he was going to do to her if he let his instincts loose, he needed time to cool down and the last thing he needed was Lily flaunting her intoxicating presence in his face as he tried to set his head straight.

James stumbled through the portrait hole, feeling his muscles virtually dying with every step. He was both relieved and disappointed to find Lily sat by the fire with notes scattered in front of her. James was rudely reminded that he had yet to start on his Defense Against the Dark Arts research essay and repressed a sigh.

She looked up as he approached and smiled brightly at him and James felt his blood go south. _Fucking hell, what was wrong with him?_ "I take it practice went well?" she asked innocently. She must have noticed the limp in his step and complete misery on his face so James suspected she was teasing him.

"I'm exhausted" he sighed, shoulders slumping.

Lily's face morphed into concern "You look like you've flown through a rain of bludgers, d'you want to sit down?" she stood and approached him. As much as his body longed for her touch, he's had too much for the day so he flashed her a tired smile and shook his head.

"I think I'll head to bed early for today" he sounded depressed even to his own ears.

Lily faltered slightly and James felt his stomach drop. For almost a whole month now, they had spent as much of their evenings as possible cuddling and studying together, except when James needed to prepare for Remus' transformations. Thankfully, Lily had been conveniently busy with school work whenever there was a full moon so he needn't lie to her about where he disappears to on the full-moons.

"All right" she said quietly and stood still as he kissed her forehead, James squished the need to breath in her scent, virtually tearing himself away from her to imprison himself in his dormitory.

As soon as he was past the door, he staggered back and leaned against the closed door, taking deep soothing breaths as he tried to convince himself that this was a good idea. After doing a rubbish job at it, James decided that he needed a shower above anything else, Lily probably wouldn't let him touch her even if he decided to head back down.

After a rather long shower with him alternating between hot water for his sore muscles and cold water because Lily was invading his head again, James stepped out feeling thoroughly fatigued and ready for bed.

That is—until he saw Lily sitting on his bed wearing a pink nightgown. But it wasn't what she was wearing that had him by the balls, it was _how_ she was sitting on his bed. With her legs cross and her back straight—but not rigidly so— just enough for him to admire the allure in her posture, _stiffy_ returned with a vengeance and James was no longer confident he could keep him away from Lily, not when there was fire in her eyes.

 _Lord have mercy._

* * *

 **Yes, I know. I'm a terrible person for throwing you this cliffhanger but the chapter was getting too long to fit one whole, steamy lemon in there. :(**

 **Good news is that, there _will_ be a lemon (For those of you that are for the idea) Leave me a review because you may end up making my day (conscructive criticisms welcomed as well)**

 **See you next week!**


	11. Corruption

**Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

 **Warning: This chapter is for the mature readers. (Lemon) I would much rather not have this story taken down, so I would appreciate it if we kept to ourselves. It'll be our little secret.**

* * *

 **Corruption**

In all his life, James had gotten himself trapped in some highly dangerous situations and more than once, he had been afraid for his life. But none could compare to the complete and utter terror that settled in the pits of his stomach as he looked into the hunger in Lily's eyes. Her eyes, which were usually a gentle green shade, blazed an intense combination of different shades of emerald and flecks of gold fluctuating around her diluted pupil.

"Lily, love." he said, breathless. "You're not supposed to be in here." He had meant to step toward her but found himself staggering a step backwards when Lily stood with brisk abruptness. A heavy silence fell between them, and James' mouth was beginning to dry up. "Lil—Lily!" his voice cracked when Lily strode toward him in silky steps and in no time at all, Lily had James backed up against the bathroom door.

With his back up against the bathroom door, his hands frantically searched for the door handle. "D-Did you need something?"

Then, just as abrupt as her presence, she seized him by the front of his damp shirt and pulled him down for a deep kiss. James melted on the spot, dropping his towel so he could tangle both his hands in her hair, urging her to tilt her head to the perfect angle for him to slip his tongue into the warmth of her mouth.

Suddenly, an achingly pleasurable feeling was coaxed from his groin and he yelped into her mouth, struggling to pull away and locate the source but Lily had no intention of detaching herself from his lips and he didn't protest. It wasn't unusual for Lily to lead a kiss, not when it was her that initiated their unexpected first kiss and then their wildly passionate second.

She had been particularly needy just as James' self-control came closer and closer to snapping every time he's managed to get Lily alone. As much as he loved the feral dominance in his girlfriend, the faint voice of his subconscious understood what was at stake, and more and more often, James found himself fighting for dominance to make sure Lily didn't make them do something they'd both regret.

However, what was left of James' brain could only comprehend Lily's harsh kisses, the knee-buckling sensation between his legs was new. It was a sort of kneading that felt different from how he usually touched himself; with less vigour and smaller strokes but twice the pleasure. He groaned and leaned eagerly into her kiss. The pleasure was tackling from all directions, overwhelming him and inching his self-control that much closer to the edge.

"Lily" a throaty groan filled the non-existent space between their lips. _Was that him?_

The pressure on his groin increased and he shuddered whilst he cupped himself only to feel Lily's soft skin in his way. "What are you-" his sentence was interrupted by a particularly hard rub and he groaned, stomach clenching and balls tightening. Lily's hand pressed down and rubbed again once more before she pulled away entirely. The room was suddenly unbearably cold and he tried to follow her lips before they separated on a wet smack.

"W-Wha…?" he blinked dazedly before he found himself being shoved back roughly against the door.

"How's that feel?" had her hand on his chest, holding him in place and her body at arm's length from him. She looked cross.

James struggled to comprehend his situation through the haze, running his mind through the day's events and strain his brain to find something he may have done to earn her wrath but even that was difficult to pull off with his body throbbing with unfulfilled needs.

"Lily, what did I-" once again he found himself being cut short with Lily's sinfully soft lips pressed against his mouth but he wasn't going to complain. His knees twitched with the need to fold but James fought against it, it was embarrassing enough having _swooned_ in Lily's presence once, he didn't need another reason for Lily to brand him as a pansy.

There it was again! The wondrously torture against his groin, the rubbing that brought him so close to bliss, he both feared he may ejaculate in his boxers and welcomed it at the same time. Lily gave his lips one last lick before plastering herself onto his neck, sucking and licking as if to draw something out of him. "Lily!" he panted and the pressure increased in his fast tightening boxers.

James wrapped his arms around her smaller frame and clung for dear life but just as he believed he would find release, Lily squirmed from his arms and pulled away; taking her talented hand with her. James groaned in frustration, stepping forward to chase her but the look in Lily's eyes stilled him, so he was forced to immobility with a raging hard-on.

"Have you reflected yet?" Lily growled under her breath and it was the sexiest thing he's ever heard.

"I would, if you'd just tell me what I did" James was delighted to hear his voice only wavered once. He took a cautious step toward her, unable to bear the distance even though she was only standing a handful of moments away from him.

"You've been so… _frustrating._ Getting me all worked up-" Lily stepped deep into his personal space and tiptoed to reach his lips, barely brushing her own against his as she finished her sentence "-and then stopping when it's most _convenient"_ she snarled the last word and pulled away from him just as James was about to kiss her back, leaving him to stare longingly after her swollen lips.

It took a few moments for her words to register and when it did, his body surged with a powerful need. "You thought I stopped because it was _convenient_ for me? Lily, I-" his own words choked him when Lily stepped back into his personal bubble, forcing him to take in her dizzying scent and smouldering gaze. Her hand snaked to the back of his neck and gripped it, directing his mouth down to her, not that he needed any help finding her lips.

He had been reluctant to kiss her, knowing that they needed to talk now and clear up any misunderstandings, but everything went up in flames as soon as their lips touched. His body reminded him how much he worshipped her, throbbing with the need to just take her in— _whole_. She kissed him deeply and more lovingly than the first, he fell back into step with her pace and even though his cock protested in his boxers, James was sure if Lily told him to die for her in that instance— he would do so in a heartbeat.

Even if he found out that she was using him, or if she had played him for a fool, he would willingly allow her to continue the pretence. The strangest thing was, he wasn't worried about how much power Lily had over him, perhaps some part of him had known for a while now—just how _much_ he loved her. She angled her head to draw her tongue over his lips and he groaned, opening up to let her in, which she did. Their tongues bumped and slide against one another, mingling their saliva and breath. She swallowed and the movement invoked a shudder from James.

A part of him wondered what it would feel like having Lily's lips over the tip of his throbbing cock. Then, as if on cue, Lily's hand wormed its way past his waistband and found the erection he was hopelessly trying to hide. James yelped and closed a hand around her wrist to stop Lily, but she was a woman on a mission, before James could summon the strength to pull her off of him, she had closed her hand around the appendage and squeezed. He groaned and buried his head in her neck with his hand still wrapped around her wrist and the other pressing her against him. James found himself torn between pulling her hand away and encouraging her movements.

"Oh god, Lily" he choked out as she began to milk his cock in her hands. "That feels-" he paused, gulping for air. "That feels nice…" his voice trailed and his eyes fluttered close and his threatened to roll up so he squeezed his eyes firmly shut and closed his fist around her own. "Harder" he breathed into her ear and she obliged.

In a moment of blinding pleasure, Lily squeezed down hard just below the swollen crown of his pulsating member and pushed down to the base with the exact same pressure. James groaned loud and released his hand from Lily's to grip her hip for balance. He was close, so achingly close-

"Frustrating, isn't it?" Lily whispered, her breath caressing the shell of his ear. _Wait, what?_

The warmth disappeared and so did Lily. James stumbled forward, frantic and needy as his lungs fought for air to cool his overheating body. He spotted Lily through the white spots dancing tauntingly in his vision and she was not within grabbing distance; much too far away. He could almost _feel_ his balls turning blue. "Have mercy." he breathed, unashamed that he had resorted to begging but Lily only smirked. _Oh, she was cruel._

He took a step towards her and she, a step back. James groaned in frustration and desperation. "Lily, please!" he almost whined.

"If you want it" she backed up until the back of her knees touched his twin sized bed and she sat down with the sexiest little smile plastered on her lips " _Take_ it" _Take me._

In an instant, Lily found herself tackled onto her back with her arms locked on both side of her faces by James' trembling hands. She had a moment to feel proud about her effect on James before he sealed their mouths in a kiss. He pushed his tongue into her mouth and rubbed the slippery muscle against her own. There was no gentleness in his movements as James shifted out of his boxers and it wasn't until she felt his hand travelling up her thigh that she realized one of her hands was free. Lily used it to run a hand up his abdomen, urging him to take off his shirt.

It seems James was not only quick on the quidditch pitch, but in the bedroom as well. For in an instant, he had them both stripped of their outerwear and found Lily lacking of any of her undergarments. He paused, standing upright with his knees on either side of her hips. He wasn't the only thing standing up right, the sight of his erection was a wakeup call to Lily, her needs suddenly flooded her senses and demanded to be fulfilled and she could only hope James was not as cruel as she had been.

Lily, being a virgin with a shy father and a mother who was a not very talented in explaining the idea of sex, she had to rely on herself to find out what it was but from what she could gather from the gossip of the more adventurous girls in the Gryffindor girls dorm and steamy romance novels, she could safely say he had an _idea_ on what it was supposed to be like and what a man's penis was _supposed_ to look like. Except, she didn't quite picture James' like so. Certainly, it was a little bigger than what she had expected and somewhat frightening. Veins ran over the silky skin she had felt earlier and on the top, a head shaped like a mushroom. It was curved, twitching and looked a little strained, as if on the verge of blowing up.

She trailed her sight up his body, taking her time to admire the faint lines on his abdomen as a result of years and years of playing quidditch. Lily swallowed thickly, licking her lips before looking up to find James mirroring her hungry look. It was then Lily consciously realized that she, too, was stark naked but instead of feeling self-conscious, she felt completely comfortable in her own skin. Why?

Because the look in James Potter's eyes convinced her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He leaned down to support himself on his hands, his messy damp hair falling over his eyes and before he could do so, Lily reached up to brush them from his eyes.

"Please tell me you're ready for this because I can't wait any longer." he said, his voice hoarse.

Lily ran her hand down his cheek and smiled at him, her heart thumping rapidly in her chest. But not out of fear of nervousness, but out of sheer love and excitement to finally consummate their relationship. " _I love you_ , James Potter." she said, this time she hooked both her hands around his neck in case he decided it was a _convenient_ time to stop again. He breathed in sharply and lowered himself to press against her warm body, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her until Lily fought to breathe but she didn't feel discomforted, in fact she rather liked this feeling— _loved in every way._

"You deserve _everything._ A perfect date, a perfect night and a bed with scattered rose petals and candlelight romance. Even then, none of it could be as perfect as _you_. I was afraid that if I couldn't at least give that to you, I didn't deserve you. That's—that's why I kept stopping us" James confessed into her neck.

Lily squirmed and James only tightened his arms around her "Look at me." she sighed but James was already trying to distract her with kisses down her neck. "James, look at me!" she pulled his head from her neck and forced their eyes to meet, she pressed her forehead against his and smiled at the nervous look in his eyes. It wasn't often that James Potter looked unsure of himself but she liked the privilege of being able to see him so vulnerable. "Let's make _love,_ Potter" she smiled teasingly and James fell in love with her all over again.

"Well thank god, I don't think I'll be able to wank myself out of this one" he glanced down at the prominent erection pressed against her thigh and Lily blushed. "You blush when I mention wanking but giving me a hand job is all right?" he chuckled and Lily felt her cheeks heat, she was almost sure it rivalled her hair.

Lily opened her mouth to say something witty but it was instantly forgotten when she felt the crown of his member pressed against her throbbing heat. "Please say you're ready." he pleaded breathlessly.

"Wait!" an alarming thought came crashing into her mind "C-Condom!" she barely got the word out, the embarrassment already choking her.

James cursed under his breath "I don't have any" he said, sounding frantic.

"It's on the table" Lily squeaked, not meeting his eyes.

James was sceptical, but indeed, there was a whole strip of condoms laying on his bedside table. He reached over to grab them before looking suspiciously at Lily.

"S-S-Sirius, he-he slipped them into my bag" Lily deliberately avoided his eyes.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm going to clobber him before I worship him." James tore one open and rolled one over himself as Lily watched with unmasked fascination.

"Could I do that next time?" she blurted out and James went red at the thought of a next time. This was going to be a regular thing for them, wasn't it?

"S-Sure" he squeaked and cleared his throat.

Lily laid back down and spread her legs so James could situate himself nicely between. He took a deep breath as he leaned his weight on one hand beside Lily's arm and use the other to position himself at her entrance. "James." her voice pulled his eyes to her face to find her cheeks tinted pink "It's my first time." her voice barely a whisper but James felt his pride soaring for the skies.

Some part of him had been hoping—praying that Lily had saved herself for him as he had done for her. Not that he would love her less because of it, but he would be wounded, nonetheless.

He smiled wide, eyes shimmering with affection. "Mine too." and just like that, the widest smile appeared on Lily's face as she reached up wrap her arms around him. And it made all the blue balls he'd gotten in his hormonal age worth it. He lowered himself so they were both comfortable and Lily nodded against his neck.

In one swift plunge, he broke through the web of her hymen. The pain was worse than Lily had imagined, the tearing sensation sent a pained groan from her lips. She was bleeding, she was definitely bleeding. The sharp, skin tearing sting did not fading as James' member continued to stretch her to her limits. "It hurts." she whimpered and noticed that James was breathing hard.

"We'll wait it out, okay?" he said, breathless and his body trembling more than hers.

"Does it hurt for you, as well?" she asked him, concerned.

James opened his mouth to speak but found no words past the blinding warmth of her cavern so he simply shook his head and focused on breathing. "It feels good—too good. I might not last." he panted and held her tighter against him but realized that her breasts pressed up against his chest was doing nothing to help his case.

Blinded by the pride in her body for being capable of reducing James in such a state, Lily decided to brave the pain and focused on feeding pleasure to her partner.

"You can try moving." she said, meekly.

At that, James groaned and pulled his hips back before pushing jerkily back into her. They both yelped for different reasons but James had immediately misread Lily's signal and continued to piston his hips against her, too blinded by his own pleasure to realize that Lily was moaning in pain.

It wasn't until the pain had gotten too intense for Lily to bear before she finally spoke. "James." she squirmed against the pain and sobbed. "Please stop, it hurts." But he didn't seem to hear her. His eyes had glazed over in pleasure and he seemed to be chasing his own release. Panic settled in quick and the pleasure had completely evaporation from Lily's body. "You're hurting me!" she cried into his shoulder and at once, he stilled. His fingers fisted the sheets on both sides of her head as Lily released him and wept.

"I'm sorry." he panted, the haze in his eyes cleared and horror flooded in as he took in the sight of Lily, her face hidden in her hands as she sobbed quietly. "Oh god, Lily. I'm sorry" he gently tugged at her hands to look at her tear stained cheeks and shimmering eyes. "I'm so sorry, love." he pleaded, kissing her face, her tears and her eyes. Lily wiped at her eyes and refused to meet his eyes. Dread settled in his stomach as he watched his worst fears come alive. They were sexually incompatible. What were they to do now?

"Lily, I- we-" he was at a loss for words.

"W-We could try a different position" she suggested and James felt relieved that she hadn't given up on them.

"All right." he answered eagerly, and in his haste to peel himself off her, he brushed against something that made Lily moan. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you again? I'll pull it out slower" but Lily had seized him by the shoulder, shaking her head.

"Do it again." she said, needy.

He would, if he knew _what_ he did. He attempted to replicate his movements and after a few cringes and winces from Lily, he finally coaxed a moan from her. James pressed his hips hard against hers as he pressed his cock in her and Lily moaned again. Feeling triumphant, James continued the same rhythm and motion and soon, he found himself right on the edge of orgasm.

"A-Ah! Oh god, James!" Lily moaned his name and her slick, wet heat clenched around his cock and he came hard, yelling her name as ripples of shuddering pleasure washed over him again and again until there were tears prickling at his eyes.

He came back from his orgasm to find himself lying on top of Lily as she stroked his back and hair. James bolted up to lift his weight off Lily, meeting her adoring eyes. "I'm sorry, I came before you could-"

"It's all right. We'll try again in the morning" she said, stroking his jaw with her thumb as she caressed his cheek.

James smirked cockily "Give me ten minutes and we can try again" he told her, smugly.

Lily giggled "As fantastic as that sounds, you need to sleep. I've kept you up long enough. I know how tired you were after practice" she reasoned and squirmed from under him, successfully pushing James onto his back and moving to roll off the bed, wincing at the pain.

James, however, was having none of it. He seized her hand and tugged her back into the bed, throwing a heavy leg over both of hers and an arm over her torso to keep her down. "Stay." he murmured against her shoulder and she turned to look at him.

"I'm not supposed to be here, it's the head boy's dormitory" she said, trying her best to sound reprimanding.

James merely shrugged and grinned. "I'm sure he won't mind."

Lily sighed and snuggled up to his warmth before kissing James full on the lips "All right" she murmured. They adjusted their position so they had the blankets over the both of them and as soon as the both of them were comfortable, Lily realized that James had fallen asleep.

Feeling guilty that she had ambushed him when he had been so tired, however, she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Lily inched herself closer into his chest and closed her eyes, feeling too giddy to sleep.

…

"NO!"

 _No?_

"I didn't kill her! It wasn't my fault! I swear-" there was a terrible ear-piercing cry and James bolted upright, adrenalin pumping through his body and eyes searching the room for an infiltrator. Instead he was met with the dim of his room and not a person in sight. Something shifted on his bed and caught James' attention. Lily's red hair fanned out on the pillow in low light had shot a flicker of dread in him for it had look too much like blood, when he traced the river-like hair to Lily's pale and pasty face, it wasn't any better.

He reached over to touch her shoulder to find her skin damp and stone cold. "Lily?" his voice shook as he attempted to penetrate her dream, shaking her shoulder and calling out repeatedly to her but she didn't respond, instead, she began writhe in spasms of seemingly unbearable pain. An uncontrollable anger rose from the darkest corners of James' heart but had nowhere to go.

"Don't hurt her" she was sobbing now. _Oh god, no!_ Tears streaking down the side of her eyes. James, out of sheer desperation, pulled her onto his lap and pressed her head against his chest.

"It's a dream, love" he whispered into her hair, clutching her trembling frame and his brain running at a hundred miles an hour. _Please wake up. Please._ He silently pleaded with her in his head like a mantra, feeling close to tears himself. Her next words shattered his heart.

"Help me, James." she cried, her hands clutching the sheets covering her body. "They're going to kill her, James, please!" she begged and sobbed and whimpered into his chest. Her eyes opened to stare into a faraway place, pupils fully dilated until the beautiful green in her eyes were no longer distinguishable. James sat, holding her tightly as her body wracked with spasms feeling desperate and helpless. His heart raced and frustration bubbled over.

"I'm here, Lily. Come back to me!" he spoke urgently in a breathless voice. His heart was beating so fast, he couldn't seem to catch his breath. "It's James, love. Please wake up" James held on to her, lowering his forehead to press against hers. If she refused to wake up, he would have to force her out of her own mind. Focusing his mind, James attempted to use Legilimency to hopefully call Lily's conscious mind to the surface but just as he had managed to see the first traces of her murky visions, he was repelled by some sort of dark pulse.

"Ow!" he cried out in, slipping one hand from Lily's frame, while keeping the other firmly around Lily, to press on the spot between his eyebrows which was now throbbing with a blinding pain. His ears were ringing and he felt like he had just emerged from a body of cold water.

As if things had not gone to hell already, the sheets had slipped from Lily's chest and James caught a glimpse of something that ultimately halted all his thoughts. _What the fuck was that?_

* * *

 **Again another cliffy, I couldn't find a better way to end it so I must apologize again. Leave a review to tell me how much you hate me ;)**


	12. A Cursed Heart

**Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **A Cursed Heart**

There was an eerie stillness around Lily that bothered her, it was as if all the world's sorrows had fallen over her like a grey veil, prickling her skin and slowing her heart. Dark. She couldn't tell if her eyes were opened or closed but it was dark. It was cold, her skin tingled with the sting of ice, numbing her to everything but the unpleasant feeling. What was going on?

She could see something. Very faintly, but it was a start. It was green. The colour? No, not quite. It smelled. Yes, she seemed to smell the faint traces of green but couldn't seem to distinguish the smell from anything comparatively similar. It was an odd sort of feeling to smell the colour. Her eyes didn't seem to be working but there were words now. Slurred and slowed as if they were speaking in extremely slowed time, because of that, Lily couldn't seem to make out what they were saying.

She felt vaguely violated, as if someone had bottomed out her brain and _taken_ something. And then there was an aching _inside_ her chest as if someone had stuck their hand through her sternum and squeezed. Lily wondered if she was happening in slow motion as well, because the pain was but a dull buzz in her system, slowly climbing a steep climax. It was building and building before she heard a voice that sounded more like a shriek after she strained to listen—high pitched and screechy.

"Lily!" There was a hand? What was a hand doing with her name? What an odd thing to say…

"Pot—you—leave—need—out!" it was a woman's voice this time. But what's it got to do with her hand?

Oh dear, she was floating away again. The dim closed around her shoulders and Lily could feel its grasp tightening and everything seemed to loosen at the same time. It was an airy feeling, liberating yet constraining at the same time.

"She's fading! She's fading fast, please! You have to help her! Lily!" Funny how everything seemed to be out of focus except for that voice—his voice? Who was he? She knew this, his name? What was his name?

Something clenched around her hand and like a rock, anchored her down from the faded grey. "Lily? Lily, can you hear me? Listen to me, you _have_ to fight it, love. Stay with me, please. _Please,_ you can't go." What was his name?

There was a blur of voices and Lily felt herself twitch in annoyance. She wanted to hear his voice again, the name was on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't quite grasp it with the annoying buzzes interfering with her concentration. The woman's voice returned but she couldn't hear anything past faded words and slurs. "Danger—Dumbledore—she—now!"

Leave? Who? "She's confused, please, I can help! I can feel her coming back up, if she wakes now, she's going to want to see me. Please, Madam Pomfrey."

His voice, ever so familiar, small snippets of her memories came back to her. Yet his name remained further than ever. She felt her hand squeeze and then suddenly, like everything was being fast-forwarded and zoomed in at the same time, consciousness slammed into her like a ton of bricks—felt like it too. But in that exact moment, a single name hit her harder than anything else.

"James!" her entire body jerked as the world materialized too quickly around her.

"Lily? Oh, thank god! It's me—it's James" his voice, like salve on her wounds, dulled the pain wrenching in her chest and restored enough of her coherency to speak.

"Where?" she demanded in a faded voice, was that was she sounded like? It seemed like ages since she had heard her own voice. Her limbs felt like it had been submerged underwater and no matter how hard she forced herself, her movements remained sluggish and blurry. Suddenly the grey was reaching out to her again. "James, are you there?" she asked, trying her best not to sound panicked.

"I'm here." he squeezed her hand reassuringly and his face leaned over her, etched with concern and paler. "I'm right here." he squeezed hand tighter yet again and Lily tried to squeeze back but wasn't sure if she had succeeded.

"What's going on?" she asked, her mind felt icky and scattered but nothing could compare to the atrocity that was the pain on her chest. Had she been impaled? What the bloody hell had she been doing before this?

"Madam Pomfrey's gone to get the draughts to help you" James glanced up impatiently to see if Madam Pomfrey has come back.

"What's wrong with me?" she couldn't help asking but Lily wasn't even sure if she wanted to know. The emotion overwhelming and prickling at her eyes. _Was she dying?_

James frowned, looking vaguely panicked. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong with you! You—You're perfect…" he said breathlessly "Just a tad sick that's all. It'll pass, love. Madam Pomfrey will help you." he sounded too delicate and Lily's stomach rolled with dread.

"Am I dying?" she asked, eyes wide and blank.

"No!" James blurted out but even he didn't seem convinced. Lily blinked, not quite sure what she could do with that sort of information. She was going to die? What will her parents say? What will _Petunia_ say? _I told you so, you freak! Magic is dangerous!_

Lily winced at Petunia's realistically screechy voice in her head. James was on her at once "Does it hurt? Where?" he asked urgently, hands hovering over her, afraid to touch her but unable to leave her alone either.

"It's not that." Lily said but that wasn't quite true since she hurt _everywhere_. "I'm just worried about what my parents would say if I died." she admitted softly.

Anger and fear flared in James' hazel eyes as he snapped "You're _not_ dying!" this time he sounded much more convincing still…

"So why won't you look me in the eyes?" Lily gained some semblance over the control in her fingers and she ran her thumb across his knuckles. At once, James looked up to meet her eyes and Lily noticed that they were rimmed with red. He's been crying?

No.

No, no, _no!_

"James, I-"

The doors to the hospital swung open on a long rattle and Madam Pomfrey came scurrying in with her arms full of vials and bottles of different shapes. "Right then, Mr. Potter! I'm going to have to ask you to make yourself scarce" she said sternly, placing the bottles on the table at Lily's bedside. "Miss Evans has a lot of work to do to get better" she searched through the bottles before picking out a small vial with yellowed liquid in it. "Sit up for me will you, dear? And out with you, Mr. Potter!"

Lily looked at Madam Pomfrey in bewilderment. "Get better? I can be well again?" she asked, hopeful.

"What? Did you think you were not going to make it?" Madam Pomfrey laughed "Heavens, no, dear. Sure it was a nasty attack you had, cursed by some sort of black magic, but it is a relatively dormant curse if you ask me. Nothing I can't handle." She assured them, proudly.

Lily could feel James' relief through their joined hands and Madam Pomfrey looked between the two of them. Lily fought off a blush and tried squirm her way out of James' hand but he was having none of it, Lily was left staring fearfully at Madam Pomfrey. "Honestly, I get that you're young but you two are like bowtruckles on doxy eggs." she tutted and shook her head in disapproval.

"We try" James quipped, obviously in a better mood now that they found Lily's life was no longer in any danger.

"Well then make yourself useful, boy and help Miss Evans upright" she urged and at once Lily felt James' arms snaking around her back to provide leverage for her to sit up for her take the potions.

…

As James finished filling in his old roommates at the far end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, everyone looked gobsmacked and concerned "Whoa, shit" Sirius had spoken first, eyes wide and stunned. It was lunchtime and by now, everyone in seventh year knew about Lily's sudden illness as Madam Pomfrey had informed the members of staff to excuse Lily from classes. Everyone who asked was told that she had come down with a very serious illness and would not be in class for the next week or so.

James had missed breakfast because he had been with Lily until sunrise and slept in his dorm until first period was nearly over, it was a good thing it was only Charms and Professor Flitwick had let him off with a warning after he explained himself. Throughout his second and third period, which were Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration, his mates prodded him constantly about Lily but he promised to tell them over lunch because it was a long story.

"You shagged her, you finally did it, Prongs! You've shagged the un-shaggable" Sirius tangled his fingers in his hair as if he had just been told he won the lottery. James glared at his best mate for his inappropriate comment but was secretly relieved that someone was making light out of the situation. He wasn't sure how much negativity he could withstand before he'd crumble, he wouldn't be of any use to Lily if he were broken.

"That's what you're concerned about?" Remus snapped, outraged.

"What? Poppy already said she was going to live. No use crying over spilt potion" Sirius shrugged nonchalantly and spoon bright red gelatine into his mouth.

"What about the person who did this to her? It doesn't dismiss the fact that she was cursed in the first place." Remus countered sternly.

"Who would do that to Lily? She's nice to everyone and _everyone_ likes her" Peter mumbled.

"Speak for yourself, I still haven't forgiven the little minx for telling on us to Slughorn in fourth year" Sirius said over a mouthful of jelly.

Remus ignored him and pressed on "You don't suppose it was Mulciber do you, James?" he said in a low voice, eyes glancing over at the Slytherin table where Mulciber and his company had settled down.

"He'd better pray that I don't find out then" James said, darkly.

Indeed, a shamefully vast majority of Slytherins had a bone to pick with Lily because she was an outstanding witch with muggle parents. James scoffed at the very thought. However, no one in Slytherin was more against Lily's high-ranking position than Mulciber and his little group of pure-blood supremacists.

"Maybe it was something one of James' jealous admirers." Sirius pondered absentmindedly on a lighter note.

James shook his head "No one's dumb enough to openly challenge her, she's head girl"

"O-Oh! Maybe it was in one of the letters they sent her" Peter offered.

"Oh I hope not, I read those for fun." Sirius scrunched up his face in distaste.

"He's right, Sirius and I have been the ones reading them. If anything, we should be the ones cursed."

"What did it look like, the curse" Remus asked, curious and eager to solve the puzzle.

James shuddered at the memory of holding her cold body in his arms as she went completely still and in that fleeting moment, he had the worst feeling of thinking she was dead all over again. She really needed to stop dying in his presence or he was going to die young.

There had been a mark on her chest, her skin had gone black like it had been charred and it had been oozing black smoke when he first discovered it. Needless to say, James promptly lost his sanity and ran for Madam Pomfrey.

"It was a black mark, right in the middle of her chest" James tapped his finger right in the middle of his sternum and scowled "Like her skin was made of coal—it was smoking too"

Peter gulped audibly and Sirius' expression went sombre.

"I've never heard of such a curse" Remus' faced etched with contemplation.

Sirius waved an uneasy hand in the air. "Poppy's going to take care of her, won't she, Prongs?" Sirius looked to James for assurance but the Head Boy wasn't listening, he was staring across the hall at the table where his least favourite group of Slytherins sat, talking with their heads leaned in, shooting filthy looks at everyone that walked by their section of the table.

A pale and skinny boy with eyes too big approached them and Mulciber looked up to meet the boy's eyes before he nodded. The boy, James now recognized as Bartemius Crouch leaned down on Mulciber's ear to whisper something. A slow, sinister smile cut across Mulciber's face and a manic look flashed in his eyes. They were up to something again.

It was then James remembered what had triggered the curse in the first place—her night terrors about Barbara Winston's murder. Every muscle in James' body tensed as rage flooded his system. "It was Mulciber." James muttered hatefully under his breath.

"W-What?" Peter squeaked.

"You're sure?" Remus asked.

James tore his eyes from the group of Slytherins face his friends, "It has to be, the curse triggered when Lily was having some sort of nightmare. She was dreaming about Barbara's murder and we all know who was responsible for that." He looked back to the Slytherin table and met the dark eyes of Severus Snape, however instead of the hollowed look he was used to, James found himself on the receiving end of a heated glare. _What was his problem?_

"Are you sure it was Mulciber's name you saw on the map that day, James?" Remus questioned seriously.

Sirius scoffed "What's your problem, Moony? Not defending him, are you?" Sirius snapped.

"Of course not! It's just that—well, we don't have any evidence pin on them. And you weren't even there on the night of the incident" Remus shrugged.

"It wasn't just Mulciber's name I saw, Rosier and Wilkes were there too. They're all in on it, even Avery" James sneered.

"But if she was cursed during the attack, why didn't the healers from St. Mungo find it?" Remus reasoned.

"Madam Pomfrey said it was mostly a dormant curse, perhaps it just wasn't active when she was admitted." James said, thoughtfully.

Remus' expression was thoughtful as he hummed in contemplation. "That _is_ quite possible"

"Rapid hair removal draughts in their pumpkin juices then?" Sirius said.

"No." James interjected.

"No? Yeah, you're right, too predictable. How about filling conjured bubbles with shrinking potion and then sending them straight down their trousers?"

"Oooh, brilliant idea, Sirius" Peter clapped with a little too much enthusiasm. James rolled his eyes.

"No, no more petty pranks. They're _toying_ with Lily's life." James slide a leg over the bench as he watched the little group of Slytherins rise from theirs and moved for the door. "And I'm going to make them pay"

"You? You mean we. It's been too long since we've messed with them" Sirius slid fluidly from seat to stand with James, the two of them wait a moment for the whole Slytherin gang to disappear out the door before following after, leaving Remus and Peter to jog after them.

"James!" James could hear Remus calling after him but he paid him no mind. His eyes trained on the group of Slytherins striding less than 20 feet from him, headed for the courtyard. Good, there would be more space for chaos and if the students had any common sense, they would know to stay away.

"James, you mustn't be hasty! One wrong move and you could put Mulciber in a very advantageous position" Remus placed a hand on his shoulder and his steps slowed as they stepped out into the courtyard where a few students were loitering on the benches and hanging on trees.

"Back off, Moony!" he heard Sirius snap from beside him. "Let the man do what he wants"

But just as James began to calm, he heard a particularly loud laugh from the group that was striding further and further away. He strained to hear them and miraculously, he managed to catch Mulciber's loud rancorous voice say "Did you hear what happened to that mudblood Evans? They say she's ill but I know, she's been cursed. About time someone showed her her place. Filthy mudblood makes me sick."

 _Oh, hell!_ James broke free from Remus' tightening hold on his shoulder and shot forward, taking large stomping steps. "Mulciber!" he roared, reaching into his robes for his wand. The Slytherin group turned and with no warning, James threw a stunning spell in Mulciber's way.

With no time to react, Mulciber had managed to pull his wand out in time to cast an ineffective shielding charm, what was left of the stunning spell rebounded to the ground and James threw another, this time, conjuring a stream of flames at the bewildered Slytherin. His right hand man, Avery had decided to use James' focus on Mulciber to attack him with a Slicing Charm but Sirius was at his side in an instant, countering the spell with a Reductor Curse.

Mulciber had used his conjured flames against him, directing them to charge at James instead. James slashed his wand up vertically, conjuring a veil of water to block his backfired attack.

"Expelliarmus!" he heard Remus yell and effectively, Wilkes' wind came soaring past his head and into Remus' hand.

A rile of steam shrouded his vision but James willed it away with a mere thought, just in time to dodge a Cruciatus Curse from Mulciber. Feeling the power stirring in his veins, James gathered it and let loose an unhinged Reductor Curse "Reducto!"

Mulciber smartly moved out of the way and the spell continued to shoot forward, blasting an empty bench to powdered pieces. James dodged a blasting curse from Rosier and Remus successfully caught him with a full-body binding jinx and Sirius sent the boy flipping backwards when a knockback jinx.

Avery aimed a blasting curse at Peter and the latter blocked it ineffectively, the rebound caught Sirius in the shoulder and sent his best mate flying sideways, his robes had been singed in multiple areas and his skin turned raw red, some oozed with blood. Panicked, Peter closed his eyes and blindly aimed a bombing curse at the group of Slytherins.

"E-EXPULSO!" he yelled and James acted immediately to protect them.

"Repello Inimicum!" The shield came up in time before the curse hit the ground under Mulciber's feet, a shower of debris shot in all direction and would have rained on them if it had not been for the instinctive conjuration of a barrier. The bricks covering the courtyard as well as the dirt underneath had been dug up from the force of the blast, leaving a massive crater in the middle of the courtyard.

The smoke cleared to reveal Mulciber, Wilkes, Rosier and Avery incapacitated and halfway to being buried in dirt and bricks. The adrenalin was running out and James found his breathing returning to normal, feeling much calmer now that Mulciber was unconscious and filthy, the moment didn't last very long for a loud booming voice interrupted his short lived victory.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

James heard a groan from Remus on his left and Peter's whimper on his right. There was but one thought on James' mind: _Lily will not be pleased with him._

* * *

 **Oh dear, Lily's definitely not going to like this. Come back next week! Leave a review because you can! :**


	13. Promise Me

Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.

* * *

 **Promise Me**

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Thank you for your letter. I do hope you are well. You would be in your seventh year now, correct? How is everyone fairing? That Potter boy is not still giving you trouble, is he? If he is, I think I have an extra love potion with the Whomping Willow's essence in it lying around. Let me know if you need it. Now, regarding your question, I'm surprised word got out so quickly. The rumours you heard were true, I have succeeded in the creation of the potion but the ministry has my word that I would not reveal too much to the public before I can release the official recipe. The ministry are currently implementing laws specifically for those who wish to create this potion as it is a fairly complicated potion to concoct, they do not wish to have any unnecessary casualties and henceforth have advised against the publication of my work until further notice._

 _However, given our history as members of the Slug Club, I feel that I have a duty to help the future potioneers. Attached to this letter, you will find all you need to know to make the potion but I must warn you, Lily: Do not go seeking for a test subject. I wish you good luck and please send my regards to Professor Slughorn._

 _Cheers,_

 _Dam-_

The doors of the hospital wing slammed open abruptly and out of panic, Lily stuffed her letter under her blanket and looked up, trying her best to look innocent. She gasped when Madam Pomfrey rushed through the doors, levitating behind her was a student on a stretcher bound in bandages and groaning in pain. After the first stretcher passed the doors, another followed. Lily counted them as they levitated through the doors, her heart sinking with every tick.

 _Two… Three… Four-_

She stopped at the fifth stretcher because she recognized the burn riddled body of student number five. Dread crawled up her throat and she swallowed hard "Sirius…?" If he was here then did that mean-

"What were they thinking? Fighting in the courtyard! They were lucky not to be killed! Who started it?" Madam Pomfrey shrieked, outraged but also deathly worried.

Professor McGonagall brought up the rear, a few familiar faces shuffled in guiltily after and Lily. "Potter, though, I can't say I'm surprised." Professor McGonagall shot her Quidditch team captain a narrow eyed look and Lily found herself conflicted over whether to feel relieved that no one was irreparably injured or furious that she had to worry in the first place.

…

James had insisted that he did not need medical attention and that the burn on his robe was just that; anything to get out of having to go to the hospital wing but with no such luck. McGonagall was not to be argued with, she was seething as she made quick work of conjuring five stretchers and levitating all of the Slytherins onto one while they hoisted Sirius into one. As they waited for Madam Pomfrey's arrival for immediate first aid, McGonagall lectured them on the severity of their actions and that she has never been more ashamed of Gryffindor students. Remus lowered his head guiltily and Peter still looked shaken about the fight but James found her reaction more bearable than the dread of having to face Lily.

James found himself silently trailing behind McGonagall, looking up occasionally to check if Sirius was still breathing. Remus must have sensed his discomfort and patted him on the shoulder as they neared the hospital wing. However, as much as he hated disappointing Lily, he couldn't bring himself to regret his decision of starting a fight with Mulciber; the foul git deserved every drop of pain inflicted on him.

He heard Madam Pomfrey's voice inside the wing, shrieking something about fights and not being killed. James stepped through the doors of the hospital wing and made a show of busying himself with closing the door behind him before glancing warily at Lily's bed. McGonagall said something to him but he didn't hear her. He held Lily's wide eyed gaze, momentarily pleased to see relief wash over her posture before resisting the urge to step behind Remus as her eyes narrowed menacingly at him. James could already hear what she would say to him.

 _What were you thinking? Starting a fight with the Slytherins? And of this calibre! You are so impulsive, do you ever think before you act? Honestly, Potter!_

He physically winced and felt someone nudge him in the side. James turned to meet Remus' concerned eyes "Are you all right, James?"

"Fine." James snipped.

"L-Lily doesn't look too pleased with you, Prongs" Peter whispered to him and he shot the plump boy an annoyed look before turning his attention back to Lily.

She looked much healthier after some rest, there was colour in her cheeks now and her skin was no longer pasty. Their eyes met for a brief moment before she stubbornly turned her head away from him, slid back down onto her bed and threw her covers over herself. James' heart sank. _She wouldn't even look at him._

Madam Pomfrey patched them up with a few incantations and waves of her wand. Remus sported a rather nasty cut down his arm but his injuries were the worst between the three of them. "As soon as Madam Pomfrey has finished with you, I want you three in the Headmaster's office immediately. It is out of my hands now." McGonagall snapped.

James found himself glancing in Lily's direction as she said that but the stubborn girl still had her back turned to him. Madam Pomfrey finished up mending Remus' gash and James found himself leaving without having said anything to Lily.

…

Lily was on a strike. It's been two days since the Marauders waged a full-on war the whole of Slytherin. Everyone involved in the fight had been sentenced to two whole weeks of detention and needless to say, their families had been informed of the whole ordeal. Mulciber and the rest of his gang had already been discharged earlier that day and a weight lifted from Lily's shoulders as they had been shooting filthy looks at Sirius and her while they were in their beds looking like they wanted to say something but always settled for a wary glance at Sirius instead.

Sirius, who had sustained more severe burns had been given a few extra days in the hospital wing; but Lily suspected it was only because he managed to sweet talk his way out of being sent back to his dorm and effectively delaying his punishment.

Despite having classes and detention, James visited her every chance he got, even going so far as to use that stupid invisibility cloak to sneak out after curfew to talk to her but Lily was having none of it. She was immensely cross with him and no amount of apologizing or grovelling was going to redeem him this time. He seemed genuinely afraid of her reaction and Lily gave him no reason to think otherwise. While her curiosity urged her to ask for the reason in his sudden spark of violence, but a rational voice told her she needed time to reign in her thoughts and temper before she would speak to him; only it proved to be impossible with her current bed neighbour.

This was the fifth time Lily has looked over to Sirius' bed and found him staring intently at her box of chocolate frogs at the end of her bed; one of the get well soon gifts from well-wishers, she supposed. His brows were scrunched together as if in deep thought and his lips pressed into a thin line. Lily tried again to immerse herself in Cornelius Agrippa's tragic biography but emerged with no such luck. She wanted very much to turn to her neighbour and ask him to stare at her chocolate frogs more quietly but even that sounded foolish in her head so she opted to confronting the boy instead.

"Sirius, you're bothering me. Do you want the chocolate frogs or not?" she snapped grumpily.

He sighed and sagged back on his fluffed pillow "I thought you'd never ask."

"Well, you should've done just that, I would've given them to you."

"I was trying to steal them." Sirius said smugly.

"How? By staring at them until they jump into your hand?" Lily scoffed, annoyed.

Sirius frowned at her "Someone's got their wand in a knot." He pulled his wand from under his blankets and gave it a quick wave at the box of chocolate delights, immediately the box slid from the table and right into his free hand. Sirius made himself comfortable in his fluffed pillows before he lifted the lid off the box of candy. He opened a chocolate frog and seized it mid-hop, taking his time to examine the card as he spoke. "You may proceed to pour your girlish problems out to me and I will do my best to look like I'm listening." He bit off the head of the squirming frog and looked up expectantly at her "Go on." he urged.

Lily was confused. She couldn't decide between marvelling at his audacity or be disgusted that most girls find this nonchalant attitude of his, attractive. "Are you always this obnoxious?" she asked him.

Sirius paused mid-bite, he looked like he was seriously contemplating an answer before swallowing and speaking "That's the first time anyone's ever said that to me."

"That would explain it." Lily grumbled.

Sirius finished off the last of his frog and raised his hands in mock surrender "In all seriousness, Lily, you can confide anything with me, you know that right?" he grinned in a way that reminded her of James—smug and insufferably cocky.

"Afraid I'm neither foolish nor desperate enough to believe that." Lily rolled her eyes and attempted to shift her focus.

"Surely, you must be close by now? It's been two days and you haven't said a word to the poor sod." he sounded awfully smug.

Lily couldn't deny that she missed James and their playful banters but she wasn't about to reveal that to bloody best friend, so she wisely kept her mouth shut.

"I know James. If you don't let up soon, he's going to break down and start begging. He's a very sensitive boy, you know?"

Lily couldn't repress the giggle in time. It was an odd observation of James. She had never seen him as a sensitive person, he was always light-hearted and possessed the uncanny ability to make a joke out of anything—except when his temper rose. Lily remembered the way his eyes blazed with fury when she implied that he was fooling around with his confession, blushing as the memory triggered echoes of the words of his retaliation.

 _"You're always buzzing around my mind with your snarky words, annoyingly red hair and your fucking green eyes!"_

"Oh? Do I smell an erotic daydream? Shall I give you a moment?" Sirius teased and when Lily fought the blush, she only felt her cheeks heating up even further so she turned away. "Aww, she's shy. How precious." he prodded on and Lily threw him a glare over her shoulder.

"You are quite unpleasant to be around." she said but there was no edge in her tone.

"Oh, but I know some people who would _beg_ to differ" he smiled silkily, waggling his eyebrows and Lily laughed a full, belly clenching laugh.

"You have _no_ shame, Sirius" Lily couldn't help smiling despite how inappropriate his implications were.

"Something funny?" a new voice added to the conversation.

James strode toward them, eyes wide and wary as he held Lily's surprised gaze. She hadn't heard anyone come in but Sirius seemed to be expecting his best friend's arrival and it made her wonder if this had been his intent all along; distract her so she would forget to be cross with James. Feeling stubborn and childish, Lily scowled at James anyway, although her displeasure no longer had any depth; she only hoped James couldn't see past her.

James' face fell and Lily almost felt guilty. "How long are you going to keep this up, Lily?" he said in exasperation. "I get that you're cross with me, so why not just yell at me and be done with it!" he snapped, annoyed.

…

It was his only free period of the day and James figured he would pay a visit to Lily, despite having been passive aggressively shot down the last four times he did it. As he stood outside the hospital wing, James found himself sighing out loud. He was tired of having her look at him the way she did, displeasure didn't suit her beautiful green eyes. Angry, she was still beautiful, radiant even. Disappointment did nothing for her eyes, only stirred his insides, and not in the good way.

Brushing off his cowardly thoughts, he pushed through the doors to find her laughing with Sirius, perhaps there was hope for today. As she laughed, Sirius turned his head slightly to give him a grin, as if he had been talking Lily up just for him, he returned his friend's look with a grateful smile before making himself known.

The mirth from eyes disappeared immediately and James almost wished he had kept his stupid mouth shut. Feeling incredibly put out and frustrated, James snapped at her, hoping that she couldn't hear the hurt in his voice. He caught Sirius slinking out of his bed in the corner of his vision before Lily trapped him in her green, _green_ gaze. For the first time in the past two days, there was something other than displeasure and disappointment in her eyes, there was surprise and a flicker of annoyance. Fire sizzled in her eyes and suddenly, she was angry.

Sirius, who could probably sense that he was standing in the middle of where two armies would meet, slipped out of his bed with a squirming chocolate frog in his mouth and a packet of Lily's cauldron cakes in his hand. "Send my love to Poppy, will you?" he mumbled over the chocolate frog but Lily spoke over him.

"Shout at you?" she said, her voice a harsh whisper. "And what good will that do? You've not reflected on what you have done and I doubt you're sorry about it."

James rolled his eyes, he felt like he was being told off by his mother. "I've apologized, and if I recall correctly, _seven_ times. When are you going to let it go?" he retorted, suddenly immensely grateful that Sirius snuck out.

"Yes, you have, about making me unhappy. But not for trying to hex Mulciber and his friends to bits!" she said in exasperation.

 _Shit._ _How did she know?_

"I'm not apologizing to that lowlife! I'd rather snap my wand in half!" he snapped back, heatedly.

"Do you know what could've happened? You _attacked_ Marcus Mulciber, severely injured Evan Rosier and Rowan Wilkes whilst nearly taking Callum Avery's eye out. You know their families are going to be less than pleased with this."

His temper flared "Well I don't give a _damn_ what their families think. They're all pathetic sods anyway"

"Then maybe that's your problem" she snapped back "You know who they are, they are dangerous people, James, their whole family spells nothing but danger. You can't be hexing them for the fun of it, they're not thirteen anymore and neither are you. Even if you do have a reason, the consequences are not worth it"

If he wasn't mad before, he was mad now. _She thought he did it for fun?_ That certainly would've been the case had he been twelve or thirteen but he's grown, matured past far more than a mere bully. He wasn't the same pampered brat who was so keen on leaving his mark in Hogwarts history, he was willing walk all over the others to get his way. He's tried so hard to make her see that and the fact that she couldn't see past that, _couldn't_ have more faith in him, annoyed him the most. He's never harm a hair on anyone that didn't deserve it since third year. _Like people who found it appropriate to throw terms like 'Mudbloods' into a discussion._

It annoyed him that she still thought so little of him after all he's done to prove to her that he's changed. "You weren't there when it happened, you didn't hear what they said so don't act like you know _everything._ "

"Well, you're not making it easy for me to understand you either! I don't understand how you can be the perfect head boy one day and then barking mad the next. Honestly, it's a little worrying. I don't know when you're going to do something stupid and I have no way of preparing for when you do." Lily's searched desperately for James but he remained deathly quiet, his jaw clenched and eyes focused away from hers.

"Maybe there is little we understand of each other, Evans" James bit out, angrily.

"Or perhaps not at all." Lily added forlornly. He didn't like her tone, it sounded almost resigned. _Was she giving up on him? On them?_

Alarmed, James sat down on Lily's bed and seized her hand. "It's barely been a month, Lily. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other" he squeezed her hand, hoping it reassured her enough to banish whatever she was thinking.

What seemed like centuries ticked by while James ran his thumb over Lily's knuckles for possibly the hundredth time before Lily finally spoke " _Tell me._ " she lifted her eyes to his and for a moment James found himself at a disadvantage. Her eyes fell to their joint hands as she whispered. "Give me a reason for your _unreasonable_ actions"

James felt reluctant to tell her, he felt an overwhelming need to protect her from their nasty words and untried prejudice against her but he didn't want to lose her either. "They called you a… a _you-know-what_ " he finished lamely, unable to make himself say the retched word.

"A _mudblood_ " Lily confirmed, bemused.

James frowned "If you must say it, yes, they called you _that._ " He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the regard of the world.

"Well they wouldn't be the first, now would they?"

"They knew you had been cursed. Mulciber, he said you deserved it because you were a-" James cut himself off again, scowling at the surfacing memory and the twinge of anger that came with it. "muggle-born" he muttered begrudgingly.

"Just say the word, James! _Mudblood,_ okay? It's not like I'm going to be offended because of a stupid little word _._ So what if they called me a _mudblood_? Everyone's throwing that word around and Mulciber is no exception." James watched Lily closely as she snapped at him, there was no flare in her eyes or twinkle of anticipation. The green was a dull, murky green. Her lip trembled every time she said the god forsaken word and he wasn't about let that go.

He seized her sharply by the upper arms and shocked some life into her sad eyes. " _Stop_." He bit out.

"Why?" Lily snapped back. "Why should I avoid it, James? What good will it do for me to- to just-" she took a shuddering breath and held it, biting on her lip as she struggled to banish her tears. "Stop." she breathed shakily after the tears dried out in her wide eyes.

James loosened his grip on her arm and allowed herself sag slightly "I just want to-" the word sat on the tip of his tongue for a better one lacked to take its place. The word _protect_ no longer seemed adequate, he didn't only wish to protect her. James wanted to defend her honor, fight tooth and nail against anyone that saw wrong in her, keep her within a bubble of happiness and safety, and make sure no harm would ever come to her. He had a feeling he'd wanted to for a long time now, but has only just chosen to come to terms with the intensity of the whole idea, a few moments ago.

"You cannot go around throwing spells at anyone who so much as utters the word, James. What if you're not so lucky next time? What if you get yourself expelled? What then?" her voice was hoarse with resignation. "This is our first and last year, _together_ , in Hogwarts. And I really, _really_ want to finish it." her fingers slipped perfectly in between his and she closed her hand, clutching their hands together in a tangle of fingers. Her green, _green_ eyes searched for his and she _smiled_ at him before she uttered words that made his heart feel like a newly hatched chick. "With you."

He was at a loss for words, his racing heart made it difficult for him to even breathe. So he continued to stare at her with wide eyes, feeling like he had just been hit by stunning spell.

"It's just a stupid word, James. It can't hurt me." she looked down and ran her thumb over his nails, one by one.

 _He only wished that were true._

"I didn't start the fight because of a word, Lily." James nearly winced at the sound of his own voice. What sort of toad crawled into his throat and _died?_ "I wanted to hex the shit out of that fucker because he _meant_ it."

"And I will not thank you for it." Lily deadpanned, her eyes steeling over "Not if it means that you would willingly put yourself in harm's way again, because of something some rich _pompous_ said about me." Lily's eyes softened "You could've been hurt—you could've been _killed._ "

James snorted before he could stop himself. _Him? Killed by a bunch of lowlife Death Eaters fledglings? Certainly not!_

"Think you're above death, Potter? What is it going to take for someone to pop that overly inflated ego of yours." Oh there it was, the reprimanding model student: _Lily Evans._

An idea wrapped itself around his thoughts and James smiled a crooked, teasing smile as he inched closer to Lily. "I'll do it myself if you hand over the _appropriate_ payment" before she could so much as find a starting point for her thought process, James kissed her full on the lips, effectively distracting her from her own mind.

Her free hand snaked its way up his arm, over the veins of his forearms and up to his elbow, where he's folded up his uniform sleeve. Her silky lips slid seductively against his and James pulled her closer, eager to mask out the world with nothing but her existence. His free hand rested on her back, his fingers absent-mindedly toyed with the end of her red locks as his mind slipped from the surface.

Abruptly, Lily disentangled her fingers from his hand and moved both her hands to his chest and gave him a firm push, not enough to knock him off balance but just enough to make distance between their lips, which were quickly swelling.

"No." she breathed, sounding just as winded as James felt. "No distractions until we finish talking, James"

But James was not put off by her unconvincing rejection, he would have her asking for more with just a little more _persuasion._ "Oh but temptation is a _sin._ " he grinned as he worked his way up her waist—before she pulled them off of her, snatched her hands out of his reach before he could trap them in his larger ones.

"We _need_ to talk" she said, looking completely serious and a little desperate.

James sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "What do you want me to say?" he clipped, bemused and somewhat annoyed.

Lily picked it up his foul mood instantly and James didn't feel sorry about it. They were finally on the right path to reconciliation and she just _stopped_ and sat in the middle of the fucking road, unwilling to budge until she got her way. _Real mature, Evans. Bravo._ He was annoyed, in-love and horny— not a spectacular combination of moods by any means.

She sighed and offered him her hands as a peacemaker, which James took automatically. "Just promise me that whatever happens, you don't _ever_ start another fight like that again. Especially against Slytherin"

"You know Mulciber's going to blow the whole fight out of proportions and start an inter-house _war_ , right?"

"I said not to start a fight. I didn't say anything about reciprocating it." Lily grinned.

"I don't see how this promise helps, I'll get in trouble either way."

"Yes well, if you stop starting fights then the percentage of an actual fight starting lowers considerably" Lily state, matter-of-factly.

James snorted "You have no faith."

"No, I'm just well acquainted with that part of you" she smiled, no doubt, recalling the times she has had to run to a teacher for help because James had waged a war in the middle of the corridor.

"You know I've changed, Lily" James said, suddenly sombre.

"Then promise me." Lily urged him, squeezed his hands in encouragement and coaxed his obedience with radiant, green eyes. He searched her eyes for the reason of her persistence but instead found how much this meant to her. His stomach flipped and his heart jolted unevenly in his chest, all conscious decisions made by his perfectly functional brain had been swept to the side and his traitorous heart nodded eagerly— _too eagerly_. He sighed in resignation as he lifted her hand to his lips.

"I promise." he murmured onto her skin.

 _How hard could it be?_

* * *

Hmm... I haven't much to say here. I haven't been getting as much feedback as I would've liked but I guess it's not that important. So leave a review if you like, or don't, I'll still continue uploading these chapters until I've finished.


	14. Gaping Holes

**Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

* * *

 **Gaping Holes**

Exhilaration and adrenalin pumped loudly through his veins, the cheers of hundreds roared around him; they chanted for Gryffindor, chanted for _him._ His ribcage throbbed with an ache caused by a stray bludger, but the pain was shoved into the corner of his mind. Glory and joy filled his chest as his victory settled in his heart. They won 190 to 150 against Hufflepuff. With Amos Diggory graduated, Hufflepuff's defence suffered. Their beaters might as well be beating their cocks with the clubs the way they were handling things.

The only player who seemed to know what they were doing was their keeper and captain, Hugo Smith but it was all he could do to ensure the score didn't go past the two hundred mark. Hestia had lost to the Hufflepuff seeker but they had been too ahead for the Hufflepuffs to catch up and he probably knew that with the way their chasers were barely touching the quaffle, it was better to end it on a less embarrassing score.

One by one, his teammates tackled him out of the sky, patting him on his back and ruffling his sweaty locks as the chants continued.

 _"GRY-FFIN-DOR! GRY-FFIN-DOR! GRY-FFIN-DOR!_ " _"POT-TER! POT-TER!"_

First game of the year and they didn't even let Hufflepuff score once. With this, they were on their way to Gryffindor's seventh consecutive win on the Inter-house Quidditch Cup. He could feel a celebration in the common room due. Oh, he couldn't wait to tell Lily.

…

"We'll have a party; there'll be firewhiskey, beer, spiked punch— no holding back! The first years shall drink as well!" Sirius declared loudly, throwing an arm around James as they moved through the corridors in a large group of maroon and gold.

Remus and Peter was on either side of them, most of the Gryffindor Quidditch team tagged along and quite possibly the rest of Gryffindor as well. They cheered at Sirius' mention of a party and James could only laugh heartily at the thought. Yes, well it _has_ been quite a while since the last time they all let loose, almost been two months since James even touched any sort of alcohol. Now there was only one problem with Sirius' plan.

"I've got to visit Lily later and we've all got detention, Sirius." James reasoned.

"Oh come off it, we just won our first quidditch match of the year, Lily will understand, she's clever enough to." Sirius waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm certainly not breaking another rule, I'll take the detention, thanks" Remus interjected.

Sirius snorted "You've grown old, my friend. Besides, our detention is with Filch. He sure as hell wouldn't be able to stop us"

Peter nodded along eagerly and James found himself wanting to believe Sirius, he remained silent for a moment, contemplating his actions as Lily would've wanted him to but he was interrupted by Sirius. His best mate slapped his back, loudly and he winced as his possibly bruised rib throbbed in protest.

"What's with all this thinking? The old James would've had a bottle of firewhiskey out his bloody trousers by now." Sirius laughed, rather unconvincingly.

It was at the most inconvenient moment did a group of sneering Slytherins decide to passed them by, there wasn't enough room in the corridors for them to pass without having to flatten themselves against the wall and let the Gryffindors through but they remained stubbornly on their path. It was merely a group of younger students and James recognized a few from some of the elitist-held events he's had to attend with his parents. Bartemius Crouch Jr. was one of them, along with Rabastan Lestrange and-

"Regulus" Sirius said in a menacing voice.

"Hello, Sirius" the sixth year Slytherin prefect greeted back with disdain.

"What's with all this racket? Shall I dock some points from Gryffindor? For nonsensical merry-making and disruption of peace." Rabastan said rather haughtily.

"Then shall I report you for falsifying reasons and misuse of prefectorial power?" Remus countered.

Rabastan regarded Remus with disgust, wrinkling his nose at him as if he had smelled a horrible scent. "Mummy and Daddy not able to afford you better clothes, Lupin?" the young Lestrange said and the whole group of Slytherins began to laugh with too much vigor.

"Why don't you eat your socks and fuck yourself, Lestrange" James heard Marlene McKinnon speak from the back and Sirius' eyebrows rose, in fact, everyone's eyebrows rose. No one would've suspected the pleasant Gryffindor girl to use such language.

"I wouldn't have put it quite so but her way is _much_ better. Eat footwear and do it in the bum, ya prick!" Sirius hooted raucously before bursting into fits of laughter.

A few other glorified Gryffindors threw in insults of their own to encourage a fight. James felt hands pushing against his back as if ushering him into a kill ring. His hand twitched toward his wand just to give the audience what they wanted—only it was a fight they wanted and James wasn't sure if that was the best idea right now.

Barty Crouch, who had been quiet until now, perked up at the mention of a fight. His eyes alight with hunger and thirst for violence. That boy was seriously mental. "You want a go, eh?" he spat, drawing his wand and pointing it at James.

He felt a sharp slap on the back "Draw your wand, mate" Sirius whispered harshly at him. It was only then, James noticed that Sirius had his wand drawn and pointed at Crouch and almost everyone else present in the Slytherin group had done the same. James didn't need to look around to know that the Gryffindors had done the same.

He caught Sirius' nervous glance "James, they want a fight. Draw your fucking wand, wanker." He hissed but James only just heard him.

Crouch did not pass the opportunity to make a jab at James' hesitance. "Whas 'a matter, _Potter?_ Scared o' a little fight?" he sneered and the Slytherins cackled. That would be a sight, wouldn't it? _The_ James Potter, running from a fight? If this had been the old James Potter, he would've had Bartemius Crouch sprawled on his back, several feet from where he stood and Lestrange dangling upside down by his ankle.

Except, he _wasn't_ the old James Potter anymore. He's been fighting to convince Lily that he's changed and here he was, on the verge of starting another fight with the Slytherins. But this time, he could stop it. Yes, if he could just warn them off and dissuade any further violence.

"James?" Sirius called, his wand at the ready and James had no doubt there was the Stinging hex on his tongue. He was waiting for him to draw his wand and start the fight like he usually does. He looked to the Slytherins to see their hands trembling slightly. The group of Gryffindors were much larger compared to their numbers, they were having second doubts on starting the fight, hence their reluctance to make the first move.

So James did something he never thought he'd do, summoning his best Lily Evans imitation, James heaved a big breath and-

"There will be no fighting and misuse of magic in the corridors. Disband! Or I start taking points." James snapped with his impressive imitation of Lily's lines.

Sirius turned to look at him as if he had grown three heads, in fact he was fairly sure everyone sported the same look.

Bartemius Crouch laughed, a high pitched and outraged laugh. "Pulling on your authority, are you?" he wheezed "COWARD!" he shouted and pointed his wand with more menace that James was comfortable with. At once, his wand was out of his pocket and the incantation was out his mouth.

"Expelliarmus!"

The fifth year's wand was out of his hand before the spell could be casted; James snatched it swiftly from the air and looked at the owner in bemusement. "10 points from Slytherin for attempting to attack a prefect" he said, coldly.

Everyone was thoroughly bewildered now. Crouched glared at him with heated hatred "Fuck you!" he snapped rudely.

"20 points from Slytherin for inappropriate language" James countered smoothly then looked to the rest of the Slytherins "Anyone else?"

"Give… me… my wand" Crouch gritted and James saw the manic in the boy's eyes; he was instantly defensive. His conscience warning him not to return the wand.

"This will be confiscated until further notice. You may claim it from your head of house later"

There was an ear piercing shriek of outrage and unexpectedly, Crouch snatched the wand from Regulus' hand and pointed it at James "CRUCIO!"

"Protego!" Sirius' voice carried across the corridor, wand-held hand reached across James as he deflected the spell back to Crouch and sent the boy buckling to the ground, clutching his body in pain, red light spread through his body like a wave before it faded as his the normalcy in his movements seemed to have returned.

"For the use of an illegal spell attempted against a prefect, a week's worth of detention. This incident will be reported to the headmaster and I'll expect your family will be informed of this" James said, sounding more professional than he felt. His conscience had a firm grip on his self-restrain when his instincts all but yelled at him to raise his wand and retaliate. Incapacitate and exert dominance to make sure Crouch was no longer a threat.

At the mention of his family, the glee disappeared from his eyes, replaced by a brief moment of panic and darkness. "Too 'fraid of dealing with me yourself, Potter" Crouch spat his name like a vile flavour in his mouth but James knew better than to let the words get to him.

Sirius, however, was not on the same page "Afraid, of you? Who's the one on the ground? Shall I make you kneel longer?" Sirius's eyes flashed briefly with sadistic satisfaction. He raised his wand and Crouch bowed his head, struggling. The Slytherins moved to fight but James decided he's had enough.

"Sirius!" he and Remus sounded together.

Sirius turned his excited eyes to them, the excitement morphed into annoyance then anger "What the fuck is wrong with you lot today?" he snapped angrily and shoved his way through the thick group of people, fuming all the way.

"Mental, that one" one of the Slytherins James didn't recognize sneered.

"Anyone else have a problem? Was I not clear enough? Disband!" James snapped.

Begrudgingly, the Slytherins bent to collect their fallen member off the floor and in one last spurt of defiance, Crouch sounded once again, this time with a threat "You're starting to sound just like your mudblood girl, I'd watch her closely if I were you. The dark lord has _plans._ Oh yes-"

"That's _enough_ , Crouch!" Regulus snapped angrily, glancing back at James to gauge his reaction but no longer supported the fifth year with the same helpfulness and seemed to be dragging the boy roughly along.

As it turned out, the loud throbbing in his ears was his heart and the reason he hasn't lunged at Crouch yet was because Remus had his hand clutched firmly on his shoulder, holding him back. His body was literally poised to pounce and knock a few teeth out of the detestable boy's mouth but Remus held on. "Let him go, James" his friend told him soothingly. "You did the right thing" there was pride in his friend's voice.

"Sirius seems angry." Peter glanced back nervously at the gap in the group from Sirius' fuming departure.

"He'll get over it" James waved it off. His body brimming with pent up frustration, maybe it would've been better to just hex the shit out of them, especially after Crouch's declaration. James turned the group of frozen Gryffindors "Alright, fuck off you lot. Don't you all have some studying to do?" he shooed them off and the large group of maroon and gold scattered, some begrudgingly silent and some uttered unhappily under their breaths, eyes glancing at him as if he was some sort of party crasher.

James wasn't used to this sort of attention, for the first time in his life, he felt like he was an outsider, a dreaded party pooper, a spoilsport. The feeling left his skin crawling all over and without Sirius' loud remarks to shatter the awkwardness in the air as Remus, Peter and James were left standing alone in the middle of the corridor, James began to question his actions.

But if he hadn't stopped the fight, they would've undoubtedly, landed themselves in extended periods of detention and if he was lucky enough, he would be walking himself to the Hospital Wing while the rest are transported on levitating stretchers. While he didn't necessarily enjoy the feeling of guilt and dread for impending punishments, even then it was a situation he was familiar with, he knew what to do under those circumstances and he knew how he should feel. This however, was not what he knew; begrudging looks by people who usually cheered for him, whispers behind his back and judgemental looks in his direction. He didn't know how to feel. Is this what responsibility was? Telling people off and then get crapped on about it? Then he's certainly taken the prefects for granted.

"Prongs?" Remus interrupted his thoughts, gently.

"I'm going to hit the showers." _Then he needed to see Lily._

"What about the party?" Peter called out to him.

"Go help Sirius with it." James threw dismissively over his shoulder.

…

Lily nibbled on the leg of a squirming chocolate frog as she absentmindedly traced a rune she didn't recognize in the book. _Claennis?_ Perhaps, to cleanse—or was it clarity? Oh, how could she forget? Andros stood on the end of her bed and mewled softly before students in yellow and black began to file in after an injured looking boy in Quiddith gear. She recognized the boy as the Captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, Hugo Smith, a fifth year.

"The Gryffindor beaters were brutal, d'you see how many bludgers they aimed at Smith? All that and we still lost! The poor captain…" one of the girls in quidditch gear said.

Lily winced, yes, James had mentioned he had a match with Hufflepuff today. From the looks of it, it seems the match had gone in favour of Gryffindor. As Madam Pomfrey levitated the captain in yellow and black onto the cot and conjured a leg brace to elevate his injured leg.

A few of the team members were weeping, a girl who looked to be in her third year was sobbing at the captain's bedside. Madam Pomfrey had just mended the captain's arm and insisted that he leave his arm in a sling until the discomfort eased. The good captain reached out with his good arm and tugged at the sobbing girl's trembling ponytail.

"Don't sweat it, Susie. Gryffindor's undefeated and you _did_ catch the snitch so at least we won in something."

"I had to! You were being pummelled! I had to stop the match." Susie wept again "It's our fault, if only we practiced more! We're sorry, captain"

"It's that Sirius Black! He's foul just like his family, rotten bunch!" A boy Lily recognized as Clifford Welton from her Ancient Runes class spoke up.

"Now that's enough! He played fair and square, Welton" It was seventh year prefect, Amelia Bones who spoke this time. "The quaffle was near the rings when he sent the bludgers hurling at Smith" she reasoned.

"That's right, Potter may be full of hot air most of the time, but he's a damn good captain. So don't be looking down on him or his team. We didn't lose to a bunch of amateurs. Now get your head out of the gutters, our next match is against Ravenclaw and as soon as I'm out of here, we're going to start training harder and longer." Hugo's speech sounded impressive even from a few beds down.

"Yes, captain!" the whole team chorused.

Lily watched their team's dynamics from afar, their fond interactions with one another, kind words and determined eyes. Lily briefly wondered if James shared that same bond with _his_ team, perhaps he would let her follow him into the locker rooms just before they're called. Lily had never been a big fan of quidditch, or flying in fact so she's never paid attention to how different teams played. She only ever went to the Gryffindor games when she felt particularly patriotic.

It was in those rare moments that Lily allowed herself to admire how good James looked when he was winning. Of course, she had yet to realize her feelings for him then but it would explain why she was so enthralled by his glorified behaviour on the field as hundreds of people chanted his name. It was also the reason why his ego was so well-fed. Now Lily wished she had been to the match. It's been too long since she's seen the quidditch stadium.

Andros paced up and down her bed, it was clear she was anticipating someone's arrival. At that moment, the doors to the hospital wing swung open and every head in the large room turned. James Potter moved swiftly toward Lily's cot, he didn't even notice the large group of Hufflepuff had it not been for the captain himself, who called out to the distracted Gryffindor.

"Potter! It was a great game you played." Hugo called out good heartedly.

James turned his attention from Lily to pay the same respect to his fellow captain. The boy was fairly young for a quidditch captain and Lily could see sympathy in his eyes as he regarded Hugo Smith. After all, he had been about the same age when Professor McGonagall made him captain.

"Your seeker has a sharp eye, Smith" James called back and turned back to Lily. Andros moved from her usual spot by Lily's legs to greet the newcomer. James sat down by the chair and the black cat leapt into his lap, purring incessantly.

"One probably couldn't tell that I am her witch."

James shrugged, scratching behind Andros' ear "I'm hard not to love."

"That you are, Potter" Lily teased.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her chastely on the lips. The display of affection earned themselves a few wolf whistles from the Hufflepuff group. Lily flushed but James paid them no mind. "They're just jealous" he murmured against her lips and kissed her again. This time more desperately than the first. Lily allowed herself to be led on, falling deeper and deeper into a lusty trance. It wasn't until Andros let out a soft mewl that Lily snapped out of it and pulled away before things got too heated. But she could feel it from his lips, he was distracted, confused and troubled.

"What's wrong, James?"

…

For a moment, James couldn't think of why he came to see Lily. Did he need a reason to see his girlfriend? No, but he came to her with a reason this time, thoughts on his earlier encounters with the Slytherin group resurfaced and the question sat on the tip of his tongue. However, as she blinked at him with her stunning green eyes, head tilted slightly in curiousity, James had but one thought on his mind: _Lily Evans was the prettiest girl he's ever seen._

Just seeing her made all his worries go away, and his discomforts about becoming someone he's not, completely worth it. For Lily, even if he had to become a nosy prefect prick that ruined fun for everyone, he would do it. With that in mind, he decided not to trouble Lily with his concerns, James shook his head and changed the topic.

"What are you reading?" He gestured at the book in her hand.

He could see the doubt flicker across her eyes for the briefest of moments before she smiled her knee-buckling smile.

"Dorcas came by earlier and gave it to me, it's in runes" she said as she fondly ran her hand down the spine of the book. "I'm rather rubbish at it, really. But it does keep me busy." Lily smiled sheepishly

"I find that hard to believe." James blurted out.

"Hm?" Lily looked up from the book, genuinely confused.

"That you're rubbish at anything."

There was something sad about the way she smiled then, she looked as if he had just said something terrible to her. "Well, I'm only just."

James moved to sit by her on the bed, lifting her limp hand from the crisp white sheets and kissed her knuckles. "What else are you bad at?" he asked.

Lily looked at him, smiling cheekily. "Surely you don't think I'm going to indulge you with my greatest weaknesses, Potter?" she teased.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" James asked, plastering on his most innocent face.

"How inappropriate!" Lily feint outrage, nudging him with her shoulder.

James leaned over to growl in her ear, before nipping and kissing at her neck "I'll show you inappropriate."

Gasping, Lily cast her frantic gaze over to the group of chattering Hufflepuffs before scanning the room for any signs of the Hogwarts matron. "Stop it, James" she whispered harshly, trying to squirm out of his grasp.

"Don't want to" James refused stubbornly.

Some of the Hufflepuffs were beginning to notice that they were much too close to be talking. "Arithmancy." she blurted out. "I'm awful at Arithmancy." she repeated urgently, persistently adding pressure to James as she squirmed.

James looked up, eyes narrowed at her "No, you're not" he said. "I'm pretty sure you got an Outstanding in your O. for Arithmancy."

"Just barely, Sev he-" Lily stopped abruptly, a wave of sadness washed over her features and James felt the urge to throw the greasy git out a window "He helped me with all my homework, before we… you know. But Marlene McKinnon was terrific at it as well and she helped me after I stopped—well, after Severus and I stopped being friends,"

"You could've asked me." James said, automatically. "I happen to be very good at Arithmancy." he said, proudly, masking his discomfort with a boast.

"We weren't exactly civil then, were we? In fact, I hated you almost as much as I hated Severus then."

"Me? But I didn't do anything/"

"I blamed you just as much for provoking Severus that day, I thought maybe if you weren't such an arrogant toerag then maybe Severus wouldn't have done what he did. But I see now that he's changed. You probably did me a favour." Lily's eyes were downcast; her hand traced random symbols on the back of James' hand. Andros sidled up against Lily's side and mewled comfortingly.

"I wasn't trying to show off— _much_ " James said. Lily didn't look convinced. "The night before, when you came back to the common room, sniffling and crying— don't try to convince me otherwise, I _saw_ you. I knew we weren't close then but I wanted to help" he sounded helpless even to his own ears.

Lily was looking at him now and he was the one looking downcast and avoiding eye contact. "But you were so ruddy fixed on hating me, you wouldn't bloody let me in, so I helped you in the only way I knew how."

"By hexing, publicly humiliating my best mate and in turn, humiliating me with your inappropriately timed date request?" He could hear the tease in her voice but he couldn't help but cringe at her words.

"In my defence, I didn't think you would be there." he sounded smug and confident. _Good, because he surely didn't feel it._ "I wanted you then but I didn't know what to do to get you to like me. I was desperate, to put it shortly. It's your entire fault, you know." He nudged her with his shoulder.

"I do beg your pardon."

He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. "You conflict my thoughts and tie my tongue just so I'll make a complete prat out of myself."

"I can't help it"

"I know. But you're perfect, you know." she stiffened in his arms and James decided to push it. "You may be rubbish at Arithmancy and Runes but you're still _perfect_."

She had gone completely still by now and as she muttered her next words, James felt like she had just created the first gaping hole in their relationship and he was afraid to leap over it, fearing he would get sucked into the abyss. So he said nothing.

 _"If only that were true"_

…

Remus, despite saying that he would rather attend detention than the celebration party in the common room, was partially drunk already. He blamed it on his useless mates, of course. Peter was sat by the fire with Cassandra Belby, a Ravenclaw girl he convinced Sirius to let him smuggle into the party. Good on him. Except now, Remus was left alone with a bottle of knotgrass mead and a very slurred brain. Where was Sirius anyway?

"A drinking contest!" a voice far too familiar sounded behind Remus. The prefect dared himself to turn around, only to find his suspicions confirmed. Sirius stood on the lumpiest couch in the common room, two bottles of suspiciously familiar design "Who _dares_ to rise before me! WHO!" he roared drunkenly.

The crowd cheered but no one came forth "Cowardsss! Not _one_ o' you 'ave the bo-llocks to drink! Gryffindors, my arse! Rubbish lot, all of ya!" Sirius hissed loudly, his saliva spraying the people standing in front of him.

A lumpy cushion was thrown at Sirius, smacking the boy right in the middle of his face but with no effect. "Who goes, there?" Sirius squinted dramatically as the crowd parted to reveal none other than the quidditch captain himself, standing smugly at the end of the makeshift path.

"I'll have a go, ya lunatic" James announced, striding confidently towards Sirius. Remus hadn't seen him all night so he must've just arrived. "but I'm afraid you'll be at a disadvantage, mate" he said as he reached Sirius, who was staring down at him with scrutiny.

There was a rise in tension as Sirius and James stared at one another. Remus was physically preparing himself to break them apart should they start lunging at one another before Sirius broke out in loud, rancorous laughter "Ah, has your wife finally gone to bed? Or do you have her permission to be here?" Sirius cooed mockingly. James rolled his eyes and said nothing else. "And you're mental if you think you my handicap going to help you, not with your sorry excuse of alcohol tolerance." Sirius tossed him the unopened bottle of firewhiskey and they grabbed hands so Sirius could pull him up to stand on the couch. "Good to have you back, Prongs" Sirius patted him on the back before swaying precariously on his feet.

Grinning, Remus took a swig of his mead and strayed from the middle of the crowd before one of them were to be sick all over the floor. He leaned against a secluded corner of the room, looking on as people cheered and danced about Sirius and James as they proceeded to drown themselves in the contents of the bottle. Peter was now holding hands with the Ravenclaw as they too, cheered for one or both of the Marauders under the spotlight. They were one big, happy, dysfunctional family. Remus couldn't think of better way to spend his detention.

…

And that was how a vast majority of the Gryffindors found themselves in the detention room the next morning with no breakfast. Most of them were hungover, including Remus himself but no one suffered as much as the moaning and groaning Sirius and James. The two of them were tearing up the parchment they were provide to write lines with and throwing them at each other whilst trying to curse each other without their wands. Remus snorted. _Bloody dysfunctional indeed._

* * *

 **Busy, busy, busy! Life is beginning to catch up and I'm sorry I can't be more fun in these author notes. Nonetheless, thanks for reading and please leave a review! Catch you next week!**


	15. Dark Binding

**What's kickin' friends? Hope everyone's okay! Anyway, a particularly long-ish chapter today. One of my favourites to write.**

 **P.S. Lemon warning. Don't like, please look away. Children, please go away, you're not s'pose to be in this category!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction.**

 **Enjoy and leave a review before you go!**

* * *

 **The Dark Binding**

The bed creaked as he took her deeper, lifting her closer to a euphoric orgasm. Her warmth enclosed around member pulsed provocatively, she was close. He pumped harder and faster, the bed protesting with their vigorous movements all the way. In her breathy moans he could hear snippets of his name, it wasn't enough. He needed her screaming his name, he needed her pleasure at his mercy. He _needed_ Lily to love him. _Say it!_

' _James!'_

The dark haired boy woke with a start to find himself in a sticky wreck.

…

 _The Darkest Creatures and Guide to Protection… Book of Spells… Patronus Protection… Origin of Lycans… Curses and Cures… Devil Snare Care… What was that last one again?_

James placed Origin of Lycans on top of the stack of books in Peter's arms as he ran his fingers through the spines of neatly arranged books in the library, trying to recall the list of books Lily asked him to borrow.

"Prongs…" a nervous voice came up from behind him.

"Not now, Wormtail. I'm trying to remember the last book"

There was a yelp and then the tell-tale crash of heavy books against the floor, followed by a blunt force down on his foot. "Ow!" James recoiled, holding his foot and hopped on one foot to sooth the throbbing ache. "The bleeding fuck, Wormtail?" he hissed at his friend. Peter opened his mouth to protest but Madam Pince shushed them harshly.

Peter bent down and hastily began to pick up the fallen books and James did the same. Huh, when did he take so many books? He counted a total of six books between them and they seemed to be missing one, his hand brushed onto a piece of parchment, it must've fallen out of the pages, but it seemed relatively new considering most of these books had yellowed pages.

He unfolded it to see the exact list he had been reciting for the past twenty minutes. "She gave us a list? Why didn't you tell me?" he snapped at Peter as the boy tried to straighten with the books in his arms.

"I was trying to!" Peter whined.

Sighing, James took half the load and urged his friend to follow "C'mon then, the last book's down the aisle." he walked deeper into the restricted section. The illumination spells had worn off near the end of the aisle so no one studied too deeply in the restricted section, or rather, rarely anyone studied in the restricted section—it was much too creepy, with shrieking books and moaning covers. The only students allowed to freely use the restricted sections were the seventh years as their syllabus required self-initiated research and referencing but even they never really lingered in the section for too long.

James understood why, there was a rather nasty smell of decaying wood and dark magic seemed to pulse against your skin the longer you stay. Peter inched closer to him as they walked toward the far end of the section and James rolled his eyes. "Why does Lily even want these books for anyway?" there was a twinge of fear in Peter's voice and James could tell that he was only trying to start a conversation because he was affected by the eerie atmosphere.

"Dunno" he answered simply "Research, I suppose."

"W-Why couldn't she do her research on… safer things… Like Cornish pixies or gnomes!" Peter was no doubt looking at the cover of Orgin of Lycans. James had contemplated on dissuading Lily from reading up further on werewolves because she was coming far too close from finding out the truth about Remus' condition but decided that it would be far more suspicious because he had no legitimate reason to oppose.

"H-How much longer must you be doing this?" Peter asked when James had not returned his previous conversation.

"Till she's allowed out the hospital wing" James answered absentmindedly, his eyes squinted as he read through the covers of the F section.

"When is that?"

James paused to mentally count the number of days Lily had been incapacitated. "Tomorrow, actually." he said, his mood instantly lightening.

"You don't still suppose Mulciber was the one who cursed her, do you?" Peter asked. _Boy, was he always this nosy?_

"Well who else could it be? No one knows more about the Dark Arts than Mulciber and his little posse." James snapped impatiently and Peter winced. "'Cept maybe that greasy git, Snivellus." he sneered the name as if it tainted his mouth.

"Is she still having night terrors?"

"No, Poppy gives her some sort of draught that help her sleep." James decided not to let Peter know that he'd overheard Lily telling that matron that her mind felt stranger after every night.

"If only we knew who did this to her. Then maybe we could hex it out of them, eh? Just like old times."

James nearly winced at the mention of his past habits. "No, Wormtail. Not like old times. I made Lily a promise and…" he sighed "It's out of my hands now. All I can do now is make sure nothing else happens to her"

"Oh." Peter said, resigned. "Maybe it was him—Snape, h-he's always been jealous of you so perhaps he's cursed her to have at you?" Peter suggested, eager to change the subject and keep the conversations flowing.

His thoughts darkened at the thought of Snape and Lily's relationship. Because, despite how much he hated the sodding Slytherin, even he had to admit that the boy held feelings for Lily. They have, after all, been best mates for five years, perhaps even more. It just occurred to James that he knew very little of Lily's life before Hogwarts. He wondered how she coped when she found out that she was a wizard in a muggle family, surely her family had been thrilled and her friends, bewildered.

He smiled at the idea of a little redhead girl, standing in the middle of her group of friends, making flowers bloom around her feet and leaves swirl over her head.

"Then again, he seems too taken with Lily to want to curse her." Peter sniggered "I mean, he did openly beg her to take him back at the entrance hall before breakfast."

James caught sudden movement in the corner of his eyes, a black blur darted around the shelf and James acted immediately after setting the books on a table. His body swerved swiftly round the corner to seize the perpetrator by the back of his collar and slammed him against the shelves.

Dark tunnel eyes looked up at him as James pressed his forearm onto the neck of none other than Severus Snape. "Well, well. Eavesdropping, are we? Snivellus." James snarled in the boy's face.

"No one asked you to speak in such obnoxious tones… this is a library. Do not accuse me simply because you simpletons don't know how to keep your voices down" he sneered back.

James grabbed him by the front of the sallow skinned boy's collar, tugged and slammed him back harshly against the shelf, Severus winced. James pulled his wand from his pocket and brandished the tip against the Slytherin's neck. "Perhaps that filthy mouth of yours would do with a Scouring charm. What d'you reckon, Peter?" James grinned triumphantly as Snape's expression fell from indifference.

James spotted Peter nodding vigorously in the corner of his vision and felt the familiar pulse of his ego inflating. As the spell sat on the tip of his tongue, his eyes caught sight on the engravings on the book just next to Snape's head: _Fifteenth-Century Fiends._ Lily's last book.

But how would she ever find out, it wasn't as if they were speaking anymore. It wouldn't hurt to just wipe the smug off his ugly face. An ugly emotion reared in James' heart. There was a reason why Severus Snape annoyed him so much, it was because he held a piece of Lily that James could never have.

He shoved Snape to the ground and harshly dislodged the book from the shelf before tossing it carelessly at Peter, who only just managed to catch it. Grabbing the other books from the table, James swept away without so much as a second glance back.

…

Madam Pomfrey was speaking with Lily when James finally showed up with Lily's long list of library books. They were both solemn as they spoke; in fact, Lily looked more than solemn—sad, almost. James frowned and halted in his tracks, Peter walked into him but he didn't turn to tell him off despite his foul mood, he was much too fixated on the matron and his girlfriend's conversation. He couldn't read or hear what they were saying but Lily didn't seem to like it. She shook her head gravely and said something back to Madam Pomfrey that prompted the older woman to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 _What the bloody hell were they talking about?_ He suddenly wished her had brought his invisibility cloak.

"Prongs? What's wrong?"

"Something's up with Lily."

There was silence again and James knew Peter was looking around him to gauge Lily and Madam Pomfrey's conversation. "They're talking"

Immediately after Peter had said that, the two of them turned to James, and Lily smiled a little too brightly. James perceived that as his cue to move forward. In quick strides, he was at the foot of her bed, brushing some her gifts aside to make space for her books.

"Madam Pomfrey said I can leave today if I wish" she didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Brilliant." he said, brightly "That means we'll need to haul these back to your room." He smiled teasingly as he nodded at the large stack of books that got even larger as Peter placed down his half.

Lily flushed "Sorry, I can bring them back myself and thank you for your help."

"I'm teasing, Lily. Besides, the house-elves would do it. I doubt you'd be able to transport all your… gifts to your room" he noticed the large pile of get-well-soon cards, hampers and sweets of all kind had gathered all around Lily's hospital bed. Although the only thing she had opened was a packet of cauldron cakes. "If I didn't know any better, Evans, I'd say you're even more popular than me." he joked.

Lily rolled her eyes and helped herself to another humbug "I've been here for a week, people worry."

"Can I have these, Lily?" Peter asked, looking hopeful as he held up a large packet of cauldron cakes.

"Please do, Peter. I can't possibly eat all these on my own" Lily replied, kindly. "Take anything you want, please"

…

As they walked and talked their way back to the Head Common room, James couldn't help feeling like something was wrong between them. Something Lily just wasn't saying. So, bold as he was, he asked her "What did you and Madam Pomfrey talk about?"

Lily didn't seem to have heard him, if she did then she was avoiding the question. "Amortentia" she said to the entrance of the Head common room. However, Valeria Myriadd did not look impressed and returned to staring into a non-existent horizon.

"The password changes every week" James reminded, smugly. "Now what did Madam Pomfrey say to you?" he asked again, more firmly this time.

"We could talk about that." Lily replied cautiously "Or…" she paused dramatically, stepping straight into his personal space as she continued "You could give up the password and we can continue from where we left off last night." her warm breath brushed against his tense jaw and the sensation shot straight down to his twitching member. His sudden discomfort must've shown on his face from the way Lily was grinning at him.

"Veritaserum" James mumbled dreamily, his question long forgotten and his brain no longer leading. The door to the common room swung open and Lily took his hand to lead him straight in. From the way her eyes were glimmering, James suddenly felt like he was being led straight into the lion's den but his last experience with Lily's dominance had him sexually frustrated, and the strangest things was that he would empty his bank vault for her to do it again.

Her lips found his as soon as they were within private quarters. He knew Lily was particularly shy about public displays of affection, she refused to snog if she could feel another's presence and it took a hell lot of persistence on James' end before she allowed him to hold her hand in the corridors. Perhaps her virginal shyness was what made her bedroom dominance so goddamn arousing—because he was the only one to have seen it.

The past week had been hellish for James, not only had Lily nearly died after their first intimate act together but after experiencing what was probably the best sensation in the world, he was forced into a week's worth of abstinence, left alone with his cock's reluctant best friend—his right hand. It was exceedingly difficult to get off on his hand alone, after his first taste of adulthood, little James seemed reluctant to return to its usual, lonely wanks.

Lily kissed him deep and desperately, she stood on her tips of her toes and wrapped both arms around his neck to make sure their mouths never leave. James breathed deeply through his nose, inhaling her heady scent and suddenly, the room was stifling. Their tongues touched, teased and tangled, it was too long since they last snogged and their bodies were reacting too strongly with one another, just the intimate contact of their mouths was not enough. It felt like a week's worth of sexual frustration had finally found freedom.

"Let's get you to bed." James murmured quickly the moment their mouths separated.

"I need you." Lily whispered urgently against him and in one swift movement, James had her feet off the ground and around his hips. He had never climbed a flight of stairs as quickly as he did then.

Lily kissed and suckled his neck as he made short work of the stairs and by the time he manage to kick down his dorm room, Lily had his tie on the floor and his first two buttons down. Instead of throwing her down on the bed, James sat down on the end of his bed with Lily straddling his legs as she undressed him. She pushed his robes off his shoulders before she continued to unbutton his white shirt. James felt immensely relieved that he had been too lazy to put on his sweater that morning.

His white shirt was off his shoulder in no time but before James could offer to reciprocate Lily's actions, she shoved him down rather roughly onto the bed so that he was left staring dazedly up at her. She inched closer on her knees so that she was now hovering directly on top of the tent in his trousers. _Lord have mercy._

She stood on her knees, her back straight and her shoulders rolled back to thrust her perfectly perky boobs in the air then very, very slowly, she began to undress. His cock twitched so violently in his trousers he was sure Lily had felt it. _Bloody hell, she was a beautiful tease._

It was confusing for James to relent this sort of control to Lily as he so trustingly allowed her to continue at her teasing pace. He didn't know where the shy Lily who flushed if he so much as mentioned snogging in public went. In her place, was a sensual goddess in mortal skin. He marvelled at her gall and remained awestruck by the very sight of her.

Perhaps he was a masochist, because he could reach up and tear her shirt open to reveal every inch of her skin to him in no time. However, he allowed her to continue at her pace, he rather liked the feeling of having to wait for the next inch of skin to be revealed and him having no power over her actions; it made her that much more precious to him.

She had undone all the buttons but she made no move to push her shirt or her robes off her shoulders and James was left to wait, swallowing thickly in anticipation for her next move. His fingers clenched and unclenched over the sheets, itching to feel her skin on his fingertips but he kept them on a short leash. Lily smiled silkily, and sank down to sit on him. Her pulsing mound pressed against his raging hard on. James whimpered.

"Touch me" she offered invitingly and James sat up at once, noticing the way her eyes trailed over his abdomen as he did so. He grabbed hold of her shirt with trembling hands and pulled her in for a kiss, his kisses were short but constant and she responded accordingly. His hands began to roam all over her smooth skin, first her waist and then he traced the bottom side of her bra as he deepened the kiss. Finally, he pushed both her shirt and robe off her shoulders so that they pooled on the floor before he pulled her down with him on the bed. Lily had her elbows down on both sides of his head as she took charge of the kiss because James was trying to work out how to unclip the unholy piece of clothing that was in the way of his fondling.

After a few unsuccessful tries, Lily giggled into his lips. "Perhaps I should stop wearing a bra from now on."

"Perhaps." James quipped, brows knitted in concentration.

"Though, everyone would see them if I'm cold"

James growled at that "Keep them."

Lily smiled at his possessiveness and gracefully unhooked her bra. "They're all yours now" she slid the straps off her shoulders and moved to throw the cups aside. As she was distracted with the disposal of her bra, James stole his chance to fondle her and Lily yelped. "Your hands are freezing."

James shot her a smug look as he answered by cupping both hands over her breasts and ran his thumb over her pebbling nipples. "Then by all means, warm me up."

Automatically, Lily leaned down to kiss him teasingly on the side of his mouth and then moved to stand at the edge of the bed, unbuckling his belt with frantic fingers and then tugged his trousers and boxers to pool at his feet. As James kicked them off, Lily unclipped her own skirt and let it fall easily to her feet. Much to James' disappointment and strange relief, she left her white cotton panties on as she climbed back up his body.

She kissed him chastely and then settled comfortably on his abdomen as she bent down to kiss his collar bone. He groaned when he could feel her dampness through her panties. "What are you doing, Lily?" he growled, his chest rumbling under her fingers and she flexed them, spreading her apart and idly scratched at his skin with her fingernails.

"Heating you up" she muttered, leaning down to kiss him but she missed his mouth deliberately. _Fucking tease._

"Oh, fuck me already" he groaned and Lily laughed, the sound like chimes in the wind.

"But you've not nearly heated up enough."

" _Fuck_!" James swore loudly and Lily's eyes caught the violent, single twitch in his hand before he clenched around the sheets once more. She beamed down at him, looking immensely pleased with him. "What's the matter with you?" he eyed her warily.

Lily shook her head and kissed him deeply, licking his lips once before she threw her legs over him and took all his warmth with her. The bed bounced slightly as Lily threw her weight on it and then all was still. James stared up at the ceiling, feeling somewhat stupid. "Lily?" he called out, blinking.

"Yes, love?"

"What's going on?" he asked, hopeful.

"You're going to make love to me." she sounded smug.

James rolled over onto his belly to see Lily lying on her back with her eyes closed and her hands on her stomach. _Oh, she was a fucking tease!_

"Oh really?" his body hovered over hers, his fringe falling over his eyes and glasses. Lily opened her eyes and smiled lovingly up at him.

"Whatever you want, love. I'm all yours."

"I dunno, I quite liked it when you were on top" he said, trailing butterfly kisses around her nipple.

Lily gasped and squirmed, her hands snaked up to grip his hair. "Next time, I promise." she murmured dazedly.

James hummed in appreciation, kissing a freckle and then moved on to the next one and the next until she was writhing with need. "Well there is something I've always wanted to try" James said thoughtfully. "but don't freak out, alright?"

Lily's chest rose and fell between quick but even beats "Anything you want." she sighed dreamily and James felt his heart skip a beat. He only hoped Lily would keep an open mind about what he had in plan. He slinked down her legs and hooked his hands under her knees, peeling her legs apart. Her breathing hitched as she revealed her damp knickers. Now he was somewhat glad she had decided to leave her underwear on, because now he would have the joy of unwrapping her sex himself.

Swallowing deeply, James hooked his fingers onto the waistband of her underwear his hands trembled slightly as he tugged. Lily's breathing grew more and more erratic as James drew closer and closer to revealing her soaking cunt. Coarse red tufts of pubic hair could be seen over the virginal white of her garment and then the pink nub that sat on the top of her weeping slit. Her stomach clenched as James finally finished unwrapping her and in turn, her pussy pulsated.

Lily was made aware of the proximity of James' face and her sex when she felt his heavy breaths ghosting over her sensitive ache. She dared not look down for in fear she might spontaneously combust should she lay her inexperience eyes on such an intimate scene. When his hands slid from her knees to cup her thighs, holding them wide open for him to see _everything_. And suddenly, Lily was dangerously self-conscious, she felt dirty and slag-ish for showing him. A thousand questions burned in the back of her head as the moment dragged on and on. _Did it smell funny? Should she have shaved? Did she disgust him? What she hideous underneath? Was that why he wasn't saying anything?_

Her stomach muscles clenched again and this time, James groaned. Lily's hand shot out to cover herself, unable to take the suspense. "M-Maybe I should take a shower first!" she spluttered, her face heating up and her heart thumping so hard it physically _hurt._

But James seized her hand to stop her hand, Lily struggled with him for a moment before attempting to use her other hand but he stopped that too. "James! Let go!" she tugged at her hand and with her conscience forgotten in the midst of her chaotic heartbeats, she made the mistake of looking down. Their eyes locked over her embarrassingly red pubes and Lily's face burned but without her hands, she couldn't hide from him.

James looked at her with such intensity, Lily's felt her pussy throb with a wanton need. His hazel eyes held no humour as he looked into her wide emeralds. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as the look he gave her shot straight down to the bundle of nerves between her legs. She needed to be filled and stretched to her limits, she needed James.

Lily whimpered and tried for her hands once more, perhaps she would take the top this time after all. Now if James would be so kind to just release her, she could cure the unbearable ache herself. The more she struggled, the tighter his hold became and without warning, James traced her weeping slit-

With his tongue.

Lily's head fell back on the pillows, her back arching impulsively at the foreign sensation. _Oh, this was so wrong._

Lily squirmed as if she were struggling with herself before her head lifted to look down at the top of James' head "What are you doing, stop! James, its filthy!" she protested as she felt another sweep of his tongue coming. She was right, but this time, his tongue delved deeper as if he were trying to eat out of her. The words died in Lily's mouth as she fought against the pleasure. This wasn't right. _She peed from there!_

"Please, James! Stop!" she whimpered but her pleas were cut off with another torn scream as the wriggling muscle slid into her. She was confused but how much pleasure the act seemed to bring her but she was immensely embarrassed that James was so intimate. "Please." she breathed, finally able to catch a breath as James' mouth lifted from her folds, which she was sure was now dripping wet and throbbing.

Lily was so delirious with pleasure, she didn't realize that James had released her hands so he could part her folds and plant a tender kiss to the pulsating hole as he pressed down on her nub. Lily arched off the mattress, her legs shot out, lifting her off the bed as a sharp stab of pleasure shot up from her groin. "This is so wrong" she moaned.

"No, love. This is really, _really_ _hot_ " James' sounded slightly deranged. "Look, Lily" He gave her hands a tug so she was forced to sit up. Lily looked down at the wet stain on the sheets and flushed. James sank two fingers into her and her walls closed in instinctively. James groaned, looking pained. "Look how wet you've gotten." he breathed, eyes bright and excited as he lifted his fingers up for her to see the coated with a clear, stringy substance. Lily was at a loss for words, if it made him that happy, he couldn't have found her disgusting.

When he sank back down, Lily shut her eyes but James snapped urgently at her. "Keep them open! Eyes on me, Lily" he told her with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Lily swallowed but obliged. She watched as his pink tongue darted out just before the blinding flash of pleasure shot up her groin. Her hands came around to grip his hair, her hips moved on their own in the rhythm of his tongue's thrusts. "Oh, please." she breathed "James, I'm close, please- ahh…" he pressed down on her clit and her body writhed violently.

And he stopped. Lily's breathing halted and the warmth disappeared. For a blind moment of panic, Lily thought she had been dreaming but no sooner had she mustered the strength to look up, James sunk deep into her in one swift thrust. Her head fell back and her groin throbbed painfully as it stretched to its limit and her orgasm had been forgotten for the moment but as James moved, a more familiar ache began to return with tenfold its power. "Harder." Lily found herself whining shamelessly.

James reared back and slammed so hard into her, a burst of white erupted within her and Lily screamed an orgasm so powerful, she didn't even notice James' arms snaking around her, lifting her from the bed. As soon as she came down from her high, James brought her up again. He slammed her back against the wall, the cool concrete a welcome feel in her torched body. Lily clung to him as he grinded their groins together. She bounced up with every thrust, there was a twinge of pain but at the same time, there was overwhelming pleasure.

"I'm close." James whispered urgently into her ear. Lily was teetering dangerously on the edge as well. Lily detached their sweaty chests to cup James' soaked face in her hands as he worked into her with concentration knitted on his brows, grunting with each jerk into her pulsing cavern.

"I love you, James" she whispered urgently. With one arm hooked around his neck, Lily used her free hand to push his glasses up to his sex-ruffled hair to kiss him full on the lips. A full, forehead-touching, nose-bumping, open-mouthed kiss. And in that moment, no one was chasing their orgasms, no one was delirious with pleasure, there was no feeling in their body besides the syncing of their heart beats. They drifted on cloud nine for a suspended moment, when they descended, their orgasms wracked their bodies in long and hard spasms. The head students groaned out loud together, muscles clenching and writhing against one another as they breathed heavily. James leaned his weight against Lily, head resting in the crook of Lily's shoulders as he adjusted his grip on her buttocks to keep himself from dropping her.

Lily clutched his soaking hair, pressing his head against her skin as they both took a moment to just _breathe._

"Wow" Lily gasped.

James sunk to the ground, taking Lily with her as they sat down on the warm rug. Lily's legs were still around his hips and her warmth was still wrapped around him, James made no move to remove them, determined to prolong their body contact as much as possible. "Let's never leave this room" James mumbled seriously and Lily smiled and laid her head on his chest.

James stroked her hair, puckering his lips to kiss the top off her head as he rocked them back and forth. "I love you too." he whispered into her hair and Lily stiffened.

A sudden image surfaced on her mind, a face. Someone who should not be in her thoughts in that moment was surfacing rapidly. Flashbacks to her childhood, dark hair and hand holding. Her chest burned with an icy numbness that threatened to spread to the rest of her body. _What was happening to her_?

His face flashed in her mind, displeasure etched to the very core of his expression; seeing through to her, judging her with dark, hollowed eyes. Like cold water had been poured over her rigid body, Lily jerked back from the rapidly flipping images to James' voice, reeling her in and anchoring her back to him once more.

"Lily! Please don't do this to me again." the desperation in his voice was clear and Lily opened her eyes only to find that they were already open in the first place. As if she were looking into a pensieve, everything faded and reality returned. James' eyes were wide and frantic, searching and waiting impatiently for her to return.

"Oh thank god, Lily. We need to get you back to Madam Pomfrey" he propped her up in his arms, gathering the rest of her into his arms. Lily struggled, squirming and breathing heavily. "You need to put on some clothes, Lily. Madam Pomfrey will know what to do." James sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.

"I'm all right!" Lily snapped, her temper flaring out of nowhere. "Let's just go to bed" she shuffled away from him in vain.

"Lily, you need help!" James retorted, desperately.

Lily slapped his hands away from her and shifted away from James, holding herself and trying her best not to shiver. She couldn't bear to look at James after what she had experienced and wanted nothing more than to escape his presence but she was too—naked, too exposed to go anywhere.

"Hey" James inched toward her, throwing the sheets around her in hopes it would make her feel better— at least enough for her to start talking. "What's the matter?" he asked her gently.

Lily bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't know" she choked out, repressing a sob. She was confused and it was nothing like before, her thoughts had been scattered and her mind felt like it had been ransacked by an intruder.

"Madam Pomfrey-" James began but was ultimately cut off by Lily's distressed words.

"She can't find out what's wrong with me."

"W-What?"

"Whatever this is, she can't find it but I can feel it." Lily pulled her legs up and hugged them against herself. "Like someone's forcing these images into my head or making me remember things I don't want to." Lily sniffled and James stiffened at the sound. "Madam Pomfrey says it could be dark magic residue from whatever killed Barbara." her voice wavered as she said the late girl's name but Lily swallowed and continued "But she can't help me because she can't trace the problem. She suggested that I get admitted into St Mungo's-"

"Then by all means, Lily! You need a healer. You _need_ to get better!" James interjected hotly, now dressed in his boxers and his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. Lily was silent for a moment, deep in thought as James struggled to gather her thoughts. He had the instinct to simply wrap her in the sheets and haul her over to Madam Pomfrey but before the impulse could register, Lily spoke.

"Who knows how long it would take for them to cure me. We have N.E. and—and Head duties. Whatever this is, it's not serious. It just _bothers_ me." Lily finished quietly.

"I'll bring you notes every weekend so you can study them and I've already been handling the Head duties just fine without you, I just have to keep it up until you get better-" James sounded hopeful.

"You _never_ take notes, James." Lily accused, frowning at him.

James shrugged innocently "I could always start."

"And you barely managed to sort everything out at the prefect meeting this week. You have Quidditch and I know how much that means to you. You'll be overwhelmed-"

"I can handle it" James alleged confidently. _If you'll just get better._ He added silently.

Lily shook her head "You'll be overwhelmed." She insisted stubbornly.

"But-"

"I can't go back!" she shouted abruptly, startling James. "I can't let her death haunt me, James" Lily added quietly before resting her forehead on her knees, hiding her face from James. "I can't stand it…" her voice barely loudly than a whisper. "I couldn't help her, I couldn't do _anything_."

James was at a loss for words, torn between wanting what was best for her and what she wanted so he remained silent, looking down sullenly but fuming internally at his helpless position. His temper throbbed between a thick layer of concern for Lily, clawing away at his helplessness. A voice in the back of his head told him that he needn't feel this way. He knew the root of the problem and he knew who was responsible for Lily's suffering. If Peter had aimed a little higher with his blasting curse, Mulciber would be dead and he would have paid for everything he did to Lily.

 _But would that make you feel better? The death of a person for the vengeance of another._

A sagely voice spoke in his head. A stubborn part of him wanted to snap 'Yes!' immediately, but a more recently developed part of his conscience remained silent.

Indeed, Mulciber and his group of Slytherin scum were foul and evil cockroaches but even they did not deserve to die so devastatingly young, especially not by one of his best friends. He would sooner die than allow one of his best friends to become murderers.

Without the words to console his better half, James did not speak, instead he coaxed her out of the rigidly fetal position Lily had taken by tugging gently at her arms. It pained him to see her cower from his touch, but he persisted nonetheless.

…

Lily couldn't stand to be touched by James, for it felt like an act of betrayal. She had looked into his eyes to see nothing but herself reflected in his soul but she couldn't return his intensity. _Not when her mind was filled with another._ She felt his finger brush her bare skin and the sheets sliding from her shoulders, Lily shivered but James only continued to tug persistent at her arm.

Finally, she relented and begrudgingly lifted her head to meet startlingly hazel eyes. James had taken off his glasses, the tips of his fringe falling over his eyes and accentuated his bright gaze. She knew how much James hated not being able to see her clearly but Lily had always felt that the eyewear refrained _her_ from seeing him clearly.

But now, she could see everything. His insecurity, wariness and concern however, just as clearly, she could see his willingness, patience and optimism. "Need a cuddle, Evans?" he smirked arrogantly at her. The expression had never been more welcome to Lily.

…

Curfew had begun almost an hour ago and his patrol ended half an hour ago and he was due in his dorm but Severus Snape couldn't give a flipping fwooper about rules then. He was furious. _Livid_ to the point of violence. _Why did it have to be James Potter?_ There were so many other blokes she could have chosen but she had to go with the most infuriatingly arrogant _swine_ of their year. What was Dumbledore thinking, the day he decided that Potter as Head Boy was a good idea?

With his potions book gripped tightly in his hand, Severus had gone several rounds around the castle, and was lucky not to have bumped into anyone else in his fuming state—aside from Peeves, whom he had ignored completely, much to the poltergeist's dismay.

Her screams echoed deep in his head and the way she _loved_ him chipped another piece from his crumbling heart. Stepping into the darkness of the dungeons, Severus' feet took him straight back to the Slytherin common room on instinct as his mind struggled to un-see what he had saw.

"Purity prevails." Severus gritted out to the wall as he reached the Slytherin common room entrance. As soon as the entrance was big enough, Severus shot through like flames snapped at his heels and headed straight for his dorm whilst his fellow Slytherin peers were talking around him in hushed tones, he paid their narrowed eyed gazes no mind, determined reach his dorm without interference-

But with no such luxury.

"Snape" Mulciber's slimy voice called to him from beside the fire and the whole room quietened. Gripping his potions book until the blood drained from his knuckles, Severus turned rigidly to face Mulciber. Rosier stood in the corner of his vision, glaring at him whilst Avery and Wilkes sat, slumped sloppily on the sofa across of Mulciber and their backs to Severus.

"Yes?" the half-blood answered with disdain, eyebrow raised and the emotions carefully tucked away from the surface.

"Your answer. Soon." Mulciber's eyes narrowed threatening but Severus was unfazed.

"You will have it" Severus drawled before sweeping down the stairs and toward his empty dormitory.

He resisted the urge to slam the door behind him as the frustration and emotion came bubbling to the surface. He looked down at the book gripped in his hand and winced as the overstrained muscles protested when he loosened his hold on the hardcover. The large words presented proudly up to him, the memories locked away in its pages rushed back to him, taunting him, tormenting him.

 _Lily._

Was this it? Was he destined to always come second to James Potter? Was his Lily never going to return to him? Was he going to lose her forever? The very idea of that swine having tainted her with his hands injected saturated fury into his veins.

' _James!'_

Anger like he's never experience surfaced so quickly, Severus lashed out instinctively and chucked the book across the room with all his strength. The hardcover bounced off the headboard of his bed and landed harmlessly on the pillow. The blurry light headedness dissipated and Severus found himself breathing heavily from the outburst.

Walking slowly to his bed, Severus thought carefully about Lucius Malfoy's words in Hogsmeade. _"The Dark Lord is pleased with your contributions as of yet. He is particularly interested in your… talent in the Dark Arts and he is willing to let you join his cause."_

A year ago perhaps, he would've jumped at the opportunity to join the Death Eaters but instead of accepting the position on the spot, Severus found himself at war with his conscience; more specifically, with Lily's conscience. If he joined the Death Eaters, he would lose her forever—she would _never_ forgive him. But she didn't understand. He was doing this for her. The Dark Lord only continued to grow stronger with each day and by his side was the safest place when his inevitable reign begins.

He reached a hand into his pockets to draw out a small vial filled with colourless liquid. The Felix Felicis he had won from Slughorn. He had yet to find a use for it but he may have just found it. He would give Lily one more chance to come back to him. Severus picked up the book from his bed, his eye caught the crusty stain in his sheets; residue mess from last night's dream.

* * *

 **That was it for this week's chapter, more to be revealed next week. Tensions building and climax on it's way. Things start to get interesting so I'll need all the comments I can get. What do you like, what don't you like? Are there any spelling mistakes? Anything I should improve? Leave a review and let me know!**

 **Don't leave me hanging, friends!**


	16. The First Sign of Chaos

**I'm so sorry for the late posting of this chapter! I had completely forgotten the due date! No excuse! On the other had, enjoy this chapter!**

Disclaimer: No profit has been generated from the creation of this fanfiction!

* * *

 **The First Sign of Chaos**

Lily's first day back to lessons did not start out on a particularly encouraging— or positive— note. Mail arrived at breakfast and this time round, the owls bore nothing but bad news for a vast majority of those who did receive mail. Things were looking grim on the outside world, the families of almost a dozen students had gone missing or had been found with the Dark Mark looming over their homes. At the first scream from an unsuspecting Hufflepuff third year, Lily was on guard. The girl Lily had recognized as Susie from the Hufflepuff quidditch team had to be escorted out from the Grand Hall after Madam Pomfrey had administered a Calming Draught to the hysterical girl.

Soon after Susie, more and more students had to be escorted out by either prefects or professors to the Headmaster's office for consultation or the Hospital Wing for their frenzies. At once, James and Lily had abandoned their breakfast to join the fray, leaving behind an ashen-faced Peter and a solemn Sirius who was no longer very enthusiastic about the breakfast he had piled on his plate.

After the whole ordeal had been settled, Lily and James had been called into the Headmaster's office for an emergency briefing in spite of their lessons. When they had arrived, Professor McGonagall was escorting a sobbing Gryffindor second year from the phoenix stairway.

"Professor Dumbledore will see you now" their transfiguration teacher had told them as she walked by. Lily's eyes followed them until James tugged on her arm to draw away her attention and thoughts away from the disheartening scene. It was the first time Lily had seen his face properly after the ordeal and she was surprised to see him looking rather shaken. They stepped into the ascending stairway sullenly, both dreading the subject of the meeting.

They were right to have dreaded the summon, because Dumbledore had informed them that Bartemius Crouch Jr, whose wand James had confiscated from a few days ago; much to Lily's surprise, had gone missing. His parents had been called in the day before and Mr. Crouch had been less than pleased with the summoning, however before the meeting day could be set, Crouch's professors had informed Dumbledore that the boy had not been seen in lessons since the day James confiscated his wand. After further investigation, it was found that Crouch. Jr had completely disappeared and no one, his roommates included, knew where he went.

"What Bartemius Crouch did provoked very severe consequences. You did the right thing in confiscating his wand, James. This is not your fault." Dumbledore insisted, noting the way James' expression had changed from shock to guilt.

"Forgive me for not having caught up, sir. But what exactly did Bartemius Crouch do?" Lily asked, glancing nervously between Dumbledore and James.

The Headmaster looked to James, silently permitting him to speak. "He attempted the Cruciatus Curse against me." James informed her quietly, eyes fixated on her face, gauging her reaction. Lily's eyes widened as she turned to him, eyes instantly scanning his for bodily harm despite knowing there were none. "Sirius blocked the spell before it could hit me" James interjected her frantic thoughts to restore some semblance of order to her mind. However, as logic returned, Lily's blood ran cold in her veins at the implications of the incident.

"It is not so much about the spell he attempted, but the fact that he had been successful in casting it in the first place— shows us that Mr. Crouch's mind has strayed from the lighter side of magic"

Worried, Lily couldn't help asking "Sir, his wand-"

"Is still in my possession." Dumbledore finished for her.

"Then how could he have left the grounds?" Lily questioned.

"We have reason to believe that Mr. Crouch was not alone in his departure." Dumbledore implied ominously.

"He's joined the Death Eaters" James stated bluntly.

Lily stiffened at the thought. "But Bartemius Crouch was only a fifth year. Surely, Voldemort would not recruit someone who is not of age…"

"Voldemort welcomes anyone who is willing to join his cause with open arms, Lily. Especially someone who is from a family as prestigious and pure as the House of Crouch" Dumbledore said, grimly.

"Then that would mean-"

"The Death Eaters have access to the students." James finished for her.

"I'm afraid so." Dumbledore agreed solemnly.

By now, Lily's heart was pounding too loudly in her chest, the sound seemed to resonate in her own ears as the conversation before her began to dim. Some part of her already knew, but despite her suspicions, she had shaken it off and chucked the very idea into the back of mind as she continued to stubbornly believe that Hogwarts was impenetrable, that as long as they stood behind Dumbledore, Voldemort could not touch them. Now, given this new piece of information, the reality of Barbara's death came crashing down on her.

 _Hogwarts is no longer safe._

"I need you both to be on guard" the Headmaster's voice snapped her out of her haze and Lily struggled back to focus on the topic of the conversation. "All prefects on patrol duty should now be assigned in pairs and I'm afraid Hogsmeade trips will have to be cancelled until further notice. Now, as Head students, there will be people with questions, whether it be about Bartemius Crouch's disappearance or about the Hogsmeade trips, I ask that you do not give too much away. Anything discussed between us in this room will remain that way. Do not—in any way give the students reason to fear for their safety, do you understand?" Dumbledore's voice shifted to a gentle whisper.

"Yes, professor." Lily and James replied in together.

"You may return to your lessons, James. I'd like a word with Lily" Dumbledore nodded kindly at James and the head boy cast one last glance at Lily before turning to leave. Oddly, as he did so, their headmaster had just expertly reached his hand into a bowl of licorice snaps without being bitten.

As soon as the entrance statue stilled, Dumbledore looked up from the bowl of tricky sweets to meet Lily's eyes through half-moon spectacles. "They're a bit sharp but tasty, please, help yourself." Dumbledore urged the bowl across his desk and toward Lily.

Lily politely declined, curious on the reason what the headmaster had to say to her that couldn't be said in front of James.

"I sensed your unease during the discussion, is there anything you wish to tell me, Lily?" his tone was different than when he had been offering her sweets and suddenly Lily was nervous, she down casted her eyes and thought about where to begin. Her guilt about Barbara's death? Her fear of Death Eaters' control? Or her fears in general? She wasn't feeling all like a Gryffindor, so many things had happened and the year had barely begun.

"I'm afraid, sir" Lily offered bravely, more so than she actually felt. She glanced up to see Professor Dumbledore looking at her, his emotion unreadable, so she continued. "So much that I'm beginning to question my place in Gryffindor."

"And why is that?"

 _Because I'm a coward._ She wanted to say "I-" Lily blinked, feeling her heart speeding as she found herself at a loss for words. "I still feel responsible for Barbara Winston's death."

"You feel guilty for living." Dumbledore stated bluntly, his insight throwing Lily off but she did nothing to deny it. _Perhaps he was right._

"I'm afraid of the future that awaits our school, to many of us it's like a second home and-" Lily faltered and bit her lips. Images of Barbara's pale face flashed tauntingly in her mind and Lily winced. "I don't want anyone else to die, Professor" she looked up into the sympathetic eyes of the Headmaster as her own welled up painfully with tears and to her surprise, he smiled at her.

"You truly are, _unfathomably_ kind, Lily Evans." he told her gently. With his hand, he gestured her closer to his desk and Lily obliged, wiping at her cheeks to catch her falling teardrops. He reached a hand out to brush a stray tear with his thumb. "Now, there is something you must understand." he began as he handed her a conjured handkerchief. "Being afraid does not make you a coward, Lily. True bravery is not without fear. To be afraid is one thing, but to make the choice of confronting these fears despite knowing the consequences, is the mark of true courage. It is the choices we make that shows us who we truly are as a person." there was a twinkle in his eyes as Dumbledore finished sagely.

"I've never thought about it like that." Lily muttered.

"Is there anything else, you would like to tell me?" Dumbledore questioned patiently.

Lily thought about her little dark magic problem but decided against confiding him. It was only a silly little problem, hardly anything worth troubling the Headmaster over. Professor Dumbledore had enough on his mind as it was, so merely she shook her head "No, professor"

Dumbledore didn't look convinced but he did not push her. "Very well, you may return to your classes." he told her. Lily moved to return the handkerchief but the Headmaster raised his hand "It is yours to keep." he told her generously.

"Thank you, professor." and with that, Lily left the head tower.

…

James waited in the corridor that led to the Head tower for Lily to come down, both curious and worried about what Lily was discussing with Dumbledore. It must be something personal, seeing as he wasn't invited to stay— or perhaps Dumbledore was entrusting a secret task to Lily alone because James was inadequate. James shook the blasphemous thoughts from his head when he heard the grinding of stone as the statue descended.

He looked up to see a red eyed Lily and in her hand, clutched a white handkerchief with gold lining. His heart jolted unpleasantly at the memory of the last time he had witnessed Lily cry, her choked sobs and pained whimpers would never truly leave him.

She looked up from the handkerchief and there was a moment of silence between them. Her green eyes blinked and James broke the tension, his hand automatically moved up to his hair and ran his fingers through mass of black locks. "Care to walk a boy to class?" he asked, feeling sheepishly shy. It seemed Lily was a little delicate at the moment and he couldn't help feeling nervous.

Much to his relief, Lily smiled before she tucked the handkerchief away and boldly slid her hand into his but said nothing else.

…

At lunch, Lily and James agreed to skip the meal and head over to the library so they could begin to overhaul the schedules for patrol duties, both of them equally determined to do what they could to help during such grim times.

"McLaggen is alone on the third floor corridor. Who's free on Wednesday before supper time?" James squinted at the piece of parchment in his hands.

"Veronica Anderson." Lily offered automatically.

"Which one is she?"

"Hufflepuff fifth year"

"The boy or the girl?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer but held her tongue, the playful tone in her counterpart's voice finally registered. She lowered the scroll in her hands to see James' eyes, lit with mirth, over the top of his parchment. "I don't know, Potter. Which one do you think is it?"

James lowered his parchment onto the table to face her fully, revealing his cocky smirk to her. "I can't tell, I'm not one to discriminate."

 _Oh, he thinks he's so clever._

Lily narrowed her eyes at him but refused his attempt to sway her concentration. They needed to finish this as soon as possible so they could implement it by this week.

"Who's patrolling the third floor corridor for tonight?" she asked James from over the large parchment she had drawn up between them.

"You" James' reply came instantly, it didn't seem like he had referred to the chart at all. Lily paused to think about her own schedule and was mildly impressed to find that she did, indeed have patrol that evening, stationed in the sixth floor near Ravenclaw tower.

"Alright, who's available?" she laid down her own paperwork to reach for a spare chart. Her eyes came upon Remus' name but she noticed his absence that day. "It's a full moon tonight, I guess Remus is out of the question. And you're going to be occupied with him so… Lockhart is free, or perhaps Umbridge…" Lily uttered absently.

The chart was suddenly snatched from her hand, James stood leaned over the table with a surprised look on his face. "How long?" he asked, a mixture of shock and disbelief flooded his features told Lily he was talking about her knowledge of Remus' lyncanthropy.

"In third year, after Professor Wickerburnt covered the chapter on werewolves and lycanthropy." Lily answered.

"How much do you know?" James lowered his voice but did not sit down.

"Enough to know that three of you qualify for Azkaban." Lily answered, a little crossly. She figured the subject was bound to come up in their future anyway, the least she could do was be honest about her side of things.

"Why didn't you say anything?" James was suspicious "You didn't tell anyone, did you? If anyone finds out—Remus—he-"

"It's not my secret to tell." Lily cut him off, looking the epitome of seriousness.

James finally sank down onto his chair and let out a breath. "I can't believe you knew—after all this time."

"Well you have Severus to thank for that, if he hadn't kept mentioning how suspicious it was that Remus always visited his sick mother every month, I would've never been able to connect the dots. I also happen to be a big fan of your furry counterpart." Lily's eyes twinkled with mirth.

It occurred to James that Lily was talking about his stag form. "I do distinctly remember your fascination with my bum." he wriggled his brows suggestively at her.

"Oh, you arrogant… _arse_." Lily fumed, her cheeks tinted pink for different reasons.

"I know you fancy it and all, Lily. But you don't have to keep mentioning it" he teased her.

"It was your tail!" Lily huffed and flapped the parchment out harshly in front of her, determined to block him out. "I shan't speak another word to you."

"It was the first time you said my name, you know?" James said, suddenly sombre. "I thought you had said it on a whim but the way you _looked_ at me. Just like that." He hooked a finger over the middle of her paper and tugged until he could glimpse the green of her eyes.

Lily lowered the parchment to the table and cocked her head in question. "Like what?"

"Like you had me all figured out."

Their eyes met over the table and a long moment was drawn out between them, the deep hazel colour in James' eyes served as the link back to her memories, the day she had found out there was more to James Potter than meets the eye. The moment was broken when a familiar voice interrupted them.

"I told you they were making googly eyes at each other"

James jerked back to focus at the sound of his best friend's rather loud interruption. Madam Pince's disapproval could be heard as she shushed harshly at them but her displeasure seemed to only encourage Sirius' rowdy behaviour.

"I see the lovely Lily have turned you against us, Prongsie. Books before food? She's starving you, mate." Sirius settled in a seat beside James and threw his arm over his friend's shoulder while Peter seated himself gingerly next to Lily. "Lucky for you, your best friends smuggled you a feast" Sirius winked at Lily as he placed a bulgy looking shape wrapped in a napkin. Lily detected a whiff of cakes and pastries.

"You know food's not allowed in the library, right?" James said.

Sirius rolled his eyes "She's turned you into a bookworm _and_ a prig. You sure you want to go down with this relationship?" his tone was teasing but his eyes showed Lily some truth in his words.

"Hey, I didn't say I wasn't going to eat them" James retorted as he reached for the smuggled meal but not before he casted a cautious look at Lily. Lily, however, wasn't particularly bothered by a little meal in the library, albeit a year ago she would've told them both off but Sirius' comment about her changing James uneased her. It must've shown on her face because James had retracted his hand from the bundle of food, thinking Lily was against the idea.

"You've not slipped me a love potion, have you?" James covered his hesitance with the jest. Lily realized James was trying to distract Sirius without being obvious about it. Despite what he claimed, aside from her, he did care about what one other person thought of him and that person was sitting next to him with a fruit tart jammed in his mouth.

"First, that was _one_ time. Second, it was in fourth year and third, _never again._ " Sirius shuddered dramatically. Peter and James laughed at their friend's obvious discomfort.

"Boy, things sure got awkward when no one knew how to brew the antidote." Peter snorted

"My loveliest Sirius, you are most beautiful with your wavy black tresses and scarce amount of facial hair." James doted dramatically over Sirius and like a switch had been flicked on, Sirius was instantly in character. The two of them spent the rest of their time in the library making elaborate kissing noises and poorly re-enacting what they recalled of Romeo and Juliet from muggle studies until Peter and Lily laughed so hard Madam Pince had banished them from the library.

"Brace yourselves, mates. Ms. Priggy's just been banished from her kingdom. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Sirius' tone was teasing as he pretended to use James and Peter as human shields. James grinned as Peter made an 'X' with his arms as if to defend himself. Lily noticed the way James looked amongst his friends, laughing at Sirius' antics as he played along—playful, carefree and relaxed. She couldn't help but notice the difference in his character when he was in the company of his friends as compared to when he stayed in her presence.

With her, he was much more cautious with his words, his mannerisms were more refined and his humour, less crude. However, when he was in the company of the Marauders, he seemed wilder, rowdier and unrestrained. It uneased her to know that he held something back in her presence, because it was only a matter of time when he would suffocate from the tension and he would be forced to decide where he was most comfortable.

Their eyes met amidst the echoes of laughter and instantly, the mirth disappeared from his eyes. Lily struggled to rein in her emotions and smiled unconvincingly at him but before he could say anything, the walls resonated with Professor McGonagalls' voice.

"All students, please proceed to your classes. As a reminder to the second years from Professor Sinistra, your astronomy class has been cancelled for tonight, however, lesson will resume as usual on Friday. Thank you"

Peter groaned "I've got Herbology now, I haven't even touched my research. Professor Sprout's going to feed me to the Tentacula" he mumbled dejectedly.

"That means a free period for us, Prongs. Slughorn's having third years now, want to jinx their door to sing the school song?" Sirius perked up as he slapped James on the back, however, James was still looking concernedly at Lily.

Lily had instinctive opened her mouth to tell them off but refrained from doing so after seeing the expectant looks on their faces. "I'm afraid I've left my books in my room, I'm just going to go get them."

"I'll come with you." James said automatically and Lily could tell Sirius was about to protest, so she cut him off.

"No, it's all right!" Lily glanced back at the corridor then back to meet his eyes. "It's quite a long way. I'll ask Umbridge to patrol with me tonight, yeah? Don't get caught by Professor Slughorn."

James was more than convinced that there was something wrong with Lily but before he could say anything, Lily stepped boldly toward him to plan a chaste kiss to his lips. She was aware that Peter and Sirius were watching and the latter whistled at her stunt but she fought back the embarrassment and pulled away, leaving James in a daze.

"I'll see you in greenhouse four, Peter" Lily called back, saving Peter the trouble of having to ask.

…

With double Herbology and Ancient Runes as her final classes of the day, Lily did not see James for the rest of the day because the sun had already began to set and she knew he was out preparing for Remus' transformation with the rest of the Marauders. She had told seventh year Slytherin prefect, Dolores Umbridge to meet her by Gunhilda of Goosemoor's statue after dinner for their patrol but it was five minute past their meeting time and she had just yet to show.

The minutes ticked by slowly and eventually, by the tenth minute into the hour, she heard footsteps approach. However, as she turned to reprimand the prefect for tardiness, she was surprised to see who stood in her place—not quite the Slytherin prefect she was expecting.

"Tardiness is not tolerated, Severus"

…

James stumbled through the portrait hole with the invisibility cloak shrouding him as he shivered at the cold draft of winter mornings. The warmth of the common room engulfed him as he unveiled himself. The weather had not seemed that cold when his whole body had been covered in thick fur. James took a moment to warm his hands by the fire before Lily entered his thoughts. He briefly wondered if she had slept in her room or his, swallowing his anticipation, James climbed the steps to his dorm in twos.

The door had not been shut properly and his heart leapt to his throat at the implication. Lily was here. But as he creaked the door open, his heart stopped.

* * *

 **Yes, it's another cliffhanger. I hate to leave you guys like this but I haven't a choice! I wouldn't be able to fit the other part of this chapter in here! Anyway, leave us a review, will you? : I'll be nice if you do. :**


	17. An Unforgivable Curse

**Honestly, writing this chapter made me cry. But that was probably just the onions. Enjoy and don't forget to hit me with a review!**

 **Disclaimer: No profit has been gained from the creation of this fanfiction!**

* * *

 **An Unforgivable Curse**

The incessant tug in his mind as he laid on his bed told him that Lily up to no good once more but he had already resolved to leave her be, as it would be the last time she would betray him for James Potter. However, as her thoughts grew louder and stronger, it became unbearable to continue his ignorance— he tugged back with a vengeance. Drenched her in every happy memory they shared and upsetting the balance in her conscience.

That morning, Severus awoke burning with the determination to win Lily over. However as he watched her from the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, she was once again _glowing_ by the insufferable swine's side and Severus knew. He knew that if he had any hopes of a private audience with Lily, he needed a little luck on his side, to be more exact—Felix Felicis.

His finger had only just touched the vial in his pocket before the morning mail arrived and showered the Great Hall in chaos. Being sat on the far side of the hall, he had the perfect view to watching the whole mess unravel before his eyes. Every owl, every letter and every sob, he could see them all. Unlike him, the rest of the Slytherin table paid no mind to the havoc brought by the mail. They carried on, tearing open their envelopes and unravelling their copies of the Daily prophet as if it were any other day. While Severus didn't care much for the students whose family had died, he wasn't completely apathetic toward the whole ordeal as well—but _he_ understood, a revolution was not without sacrifices. He only wished the others could be open-minded enough to see that.

The only thing he regretted that morning, was having seen Lily's saddened expression, her brilliant green eyes dulled with grief. Which brought him back to his task at hand—all he needed was one open opportunity with Lily, he would make her see reason.

…

After downing half the vial of liquid luck at noon, he set out to test its effects. His body buzzing with unhinged energy and suddenly everything was right with the world whilst his thoughts revolved solely around Lily.

And he found her—with her lips pressed up against that swine. The others around them were too busy ogling at the scene to notice him standing in the corridor, so he hid quickly, slinking behind a pillar to hide himself from their eyes as she called out something to Pettigrew but his ears were buzzing with the energy he was trying to contain and the crack in his heart seemed to grow with every beat of his lousy, traitorous heart. He could've done without having seen that but regardless, he'd heard _enough._

…

Dolores Umbridge was a big fan of authority, three years of working alongside her as Slytherin prefects told him that much. She never once spoke out of line and she was a big fan of traditional learning. She was somewhat pleasant to everyone that approached her and no one had any outward qualms with her. There was, however, one particular trait that uneased and annoyed Severus—was that her smiles were eerily forced.

That was that last thing on his mind as he approached Umbridge after her encounter with Lily, which consisted of the former nodding and smiling obediently at the head girl before her eyes darkened and something sinister flitted across her features. She startled out of it as Severus approached her and eyed her suspiciously, careful not to let her see the energy that liquid luck gave him.

"Something you need, Severus?" she asked, her voice the usual high pitched, sounded as if she spoke on the tips of her toes.

As Severus opened his mouth to give her a reason to give him the shift with Lily, the right words were out his mouth before he could think about what he wanted to say and by the end of it, Umbridge had agreed to give him the shift as she desired to do some studying for the Potions test the next day. Everything was still buzzing after he left Umbridge, his body seemed to move automatically for the next few hours, by the end of his day, he had earned Slytherin a total of 50 points and his confidence seemed to be on the verge of spilling over. The world's potential sat on his fingertips and it felt like everything he touched turned to pure gold.

By the time the seventh chime resonated about the castle, Severus had decided to loiter about the Slytherin Common room for no apparent reason at all, looking through his notes and making annotations in his tattered textbooks for seven minutes before he decided to meet with Lily. He didn't know why he deliberately decided to be ten minutes late, but as he saw her leaned against the statue with deep expression on her face, he was briefly knocked back to their childhood when they would often meet up by the willow tree and Lily would always, no matter how much Severus had tried to be early, be there waiting for him.

Perhaps that was the reason why he kept holding on the hopeless belief that Lily would always be waiting patiently for him.

She smirked in a way that shattered his image of her, Lily never smirked, she was supposed to smile brightly at him as he approached her flustered at his lateness, and she would say-

"Tardiness is not tolerated, Severus."

 _What? No!_ She wasn't supposed to say that! Severus suppressed a grimace as he allowed his memories to fill in the disappointment. _'Are you alright, Sev?'_ she would say in her soft voice, concern flooding her eyes as she approached him.

This Lily did nothing but stand confidently before him as he continued to stride toward her, with her arms crossed and a mock bemused expression on her face. Annoyed but not faltered, Severus replied her "Umbridge has been tied up with other priorities, I volunteered to stand in for her."

"Very well then." and then without another word, Lily turned her back to him and he could do nothing but follow her.

…

The door creaked open and the scene before him halted James' heart.

Everything faded to grey and there was only Lily as she sat in the middle of his bed still fully dressed in her uniform, her legs drawn up against her as she gripped at her knees. Her hair fell about her in an ethereal sort of way but they had dulled considerably since the last time he saw her that afternoon. Perhaps it was the way her eyes had lost its green glow— _or the obvious tear stains on her cheeks_ , James thought darkly.

James stood, petrified as Lily continued to sob uncontrollably, her hands working hopelessly to wipe the tears as they fell but they poured in at an alarmingly rate. The complete and utter pain contorted on her tragically beautiful face was like a steel hand around his heart, squeezing and crushing. Watching her cry so openly was worse than having her hide her tears from him because if she hid, he could work to coax her out but if she didn't even bother hiding her anguish, James was at a loss for words and action. So for what felt like too long, James stood at the open door, knees weakening and throat tightening at her every sob.

"I'm sorry, James." she had whispered in between sobs and James felt every muscle in his body go rigid. He fought through the invisible hands that held him back and leapt to her side.

"Don't cry, Lily, please." he sat on the bed next to her and pulled her tight against him. "I don't know what to do when you cry, Lily. Please." he begged softly as he ran his hands up and down her back in an effort to soothe her.

Lily had welcomed his touch, leaning into him completely and it awed him for her to do so but it had done nothing to calm her down. "I love you, James." She murmured breathily.

"I know" James had said "I know, love." he held her tighter as she continued to repeat the three words into his chest.

…

He could feel the effects of the potion waning with every passing moment he spent near Lily. With her, it was all he could do not to feel uneased and disappointment at the silence that sat between them. He longed for them to return to how they once were but he also hoped for more. The silence had drawn out between them and after stealing a few glances at her face, Severus couldn't resist.

His steps slowed and he reached out to tug on the connection between them just to see what was on her mind. Who should he find other than the good-for-nothing Potter. He could see the slight hesitance in her movements that told him she had felt it too. For a moment he had thought about not telling her about what he had done but he felt her mind flare rebelliously against his hold as she tried to fill her mind with happier thoughts. And it just so happened, they were all about James Potter.

 _Potter with his golden snitch. Potter with his brilliant quidditch skills. Potter with his impractical, idiotic hair. Potter, Potter, Potter! Must it always be about him?_

They were nearing the end of their patrol and Severus' window of opportunity was closing fast. So he grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into the wall just before they could exit into the Grand Staircase. Her green eye were wide and bright as she stared, surprised at his sudden audacity. Her mouth opened but no words came to her. But no words were required between them—she simply needed to let him show her.

…

"What's the matter?" James finally plucked up the courage to ask her. He had been afraid to ask her what was wrong because he wasn't sure if he could help her, because he had been so afraid that she could not be fixed. For a moment he had been ready to accept her as she was, he had convinced that he did not need to know what broke her to love her wholly because that was all that mattered— that he loved her more than anything in this world.

But after a while he had realized how much of a coward he had been and reprimanded himself for having dared thought about taking the path of ignorance.

"H-He… I didn't believe he would do it" Lily stammered, her eyes welling up with tears and she sniffled.

The sudden flare of anger had to be doused by his rationality as the idea of anyone deliberately hurting Lily came unwelcomed to him. "Who?" James asked, suddenly impatient.

"We've gone on different paths and I thought he understood that but-" Lily trailed off "I didn't think he would go this far." she choked and made herself smaller in his arms.

…

Severus looked her in the eyes and for a long while, he simply continued to hold her gaze like so. It wasn't until she felt her mind flare out automatically that she realize what he had done to her. Outraged, Lily had shoved him off of her and slapped him across the face.

"Legilimency, Severus? How dare you—How _could_ you?" Lily snarled, her face a tragic twist of hurt and shock.

For a moment, there was anger in his eyes and Lily had feared that he would do something far worse to her. It would be a first, because despite how much she had hated Severus after the end of their friendship, she had never feared him. Some part of her knew that despite their differences, he still wished to be friends and he would not do anything to jeopardize that. Hurting her would eliminate all the chances of them being civil.

But now, he had shown her that he was obsessed to an unhealthy extent at wanting back into him life, so much that he was willing to invade her thoughts just to find out what she was thinking. To so blatantly betray her despite knowing how much this would hurt her.

He moved so quickly, Lily had no time to react as he gripped both her wrist in his hand and slammed her back onto the brick wall. "You are but a hypocrite, Lily. Your dearest Potter is a master at Legilimency, didn't you know? Where do you think that swine learns all his good spells? He _stole_ them from me!" he snapped.

Lily stood, frozen as Severus' face twisted and contorted with so much fury, she could barely recognize him. He gave her hands a jerk and Lily snapped out of it. "I wouldn't have resorted to this if you'd have just _listened_ to me, Lily." Severus told her in a deceptively soft voice. "I begged you, I pleaded and grovelled! And what did you do? You turned your back on me when you gave _Potter_ a second chance! _Him!_ When I am all but your oldest friend."

"You _were_ my oldest friend. I had believed our friendship was worth something too, Severus. Truly." Lily's eyes hardened and then a scowl settled on her brow. "But there can't possibly be anything more to be said between us, Severus. You gave up on our friendship the moment you decided your ambition is to be a Death Eater. How could we possibly be friends after that?" Lily questioned, struggling not to let her emotions show on her face.

"I'm asking you for that chance now, to make this right between us. You gave that chance to Potter, you owe me at least that much. Ever since that incident, I've rued every passing day, Lily you have to know that. I was feeling threatened—I wasn't myself." Severus attempted to explain and Lily found herself believing his sincerity. She began to wonder if it would be possible for them to become friends once more.

"Severus, I don't-"

"The Dark Lord wants an answer from me soon and the only thing hold me back right now-" he ran his fingers through her hands as Lily stood frozen at his implication "is you, Lily." he bent down to wrap his arms around her. Lily felt the cursed memories being thrown up in her mind, reminding him of the fun they had growing up with each other, his innocent curiosity and Lily's blind loyalty toward him. Feeling were stirred, feelings Lily knew had long earned her apathy came back to raise conflict with her older self.

"You've done something to me." Lily whispered urgently, it was a statement. She remained completely still in his arms.

He stiffened and that was all the confirmation she needed. "I couldn't understand you, Lily. You've changed ever since you saw something in that buffoon and you know it. You weren't you anymore." Severus drew away from her but held her at arm's length.

"Severus, what have you done to me?" Lily wanted to scream at him, pound him and demand some answers because for the past week she had been forced to question her feeling for James, drowning herself in guilt because all she could think of was how much she missed her childhood—aside from her more intense moments with James.

"It's a draught I've been working. It strengthens legillimency and ties a single person to my mind."

Some part of her already knew that it was the case, but everything seemed to come crashing down as he confirmed it in his own words. "You've invaded my privacy! Severus, that's not right!" Lily argued, fighting against his hold on her but only pressed her harder against the wall to subdue her.

"You didn't give me a choice, Lily! I was going to lose you! To _him_ of all people!" his expression darkened at the mention of James.

"Why you… you're insane, Severus! I fell in love with him, so what? Is that so hard to believe?" Lily saw the anger in his eyes as she mentioned love.

"You are _not_ in love with him! He's got your wrapped around his lies, just like the rest of them! Have you forgotten what he's done to us? We swore we would never become like the rest of this pathetic school. We could see through his pompous act, we could see his rotten soul for what it is! Has sharing sleeping quarters with him robbed you of that insight? Has being bedded by the great prat blinded you from what truly is?" Severus was beginning to lose his composure, the time he used to reel himself back grew longer and longer as they continued to argue.

Lily could help but feel a tug of sympathy for him as she was reminded of how horrid James had been toward him, how cruel the man she had fallen in love with had been to Severus. But contrary to Severus' hate-filled words, James had never harmed her. Regardless, Severus had hit a nerve, her throat tightened as she choked out "Is that what you think? That I jumped into bed with him and magically fell in love with him?"

"You are _not_ in love!" he repeated, the vein in his neck throbbed at the force of his insistence. "You are blinded by lust!"

"And you, by hate!" Lily yelled back, her chest heaving as she finally physically detached Severus from her. He stumbled back, surprised at her strength but did nothing to change his position. A heavy silence settled between them. She was confused, his words had always affected her like no one else's and at one point of time, she had believed it to be a good thing but now, she felt sick just thinking about it.

"When did you do it? How- I never ate anything you gave me." Lily asked, her voice shaking.

Severus looked reluctant to tell her but Lily was prepared to argue with him for it, thankfully he volunteered the information on his own. "I infused it into a cauldron cake on the day you were in the hospital wing, a day after you told me you were seeing Potter"

Of course, it had to be Lily's favourite pastry. He was the one who had introduced her to the cake in the first place and she had taken an instant liking to it as a girl.

Lily moved her hand up to her chest and rubbed lightly at the area where it burned the night she had consummated her relationship with James. "It's not just a potion, is it? It's also a curse. One that bound my mind to yours. That's why Madam Pomfrey couldn't do anything. " Lily accused.

Severus said nothing to this and Lily knew she was right. "You selfish-!" Lily stepped forward to shove him a step backward "ignorant-!"Lily drew her wand and pressed it up against his throat as Severus moved to close the distance between them "I-I can't believe you would do this to me!" the tears welled up in her eyes, her chest felt as if someone at reached into it and yanked at her windpipe, she swallowed large gulps of air in heaves. "You of all people… I never once believed you would deliberately hurt me." The hand that gripped her wand trembled as she bit her lip to swallow a sob but the tears trickled down her cheeks. "Is there so much hate and bitterness in your heart that you'd cripple me like this, Severus? What is it you want from me? An apology? Shall I get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness, what, Severus?" Lily sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "TELL ME!" She screamed at him, her wand lowering, now gripped at her side.

"Lily, I would never-" Severus fought for right words to say, he could no longer feel the confidence that the Felix felicis brought and suddenly he didn't quite know what to say. "There must not have been enough Bulbadox Juice to counteract the Salamander blood or perhaps the poisonous traits of the lacewing that caused a reaction in your body as I initiated the-"

"Severus, _please_." Lily mumbled so softly he could barely hear her.

"I would never deliberately hurt you, Lily." he took in a breath as if preparing himself for a long speech. "Now I'm going to tell you something, Lily. And I'm going to need you to give me the right answer." He reached out to tilt her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I've mentioned before, the Dark Lord has noticed my abilities and he wishes for me to join him. I've managed to hold off a reply until I hear your response"

 _He was threatening her._ Lily watched him behind a veil of tears, the words that sat on his tongue was already in her mind. She had known, deep down, she had always known and she probably would've felt the same had James not entered the picture.

"Lily, I lo-"

"Enough!" Lily interrupted instinctively, feeling another part of her heart cracking. "Please don't say you love me." her voice hoarse with tears. "I can't say it back, Severus." She bravely lifted her gaze to his.

"Then lie to me" Severus gritted out and stepped into her personal space. "Give me something, Lily"

"I love James" Lily said whispered warily and watched as his carefully crafted expression fell apart at the seams. As if she had completely shattered his heart and she believed it but she couldn't lie to herself or to him about her feelings. She loved James and she could no longer imagine what it would be like not to. This time, it was Lily's turn to initiate contact, she reached out to grip Severus's forearm "I can't give you what you want but please, Severus" Lily bowed her head as another stream of tears poured from her eyes "I beg of you." she sobbed "Release the curse." _Let me go._

…

Anger gripped at James' very core as Lily finally managed to choke out a semblance of an explanation, his first instinct had been to storm the Slytherin common room and start a war but with Lily tucked snuggly against him, he could only take comfort in the fact that she had returned to him safely. He had always hated Snivellus for his irrational hold on Lily, a part of him was always bitter that his words would not have the same effect on Lily. But this took his loathing to another level. Remus had once told him that his temper was his worst trait and he had never believed him until today, because Lily was the only thing holding his murderous thoughts at bay. "It's my fault, James. He's going to become a Death eater and it's going to be my fault." Lily's voice was muffled in his shirt but the anguish in her tone could be heard clearly.

"It's not a choice you should have to make, Lily." James told her, sounding calmer that he actually felt. "None of this is your fault. Don't cry, Lily." he pressed his cheek against her hair and breathed in the calming scent of her rosy shampoo.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, James. I'm sorry I ever doubted my feelings for you, i-if I had known-" Lily crumpled his shirt in her fists as she fought back another sob.

James pried her fingers from his shirt and held her by her upper arms, his hazel eyes warm and loving. Lily could do nothing but stare back despite knowing what a mess she must look, she sniffed and James pulled her toward him and kissed her fully on the lips.

James choose not to be gentle with her as his lips moved against her with more and more aggression. Lily seemed reluctant to return his kisses, her body rigid in his arms as he led her on by the lips. She was fighting him, growling lowly, he opened his mouth and coaxed hers to do the same. Lily gasped and pulled back slightly but James took no prisoners. His hands moved from her arms to circle her body and pressed her up against him. "James." she managed between kisses. "What are you-" he sealed the words in her mouth with his own.

Lily was openly fighting him now, he turned and pinned her down roughly on the bed. He barely allowed her a moment to breathe before he lowered his lips to take hers, teeth clashing and tongue tying. Nothing but the sound of moist lips moving against one another could be heard amongst the silence of their room.

James poured all of him into his kisses, his anguish, fury, desperation, insecurity. His words seemed to worth nothing to Lily as opposed to Snape's, so he would make her see reason through her body. If Snape owned her mind then James would claim everything else and love her with all his heart. He would win her back. _He had to._

"James!" Lily squirmed away, pushing at his chest.

"No." he mumbled stubbornly against her lips.

Lily broke away from the kiss to breathe but James had entangled his hands in her hair and gripped tightly to ensure that he had control over her head. Lily could barely keep it with him, "James, please! You're scaring me!" Lily protested but James silenced her cries with a searing kiss. Despite how often they snogged, James had always preferred to let her lead. He had never been so physically dominating with her but if he wanted her full attention, he would have to force her to let go of her thoughts on Snape, even if he had to pry her fingers open, one by one. So he kissed her until she had to struggle for breath and he bit her lips until she jerked away then licked until the pain faded. He would hurt her so he could heal her, overwhelm her so she would only look his way.

He rested his forehead on hers, their breaths fanned each other's cheeks as James paused to see how she was faring. She had gone quiet all of the sudden. Lily's chest rose and fell in rapid succession, her eyes blinked lazily and her eyes glazed over with a dreamy look. A dreamy Lily was someone he was more comfortable with. He release her red locks to stroke her cheek "Don't worry about ever doubting your feelings for me, because I'll just remind you—again-" he leaned down to kiss her chaste "-and again-" he felt Lily smile against this lips "-and again." Lily returned his kiss this time. "Forget him" James moved to kiss her neck. "I'm so much more interesting." And she chuckled.

"Oh, you make me _ache_ " Lily said, her voice like honeyed sin in his ears but instead of feeling aroused, James stiffened and shifted a little. "Take off my clothes" Lily urged him but James couldn't help feeling a little caught off guard. Sure, they just had the best snog of their lives but James wasn't quite ready to have sex yet. The reason? Well, it was complicated—or not.

"Lily, I thought we- perhaps we should settle for a nice cuddle?" James offered weakly.

Lily sat up so quickly, she had nearly collided heads with James. "You can't expect to rile a girl up and then leave to dry, do you?"

"W-Well I'm tired, I've been up all night and we only have a few hours to sleep." James reasoned, frowning.

Suddenly, Lily had been reminded that she had spent her whole night, arguing with herself on whether or not to tell the Headmaster of Severus' new loyalties. The very thought drenched her mood with James and it seemed he could sense it. "We can cuddle without our clothes" He nipped her ear.

"I don't understand why we can't just have sex." Lily snapped huffily as James tugged incessantly at her robes. She allowed him to strip her and then waited for him to do the same with himself.

James climbed into the bed with her and drew her close to him. "I'll tell you next time, love" he yawned as Lily shifted closer to him.

"James?" Lily's voice was small and faded as fatigue caught up to him.

"Hm?"

"Your cock's poking me."

Apparently, fatigue hasn't caught up to _all_ of him.

…

 _Severus' eyes hardened and his features arranged themselves to depict the picture of ultimate apathy. He drew his wand and pointed it directly at her chest and spoke and incantation so softly, Lily could not hear it. As if shackles had fallen away from her heart, Lily felt briefest moment of liberation and then he swept away from her—perhaps for the last time._

 _Lily couldn't help one last attempt. "I'll tell Professor Dumbledore!" she shouted. "He won't let you join the Death Eaters! You'll go to Azkaban!" This was Lily's last attempt to reason with him._

 _He stopped in his tracks and for a moment, Lily believed she had come through. But as he turned, his eyes held nothing but empty grief and cold unfeeling as if he had already died on the inside. "Then so be it."_

 _Lily's legs had given out as she collapsed into tumble of sobs and sorrow—because they both knew she would not tell—she couldn't. She owed him that much._

* * *

 **So what do you think? Did you cry? Review and you get an onion!**


	18. The Wedding March

**Welcome back to another chapter, folks! This was is shorter than usual but rather fun to write.**

* * *

 **The Wedding March**

 _The tip of his wand held mere inches away from Lily's chest as he watched the desperation fill her eyes, the hurt stained trails down her cheeks and his betrayal etched into her expression. And suddenly, he knew they could never go back._

 _Their bond had been stretched to its very limit, strained and on the verge of snapping with destructive repercussions, the least he could do was ensure that it was a clean break. Without thinking, he had his wand pointed at her chest and he watched her, for the mere seconds he had left with her, he took in what he could salvage of her for his memories and then muttered the incantation that made the break in his heart permanent._

 _This would last time his heart throbbed, the last time he would beg for Lily's forgiveness, and the day his apathetic façade deemed true—for if he could not have Lily, he would not love another. James Potter did not deserve to be happy—but Lily did and for that, he sincerely wished their paths would never cross again—especially with the darkness that would undoubtedly shroud his near future. He only hoped James Potter would protect her well._

…

James crept slowly into the Ravenclaw common room after successfully answering the stupid gargoyle's question. " _How does one redeem what is lost forever?"_

And he answered in his most sage-like voice " _One longs to forget"_ although he had to ponder on the question for almost ten minutes, at the same time he was conflicted over whether or not to fear being discovered.

He was supposed to have put up the notices for the change of curfew two days ago but had subsequently forgotten about them until Lily inquired about it and forced him to lie. Although, he didn't quite know why he bothered when Lily already marked him with the dreaded look of ' _I don't bloody believe you.'_

Nonetheless, he took the liberty of following through with his lie by sneaking out at five in the morning in the morning with his invisibility cloak before breakfast and more importantly, before Lily should wake.

James listened intently for any signs of life before he proceeded into the room. With the parchment under his arm, he withdrew the pins from his pocket and pressed the notice onto the common room bulletin. He stood back to leave when a familiar signup sheet caught his eye.

 _STUDENTS NOT RETURNING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS_

He had nearly forgotten about the upcoming Christmas holidays, as he'd been too preoccupied with the upcoming match against Slytherin. Lucinda Talkalot had not been making it very easy for him to book a slot in the quidditch pitch, so he ran four morning practices in a row and had his team go to classes with sore muscles.

But what was he going to do for Christmas this year? It was his last year in Hogwarts and it seemed only fair that he spent one last Christmas here, however he also wanted to introduce Lily to his parents, since they were going to be seeing a lot more of her in the near future. Perhaps he should ask Lily-

"You seem a little lost."

James nearly jumped out of his skin as the sudden voice entered from nowhere. He spun around to see a girl sat on the floor just beside an elegant armchair. She was a very pretty girl with long, wavy platinum blonde hair, her silvery-blue eyes seemed too large for her small, heart-shaped face but strangely enough, he found it suited her well enough. For a moment, James only continued to stare at her, examining her strange choice of sitting on the floor when she had a perfectly good chair next to her. She had a large opened book in front of her but there was nothing written in the pages. He hadn't notice her there before; not many people could bypass him like that.

"I was just-"

"Hello, James Potter." she said in an airy voice.

"I-" James paused and contemplated just walking out but decided against it, the girl was only making a conversation— _although he really needed to get the other schedules pinned up before Lily noticed._ "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"I don't believe so." she answered back easily but made no more to elaborate.

James blinked. "Sorry, who are you?"

"I'm Pandora." She smiled.

James couldn't help it "Why are you on the floor, Pandora?"

She looked down as if to evaluate her position before looking up to answer him "It helps me think better, the chairs in here don't have the right…impression."

James squinted at her empty pages and cleared his throat, suddenly immensely curious. "And erm… what are you er—reading?"

" _Unique Uses and Dangers of Wrackspurts_ " she glanced down and ran a finger through the still empty page. "But it's a bit tricky to read." she informed him thoughtfully.

James shrugged "A tad bit."

She smiled at him "You've very polite."

Surprised, James ran his hand through his hair "How so?"

She blinked and her lips quirked up in her contemplation "A feeling, perhaps?" but before James could say anything more, Pandora picked up her book and turned to leave for the dormitories "It was nice talking to you, James Potter" and she was gone.

A very peculiar girl but James found her surprisingly pleasant to be around, although he didn't quite know what to make of their conversation, scratching his head, James exited the common room.

He made short work of the rest of the common rooms but was delayed a little in the Gryffindor common room as he needed to stop and greet his old roommates—that included throwing a handful of dung bombs into his old dorm room and then casting a weather charm onto the ceiling so it'd start raining.

It's been almost two weeks after Lily's little run-in with Severus and while James had every instinct screaming at him to fill the slimy git with hexes before he'd tell Dumbledore of the snake's traitorous ambition, Lily would have none of it. She'd made him promise to keep from doing both and then promised _him_ in return that she would tell Dumbledore herself. Yet, as Snape continued looking more and more un-hexed by the day, Dumbledore remained oblivious. Why she had chosen to defend the unlovable prick was beyond James, although he supposed it was in Lily's nature. And James, being the love-whipped moron that he is and desperately not wanting her unhappy, decided to do as she wished, trusting her to handle it in the way she saw most fit. However, he was more than ready to interfere should she start driving herself into a self-induced guilt path because he'll be damned before he allowed her to believe any of this was her fault.

James returned to his current place of residence, only to find Lily up and about in his room—which really was unofficially _theirs_ since Lily often… _accompanied_ him to bed. Her eyes held a dreamy sort of look as she twirled about in his room with her hairbrush and half her uniform on. She moved with her usual, unearthly grace, humming softly under her breath, a tune he identified as— The Wedding March.

James froze on the spot as an earth-shattering thought sunk in to his head. _He was going to marry Lily._

A reigning part of him had already known he would be building a future with her, with Lily. However, even after she had openly expressed her love for him, there had been a part of him that didn't quite believe it. That he was still second to her fancy of the giant squid. It had only just sunk in that _she_ was the future he wanted. One that would involve them growing old, with a dozen beautiful, green eyed children and would end with them dying together—hopefully he would be first to go because he could not—would not bear the very thought of her death.

Reluctant to break her out of her pleasant state, James cleared his throat when he became curious enough to the source of her euphoric mood. As he predicted, Lily jumped a little when he finally made himself known. "James! Where've you been?" she asked, breathlessly.

James had cleverly chosen to avoid her question by being sarcastic "You know, if I had been a burglar, you'd have been robbed—twice." he smirked at her.

Lily rolled her eyes "And there are many burglars in Hogwarts that know the password to our common room" she threw his sarcasm back in his face, securing her tie around her collar as James watched his favorite part of her neck disappear beneath her white shirt.

"I'm almost certain Sirius knows our passwords" James countered "And he's sort of a burglar."

"Well then I'm lucky my stairway is boy-proof—have you seen my robe?" Lily searched the mangled sheets for her robe, frowning.

"I heard you humming, are we getting married?" he half-joked, clearing his throat awkwardly as he snuck glances at Lily's reaction to the idea.

Lily's eyes softened and the warmest smile spread across her face, James' heart threatened to punch a hole through his ribs, his palms were sticky and he couldn't quite breathe—they're getting married. He just started hearing the wedding bells when-

"It's my sister, Petunia."

The ringing stopped and James could suddenly breathe again. _Get a bloody grip, Potter!_

"She's getting married on Christmas week" Lily's smile broadened "A snowy white wedding. Oh, she'll look so beautiful in her wedding dress." she gushed.

Long red hair in loose waves around her shoulders, a white veil over her face and the simplest of wedding gowns would make Lily look like the most beautiful woman in the world. "Yeah." he mumbled absentmindedly.

"James?" Lily's voice was a blur but the one in white smiled at him, nodding as she accepted their-

"Are you daydreaming about my sister's wedding?" Lily asked, somewhat appalled and amused at the same time.

"What?" James blinked rapidly "No! I was thinking of our-" he caught his tongue and shoved it down his throat with a choke.

Lily blinked, confused.

"Your robe's underneath the bed." he informed her quickly.

"Oh, thank you" Lily got down on her knees and bent over to check underneath the bed, presenting James with an eyeful. "James?"

"Yes, love?" he answered, eyes roaming over the curve of her glorious behind.

"There's nothing here." Lily squinted.

"I know" he smirked.

There was a loud thump and James winced as Lily curled up into a tight fetal position with her hand sporting the back of her head.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry" James knelt down next to her, attempting to provide some sort of comfort to the damage he'd caused. Lily swatted at his hands and glared at him with fury-charged annoyance blazing in her eyes. James raised his hands in surrender, looking genuinely concerned. "That sounded like it really hurt."

"It did!" Lily snapped and shot to her feet in an effort to get away from him, but struggled a little as the blood rushed from her head too quickly in the sudden change of position. "Bloody hell." she cursed under her breath and allowed James to coax her into sitting down on the bed.

He kept his hand firmly around her, pressed himself closely to her as if she'd run from him. "I'm sorry, that was crude of me and you got hurt." James apologized before he kissed her gently on her throbbing temple. "Do you want to go see Madam Pomfrey?"

Lily shook her head "It's just a bump." she paused to rub the back of her head and felt the lump that was quickly swelling "A really big bump." she sighed.

"I'm sorry." James murmured again.

"I was going to ask you to come home and spend Christmas with me, but given the new circumstances, I'm not sure I should." Lily teased, feigning annoyance but unable to keep herself from smiling.

James blinked. She wanted him over for Christmas? He was going to meet her parents. He would meet her family and that meant he'd have to earn their official consent to court their daughter. He wondered if muggles still found it delinquent if two unmarried people of the opposite sex were together without a chaperone—or was that only in the 18th century. _Damn, he should've taken muggle studies for his O. ._

"James?" Lily's voice beckoned him. "You've been spacing out an awful lot today. Something on your mind?" she asked, nudging him lightly in the side.

"I-I would love to come over for Christmas." James paused to debate over whether or not to ask.

Lily beamed at him and moved to kiss him on the cheek "We should get to breakfast"

James felt foolish for wanting to ask, but he _needed_ to know. "Do your parents expect us to bring a chaperone before I'm given permission officially court you?"

"What?"

…

Pre-match breakfasts were the best. Why? Because he was the Quidditch Hero and _everyone_ remembered that on match day. People would pat him on his back as they passed, told him how much money they've gambled their money on Gryffindor; although, given Gryffindor's nearly untainted match history, he'd be surprised if anyone did wager against Gryffindor's odds. From the moment he had stepped out of his dorm, he had been surrounded by enthusiastic students that reminded him of the legend he was.

He'd been stopped a total of 27 times to be praised and wished good luck. When James Potter finally stepped foot into the Great Hall, he felt like a king. He showed off his reflexes by deliberately walking past two boys throwing the quaffle back and forth, dodging the throws as he pretended not to notice. A few people got up to clap him on the shoulder and as he reached his usual spot at the Gryffindor table, he spotted Sirius, Remus and Peter. They showered him with jokes about getting hurt on the pitch and praises. All was perfect in James Potter's world except, the one thing on his mind—the one exception.

"Have you guys seen Lily?"

"You're joking." Sirius said, his tone almost accusing.

"I haven't seen her." Peter spoke up.

"She hasn't come down to the Great Hall, that's what I know." Remus offered, always the helpful one of their bunch.

"You come down here, everyone's practically bowed at your feet, Peter's practically wet himself at your presence and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is _'Have you guys seen Lily?'_ I feel the love, Prongs. I really do." Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved toast in his mouth.

"You sound like a jealous girlfriend." Remus jested.

"At least I'm the girlfriend, what does that make you two?" Sirius gestured at Peter and Remus with mock disgust. "Sit down, Prongs, she's not in the bloody room."

"I need to go look for her, do you have the map?" James spoke up just as he sat down.

"No, it's upstairs. And what you _need_ to do is eat breakfast. Perhaps you've forgotten we've got a match in a few hours." Sirius's tone dripped with sarcasm. "If you eat later, you risk the chance of throwing up on the pitch—where the hell are you going?"

"To find Lily."

"Son of a-"

"I take it back, you're the mistress."

"Oh shut up, Moony."

…

The girl in question was in fact, stuck in a predicament of her own. For as she stood, staring at the ugly stone gargoyle that guarded the entry to the Headmaster's tower, a myriad of conflicting emotions raged within her.

She _needed_ to tell Professor Dumbledore. It was only right. He would be able to help Severus, perhaps even convince him otherwise, if Lily would just give the expectant gargoyle the stupid password.

But what if Professor Dumbledore couldn't guide him back on the right path? What if he turned Severus in instead? He'd have to be monitored by the Ministry of Magic, the Death Eaters wouldn't accept him in and no one would hire a suspected Death Eater. Or worse, they could throw him straight to Azkaban.

Lily's palms began to sweat in her clench, her heart raced with all the possible scenarios that could play out, none of which she wished true. She couldn't do that to Severus, however as she contemplated the reason, she was ashamed because she couldn't tell if it was because she felt guilty about his feelings or guilty about her decision. If she had paid more attention to him, if she hadn't _insisted_ on withholding her forgiveness—would this have played out more differently? A single question now hung in the silence.

Would she still have fallen in love with James if she had forgiven Severus the day he came to beg for it?

It frightened her to admit that she truly did not know.

Regardless of her personal feelings, she was _Head Girl._ She owed her loyalty to the Headmaster of Hogwart; Professor Albus Dumbledore—not the boy she had once known.

"Ice Mice." Lily spoke with more confidence that she felt but the gargoyle had not moved, only continued to stare at her through its bulging eyelids. The password must've changed and the Head Prefects had yet to be informed of the new one.

It was a sign, Lily thought. Hogwarts seemed to have made the decision for her and Lily was conflicted over relief and dread. She turned to go down for breakfast and halted when she noticed a lone figure standing in the middle of the corridor, watching her closely.

"James." she breathed. "What are you doing here?"

"I would ask you the same question" he raised an eyebrow but made no move to approach her as Lily thought he would.

Lily began to walk forward in slow, hesitant steps "I was going to tell him, about Sev—Snape" she eyed his reaction, wondering if James would meet her in the middle. He had not moved, but his eyes softened and his expression, encouraging.

So Lily continued forward "The password's changed." she was within grasping distance and yet James made no move to do so.

"McGonagall gave me the new password."

Lily's heart sunk "O-Oh? Give it here then." her voice wavered and she realized her hands were shaking. _Oh, why won't he hold her?_

"I would." he began, he suddenly looked forlorn. "But you don't want it." his hazel eyes seemed to see right through to her and Lily's eyes welled up in tears, she clutched at her elbows and slumped a little as she wiped at her eyes.

"James, I can't-" she sniffled and pleaded comfort.

James took the step forward, engulfing her small frame into his own. Stroking her hair and listening to her sniffling nose "I know, love." and in that moment, all the praise people sang of him and the bright eyed stares meant nothing, the quidditch match with Slytherin laid dustily forgotten in the far corners of his mind; nothing meant more to him than Lily.

* * *

 **Anyone know who Pandora was? Heehee**

 **This chapter challenged me emotionally and I really enjoyed writing it. Leave me your thoughts. Leave a review! See you next week!**


	19. The Choice

**The Choice**

Overslept, Lily rarely ever slept in. She had a very reliable biological clock and always considered herself to be a morning person. However, she had woken up in James' dormitory feeling spent and grouchy. Perhaps it had something to do with the lack of James' presence or the fact that she had stayed up trying to finish off her report for her Herbology independent research but there was one thing Lily knew was _not_ the cause of her bumpy morning—copious amounts of sex.

Why? One may ask. And the reason was rather simple really; they weren't bloody having any. Lily blew a stray strand of hair from her eye and it flopped right back into place. Suddenly, she was reminded of how she had to struggle her dreadfully untamable hair into a ponytail that morning—now she was grouchy _and_ unnecessarily self-conscious.

James had not so much as hinted at sex after her unpleasant encounter with Snape and Lily was hopping between self-criticism and unhealthy obsessing bordering on desperation. The only comfort was knowing he was still just as affected by her as she was by him through the small habits they had developed between them. How he found every minute reason initial contact with her, how he chose to brush against her side as he walked past her, despite the ample space they had in the room. _How his arousal felt pressed against her as they drifted to sleep._

He had told her he wasn't ready to have sex yet but he'd yet to tell her why and she didn't push him on it. After the sixth time he stopped her before things could get too heated, Lily decided not to pressure him anymore. James never pushed her into anything she didn't genuinely want and she believed it was only fair she offered him that same patience. She only wished he would at least tell her the reason why they were abstaining.

"We lost! We lost to bloody Slytherin, James. When have we ever? That was by far, _your_ shittiest game."

The sudden outburst was the first thing that caught Lily's attention as she stepped into the Great Hall. She easily spotted Sirius's head of wild curls as the boy spoke loudly, his hand gripped the edge of the table and his body leaned forward almost menacingly toward James.

"Quidditch is a team sport, Sirius." James' voice sounded exasperated.

"And we trusted you to make the right calls! You have to stop letting her inside your head or at least keep her out while you're on the broom. Do you want to get scouted or not?"

Lily flinched at the mention of Gryffindor's last quidditch match. She had been in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey after James convinced her to take a Calming Draught so she'd missed the game but it didn't take her long to find out that they had lost. James came to her straight after the match but she hadn't known that they lost until Andrew Farlange from Slytherin threw a sarcastic remark at them while they were making their way back to the Head dorms.

Lily had felt partially at fault for James' lack of concentration during the game but James brushed off the loss easily, claiming that their points were still in the running for the Quidditch House Cup. She had taken his word for it and didn't press the further on the matter.

However, from how Sirius was reacting to the loss, Lily reconsidered that idea. As she approached the table, the tension in the air seemed to grow with her every step. She'd never seen the carefree, troublemaking Sirius so—bothered. Angry. Frustrated.

While Lily couldn't say she had ever been fond of James' best mate, he was mostly inappropriate, hot-tempered and, she dared say, even more of an egomaniac than James himself. But he was also undyingly loyal to James and it worried her that she may have had something to do with their row.

James looked vaguely annoyed as he answered he shot back a retort "We're still ahead in terms of points."

"Only because Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff hasn't played yet"

"We have one more game, all we have to-" James caught Lily's eye and she stiffened. His expression seemed to soften momentarily before panic flicked through his eyes as he broke their eye contact.

"Here's a plan—" Sirius' tone was sarcastic.

"Sirius." James interjected sternly, his glance at her was panicky and his posture rigid.

"Keep your eyes on the fucking quaffle and your thoughts out of Lily's _spectacular-_ "

"Sirius, shut it!" James stood up and his spoon clattered noisily on his plate, effectively silencing not only Sirius but also the students around them.

Sirius' eyes flicked over to Lily and then back, he looked genuinely bemused with the whole situation as James lowered himself gingerly back onto his seat before sending an encouraging smile in Lily's direction.

Guilt washed up onto Lily's chest as she considered just turning away and leaving them to resume their discussion but she was too sure that James would not let her leave, not when he already saw her. So she silently settled down next to James, trying and failing to ignore the thickened tension in the air.

Sirius was obviously unhappy with her, Remus and Peter seemed too shaken to start a conversation so that left Lily to break the ice. But just as she opened her mouth to say something, James cut in front of her.

"Did you manage to finish the Herbology report?" he asked her, his arm coming around to rest on her hip as he planted a kiss on her temple.

There was a clatter of metal against the table and everyone's attention was suddenly shifted onto Peter. "Report." The word came out a mixture of a statement and a question. As if Peter had already considered his fate and sealed it in one word.

Remus rolled his eyes and fought back a smile "I reminded you three times this week, you said you were halfway done"

"Because you kept pestering me about it, I had to lie!" Peter whined.

"You _told_ me to remind you"

And with that, some semblance of order was restored between the Marauders, although Sirius was still too quiet.

A loud croon resonated throughout the Great Hall and one owl shot through the window before dozens of others followed close behind it. The mail had arrived. Lily's back straightened as she watched the multitude of different colored owls swoop in with letters in their beaks, parcels in their claws and notes tied to their legs.

It seemed like the rest of the hall had stopped do mimic Lily's actions, everyone watched with wary eyes for an owl that would head their way. Given the recent turn of events, the students were conflicted over receiving mail for the chances of it bearing bad news were much too high. A lone owl broke free from the group and it seemed to be headed in their direction.

Lily's breathing hitched and she immediately felt James' presence as he squeezed gently at her hand, soothing her instantly. But the owl had not been meant for her, instead it had swooped down long enough to drop a letter onto Sirius' plate. It came across as a surprise for them because amongst their little group, they least expected Sirius' family to be targeted.

Sirius, however, didn't seem fazed by his mail as he tore lazily at the neatly sealed envelope. Meanwhile, Lily's subscribed copy of the Daily Prophet had arrived and she became instantly distracted.

With every word that Lily read, the more frustrated she became. "The ministry of magic is desperate." she gritted.

"Too desperate." Remus added.

James had leaned over her shoulder to read the front page article.

 _THE MINISTER OF MAGIC AUTHORIZES THE USE OF UNFORGIVABLE CURSES BY AURORS._

"It says here that more and more pureblooded families are openly supporting you-know-who's cause." Remus pointed out absently, his eyes quickly scanning through the list of names but James had been quicker.

"Sirius." he looked over to where his best friend was supposed to be seated only to find the spot void.

"I didn't even see him leave." Lily said, concerned.

"The Blacks have always been elitists, I doubt he was surprised" Remus said, frowning as he picked up the torn envelope from the table. "This has his family crest on it" the concern no etched on his face as he regarded James.

"Maybe his mother wrote to him" Peter suggested.

James' brows knitted as he contemplated the implications "That woman's never so much as given him the time of day after she found out he'd been sorted into Gryffindor, I'm going to go look for him"

"But class is starting soon" Lily frowned. As much as she wanted to make sure Sirius was all right, she didn't think receiving a letter from his own family called for alarm. "Is it bad that he got a letter from his parents?" Lily asked, genuinely curious.

James looked up to the other two of his best mates and a silent agreement passed between them before he answered "I suppose not."

"Then I was hoping not to have to lie to Professor McGonagall for you again." Lily sounded hopeful.

James smiled hesitantly and settled back down to finish the rest of his breakfast.

…

Sirius was bemused. Usually he would try to make a joke out of the whole situation but today, he was in a bad mood. His best friend had chosen his girlfriend over his best mate and he received a letter in which he still wasn't sure if it bore him good news or bad news. Now, his day had fallen into a whole new low with his current predicament.

"You think you're so smug, Sirius Black. A Slytherin reject, a jester—a joke. All you're doing is hiding behind your name and your friendship with the Gryffindor's Golden Boy." A hufflepuff boy, whose name escaped Sirius at that moment, snarled.

"Hm. I don't think it was your observational skills that attracted your girlfriend." Sirius jibed as he tilted his head mockingly. "What do you think it was? Because I really don't see it." He looked at the girl sitting on the table with her skirt too short and her legs too—crossed.

In one swift move, the boy had seized him by the front of his shirt and slammed him into the black board.

He had been lured here—bribed with the promise of oral sex only to be let down as the boyfriend of the girl who coaxed him into the empty classroom, appeared to be waiting for him. Along with the girl that was supposed to be sucking him off. He could've turned and left and no one would've been able to stop him. Instead, he had closed the door behind him, because he saw something—an opportunity.

"You stay the hell away from Annie, d'you understand?" the hufflepuff's threats were empty and unoriginal, but his temper was a one way ticket to a violent outcome. _All he needed was another shove._

"Fine, but I think we both know it's not me that has to stay away." Sirius looked past the boy to wink at the girl.

 _Because what Sirius really wanted, was a reason to hurt someone._

The Hufflepuff drew his arm back and lashed out almost sluggishly compared to Sirius' reflexes, but the latter stayed still anyway. His head turned from the force of the hit and he slid to the side but as the boy grabbed at his robes for a second hit, Sirius had drawn his wand and sent the boy spiraling to the other side of the room, crashing through some ancient looking animal skulls.

He could've stopped there. Walked out while the girl was in shock and the boy in pain. But he was angry, moody and bitter.

"Impedimenta!" he shouted with more force than necessary.

The crumpled form of the boy lifted from the floor and up into the air. The frantic cries of the girl faded into the background and suddenly, all he had was his rage.

"Think you're so special, did you?" Sirius sneered. "You're not the first person to have a cheating girlfriend, trust me. I've seen loads." he shrugged nonchalantly as he stood just under the suspended boy. "Don't come after me because you can't meet standards"

"What are you doing?" the girl shrieked from somewhere beside him. Sirius turned to her, eyes cold and calculative.

"Aw, isn't this what you want? Two hot-blooded blokes fighting over you?" he mocked her.

"What is _wrong_ with you, Sirius? This isn't you!" tears welled up in her eyes and Sirius realized-

He could care less.

"Sirius?" a more familiar voice called out to him and hope wormed itself into his heart once again. He dropped the hufflepuff and turned to the door to greet the newcomer.

"Prongs, mate. Just in time. D'you reckon he'd look better with buckteeth or boils?" Sirius asked.

James looked between the groaning boy on the floor with the girl knelt by his side and Sirius, who was clearly not acting like himself. With one quick glance out the door, he shut the door behind himself and casted a quick Imperturbable charm on the door before he advanced onto the situation.

"What's this about?" he asked, slightly alarmed by what he had seen.

"We were just having a friendly chat before I was so rudely assaulted" his tone was mocking, yet his eyes were cold. Not at all what James deemed as normal Sirius behavior. "Again, boils or buckteeth?" Sirius insisted, his eyes looking up to mean James', as if challenging him.

Sirius was pushing his boundaries with James, and the latter knew that too well. He also knew that at this point, Sirius was going to keep pushing until he broke something and James had to stop him.

His best friend looked expectantly at him, waiting patiently for an answer.

"No." he said with finality.

An unidentifiable emotion flickered across his face before it was masked carefully beneath his usual facade of nonchalance. "You're right, too textbook. How 'bout a permanent stinging hex?" he grinned toothily and the Hufflepuff paled even further as Sirius directed the end of his wand toward him.

Sirius caught a shuffle of movement in the corner of his eye before he heard James' voice again "Stop this, Sirius." James warned urgently. The Gryffindor bully looked surprised, his eyes wide with disbelief as he continued to stare at the frightened boy on the floor and then he snorted. A clipped and short outlet of breath before he turned to fully regard his best friend.

"There's no Ms. Prefect to impress here, Prongs. You don't have to pretend." his voice was hopeful but his eyes looked helpless. "It's just me, James." He added softly.

James looked between his best mate and the harassed boy. "I mean it, Black. You've gone too far this time. Lower your wand" James spoke with caution as he shifted his grip on his wand. Sirius looked like he had been slapped across the face before reluctantly lowered his wand. His arm resting lifelessly against his side. "Get lost." James snipped at the shaken couple. Within seconds, the two had scrambled out the door and slammed it shut.

As soon as they had been given privacy, James spoke up. "Are you mad? What in Merlin's name was that all about?"

"He started it." Sirius scoffed.

"You didn't have to go that far."

"Little snot needed to be taught a lesson."

"He's a fifth year!"

Something inside of Sirius snapped and he lashed out ferociously "Well it's never stopped you before! What's changed now? _Oh right_ , you've got a glass cased relationship you need to protect with that insufferable prig." Sirius snarled the last of his sentence into James' face.

Surprise morphed into confusion and then anger. "Don't make this seem like Lily's fault." He shoved Sirius back and few steps and pointed an accusing finger at him "You've gone out of control!"

"I barely touched him!" Sirius snapped back angrily before a look of apathy slipped onto his face. The shorter Gryffindor headed for the door, but not before roughly shoving his shoulder into James.

"Where are you going?" James called after him, but all he got back an angry slam of the classroom door.

As James reached into his robes to pull out the Marauder's map, it was nowhere to be found. Sirius had pickpocketed him. "Bugger."

...

"Have you found him?" James panted to his two best friends who looked equally as winded as he was. This had been going on for almost three hours now and they were only minutes away from curfew and they had yet to see their best friend. James had gone over his heated argument with Sirius again and again, trying to understand his best mate's perspective. Sirius was hot tempered with strangers but never had the boy ever been so genuinely angry with James. They were around each other so often, people often mistake them for brothers—especially after Sirius had gone and gotten himself disowned by the Blacks.

However, by the time James had been ready to talk things out with Sirius, he was nowhere to be found—along with the invisibility cloak and marauder's map. He was absent for the whole day and no one had seen him except for when James found him in the History of Magic classroom.

"No—this would be a lot easier if you hadn't lost the map" Remus panted.

"I didn't bloody lose it, Sirius nicked it from me." James reason.

"With the invisibility cloak, he could be anywhere. He could be laughing at us right now!" Peter whined and wheezed.

"Doubt it, he wants to be left alone." James shook his head.

"Then let him be, wouldn't be the first time he's disappeared like this." Remus wrinkled his nose. He, of, all people where one of the unluckiest few to have caught Sirius in the act with an unknown girl in their dormitory and wasn't too keen on looking for him since.

James considered it seriously for a moment before nodding reluctantly.

"Has anyone seen Lily?"

Remus and Peter groaned.

…

Lily peeked around the corner of the corridor to check for people and only stepped out once she confirmed the lack of. It was past curfew and she was openly threading the hallways like some sort of delinquent. The head girl badge she had pinned on her robes seemed to _throb_ with guilt with every unauthorized minute she spent outside of her dormitory at this sort of hour but she was genuinely worried about Sirius. If she hadn't stopped James from going after him, perhaps he wouldn't have vanished like this and this guilt far outweighed her sense of responsibility as Head girl.

She stopped at a broom closet before she pressed her ear against the wood only to pull away feeling like a fool. Sirius was smart enough to cast an Imperturbable charm. With her hand clenched around the handle, Lily mentally prepared herself to find a snogging—possibly randy—couple in there and she could only hope it was Sirius, then at least, she could let James know he was alive.

Lily yanked harshly at the doorknob and physically winced before she could even see anything. A lonely looking old broom sat in the room and Lily let out a breath of relief but she shut the door with a sense of disappointment. Looking down the hallway, Lily spotted the winding stairway of the astronomy tower. Although she itched to return to her dormitory while she remained uncaught, Lily had a hunch. And that's how the head girl found herself scaling the astronomy tower against her conscience.

As soon as she stepped out onto the top stair, a draft of cold winter air swept through. Shivering, Lily reconsidered searching the tower, but the breeze had blown something towards her. A crumpled piece of parchment. Lily picked it up to examine it, carefully unfolding the paper before quickly scanning the contents—it was a will. More specifically, the last will and testament of one Alphard Black.

"Do you always read things from the floor?"

Lily started, gasping loudly before reaching out to steady herself on the railing. Her heart thumped heavily in her chest as she quickly scanned the premise for the source of the familiar voice but she couldn't see anyone.

"Sirius?" she called out.

There was a sound resembling the ruffling of sheets and Sirius revealed himself, perched against the railing on the balcony of the tower. Lily let out a sigh in relief. "We've been looking all over for you."

"I know" Sirius' voice sounded worn out and his tone, dejected.

"Are you all right?" Lily stepped towards him and lifted the crumpled parchment to show him "This—your uncle—he-" Lily stopped herself short, unable to continue.

"He's dead." Sirius finished, his tone chillier than the weather.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't meant to pry." Lily lowered the paper guiltily, not quite knowing what to do with it, so she opted to shuffling forward and toward Sirius. Stopping just in front of him and held out the paper for him to take. Sirius took one look at it before snatching it from her hands.

"Yeah, well, I'm not. I'm rich now." Sirius flashed her a weak smile. Lily stood awkwardly before him for a moment, unsure of her next move before Sirius intervened "I don't need your pity. I barely knew the man."

Lily sensed Sirius' need for privacy, but she didn't think anyone would want to be alone after discovering the death of their family member. "It's freezing tonight." Lily began, hoping to start a conversation. Sirius didn't reply. "You missed Professor McGonagall's homework due date." Lily tried again, it was a foolish thing to say in the circumstance but it was all she could come up with. She didn't have a very close relationship with Sirius, they were barely civil as it was. She had hoped homework was a neutral topic but apparently, it triggered something.

"Is that all you ever talk about? No wonder James turned into a wanker." He snapped irritably, rolling his eyes and Lily couldn't help but feel slightly insulted.

"What do you want to talk about then?" she asked.

"Nothing, go back to converting James into a wanker."

"James is not a wanker!" Lily snapped huffily "And even if he is, I certainly didn't turn him into one." she crossed her arms over her chest.

Sirius didn't seem convinced "Of course not, he's turning himself into a wankstain _because_ of you."

Confused and annoyed, Lily stayed silent to keep from saying something nasty back to the grieving boy.

"So what's the plan? Lead him around until you realize he's much too _wild_ for you and then leave him? Or suck out all the fun from him life before letting him go?" Sirius' tone was mocking but Lily felt anything but. Instead, she felt attacked and accused.

"You don't approve of our relationship." it was a statement. "Why? Is it because you think I'm changing him? Because he's no longer breaking 25 school rules a day?" Lily challenged.

Sirius laughed, a mirthless sound. "Seven years."

"What?"

His head leaned back to press against the railing "We've been best friends for seven years. And in those seven years, I spent picking up the pieces of him he's given to you, only to have you throw them back in his face." Sirius' tone was monotonous "He's only even truly upset when you're involved. You're the only person that has ever made him second guess himself where not even others questioned him." His eyes flickered over to her and even though he was sitting down, Lily felt smaller under his intense gaze. "I'll never understand what he sees in you when all you've ever done was hurl insults at him." he sounded angry now, his grey eyes flickered with resentment. " _You're_ the reason why I don't understand him anymore." he added quietly.

"You think I'm getting in the way of your friendship." Lily concluded.

"Well, aren't you?"

Lily scowled, her breaths came out in huffs and her heart thumping too fast. "I'm not forcing him into anything— _I'm not forcing him to choose between me and his friends!"_

The Gryffindor's eyes flashed dangerously with an unknown emotion and suddenly he was on his feet, towering menacingly over Lily. "Because there isn't a choice!" he hissed. Lily held her breath, her heart thumping urgently in her chest as she prepared her body for the worst. Sirius' hand twitched and she knew he was holding himself back from laying a hand on her. She searched his eyes in hopes it would clue her in on how to respond but she didn't need to.

Sirius continued, softer "It's you. To him, it's always going to be you." Sirius exhaled and suddenly he looked more helpless that Lily has ever seen him. He turned and left Lily to face the cold on her own, her mind pondering endlessly at his words.

"Just— tell me one thing." Sirius paused at the stairs and looked back. "Are you playing him?"

As he turned around, Lily could finally see through to the genuine concern he had for his best friend. "I would never."

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	20. Ignorance is Bliss

**A fairly short chapter, but STEAMY scenes. Be warned!**

* * *

 **I** **gnorance is Bliss**

James leapt to his feet as soon as his ears caught the heavy sound of moving concrete, a quick glance at the clock told him that it was long past curfew and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "Just what the hell are you playing at?" the anger was too prominent, even to his own hears.

Lily jumped at the sound of his voice, her head snapping up to his eyes with a panicked haze of emerald, the tremor of fear in her eyes was enough to have James reeling with regret and his own heart mirroring her panic. He waited for her to say something, yell at him for scaring her, scowl and kick up a fuss about something—anything. But she merely continued to stare at him as though she was too wounded to speak. He crossed the room in a few large strides, looking out for injuries or anything that would clue him in on her state of distress.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Was it Snape?" he seized her upper arms in a tight grip as he held her at arm's length, eyes scanning over her a few times before he met her eyes again. A frisson of fear ran down his spine at the thought of Snape ambushing her again and it genuinely annoyed him. Being _afraid_ was not something he was familiar with, he didn't know how to react, so he did in the worst way possible—he lashed out at her. "Are you barking mad?"

Lily frowned, confused and insulted. "It's nearly two hours past curfew. You heard what Dumbledore said, Lily. How could you be so _stupid_? Wandering about the castle on your own. Just what were you thinking? They could've gotten to you again! And I don't have the-" James caught himself before he could finish and pressed his lips together before looking away guiltily. A pregnant pause passed between them and Lily could not find the words to calm James down.

His eyes flicked back to hers and Lily stiffened under the intensity of his gaze "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" he upped the pressure. Lily opened her mouth to speak but seeing him so _cross_ with her unnerved her enough to remain silent. James never raised his voice with her, except for the time they confessed their feelings for one another. Ever since the start of their relationship, they had never fought, they would debate and Lily would chastise him but he always relented to her wishes—he always did everything to make sure she was happy.

Suddenly, everything seemed to crumble around her. The reason for Sirius' bitterness, his anger and frustrations directed her was not without ground. Was she forcing him to change for her own sake? If he returned to his trouble-making ways, would she cease to love him?

Apparently unsatisfied with her reply, or the lack of one, James shook her by the arms and forced her to look at him "Answer me!" he snapped and Lily was jerked violently back into her situation.

"Let me go." she blurted out, her heart clenching at the way James looked at her, so furious and frantic—almost identical to the way Sirius snapped at her. She'd had enough of people telling her off today.

"No." his gripped tightened around her arms and he came that much closer to lifting her off the ground. "Not until you tell mewhat's wrong with you? What time do you call this?"

Unable to stand being lectured by a hypocrite, Lily found a surge of energy and used it to shove James off of her. He stumbled back, surprised by her strength. Lily pulled away before he could make another grab at her. "First of all, _Potter_." Lily watched him recoil at her use of his last name and relished childishly at the small victory "There is nothing _wrong_ with me! Secondly, don't yell at me, I'm _not_ a child. I've had enough of people yelling at me and if you take one more step towards me, I swear—I'll hex you" the ferocity of her tone had James halting his movements. Lily used his moment of hesitation to turn her back on him, moving quickly towards her dorm, where Hogwarts would keep him away from her.

But she wasn't nearly quick enough to make it to the stairs, James had wrapped his hand around her wrist and held fast. Without drawing her wand, Lily turned her head and sent a low powered stinging jinx to his hand. "Ow!" he released her but she was immediately caught with his other hand. " _Who_ yelled at you?" he demanded but as Lily continued to try and struggle out of his hold, he threw up an assumption "Was it Sirius?" she stilled. "It was Sirius, wasn't it?" James concluded. Lily continued to stare at the ground with the same wounded expression on her face before she attempted to pull herself free.

Suddenly desperate for her attention, James pleaded "Lily, I'm sorry. Please don't go. I won't be able to sleep like this. Something is obviously not right, can't we talk?" he sounded so helpless, it melted the makeshift ice Lily had raised around her heart—Marlene always said she was a pushover. "I'll talk to Sirius about it." James offered.

Lily whipped around wildly, her green eyes focused on his as she glared "You will do no such thing!" she snapped. "I don't need him thinking that I run to you with all my problems."

"Since when do you care what Sirius thinks about our relationship and what's wrong with running to me with all your problems? I certainly wouldn't mind" He rolled his eyes "It'd make my life a hell lot easier"

As his eyes flickered back to hers, Lily was suddenly watching him behind a carefully crafted veil of callousness and James faltered just slightly at the sight, swallowing nervously as his hand tightened around hers, afraid that he had said something wrong.

He cleared his throat "I'm sorry for yelling at you" his voice raspy while his wide and wary eyes pierced straight through her indifference. Lily remained silent. James averted his eyes to glower at the ground. "I just- I was afraid. The last time you were out roaming the castle on your own—something bad happened to you. And it seemed like it was happening again. I was going out of my mind, thinking up all the things that could happen to you while I'm stuck here. Especially now, with pricks like Voldemort on the loose." His eyes met hers almost sheepishly and Lily's heart squeezed. "And this time I don't have the map, I wouldn't know where to start looking-"

"Map?" Lily interrupted immediately, facing him fully now. For a split second, James' eyes flickered with panic and Lily found her leverage. Her eyes narrowed and she began to close the distance between them "You know, Potter-"

"James." he corrected her hurriedly, still sheepish.

Lily ignored him "I've _always_ wondered how you always manage to be at the right place at the right time. Even the night I was ambushed, how did you know to look for me? I've been meaning to ask you but it never came up, and now that you brought it up here. What is this— _map, you said_?" she was a mere step away from him now and James still stubbornly refused to meet her eyes. "You wanted to talk—let's talk, _Potter_ " Lily was deliberately taunting him now.

"Will you _please_ , just call me James?" his eyes snapped back to hers at once.

Lily fought the urge to smile at his obvious irritation by something so trivial. "Not until you start talking. Unless you don't trust me with your abundance of secrets anymore, then I don't see what we have to talk about if we can't even trust another." Lily couldn't help sounding bitter.

"Hey, you're hiding things from me too-" James stopped before he could say anything "Can we sit down?" he glanced nervously at the flight of stairs behind her.

There were very few times when Lily had seen James' ego so humbled and Sirius' words came surging back to her.

' _You're the only person that has ever made him second guess himself where not even others questioned him.'_

"All right." Lily agreed softly and it pained her to see him looking so relieved, as if he expected to fail. She slid her hand out of his hold and he watched her closely as he settled onto the sofa and she passed him to sit on the armchair next to it. He raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you sitting so far away?" he asked.

"I want to be clear-headed while we carry on with this conversation" Lily retorted with the utmost seriousness.

And there it was, his ego manic smirk. For the first time, Lily found herself relieved at its appearance. "Are you saying that I would hinder with your thoughts?" he was doing a rubbish job at hiding his glee.

"Considering you spent the majority of our academic years accusing me of thinking about you, I assumed you knew." Lily prodded.

"I always knew you were mad about me." he grinned.

"Oh don't try to avoid the topic, Potter-"

"It's Ja- Now you're just being immature." he frowned.

"Speak."

"Woof."

Lily finally realized why her cheeks were hurting, she was grinning too hard.

"James!" she admonished but to no effect, seeing as she was on the verge of giggling like a lovesick schoolgirl. "We need to talk." the line was more meant for herself.

"Aren't you going to ask for my paw?" he joked and made a show of holding out his hand like a dog would for a treat, the mirth shimmering in his eyes.

"I'm not joking, James" Lily struggled to reign in her composure.

He cocked his head to one side, putting on a very convincing show of looking confused "Well neither am I. How else am I supposed to get my treat?"

Unable to contain herself, Lily stood and James did the same, the wariness returned. Afraid that he had done something to annoy her again. Instead of walking back to her dorm like James had suspected, she approached him in nimble steps before pushing him back down onto the couch. "If you don't want to talk, then we'll have to do something else" as she spoke, a sudden surge of aggression and want filled her as she took in the gob smacked expression on James' face.

Lily pushed her knees onto the sofa so that they rested on either side of his legs, his head leveled with her chest. She placed one hand on his shoulder and he flinched, eying her cautiously. He was right to be cautious, because her other hand traveled down his front, bypassed his shirt and went straight for his pants and it wasn't until she unbuckled his belt, did he manage to convince his hand to stop hers.

"Someone's randy." he tried for a nonchalant response while his cock throbbed with having her hand so close to touching him. Lily responded with a searing kiss, forcing his head to angle up towards her as she dominated every move of their lips, drew every merciless need from his body and used it against him. He grew needy and his body needier, reacting in ways he feared he would not be able to control.

 _He wasn't ready._

The niggling voice in the back of his mind surfaced too quickly and he pulled away just as Lily's tongue brushed his lips. "Lily, we can't-" he gasped, spiraling down from his pleasure induced high. " _I can't."_ he elaborated lamely.

"Why?" Lily asked absently as she moved fluidly from his mouth to his jaw and worked herself down to his neck.

"I'm tired." he lied automatically. Lily cupped his throbbing member through his trousers and he jumped, his whole body stiffening.

"It certainly doesn't seem like it." Lily's voice was sultry and addictive to his ears. His breathing sped at the feel of her hands roaming his chest and kneading his groin. One of her hand reached up to his loosened tie and pulled it clean off his neck before discarding it off to the side.

"Took me forever to knot that tie" he panted.

Lily's mouth raced her fingers as she trained butterfly kisses down his neck and to his chest where her fingers were just short of tearing his buttons off his uniform. "I'll knot your tie for you tomorrow, deal?" her voice sounded amused and completely alluring. She'd switched into her sexual predator mode, where she made it _impossible_ for him to deny her anything. It would take nothing short of beating his cock down with a hammer to stop them now. But he wasn't ready for this, he wasn't prepared to go through with it.

"Lily, we _have_ to stop." he pleaded, yet at the same time, he was groaning at the feel of her teeth nipping lightly at his skin. Then abruptly, all contact ceased completely. James didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

"Tell me why." she hooked her finger under his chin and directed his eyes straight into hers. "Why are you afraid, James?" she stroked lovingly at his hair, running her fingers through it to make it seem like James had just gotten off his broom. _Sure, she doesn't complain when she does it herself but when he does it, it was annoying._

Finally, James found the strength to lift his arms so that they came to wrap around her. He leaned his forehead against her chest and tightened his hold around her "What if your nightmares come back? I can't help but feel like I'm the one responsible for it—for hurting you." he took a deep breath "I don't know what I'll do if it happens again. I'd go insane."

Lily hadn't realized he had been so traumatized by her triggered nightmares. It broke something in her to see him confess—to see the glorified James Potter so humbled and vulnerable. She leaned down to kiss his forehead, when she pulled away, he had his eyes closed and a contented look on his face. "Then we'll do things differently this time" she whispered in his ear.

"Lily-" he tried but she had him unzipped and throbbing in her hand before his sluggish mind could think to stop her. She squeezed near the tip and he groaned. He'd wanked himself off the past few weeks thinking about Lily but having the actual person touch his member felt too surreal. Anticipation filled his chest but his hand had subconsciously wrapped around her hand to try and stop her. Then she began pumping and the strength immediately dissipated from his hand. Regardless, he continued to hold on to her wrist, a weak protest against her actions. "Stop" he groaned, his other hand moved to squeeze her hip for some sort of leverage. His eyes fell shut and his breathing sped.

She settled comfortably onto his legs "We won't have sex." Lily assured him, pressing her cheek up against his, leaning against his chest with his manhood gripped in between them "We'll start from the beginning."

"Lily" he breathed her name softly, desperately. The feel of her small warm hand moving up and down drove him closer and closer to insanity. "Oh god… Please, you have to stop. I'm going to-" he choked back his words as the pleasure wore him down and he sucked in a sharp breath as if he was in pain.

Lily kissed behind his ear and hushed him softly, "You're almost there, James. Just humor me—show me you still want me." her voice was soft and almost melancholic.

"I'll always want you." James panted urgently and as if he had said the right thing, Lily's grip tightened and her pace increased. James hissed at the surge of renewed pleasure, his head thrown back against the sofa and his fingers gripping her soft thighs.

In the midst of his blindness, James felt gentle lips pressed firmly against his in contrast of her hand roughly milking his pre-cum so she could use it against him. "Don't stop wanting me." she said, his mind had been reduced to nothing but a mass of information that didn't make sense. Nothing he felt for her make any sense, but it didn't need to. He would always love her this fiercely—he was certain of it.

"I'll always love you" he mumbled against her lips and pressed his forehead against hers, his feelings for her bubbled up inside him and overflowed—with one last pump and a grunt, he spurted powerfully into her hand. His chest sinking and rising deeply, his abdominal muscles pulsed with the force of his orgasm. When he opened his eyes, Lily was watching him. Her bright emerald eyes bright with awe and wonder.

With a hand slick with semen, Lily watched as the pleasure unraveled on James' features, taking in the vulnerability and intimacy of the moment. This was what she needed, what she craved. Lily never _needed_ the sex with James so much as desired to feel close to him and to seek confirmation that they were not broken—that Snape hadn't opened up a rift between them.

However, it did not escape her that they had inevitably failed at talking out their problems but she settled for the feeling of content inside her. They would be other challenges just like there would be chances for them in the future but they were solid. They were mad about each other and that was enough _—wasn't it?_ Love was enough.

"That was kind of hot." Lily breathed.

"Good, because it's my turn to watch."

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	21. Chaperone Expectations

**Sorry for the late chapter! It completely slipped my mind with the assignment due dates rolling in! This was one of my most favorite chapters to right, so I hope you enjoy! Remember to leave a review!**

* * *

 **Chaperone Expectations**

"Are you sure I don't need to bring a chaperone for us?" James frowned, his brows drew together, the picture of indecision etched across his features. He felt Lily's small hands pushing lightly against his jaw and he tilted his head backwards obediently but not before catching an exasperated eye roll from Lily.

"I've told you, James. That tradition is about a hundred years old. No one has _chaperones_ in the twentieth century" Lily said dismissively as she focused on successfully knotting James' tie. "There" she finished brightly, folding his white collar down before she stood back to admire her handiwork. James stood dressed in a white dress shirt and black slacks. His pale gold belt buckle glimmered in the light and his perfectly knotted tie—courtesy of her— pulled up to rest against his neck. "Very dashing" she grinned up at him but James seemed preoccupied with their previous, non-existent predicament.

James pressed his lips together as his hand reached up to tug absently at his tie, loosening it just enough for Lily to see the folds of his collar. "What if your father is a traditional man? Or perhaps your mother? I'm not going to win them over by arriving unprepared."

Lily blinked, surprised "You really are bothered by this, aren't you?" she asked incredulously.

His hazel eyes snapped her to hers almost irritably. "What gave it away?" his tone dripped with sarcasm.

"Honestly, love. You haven't anything to worry about. You've already met my mother, did she seem like a traditional person to you?" she asked him.

"No" James answered immediately but then backtracked "But she could be."

Lily bit back a smile "They'll love you because I do." she grasped his hand tightly "And _if_ they don't?" he stiffened but Lily pressed on "Would you stop loving me because _your_ parents don't like me?"

"Of course not." James snorted, mocked by the very thought.

Lily beamed "The same goes for me. Besides, even if we were in nineteenth century, we wouldn't need a chaperone because we're not going to be alone, we're having dinner with my sister and her fiancé." Lily pulled away and disappeared with a crack. James blinked as he watched Lily reappear just ten feet away from where disappeared, pulling open his side drawer. He rolled his eyes at her over enthusiasm after finally attaining her Apparating license.

It was a week into the Christmas holidays and earlier that very week, James had finally managed to convince Lily to take the next Apparition test and ever since she passed, Lily had been in and out of his room throughout the week. Sometimes with a purpose and other times without. It did great things to James to know that Lily sought his presence just as much he did with her.

His parents had already made plans to go to Albania during Christmas when James sent them an owl to inform them that he would be coming home. They were surprised because Sirius had sent them their Christmas gifts as per usual, which meant he would be staying in Hogwarts and the two of them was never often found without the other. However, James was not too happy with his best friend at the moment, but he hadn't mentioned that to his parents when he explained that he'd been invited to dinner by a friend.

He didn't elaborate on who that friend was, because he knew they'd never leave him alone if he mentioned bringing his girlfriend home. Although, they had offered to cancel their trip to spend the holiday with him but James insisted against it. Mainly because he wasn't planning on remaining home much during his stay in the first place, but what he didn't foresee was Lily's abuse of her newly attained license to appear in and out of his room as she pleased.

Because of that, they spent countless idle hours doing absolutely nothing but relish in each other's presence and then some. And now, less than an hour away from their meeting time, Lily was in his room with her hair tamed and her eyes lined, she had yet to change but already looked picture perfect in his eyes.

"Remember, don't apparate to the doorstep. Stop just down the street, walk to the front door and ring the doorbell." This was the third time she's reminded him in the hour and he couldn't help but feel there was something more to be known about Lily's family.

"Are you going to tell me why?" James prodded, his curiosity piqued.

Lily paused for a moment before closing the drawer softly. "Petunia, my sister, she's not very fond of magic." she turned to face him, looking downtrodden.

"That's ridiculous, how can she not? It's magic!" he offered as if the word itself was self-explanatory.

Lily frowned, her eyes still on the ground "Well, she's just not! So please don't use magic in front of her." finally, she lifted her eyes to meet his and James couldn't help but think she looked too miserable to be talking about her sister.

"I won't" he promised, taking a step toward her with his arms open, beckoning her to walk into him. Lily shook her head with a small smile.

"My makeup's going to get on your shirt"

"I don't mind" he pulled her into him and leaned his cheek onto her head while her breaths warmed his neck. He could feel her relenting as she relaxed against him, her soft body melding perfectly with his. A contented sigh escaped him.

"James?" her voice small and meek.

"Hm?"

"About my sister" Lily began, wriggling so she could look up at his face. Her brilliant green eyes wide and unsure. "She-" Lily frowned and averted her eyes for a moment before looking back "Don't hold anything against her after tonight, all right?" her eyes pleading. _It's not her fault._

James was tempted to snort "Lily, I promised I'll be on my best behavior. Don't worry." He gave her body a little squeeze.

"It's not your behavior I'm worried about." Lily mumbled "Petunia, she—she can be a bit… callous with her words" she forced a smile to lighten the mood but James was thoroughly confused now.

Lily stood on her toes to kiss him chastely on the lips and James instinctively lowered himself to meet her. "Don't forget your jacket. I love you." she breathed shyly and before he could have the chance to return her affection, she was gone just as quickly as the flush of her cheeks came.

…

Careful to follow Lily's instructions, James appeared just down the street of his intended location and made his way down to the Evans home but not before he spared a glance around for any muggle witnesses. Along the way, he noticed that there was a silver car parked along the sidewalk just outside of Lily's home. He didn't think too much into it, and just like he'd been told to, he rang the doorbell, rolling his eyes. He didn't see how it was such a big deal, this wasn't the first time he'd been to her home.

He'd expected Lily to answer the door but instead, a woman he'd never seen before came to the door. She was blonde and looked rather lanky in her floral print, long sleeved dress. James was momentarily reminded of a horse. Nonetheless, he flashed her his most charming grin and she blinked, surprised. _Easy, I didn't even need to use my wand,_ he thought, triumphantly. "Hello, is Lily home?"

Immediately, the expression on the woman's face turned sour and she stormed back into the house, leaving the door open for him whilst she shouted up at the stairs. "LILY! HURRY UP!" then turned to scowl reproachfully at him. He blinked, surprised and mildly amused at her reaction. Before he could attempt to start a conversation, the lady whipped her head around and then strutted back into where he remembered the kitchen being.

"Was that James at the door?" a gentle and more familiar voice drifted into the living room where James stood awkwardly with his rapidly sweating hands. Relief washed over him at the sound.

"Yes, Mrs. Evans" he called back curtly.

Her head poked out of her door before the rest of her body and she was more cheerful than he remembered. "Oh, look at you! Aren't you dashing! Wait until Lily sees you." _She already has._ A gruff grunt broke through the air and the both turned to address the noise. There, stood in the doorway of the dining room was the most whale-ish looking man James had ever seen. His pale head full of brown hair seemed too small for his body—or was it just that his body was too big for his head. His skin glowed pink under the light and he wasn't entirely sure that was from the alcohol.

The man took up the whole doorway just standing there with a champagne flute in one hand and the other shoved in a pocket. _Wherever that was._ "You must be the disturbed sister's boyfriend, Potty."

James frowned. _Disturbed sister?_

"Vernon!" Mrs. Evans chastised.

"Oh, forgive me, Rosie. _Gifted little Lily's_ boyfriend" he corrected mockingly as he took another sip of his champagne.

James didn't like his tone but he'd promised Lily he'd be on his best behavior. He knew how much this dinner meant to her. So he smiled and addressed him curtly as he approached the whale. The man had lowered his drink to stare cautiously at him. James held out his hand as he corrected the man, "It's Potter. But James will do."

Vernon, as Mrs. Evans had called him, pulled his hand from his pocket under his belly to shake James' hand, no doubt with a begrudging look on his face as he introduced himself "Vernon Dursley."

Up close, James could see that he was trying to grow a mustache, unsuccessfully as it seemed; somehow it ended up as a blotchy splatter of hair above his upper lip. This time, he couldn't help himself, a small snicker escaped him and Vernon pulled his hand back.

"Laughing about something?" his beady eyes squinted suspiciously at him, eying James up and down as if he were some sort of homeless person.

"Forgive me. Just a funny thought." James assured him, trying his best to reign in his chortle. He cleared his throat as Vernon turned his attention away huffily as Petunia called him from the kitchen; something about a corsage? _Muggle things._ James moved completely out of the way to allow him into the kitchen and when he turned back to the dining room, there was another man seated at the table. He felt a hand on his shoulder and as he turned his attention towards the gesture, Mrs. Evans swept past him with a gentle smile and toward the man at the table.

"Dear, this is Lily's boyfriend, James Potter."

At once, James was at attention. This was Lily's father. He should've known from the tantalizing shade of green in his eyes. Mrs. Evans was a kind looking man leaning toward the thin side. His features were meek and his expression was gentle but the intense look in his green eyes were just like his daughters.

"Good Evening, sir." James approached him with careful steps as Mr. Evans stood from the table to grasp his hand in a firm handshake.

"Lily speaks very fondly of you." he said but James could feel from the firmness of his grip that there was an underlying threat in there somewhere. _Don't let her down._

"I try, sir."

"Lily's taking her time, isn't she?" he chuckled and gestured toward the chairs "Please have a seat."

"I'll go check on her." Mrs. Evans strode out the door.

James knew where this was going to go. They were going to talk and Mr. Evans would want to know about his and Lily's relationship and he wasn't quite sure how much he could lie to make himself sound like the perfect son-in-law. For one, they shared living quarters and they're in love—which can't be a very good combination. He settled in the chair anyway, his palms sweatier than ever.

"So tell me, what is your family like? Any siblings?" Mr. Evans began.

"I'm an only child, but I live with a friend who's much like a brother to me. We're very close."

"I see, your parents are wizards, I presume?" the older man seemed genuinely interested now.

"Yes, they both are." James confirmed.

"And how does your household differ from us _muggles._ " He chuckled at the word, seemingly proud of himself for using it and James found Mr. Evans rather easy to talk to. "I understand you don't use telephones?"

"Yes, well, things that run on electricity don't function near magical objects." James explained "We communication by sending owls."

"Oh yes, the birds. Gave me quite a fright the first time Lily mailed home." he laughed.

James found himself chuckling along with him until a new voice entered.

"Daddy? James?" A voice he recognized all too well. James was on his feet before she had the chance to appear at the doorway and he began to regret his decision to do so because he felt lightheaded at the sight of her.

Lily was dressed in a pale green dress that clung closely to the upper half of her body and eased up around her hips. Her lips had been colored a shade of red just darker than her hair. The tamed waves in her hair earlier were gone, now replaced with full curls that cascaded around her shoulders and back. She looked beyond her years, matured like fine wine, and she was so, _so_ _breathtakingly_ lovely.

Her cheeks flushed red under the intensity of his gaze and James was forced to avert his eyes. "You look lovely, Lily." he said, sounding a little winded, breathless from the sight of her. James glanced quickly at the man beside him, a knee-jerk reaction for some sort of approval.

But Mr. Evans was not paying attention to him, he merely smiled and stood, making his way towards Lily. "Where is Petunia? We must take a photo." he said cheerfully as he made his way out of the dining room "Rosie? Have you seen the camera, my dear?" his voice sounded faded as he stepped out. Mrs. Evans grumbled something about the camera being ghastly old but James couldn't focus on anything but his date for the night.

"Stop staring." she whispered urgently, tucking a curly lock behind her ear and averting her eyes. "I'm already quite self-conscious as I am."

"Oh, I assure you, you needn't be." James sighed almost dreamily.

Lily had only managed the faintest of smiles before their moment was interrupted by an abrupt harrumph just outside the dining room doorway where Lily stood. Startled, Lily turned and backed into the room where James joined her swiftly, his hand magnetized instantly to the small of her back. Vernon squinted his beady eyes at them, his face pinker than before. "Well, aren't we looking—groomed tonight." he grinned.

"I'm sorry to keep you all waiting." Lily said in a small and overly polite voice, James noticed her eyes flickering to her sister, who stood dutifully by her whale of a fiancé.

"Let's get going then, we're already _late_ for our reservation." Vernon grumped the word with emphasis and Lily flushed in embarrassment. With a light squeeze of her hip, James hoped to reassure her. Petunia strode along behind Vernon, her movements proud and rather snooty. Although they were obviously trying to be rude, James couldn't find it in him to be cross with them. After all, there was much to be learned about muggles.

…

The restaurant was _neat_ , was his first thought when James stepped into the elaborate building and though quite exaggerated it was on the outside, it wasn't nearly as impressive as it was on the inside. James was once again disappointed and surprised to find the vast room was the same size as the building.

Once they were seated, he looked up at the ceiling to find a great amount of empty space above them. He wondered if that had been deliberate, though he couldn't see why there was a need for a waste of space. His home always had decorations, antiques and ornaments charmed with a levitation spell to float about the high ceilings. Perhaps muggles did not know how to properly utilize space.

"What is he doing?" Vernon's sharp tone snapped James out of his thoughts and he realized he must've looked odd staring upwards like that.

"Sorry, I was just curious." he smiled curtly.

Vernon grinned as if he had remembered an inside joke. "Don't see much of the finer parts of England, do we?" he chuckled.

Lily's hand tightened around his and he squeezed back. "Perhaps not." he could feel Lily's body relaxing at his response and it was a small victory on his end.

James scanned the menu and he vaguely wondered if there were more to the dishes than what they seem. It all seemed suspiciously mundane— _Grilled scallops with white asparagus and hollandaise sauce—Oysters and caviar—Buttered lobster salad with white wine dressing._

The servers came by, asking if they had made up their mind. Vernon was first to place his order then Petunia and Lily but James had yet to make up his mind. Lily leaned over to him "Would you like me to order for you?" she whispered.

He flashed her meek grin and handed his menu obediently to her "Please."

Lily turned to order for him as she handed the menu back to the server, over the table, he caught Vernon's disapproving glare. He shot back a questioning gaze.

"You let your woman order for you?" Vernon spat and James frowned, he could already hear Lily retort in his head, calling him a chauvinistic pig but when he glanced at her, Lily stared down at her empty place with hard eyes.

Right. _Best behavior._

"It's all right." he replied but his eyes were on Lily, when she didn't return his gaze, he lifted her hand to his lips "I trust her."

Lily caught the underlying meaning in his tone and caught his eyes in her softer gaze. There was a scoff and they looked across the table to see Petunia sipping furiously at her wine and Vernon looking none too pleased.

Not much went on after that exchange, they ate in comfortable silence—at least that was what James assumed the quiet was— until Vernon spoke up again. "So Jim-"

"James" he corrected patiently. He also noticed that Vernon's questions all seemed to be directed at him and he'd paid scarcely any attention to Lily at all. Petunia had yet to say anything to anyone besides whispering shyly in Vernon's ear. Perhaps it was because they already knew about Lily, although something he had said before bothered James. ' _Disturbed little sister's boyfriend.'_

"Do you like cars? What do you think of my Ford? It's firsthand, you know" he proclaimed, proudly puffing up his already rounded chest to exert himself.

James paused mid-chew to think. They had all taken a ride in Vernon's car, it was a little slow for his taste and they stopped too often but he didn't complain. He had ridden in the ministry cars a few times with his father and there had always been enchantments that allowed them to go at a smoother and quicker pace without being seen by muggles. The change of pace had been oddly pleasant, very—for lack of a better word— _muggle_.

"It's a little slow for me, honestly. But I did enjoy the ride. Thank you for that, by the way"

At this, Vernon looked like he had tasted something sour. "Oh? Then do _you_ drive?" he asked, the question sounded patronizing with his tone.

He didn't have any plans to own a car, but he could think of something he owned that was similar to it. "Yes, you could say that" he answered after a swallow.

"Really?" Vernon's voice was lined with sarcasm. "What model?" he sniffed, obviously prepared to size James up.

"It's a Nimbus" James answered, eyes bright and excited.

Vernon frowned "Haven't heard of that one before." he clipped, unimpressed.

"It's great, I've been using it since first year." James explained but Vernon spluttered on his wine, shocked.

"First year?" he looked outraged.

James shrugged "Of course there are newer models nowadays but they haven't got the ease and classic nimble feel as my 1500. Although, I would love the reinforced braking charms the 1700 has."

"Braking charms? Is this some sort of joke?" Vernon's tone was venomous as he spoke in a harsh whisper. Petunia had dropped her fork and knife, looking pale and ill. Lily had looked up from her meal, her eyes wide and apologetic. James blinked, confused at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"I meant no offense, I was only describing my racing broom." James explained.

"A BROOM?" Vernon's booming voice startled the other customers and he looked scandalized. James thought quickly for something to say.

"Vernon, James doesn't drive a car. He rides a broom to play Quidditch, it's a sport in our world" Lily's voice was deceptively calm and complacent. "A broom to us is like a motorcycle to you."

Vernon didn't look any happier but he didn't push on the subjects any further, grumbling something along the lines of 'motorcycle in sports, mental ones.'

It was awhile before Lily spoke up. "How is the office, Petunia?" but it wasn't Petunia who answered, it was Vernon.

"She won't be needing to go to the office once we're married. In fact, she's already handed in her letter of resignation. No woman of mine should have to work for a living." his eyes were fond as they looked at the blonde. Petunia gushed and playfully patted Vernon on the shoulder.

"Oh, Vernon. You are too perfect for me." she swooned.

"Anything for you, my dear." His chubby hand closed around hers in a tight grip.

Somewhat amused by their exchanged, James made the mistake of snickering. Immediately their headed snapped away from each other to glare at him.

"Something funny, Potter?"

 _At least he got the name right._

"Not at all, you both are-" James cleared his throat "-very _suited_ for each other"

Vernon's eyes were filled with distrust as he threw out another question. "So, what do your parents work as?" he asked.

"They're not working now but my father used to be a businessman."

"So they're unemployed." Vernon immediately concluded gleefully.

"Retired." James corrected innocently.

"Your family must have financial issues then." Vernon seemed to relish at the thought and it became rather clear to James that the older male was trying to patronize him. He knew that his family was nowhere _near_ financial crisis—at least not for the next lifetime.

"Not exactly, we keep our galleons in Gringotts, although the vault is getting a bit small for our money." James explained, feeling quite proud of his family's fortune.

"Galleons?" Vernon wrinkled his nose.

"Yes, they're gold coins we use in the wizarding world. The goblins guard them in a bank. I haven't any with me to show you at the moment, I'm afraid." Now he wished he had snagged a small bag of coins with him, but he didn't think he'd need it in the muggle world.

However, much to his surprise, Vernon was turning an unhealthy shade of purple. His face contorted between fury and humiliation.

"Gold coins… wizarding world… _GOBLINS!_ " he twitched. "What blasphemy!" his voice was deathly soft and his tone was harsh. "I will _not_ sit through another minute of—of this… _humiliation_ " He threw his napkin down on his empty plate.

By now, Lily had gone pale. "Vernon, please. We didn't mean to offend you." James warmed at her use of _we_ , it made his place in his life feel rather secure. However, he frowned as it seemed like he couldn't say anything right that evening and Lily was taking responsibility of his shortcomings.

Vernon pointed his fat, sausage-like finger at Lily and snarled. "Do not speak for him, do not _defend_ him—I won't have any of it!" he very nearly shouted the end of his sentence.

Annoyed by the rude way Vernon had addressed Lily, for the first time that evening, James' temper flared but before he could act on it, Vernon had stood up rather ungracefully, his belly bumped into the table and the wine sloshed about in the glass. "We're leaving, Petunia!" Vernon turned and left.

Petunia looked just as furious, but also equally embarrassed as she stared after her fiancé. "I-I'm sorry, Petunia." Lily murmured pleadingly. "We didn't mean-"

"Are you _happy_ now? You _always_ do this! You always ruin _everything_ for me" her voice was barely over a whisper but the loathing behind her words were more than clear. "For _one night,_ why can't you stop being such a—a _freak!"_ her words were scathing and the Lily physically winced. James found himself at a loss for words, was that what Lily's sister thought of her? Her very own sister?

This was not supposed to happen. Lily was perfect—she was _always_ so perfect. How could anyone think badly about her? And by her own sister? She should be proud of her, proud of the fact that she could do things no muggle could. He knew she was being prejudiced in the wizarding world for being a muggle-born but he had never expected her to be prejudiced in the muggle world for being who she was. All his life he thought she played the perfect person in her perfect little world and for the first time, he finally saw how wrong assumptions could be.

Lily stood up and pleaded with an uneven voice "Tuney, please, we didn't mean to offend anyone."

But Petunia had already stormed off, the sound of her sharp heels on the marble floor faded as Lily stared down at the table. Their little squabble had gained them quite an audience, a few tables around them had turned their nosy faces in their direction, looking around the backs of each other's heads to see what had happened.

Lily was very still for a moment and James just about drowned in his own guilt, feeling ashamed and concerned about Lily.

"Lily?" he called out softly to her, his own voice raspy with fault. Then very slowly, Lily sank back down to her chair. Her shoulders slumped and her hair falling over her eyes. The guilt clawed its way up James' throat and strangled him. "Lily, I'm sorry-"

Lily took a shuddering breath and it forced his throat to close again. "She's _awful_ , isn't she?" her voice wavering as she spoke. "They both are." she sobbed. Something dripped from her face and onto her hands that were held together tightly in her lap. She was crying.

James hooked her chin with his finger, coaxing her to look at him. His heart shattered when he looked into her eyes, her brilliant emeralds that usually glowed so fiercely now reflected so much pain. The agitated redness around her dark-lined eyes made her seem so broken, her tears were dyed black by her makeup "I'm so sorry, Lily." He apologized brokenly, but feared the extent of the damage could not be undone.

She wiped at her tears, further smudging her makeup; her perfect mask was failing. Yet, James felt closer to her than ever. "It's not your fault." she shook her head. "She's hated me since the day I was accepted into Hogwarts." she let out a bitter laugh and more tears streamed down her face "She won't even let me be her bridesmaid." she pressed her lip to stop from sobbing and James was facing her fully now. "My own sister…" she lowered her head and sobbed.

A sudden irrational anger spread through James but the fire was quenched out by an overwhelming sense of sorrow for Lily. He found himself gathering her into his chest, kissing the top of her head as apologized over and over against, taking no mind in the stares they attracted. "I'll apologize to Vernon and Petunia. I'll make things right." he told her in a whisper. "Please don't cry, Lily—it's Christmas."

…

Within the confines of the school, a joyous feast took place. There would be sweets of all kind and roast turkey of the most impossible sizes. Happiness and serenity would make up the holiday mood, yet as the school celebrated with great cheer, Sirius found himself alone in the dark. The winter air seeped through the creaky walls of run down inn and smelled faintly of firewhiskey but Sirius barely felt the chill. His grey eyes gleamed silver in the darkness as he watched the man on the other side of the shadows.

"Just you tonight, Black?" the smooth voice sounded slimy to Sirius's ears but he merely stared back with indifference. "I thought I told you to pass him the message."

"Must've forgotten." his words were sarcastic but his tone was harsh.

Finally, the man stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight soaking through the cracked window—his face bemused.

"The Dark Lord wants you to join him."

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	22. The Ministry Moves

**Sorry I'm late again! A very drama-filled chapter today, enjoy and review please!**

* * *

 **The Ministry Moves**

"Why don't you go fuck yourself, Malfoy. And tell your _master_ to have a go at himself too." Sirius caught the swift movement with his eyes. At once, a wand was sent flying through the air—and it wasn't his. There were very few people who drew quicker than him, in fact there was only one other who did but that person was currently busy being a wankstain with his precious girlfriend. He snatched the wand neatly from the air and examined the gleaming silver serpent handle with scrutiny. "Well that's in poor taste." he grumbled before looking up at the shaken pureblood, who was obviously not used to being defeated before a fight could begin.

When Sirius directed the tip of his wand at him, Lucius raised his hands in surrender. "Now let's not be hasty, Black."

Sirius sneered at the pathetic creature known as Lucius Malfoy. _Coward._ He thought viciously as he threw the wand as if it offended him, it clattered noisily over the floorboards and to Lucius' feet but as the Hogwarts alumni bent to retrieve it, Sirius stunned him and left him for the winter's bite but not before snarling a warning. "You stay the hell away from me _and_ James"

…

It was colder in January than it was in December but Lily barely noticed. She had been glued to James' side during what felt like the shortest train ride back to Hogwarts, a quick glance out the window told her they were more than halfway there already. There weren't many people on the train, a vast majority of the student body had chosen to stay within the confines of the school this year, no doubt for the infallible protection it had to offer.

Because of that, they had one whole compartment to themselves. Lily had been fitted snugly into James' side while she hunched over a book and his fingers toyed absently with her hair, a comfortable silence settled around them.

After Petunia's wedding day went about without a hitch, except for the fact that her sister and fiancé had completely ignored their presence and more importantly, their apology, Lily decided that it wasn't worth the grief. However, ever since then, Lily caught James spacing out too often with his brows creased lightly and a heavy look of contemplation settling in his features but she couldn't find it in her to prod him about it.

Perhaps, it was time she did. Closing her potions book with a loud thud, she felt James' arms tighten around her at the feel of their peace being compromised. She gave him a second to reel his mind in before she asked him "What are you thinking about?"

He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly "You, apparently. After you so rudely interrupted my thoughts." he quipped with an easy smile.

"Well then, what _were_ you thinking about?" trying to her best to sound exasperated but unable to fight the returning smile from her lips. He was too easy to be around, perhaps it had something to do with the fact that his presence mended the ache and heartbreak from her own sister's betrayal. With him, it was easy to forget about everything—it was easy to be in love.

"You" he answered again as he kissed the top of her head and Lily tucked herself even closer into him if it were possible.

"I'm not joking" she made sure he could hear the pout in her voice.

"Neither am I. I really _was_ thinking about you"

"Well, what about me?"

He stiffened and Lily knew he was trying going to try and squirm his way free from having to elaborate. Now she was truly curious.

"I owe you an apology." he murmured softly.

Lily's brows raised in surprise, that wasn't what she was expecting, it fact it was slightly alarming. "For what?" she question cautiously, searching his face for some sort of clue.

"I've misjudged you. I've always assumed that it was easy for you—being a witch in a muggle family. That you would be adored everywhere you went because you were would be special amongst them. I used to think that was the reason why you acted all high and mighty" he grinned teasingly.

Lily scoffed, insulted. " _I'm_ the high and mighty one? Have you _seen_ the way _you_ behave?" Lily shook her head in exasperation before she returned to her book "But apology accepted." she grumbled softly under her breath.

"Are you mad at me?" his voice was cautious and wary, Lily couldn't help the twinge of annoyance at his overly delicate treatment of her. Ever since the incident with Vernon and her sister, James had been too apologetic, too meek and unsure. Stuck up, arrogant Potter annoyed her but she much preferred him to the insecure and overly careful James. It was as if he expected her to get up and leave him at any moment, which she would if he didn't quit his fussing about the whole ordeal with Petunia. She knew her relationship with her sister was no longer salvageable and his presence at the dinner table acted merely as a catalyst, the end point was unchanging and it wasn't any of his fault.

"No, James. I'm not." Lily sighed patiently.

"But you're frowning. Look, there is a little crease between your brows." Lily spotted his finger entering her line of sight and she jerked away from it but his arms held fast around her. His eyes widened slightly as she looked up to glower at him.

"Please don't be angry with me." he blurted out so quickly, it was almost reflexive.

"Then stop treating me like a ticking time-bomb! I'm _not_ going to explode!" she snapped, her tone harsher than she meant to and he winced. Her features instantly softened and a soft sigh escaped her. There was an urgent pain so clearly reflected his eyes but Lily averted her eyes before she could go any deeper. She couldn't bear the thought of it. Instead, she leaned onto his shoulder and turned to face his neck. "I'm sorry." she whispered brokenly.

"I love you, Lily."

…

Their jolly reunion with their classmates did not go as expected, not only did they find the whole castle to be in poor spirits, the fear was so thick in the air, Lily could feel it prickling on her nape and making her hairs stand on end.

There were outsiders, people Lily had never seen, waiting for them at Hogsmeade station instead of prefects. They were still faced and sullen and all carried an air of no-nonsense tolerance. One of them had picked her out from the group and identified himself as Scrimgeour, apparently he had been informed to look for her and James, briefly filling them in on the situation in Hogwarts. So the returning students found themselves on the first year boats instead of the usual horse-less carriages for apparent safety purposes. However, as Lily demanded for a more thorough explanation for the reinforced safety procedures, the man promised an elaboration once the students were safely within the protective enchantments of the school.

Worried, Lily remained on tense alert throughout the ride but it seemed like no one shared her concerns and Lily couldn't decide whether that was a good thing. James was more relaxed but Lily could tell it took all he had to appear so. Once they had arrived at the entrance, students found themselves being questioned for certain items found in their belongings by the caretaker and the same sullen faced characters from the stations.

The Great Hall, for the first time since Lily's seen it, was dull and void of any decorations. Even the gems in the House Point hourglass seemed to have lost its radiance. Ominous gray clouds covered the usual clear vastness of the enchanted ceiling, obscuring the twinkle of the stars and sending a wave of unease through everyone who dared peek up at it.

"Prongs!" Peter's high pitched squeal-like voice carried through the air and stole away her attention. Before Lily could react to it herself, James had already begun to pull her along toward their usual spot on the Gryffindor table where they found Peter and no one else. The small round boy was pale and there was a deep look of fatigue in his eyes. _Just was what on earth happened over the holidays?_

"Thank god you're here! Listen-"

"Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans." Professor McGonagall's voice carried clearly through the dim murmurs in the hall. "With me, please." she waved a finger, motioning for them to come.

"Later, Wormy." James told a concerned Peter and pulled Lily along. There were people eying their joined hands, including some of the outsiders. Suddenly, a chill prickled down her spine and she squirmed her hand out of James' hand, he glanced back briefly at her but made no further move to protest.

Lily turned back to put a hand on Peter's shoulder, reassuring him quickly "We'll be right back, Pete." she promised, feeling the helplessness dissipate before following James out the door with their Transfiguration Professor.

…

"What's going on, professor?" James questioned as soon as they were clear of the Great Hall and the tension filled air. "What is the ministry doing in Hogwarts? Where's Professor Dumbledore?" Lily straightened. _Ministry? Has the situation with Death Eaters finally reached Hogwarts? Were the students in danger?_ A million questions hung heavily over the eerie calm of the corridors, the silence contrasting against the swift clicks in Professor McGonagall's cat-like steps and her and James' awkward shuffling.

"There will be answers, Mr. Potter, I assure you, but we must speak in private." She promised and James remained silent until they were finally in her office.

But they were not alone. A young man who looked around the age of 25 stood with his back to them, seemingly looking out into the darkness of the night. His hair long, a shade of platinum blond so similar to the Malfoy's, Lily had briefly wondered what Lucius Malfoy doing back in Hogwarts. When he turned to address them, Lily realized his skin was the wrong shade of pale and his nose slightly crooked. He was someone else, entirely.

"This is James Potter and Lily Evans. They are the head boy and girl of this year." Professor McGonagall informed him brusquely before turning to them. There was a look of concern and gentleness in them that Lily did not miss. "This is Lowen Yaxley, he is an auror dispatched from the Ministry's Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He will be standing in temporarily as a Professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts." There was a grimness in her voice that hinted that there was something more to this meeting than to introduce a new Professor.

"What happened to Professor Woodbead?" James asked, his tone suspicious and his gaze directed at the silver haired outsider with distrust.

There was a long pause of silence before Yaxley answered in a cool and calm voice. "He passed away."

Lily's back straightened and her heart froze. James' distraught demands for explanations was but a faint buzz in the background as Lily struggled to reign in her emotions. They had never had the same Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for long, no more than and year or so. They would either resign due to sudden personal reasons or they would be sacked due to their curriculum lacking in Hogwarts standards but this was the first time a professor had _died_ to lose his position. _The seat was cursed. It must be._

"Poisoned-" Yaxley's greasy voice sliced through her thoughts like butter and Lily repressed the urge to shudder. "-at the Three Broomsticks. The Investigation Department is looking into it as we speak and in the meantime all students except for seventh years are to be escorted to their classes and to and back from their common room by a teacher or an official ministry personnel. These will be the new rules, I expect you to relay this information to all the prefects, word for word. There will be no patrols, no curfew. Students will not be allowed to linger about outside their common rooms at any time _without_ supervision."

"When the ministry appointed me as Professor of the Dark Arts, they also entrusted me with a separate role—and that is the head of disciplinary actions. Any rule-breaking, obstruction against ministry investigation or failure to comply orders and students will be punished—no exceptions"

James turned to look at Professor McGonagall for guidance but she looked just as helpless with the situation as they felt. "Where is Professor Dumbledore?" James asked and the calmness in his voice surprised Lily and impressed her all the same. She had yet to speak since they left the Great Hall and even if she had the same questions and concerns as James, she wasn't sure she would be able to deliver it with quite as much composure.

"He is travelling, enjoying the holidays, I presume" he sounded too smug about it and Lily found her voice.

"At Hogwarts' time of need? With all due respect, professor, I find that hard to believe" Lily suddenly felt a sense of Deja vu, it was like standing up to Mulciber. The way his gaze narrowed when it fell on her but instead of a blatant look of disgust, it merely flickered through his eyes but it was the exact look nonetheless.

"Miss… Evans, correct?" he almost sneered and Lily felt James shift ever so slightly toward her, waves of protectiveness rolling off his body. Lily drew strength from it, her chin raised higher and her posture shifted to one of confidence. She wondered when did she become so reliant on James.

"Yes" she answered, her voice hard.

"I do hope you are not _accusing_ me of anything. I promise you, I haven't a clue where the Headmaster is. The ministry tried to get a hold of him after the poisoning and it was due to his lack of reply that the ministry acted to take things into their own hands. We can't have the welfare of the _students_ compromised because of the absence of a headmaster." By now, he had come to stand—no— tower over Lily. His frame much larger than hers, he was trying to intimidate her but Lily felt anything but. He was a bully, and she knew bullies.

His words were lined with prim professional politeness but his tone was sarcastic, like an adult speaking to a child who knew not any better. It couldn't be any more obvious that he did not treat her with the same amount of respect as he did with James and Lily knew why but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I'm only trying to understand, professor." Lily tried for complacent but her tone was unconvincing.

"You needn't worry yourself. The ministry will take care of everything." His words were a promise but one Lily wasn't sure if should be kept. "Any more questions?" he asked, his eyes flickering to James and when his question was met with silence, they were dismissed. After Professor McGonagall had given them the new list of passwords, James all but dragged her out of the room, his grip tight and urgent.

…

Nothing else registered in his mind but the urgent need to get Lily _out_. Perhaps he was being paranoid and over-protective, but he was sure he did not imagine the look of malicious intent plastered all over Yaxley's face. _Who was he?_ Definitely not a mere dog of the ministry. He was a Death Eater—James was sure of it. That means Lily was in danger. _What should he do?_ _Should he write home to his parents? Have the board of governors reconsider Yaxley's position?_

James found himself tugged back by the arm, his upper body jerked back while his feet moved forward from under him. "James!" Lily's reprimanding tone snapped his mind to the present. He stumbled back to her and found her trying to pry his hands open to free herself. "You're hurting me" she gasped and he instantly released her, dropping her wrist as if it burned him.

"Sorry, sorry!" He apologized profusely, hands lingered around her awkwardly, trying to sooth her pain but too afraid of the damage he'd caused.

"What's the matter with you?" Lily tried to rub some life into her numb hand. His worries came flooding back to him at an alarming rate and he peered over her shoulder subconsciously to see if Yaxley had followed them. Lily turned, no doubt following his gaze only to find a dark, empty corridor. "What's going on?"

James swallowed and steeled the words in his mouth "From now on, you stay with me. Anywhere you go, I don't care where, we stick together."

Lily's brow creased "Why? What's going on?"

James ran a hand through his unruly locks, flustered and going out of his mind with worry. "Hogwarts is not safe for you anymore" he blurted out. Lily blinked, her emerald eyes swimming with confusion and curiosity. "This is going to sound insane but I'm almost a hundred percent sure Yaxley's a Death Eater"

Lily released a shaky breath, her eyes darted away briefly as if contemplating his words. "But he's with the ministry." her words sounded defeated even as she tried to reason with him.

"Voldemort's reached the ministry and now he's in Hogwarts."

"And Dumbledore's not here." Lily concluded grimly.

"That's why you have to stay close to me. If Hogwarts is being overrun, you need to stick with me. Yaxley may be with Voldemort but he's not foolish enough to upset my parents." James took a step towards her and much to his surprise, Lily stepped back. The look of outrage on her face. _What had he said wrong now?_

Lily opened her mouth and closed it, struggling for words and he could almost see the gears churning in her head "James, if Hogwarts is being overrun, _we need to do something about it_! It's not just _my_ life that is in danger." her green eyes shimmer with defiance. He shouldn't have said anything, now she was never going to let him protect her.

"But-"

She raised a hand and he found himself obediently shutting her mouth, a strange pool of relief washed over him. He realized he didn't _want_ to say anything—he didn't want to face her anger. _He was afraid of doing the wrong thing._

"We'll talk about this later, we have a job to do" she raised the piece of parchment with the passwords as if to show him before storming past him, leaving him to follow quietly behind him.

…

Lily could _not_ believe him! There has to be some sort of limit to his protectiveness. It was endearing to a certain extent but he was going overboard here. Hogwarts was being overrun by the corrupt ministry and he had the gall to tell her to _hide_ behind him? _What were the rest of the students going to do?_ They can't all hide behind James.

They were on their way to the Gryffindor common room with the students lined in a single file behind them. The anger bubbled up in her chest but as she turned to snap at him but upon catching sight of his wide eyed fear, the anger fizzled out pathetically. She couldn't be cross with him if he looked like _that._

Sighing to herself, Lily promised she would speak to him about it—civilly. As she glanced back at the line of students, she realized she had yet to see Remus that evening. He hadn't been in the Great Hall. He was usually holding up the back of the line but a fifth year Gryffindor prefect had voluntarily taken his place instead. Sirius and Peter were nowhere to be seen either. She knew James hadn't see him as well since he had diligently stuck by her side the whole time through supper but perhaps he had an idea on where his friends were.

"D'you know where are Remus and the others?" she asked.

James shrugged "Haven't a clue" he frowned "It's unusual for me _not_ to see them on my first day back"

Lily couldn't agree more. Then she remembered the way Peter looked in the Great Hall before they had been called away. Pale and frantic. Something was wrong. She snuck a glance at James but he didn't see too worried.

 _But he had been wrong not to be._

…

There was shouting emanating from the walls of the common room, voices so thunderous, the portraits were whispering anxiously to one another. "What's going on?" Lily spoke up, disapproval lacing her voice but no one seemed to have any clue.

"Prongs! Help!" Peter's voice rang out amongst the murmurs from the stairway to the boy's dormitory. "It's Sirius and Remus! You have to stop them!"

James wasted no time for questions as he shot up the stairs with Peter scuffling after him without quite as much grace. Acting instinctively, Lily ushered the students out of their worried whispers. Her old roommate, Marlene McKinnon had stepped out of the crowd to confront her.

"Lily, what's going on?" she asked quietly, her beautiful face contorted with worry. Dorcas Meadowes and Mary Macdonald joined her soon after the question was asked.

"This is the second time this has happened." Dorcas offered up, glancing behind her to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"Second time?" Lily questioned, this was the first time she'd heard of it.

Mary nodded "The first time wasn't nearly as bad. It woke a few of us up but no one went to check." her meek voice sounded hoarse with concern.

"Did James say anything about it?" Marlene asked.

Lily shook her head "He never mentioned anything."

Their faces fell and Lily blamed herself for being so ignorant. This was not a good time for the Marauders to be fighting. The whole school relied on their pranks to ease the tension—to cleanse their fears. Especially now with outsiders in the school, they needed them most.

"Would you three do me a favor?" Lily asked them, she had never been particularly close with her dorm mates but it was hard not to be friends with people you've shared living quarters with for the past six years. They looked up to her, mostly for standing up to the Marauders when they deserved it and to the Slytherins— _especially the Slytherins._

"Anything, Lily. You know that." Marlene insisted.

Lily offered her a kind smile "Calm everyone down and get the younger ones back to their dorms. I'll go see what's going on with the boys."

Mary gasped "But that's the _boy's_ dorm." her cheeks went red.

Dorcas rolled her eyes and nudged at Lily to go "We'll take care of it, Lily."

"Thank you."

Lily took the stairs two at the time until she finally reached the door she was looking for. The thunderous shouts had been reduced to loud arguments. Her heart thumped anxiously in her chest as she inched the door open, gasping as the scene registered.

The corner of Sirius' lips were bleeding, his lips were drawn back as if he were snarling but instead, he was shouting at Remus while Peter had his arms thrown around Sirius's mid-section, holding him back.

There was no bodily harm done on Remus but Lily felt her blood run cold at the sight of his expression. She had never seen Remus as angry as he looked then. His sandy brown hair was disheveled while his eyes flashed wildly with fury. His face was tinted red with exertion as he thrashed harder than Sirius, his feet kicked out from under him as James dragged him further away from Sirius.

What was going on?

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	23. A Clash of Interest

**Damn, I'm late for another chapter. Anyway, enjoy and remember to leave a review!**

* * *

 **A Clash of Interest**

Lily jerked out of her shock when the first nosy murmurs seeped through the chaotic air, she turned to see a crowd of Gryffindor boys struggling to peer around her, trying to catch a glimpse of the fight. With a quick incantation, the door slammed shut with a rattle. Lily pulled her wand from her pocket to cast an Imperturbable Charm at the door to muffle the noise.

"You're enjoying this aren't you? Because _everything's_ a joke to the great, Sirius Black, isn't it? Why don't you start hanging out with the Slytherins next? I bet they're _dying_ to be friends with you! Go become a Death Eater then, see if I care! You irresponsible—inconsiderate—ignorant—PRICK!"

"What are you, my mother?" Sirius was smiling, a manic look flashed across his eyes and Lily's heart cracked at the broken look he tried to shield from them. A mirthless laugh slipped past his lips before he continued to berate "It's not any of your business! You just keep your filthy snout _out_ of my business, _half-breed!_ "

Remus' face dropped and his limbs went limp in James' hold, the look of complete and utter betrayal etched on the sandy-haired marauder's face. His brows drew together as he scowled to hide the hurt but Lily's blood was raging to her head and before her mind could filter her actions, she had stormed over to Sirius.

A resounding crack bounced across the walls and all movements ceased. Lily could feel their head stares all over her body but her head was numb with adrenalin and fury. Her palm throbbed with the slap she had delivered and the guilt of having raised her hand in the first place threatened to wrench her heart right out of her chest but she ignored it. " _How dare you!_ " she barely recognized her own voice, dripping with venomous rage.

Sirius' head was turned to the side, his wildly curly hair fell over his blank gaze. The anger subsided and Lily felt lightheaded with the lack of fury blowing up her skull but her heart was still threatening to burst through her ribcage. Feeling calmer and considerably guiltier, she spoke again "I _know_ you don't mean that, Sirius."

His eyes flashed wildly and when he lifted his gaze, Lily found herself pinned with the angriest look she'd ever seen on Sirius. "You _know_? Well then, everything is just _bloody dandy_ now, am I right?"

"Sirius!" Lily heard James hiss in warning from somewhere behind her but she hadn't paid much attention. She maintained her strong faced façade as she prepared herself to stand in the limelight of Sirius' criticism.

"Because Ms. Perfect-Lily-Evans _knows everything,_ doesn't she?" he gritted out, his nose scrunched in a dog-like snarl.

"Sirius, I'm warning you!" James was shouting now.

But neither Sirius nor Lily were listening, silver and green clashed in a furious myriad of unspoken emotion. "If you think for one second that I am going to play a part in your delusions of a perfect world" he laughed, a manic sound that sent shivers down Lily's spine. "Think again, Evans. I'm not _James_. I'm _not_ going to sympathize with you, or worship at your feet because your parents are ruddy _muggles_. You think you're so _great_ with your perfect grades and witty come backs when the truth is, Evans, everyone just feels sorry for you."

Lily felt the first crack in the armor of indifference around her heart. She had been so confident that she would be able to take the criticism—so ready to forgive every word that would leave his mouth because she knew he was simply overrun by emotions but it felt like he had been inside her head. For so long, she had been able to hide her insecurities behind layers and layers of superficial perfection—behind her perfect grades and perfect personality. To have it all thrown in her face at one go was too real—too cruel of a reminder. The cold, hard shell of ice had been stained red by the bleed in her beating, vulnerable heart.

Her eyes watered and the fury on Sirius' face distorted out of focus but she forced back the bile in her throat when she heard James' thunderous footsteps from behind her. "Stop!" she snarled at the ground. It took all she had to not look back, in case she would fall back into the unhealthy habit of relying on him again.

His feet came to a halt and Lily struggled to meet Sirius' eyes through her blurry vision. She bit her lip and swallowed the jagged shards of hurtful words she wanted to throw back at him. Instead, she struggled for a calmness that didn't exist within her and asked him "Is that all?" she swallowed again, cursing the tremble in her bottom lip.

Sirius stared at her, remorseless and apathetic before jerking himself out of Peter's hold. The rounder boy stumbled away, looking past her—no doubt at James—for further instructions. Room remained deathly still for a longest time before Lily shifted, she took one step toward Sirius, this time looking at his feet instead of his eyes. "Apologize to Remus. He means well, you know that." she sounded out of breath and suddenly Lily knew why—she was on the verge of sobbing.

Before anything could start, Lily darted for the door with her eyes glued to the floor and just as she feared, James came after her. "Lily." she could feel him reaching for her but she jerked her hand free before he could get a solid grip on her. With one hand gripped on the iron handle of the door and the other tucked close to her side, Lily gave him no opening to comfort her.

"James, would you please stay here for tonight?" she fought the waver in her voice and tried not to imagine his expression. No doubt, there would be hurt and fear etched onto his features but he needed to mend his bonds—and she needed to get away.

"Lily, please-"

"I promise we'll talk about it later."

"Lily-"

"Leave me alone!" she pleaded and the warmth of her tears leaked and Lily knew she couldn't spend another moment in the suffocating room under their pity-filled gazes. She threw open the door, and left.

…

The next day in Defense Against the Dark Arts, both James and Sirius showed up to class with a bruised cheekbone and a black eye respectively. Lily hadn't bothered to ask about it when James took a seat next to hers. "Good morning" Lily greeted him in her usual, cheery tone, hoping to put off any conversations about the night before. However, James didn't seem to take the hint.

"Lily—about yesterday-"

"Did you find out what happened between Sirius and Remus?" she asked him, redirecting the conversation.

"Sirius… lost something that was important to us but he wouldn't tell us how he'd managed that." He sighed and reached to lean his cheek on his hand but winced when it applied pressure to the bruise. James lowered his arms gingerly on the table and glanced nervously at her. "He's hiding something from us but he wouldn't say what" James reached his fingers into his hand and gripped tightly. "The stupid git." he grumbled.

Lily didn't comment, she sat with her back straight and her hands crossed on her desk, waiting for the teacher. She could feel James' tension rolling off of him in waves and she could already hear his words before he spoke them.

"Forget it, I'm not bothered by it." she assured him without making eye contact.

"You said we would talk about it—you promised. Sirius will apologize, Lily. He didn't mean it." he hissed under his breath, his voice desperate.

"There is nothing to talk about and nothing to forgive. He was angry and emotional—and he was right." Lily's tone was hard and her body had gone rigid.

"That's bull and you know it." he growled under his breath. "Why would you even believe that?" his voice had raised several volumes higher now and Lily glared at him, about to placate him for kicking up a scene before a voice interrupted them.

"Potter!" the slick voice sliced through the stale air of a morning class. James' attention didn't falter from Lily and the head girl found herself unable to pull her own gaze from his. "And Miss… Evans." His tone laced with bemusement. "I'm afraid I must ask you to separate."

Her model student instincts kicked in and Lily stood swiftly from her seat but James had swept up his things before she could have her chance. Remus did the same when James began walking toward his seat next to Peter a few rows behind them. Lily sank back down to her seat slowly as Remus settled.

Because of her _stupid_ habit of choosing seats in the front, she was forced to endure the stares of the entire classroom on her back while Yaxley spelt his name on the blackboard and went through with the usual new professor routine of introducing himself to the class. As expected, news of Professor Woodbead's death had spread even to the students who had left for the holidays so no one inquired about the change in teaching roster. However, Professor Yaxley decided to mention it anyway, much to Lily's dismay.

"I would assume you all are aware of _why_ I have taken Professor Woodbead's position." his eyes were almost smug and Lily felt the classroom's mood drop to deathly levels. "Professor Woodbead is dead." The class was still but murmurs began to stir the air. "He was poisoned." Professor Yaxley elaborated and Lily heard a girl gasp from somewhere behind her.

Lily's hand went up but she did not wait for permission, instead, she spoke out the moment his eyes fell on hers. "Professor, I don't understand how this has anything to do with our syllabus" her tone was hard and challenging. She felt Remus stiffen beside her when Yaxley narrowed his eyes at her.

"Ever the model student, Ms. Evans." he drawled and Lily could've sworn she saw the corner of his lips twitch. "But it is rude… to interrupt" he gritted out, the look in his eyes openly threatening her. He looked back up to address the students and smirked at something behind her. "I was sent by the ministry to—shall I say, _investigate_ on the death of the late Professor Woodbead. I am with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement but here I am not only your Professor of Defense against the Dark Arts, but also a disciplinary officer. So if anyone of you have _any_ information on the death of Professor Woodbead, you will come forth to me—privately."

The classroom erupted in a chaos of poorly concealed whispers and mumbles of gossip before Yaxley snapped at them "Quiet!" and the room was still. "I am aware that Hogwarts has never had such a position open in its long history but perhaps it is time for a change, hm? But you mustn't take this negatively. The ministry seeks only to help."

Lily tuned out the rest of his ministry propaganda and as she shifted her attention to her classmates, she noticed that Dolores Umbridge, who sat on the desk to her right, clung on to every word that left Yaxley's mouth with open enthusiasm. Mulciber, who was a seat behind Umbridge was smirking as if he were part of some inside joke.

By the end of his lesson, Lily had learned but one thing—the ministry was no ally.

…

As soon Yaxley dismissed the class, Lily was gone so quickly James could've sworn she apparated. He blamed Peter for hogging his attention with his dim-witted questions about warding charms and whether or not it would be coming out for the next test but he couldn't even find the energy to snap at the dense boy.

He'd barely gotten any sleep the night before because Sirius' punch felt like a bludger to the face and also because he was almost a hundred percent sure Lily never wanted to speak to him again. James lifted his head to glare at the back of his former best friend's head. Sirius turned, his silver-blue eyes narrowed before he threw James a rude gesture and left. So he wanted to play the lone-wolf now. The irony in that was not lost to him when Remus approached with his tattered bag slung over his shoulder.

"She'll come around, Prongs." Remus said, clapping him on the shoulder. James let out an audible sigh before dutifully bringing himself to his next class.

By the end of his day, James was too mentally exhausted to even feed himself. He stayed alert throughout the day, waiting for the opening for Lily to be alone so he could cut into her ridiculously routine day. But she didn't give him the chance, every time he looked, he found her lost to some irrelevant conversation about the bloody weather for all he cared.

The worst part of his day was how Lily continued to play at the top of her game despite knowing how things were between them and it took all James had to simply stumble gracelessly after her. He laid his head on the warm wood of the dining table, listening to the clatter of cutlery and shift of movements. He was tired, anxious and powerless. He was _not_ James Potter.

He lifted his head slightly to gaze across the table, but instead of Sirius, it was Peter cramming a morbid amount of mashed potatoes into his mouth. James found himself wondering where the _bloody hell_ was Sirius when he needed him but stopped his traitorous instincts when he remembered his best friend had _stopped_ being his best friend and his relationship with his girlfriend was going down the same path.

Someone dropped their cutlery and James shot up from the table at the uncomfortably loud burst of sound in his ear. He glared at Peter who was guiltily reaching for his overturned spoon. "She's going to break up with me, isn't she?" he buried his fingers into his hair and clenched, his head was throbbing with a migraine.

"It's barely been a day, James. She just wants some space." Remus' voice assured him.

"It's going to be 24 hours soon and I'd bet my broom she's still not going to talk to me." James ticked off the seconds in his head. Remus nudged him but he didn't bother responding.

"James, something dodgy's going on at the end of the table" Remus whispered in low tones, nudging him again. He looked up with hooded eyes to see a group of fourth years clumped together at the end of the table closest to the door and furthest away from the teachers. "That's a Slytherin boy isn't it." Remus pointed out.

With more focused eyes, James noticed that the smallest boy in the group was wearing a Slytherin tie. His skin looked pasty and his eyes were rimmed with an agitated red "What's he doing at the Gryffindor table?" Peter scratched his head.

"I think they're hexing him under the table." Remus spoke again, concerned.

"Who cares? He's in Slytherin. He deserves as much." Peter shrugged and on cue, the boy jerked as if he had been stung in the side.

A wave of fatigue washed over him and James allowed it to feed on his pessimism, leaning his head back down on the table, feeling too put out to even lift a finger.

"They're torturing him, James" Remus, deciding to play the annoying angel on his shoulder but his mind swirled with a myriad of apologies, words and pleas he could use to regain Lily's affection.

"What is going on here?"

Lily's voice felt like a jab of adrenalin directly into his system, James shot up from the table, narrowly avoided head-butting Remus with the back of his head as he did so. Lily stood at the end of the table with an ominous expression. Although she was only speaking to the trouble-making group, she had also gathered the attention of nearby students.

"Nothing." the only girl of the group spoke with no trace of guilt in her voice.

"Hexing one boy under the tables in the company of five is not only an act of bully but also pathetically cowardice behavior for Gryffindor students." Lily snapped sternly.

"It's just Slytherin, they'd do it to us if we give 'em the chance" one of the boys snorted.

"Then you _tell_ a teacher about, not take personal disciplinary actions against them. Release him!" it was after Lily had mentioned it that James realized they must've pinned the boy's shoes down with a Stickfast hex to stop him from trying to escape.

"What are you, some sort of Gryffindor traitor? No." By now, the boy had stood and even though he was in his fourth year, he towered over Lily. James stood to help before it broke out into some sort of fight but Lily had drawn her wand. The boy recoiled and fumbled for his own wand.

"Finite!" Lily pointed her wand at the boy's shoes and at once, the Slytherin boy shot up from his seat and scurried out the door. After she had freed him, Lily turned to scowl at the standing Gryffindor. "Five points from Gryffindor."

The students of the Gryffindor table groaned simultaneously and a flurry of whispers broke out around them and James caught snippets of it.

 _'She's unbearable'_

 _'-having some sort of trouble in paradise-'_

 _'She was dumped by Potter'_

 _'-heard them arguing in Gryffindor tower-'_

 _'What a slag.'_

James turn his head furiously in the direction of the voice " _Who_ said that?" he snapped and heads were lowered. With his blood boiling, James returned his attention back to Lily to see if she had heard but his blood ran cold when he found Yaxley standing over the group of students and Lily, who turned paler by the second. He strained to hear their conversation, but they must've casted a muffliato charm around themselves because James could no longer hear a word they spoke despite being relatively close to the end of the table.

He watched helplessly as Lily's eyes widened and she looked back at the group with a guilty look before solemn washed over her features. Her lips moved in what looked like _"Yes, professor"_ and the group of students stood from their places to follow Yaxley out of the hall as Lily stared after them with a pale demeanor.

She must've felt his stare because she turned abruptly to meet his concerned gaze and for the briefest flicker, there was a raw emotion in her brilliant emerald eyes before she turned and left the Great Hall. James took it as a sign, that it was time to talk about their drift, with a frantic heart and damp hands, he gave chase.

…

James swallowed as he followed Lily into their private common room, there was a tension in her shoulders he understood as a sign from her body telling him that something bad was about to happen. He opened his mouth to call out to her as she began pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace but he couldn't make a sound. Lily was obviously making an important decision. What if he'd interrupted at a bad time? What if his failure to keep his big mouth shut caused Lily to make the wrong decision?

So he stood obediently to the side, not quite sure what to do with his hands. Back then, he'd used to fiddle with his stolen snitch and after he'd started dating Lily, he always found something to touch on her. Now he had neither and he was left to clench and unclench his fingers around his robes.

"I think we should separate." Lily spoke seriously—too seriously. She'd stopped her pacing to meet his eyes, which were starting to ache because he'd forgotten to blink. His lungs began to ache and he realized that he'd forgotten to breathe as well. Lily took in his expression and winced, he must've looked terrible for her to react like that.

"We're breaking up?" he managed to croak out.

"Yes." Lily nodded but pain flickered in her eyes and she took it back immediately "I mean no! I just-" she gripped her forehead and squeezed her eyes closed. James moved steadily toward her in small, careful steps. "We need time, James. To think about our relationship and—and where do we go from here. We're changing— both of us—and honestly, I don't know if it's for the better." Lily sighed.

"Of course we're changing, there's nothing wrong with that— we're in love" James felt a yawning hole of dread spread in the pits of his stomach at the thought of the possibility of that statement being in the past tense. Was that what was happening? Lily didn't love him anymore, was that why? Was it because of Sirius? Because he _humiliated_ her? Was she condemning him for the company he kept? Did she think he was like him? Panic seized him by the throat and James was suddenly overwhelmed with unbridled fury, hurt, fear and anxiety. He reached out to grip her by her arms, forcing her attention back to him. "Why are you doing this?" he whispered with wide eyes.

Lily opened her mouth to speak but his emotions had bubbled over and he exploded " _Why_ are you punishing me for something I didn't do? _Why_ do you believe a _word_ Sirius said? _Why_ won't you take my word for it? I love you!" he jerked her and watched the surprise spread on her face before he released her and stumbled back to sit on the armchair. He pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes and croaked "It's all I've ever done. Why are you doing this to me, Lily?" Oh, he felt like the world's sorriest sod. _Pathetic. Why don't you get down on your knees are start begging, Potter? You've already lost what was left of your dignity, you've got nothing to lose now—go on, you wanker._ He could almost hear Sirius' voice in his head.

There was an incessant tugging at his arms and James peeled his palms them from his damp eyes to find Lily looking at him with glittering green eyes, she sniffed and wiped at her eyes to dry them before sliding onto his lap and engulfing him into her soft but firm embrace. James wrapped his arms slowly around her, feeling her warmth on the palms of his hands before he pressed her closer to him, closing the non-existent gap between them. Holding on so tightly he could feel her frantic heartbeats on his chest—or was that his heart?

"I love you, James. I've never loved anyone more than I do you. But I'm _scared_ " she sobbed and he could feel her tears on the side of his neck, he wrapped his arms around her tighter and allowed her to continue. "I'm so afraid we would fall into this unhealthy pattern of ignoring everyone around us. We're pushing our problems aside because we're so fiercely wrapped up in one another, we've pushed everyone away. Sirius… he showed me that"

James stiffened "He talked to you?"

Lily turned her head slightly and he nearly sighed at the feel of her skin against his. "No, not since yesterday. But when he was yelling at me, I realized I've never seen that side of Sirius before because he was always so happy around you." She stroked his back affectionately "He was going through a hard time and I was hogging you from him."

James frowned "He was jealous?"

Lily chuckled and his heart skipped a beat "That's one way of looking at it" she drew away and cupped his face "He's your best friend-"

"Not anymore." James growled.

Lily scowled at him but otherwise ignored his remark "You need to make things right with him."

James shrugged "He'll come around on his own, we'll be jolly in no time, you'll see. There's no reason for us to separate just because of that" he reasoned.

"We're too close. We don't think straight." Lily stroked his cheek with her thumb and his eyelids fluttered at her touch. _What were they talking about again?_ "See?" she rolled her eyes and moved to get off his lap but James held fast.

"Don't I get a say?" he was desperate.

"It's only temporary" Lily smiled faintly. "At least until I figure things out, you should do the same." James sighed audibly. Figure out _what?_ His relationship had been perfect up until Sirius decided to open his stupid mouth. Why was Lily so intent of fixing something that wasn't even broken? His mind sunk back to the present to see Lily's head cocked at the perfect angle.

"Please?" she drawled out the word like the cheeky tease she was. And he went for it.

To her surprise, he leaned forward to press a hard kiss to her perfectly angled mouth, relishing in the feel of her silky lips on his own. Automatically, he moved his hands up her sides and back down to press his thumbs into her erogenous spot at her hips. He swallowed her moan and Lily leaned into him as he continued to knead on her sweet spot. James could feel her struggle for restraint from jerky movements and he relieved the pressure on her hips as he detached their lips. A wave of reluctance washed over him as he helped her ease back onto her own two feet.

"What was that for?" she panted, a look of mock disapproval reflected in her eyes.

James shrugged sheepishly "A reminder of what you'll be missing before you draw up the boundaries."

Lily smiled sadly at him. "It's only temporary." she promised.

"I know."

"We'll stay as friends for now. And that means respecting each other's privacy, no intimate touching, no invasion of personal space, no… intercourse"

"Sex." James corrected and Lily blushed.

"Yes, that."

"Sharing bedrooms?"

"What part of respecting each other's privacy did you not understand?" Lily huffed.

"Friends can have slumber parties." James looked hopeful.

"Don't be daft, you're not making this any easier" Lily said crossly.

James raised his hands in surrender "All right, privacy, personal space, no intimate touching, no sex and _no fun_ " he rolled his eyes.

"You need to be serious about this, James. If we're ever going to have a future together, we need to put things right, now." Lily scowled.

His eyes lit up at the thought of a future with Lily. _Marriage. A veil of white and heaven. I do. Till death do us part._ "Future…" he whispered and cleared his throat "I can do that." he stood quickly "Well! I'm going to bed then, since you've not kicked me out tonight." he spoke dismissively and brushed past her to take the steps to his room.

Lily stared longingly after him, pondering her decision. _This wasn't a bad idea, right?_

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	24. Breaking Point

**Long chapter this week! I'm apparently very good at cliffhangers.**

* * *

 **Breaking Point**

Day one of his very _temporary_ separation with Lily. James decided he would be optimistic about the break Lily had wedged in between their relationship. She told him the night before that she loved him and that her feelings remain unchanged. All he had to do was keep it that way, if not, make it stronger. He would show her just what she was missing—he'd win her back.

He'd come down from his room to see if Lily was waiting for him, was just in time to see Lily's red head disappear out of the portrait hole. _Damn, he'd missed her._

Sirius was missing from breakfast again and he wondered when his twat of a best friend was going to pull his head out of his own ass and apologize. Because of him, the Marauder's Map was forever lost from their arsenal and James absolutely refused to let them borrow his cloak while Sirius was this unstable. James sat down in his usual spot next to Remus and Peter across of him, where Sirius was supposed to be. He noticed when he entered that Lily was not sitting with the Marauders, instead she seemed to be wrapped up in a conversation with the 7th year Gryffindor girls.

"How's Lily doing?" Remus' voice was cautious and unsure.

"We're taking a break from each other." James answered casually, unworried as he sipped his pumpkin juice.

"She broke up with you?" Peter choked out.

"No, Wormtail. What part of a _break_ didn't you understand?" James growled.

Peter paused to think for a moment "Which part _didn't_ I get? Wait— Broke _does_ mean the same as break… right?" the boy said, genuinely confused. James and Remus stared at him until he cringed with self-consciousness "Am I stupid?"

"Yes." James snapped grouchily.

"No, Peter. You're not." Remus cut in encouragingly "Lily and James are stopping their relationship temporarily. They've not broken up, so to speak" _Thank you, Remus._ The sandy haired marauder turned his attention to James as the latter proceeded to shove an entire cupcake into his mouth. "You're awfully grouchy today"

James rolled his eyes "I wonder why." he mumbled around a full mouth. Since Lily wasn't here to reprimand him for eating like a pig, he seized the immediate opportunity to revel in its advantages. Crumbs of cakes splattered over to Peter's plate and the boy frowned at him. James shrugged innocently.

"I'm worried about Sirius." Remus said.

James snorted mid-chew "Why?" more crumbs escaped him and sprinkled Peter's bacon with sweet confection.

"Prongs, quit it!" he snatched his plate from the table.

"He came back to the common room at three last night, smelling like firewhiskey, and then he was gone before I woke this morning."

James swallowed and reached for another cupcake as Peter frowned deeply, contemplating intervention.

"He's probably shagged some bird in the closets again, had a few drinks and fell asleep." James shrugged as he safely removed the cupcake from the stand, Peter had not been brave enough.

"But he doesn't disappear in the mornings like this. He's not spoken to us _once_ since the fight." Remus had set down his copy of the Daily Prophet to look at James.

"Sirius knows what he's doing. It's probably just a phase."

"Well it's gone on for long enough. I saw him with a few Slytherins the other day before Christmas. Something dodgy's going out with him, can't you talk to him? He listens to you." Remus' voice was bitter with worry and James was suddenly reminded of Lily—no wonder they get on so well.

"All right, fine, _mum._ Don't get your wand in a knot, Moony. I'm sure he's fine—he's Sirius" James said, sounding genuinely unconcerned but in all honestly, he was reluctant speak to his best friend. He still wasn't too happy with the git for planting the seed of his and Lily's relationship problem but he didn't blame him entirely, it felt like it was bound to happen—James just wasn't sure he wouldn't be tempted to sock his other eye if he saw him again.

A loud shriek stopped all conversations in the hall and Peter had dropped his fork, its clatters mingled with a second scream and James shot to his feet when he realized the scream came from the Gryffindor table.

There, in the middle of the long table, was a group of students huddled around a dark haired girl. James recognized her as one of the students who had gotten in trouble for hexing and torturing a Slytherin student the day before. The group of boys that had been with her yesterday turned pale and rigid in their seats while some of the older girls attempted to calm her down—and of course, that automatically included Lily.

James approached the group and as he drew closer, he heard Marlene McKinnon ask. "What's wrong with her?"

No one answered her as Lily knelt down by the girl's side, her hand kneading over the girl's clenched fist as she tried to calm the girl down. "Someone get Madam Pomfrey" Lily snapped.

James had prepared to volunteer but the matron was already bulldozing over curious students. "Out of the way! Out of the way!"

Lily moved swiftly out of the way just before Madam Pomfrey had to tell her to move. The matron sunk to her knees to examine the girl's wide and haunted eyes, feeling her forehead and pulse before she stood. "Nothing a little calming draught can't fix. Help me get her to the hospital wing, 'fraid I haven't got any on me at the moment"

Lily seized the girl by the arm to try and help her stand but the girl merely curled up more defensively and screamed bloody murder. No one seemed to know what to do before James nudged past the girl in front of him to lift the shrieking fourth year into his arms. He huffed as he tried to balance out the weight. The girl was clenching her body so tightly, it was difficult for him keep his hold on her.

He had caught Lily's surprise look before he followed Madam Pomfrey out of the halls, he could feel the admiring gazes on his back as he walked out the doors a hero.

…

As the girl, whom Lily recognized as fourth year Milla Ludwig, had fallen into a potion-induced state of serenity. Lily felt the adrenalin wane and the dread settling in the pits of her stomach as she thought about the implications. "What happened to her?" she had asked Madam Pomfrey and the matron had only informed her it was trauma and was unable to elaborate on how the poor fourth year had ended up in such a state. However, Lily had a very good idea on how.

She felt James' presence near her before he said anything. "It was Yaxley." she stated and he stiffened. "He must've done something to her as punishment from yesterday. It's absolutely barbaric" she growled under her breath. "Someone needs to do something about this."

"Don't antagonize him, Lily" James' voice was soft and concerned.

Sighing, Lily's shoulder slumped with her mood "I won't." she promised and turned to face the Head Boy. "You were sort-of spectacular of you back there, in a… heroic sort of way" she added softly as she walked past him with James trailing after her.

"Really? Sort-of? That's all I get?" he called out teasingly.

And that was the last time they spoke that day. While Lily had not deliberately tried to avoid James, she did, however, busy herself with assignments that were not due for another three weeks and revising for tests that had yet to exist. It was somewhat refreshing to have fallen so easily back into her old routine life before she started a relationship with James.

…

It was during her free period at the library when she had been approach by Remus, looking meek and cautious as he shuffled up to her table. "May I sit?" he asked her, polite as always.

"Of course, Remus." she shuffled some of her books out of the way so it wouldn't form a wall between her and the seat across her. She watched as he slung his back over the back of his seat before he settled down. It was clear from his lack of reading material that he was not planning on studying, but as she waited and waited for him to say something, he simply averted his eyes and twiddled his thumbs. Deciding to give him some time, Lily went back to the reading Professor Slughorn assigned but realized she had lost her line. She'd lost her momentum and she couldn't seem to get it back—annoyed and somewhat frustrated now, Lily spoke up. "Something on your mind?"

Remus jerked so violently, Lily started. "No! I mean yes!" Remus stuttered, his eyes wide and nervous. His deep green eyes held hers for a moment before he glanced around as if to see if anyone was listening. "About the night before… the whole argument with Sirius. What you heard- what he called me…" he trailed off as if it pained him physically to continue.

Realization spread across her features as Lily quickly pieced together the clues and with a quick glance past her shoulders, she pulled out a wand to cast an easy muffliato charm around them. Remus sagged in his chair but his expression remained wary. "You know." he cleared his throat. "You really know…" Remus gripped his forehead, swallowing deeply as if he were going to be sick.

"Yes, well, I've known for quite some time now. I assumed James would've told you." Lily shut her book and absently traced the words on the cover with her fingertip, feeling somewhat intrusive and guilty about knowing the truth.

"You didn't tell anyone." It was a statement but Lily nodded to confirm anyway. Remus inhaled slowly as if to calm himself "H-How? When? Why didn't you say anything to me?" Remus spluttered at a hundred miles an hour, flustered and generally just confused.

"I'm not _stupid_ , Remus. I figured it out after Professor Wickerburn's class on werewolves in third year"

Remus choked "You've known for _that_ long?"

"Yes-"

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

Lily distinctly remembered having this conversation in a similar setting with James. "It's not my secret to tell." She repeated the statement, this time to Remus, who was inching closer to hyperventilation with every breath. "I didn't mention it because it wouldn't have made a difference."

Remus looked at her, brows furrowed in confusion.

"You're still Remus Lupin to me" Lily finished simply.

He blinked at her "Has anyone told you that you're out of bloody mind?" his voice a harsh mumble.

Lily frowned, insulted. "No" she sniffed. "Not like that, at least."

"Lycanthropy is not something to be taken lightly, Lily" he reprimanded.

"That wasn't my intention at all" Lily jumped in, instantly defensive. "Remus, I'm not belittling the severity of your condition. And while I can't ever _understand_ what you're going through, I will not condemn you for it." A flicker of sadness stirred within her and a silent understanding passed between them. Because they were two sides of the same coin. They had both suffered under prejudice eyes and would not wish it upon others.

Remus stared at her for a moment, his expression hard and unreadable before a twitch tugged at the corner of his lips and laughed; a full bellied chuckle. "You really are quite remarkable."

Her cheeks warmed at the compliment and Lily cleared her throat, trying to change the topic of conversation "I hope I wasn't being insensitive."

"At least you didn't tell me you thought my condition was 'cool'" he grinned, looking much more light-hearted than Lily has seen of him since she returned.

"Sirius?" Lily chuckled.

"Yeah, he completely blew it off after they found out" a fond look passed over his eyes before he added softly "They all did."

"How is he? Sirius, I mean." Lily inquired.

"Still an arse" Remus sighed, his shoulders slumping at the thought "Then again, when is he _not_. Just that he was a bit more vocal about it before." He looked up abruptly to meet Lily's curious gaze. "About what he said, Lily. You shouldn't-"

"It's all right, Remus. He was just being honest" she assured him, although the thought of having to sit through another guilt riddled conversation with another member of the Marauders threatened to throw her into another bout of despair.

"He was being bitter. There's a difference."

"But he was right."

Remus' eyebrows shot up as he shot her a strange look "You're unhealthily negative about yourself for someone who _really_ shouldn't be"

"You've always been very kind, Remus." Lily reached over to cup her hand over his, squeezing gently before she stood up to put away her books. Free period was over.

…

An ugly green monster reared its disgusting head within him, the pungent smell of burning jealousy singed the insides of his nose. James watched as a bright smile threatened to split Remus' face in two and his shoulder shook with small spasms. Although he couldn't hear a sound from their table most likely courtesy of a Muffliato charm from Lily, James knew Remus was laughing. _What's he got to laugh about?_ An envious, bitter voice spoke in the back of his head. His friend was having relationship problems with the love of his life and Remus was off frolicking with said love.

James had just arrived at the library after Arithmancy, hoping to make small talk with Lily as they made their way to Transfiguration together when he stumbled upon the overly chummy sight of one of his best mates with his girlfriend. He'd just managed to convince himself that their very _private_ conversation wasn't any of his business when Lily reached out to grasp Remus' hand and looked up affectionately into the boy's eyes. _Traitor!_ The voice snarled in his head as he turned sharply and stormed out of the library before he did something he'd regret.

…

Day five of his break with Lily and this was the twentieth time James had caught Lily staring intently at him, thinking he hadn't noticed. Not that he was complaining, he only wished she would call off their stupid _separation_ already and tell him that they were going to be okay. Instead, she went about with her life as if they had never happened.

After the incident with the fourth year, whose name he couldn't seem to remember for the life of him. The whole school buzzed with the gossip of him and Lily, questions being thrown about, speculations on whether they had broken up and who dumped who.

"Hi James" a chorus of giggles sounded behind him and James turned on his bench to see a flock of Gryffindor fifth year girls smiling at him as they pushed each other along, whispering excitedly amongst each other.

"Hi." he grinned, his natural instincts responded for him before he turned back to his meal with an inflated ego. It was only him and Peter at breakfast because Remus was currently in the hospital wing, preparing for the full moon. Though he was wondering how they were going to manage the transformation without Sirius. Perhaps they should all just stay in the shack for the night and keep Remus off himself. He felt the familiar tingle on the back of his neck and he stuck his head out to meet Lily's hard green gaze. _What's got her wand in a knot?_

…

 _Oh, he was enjoying this._ Lily thought bitterly. He was probably rolling in the attention, relishing in its every drop. Him and his stupid grin and ruffled hair. There wasn't a person in school who didn't know of his heroics last week. She'd thought the attention would've died off and everyone would get on with their lives after a day or two but it only worsened to unbearable levels. It seemed like e _very_ girl in school suddenly had eyes for James, as if they were waiting to be swept off their feet next.

Funny how she'd never seemed to have noticed just how much attention James attracted from the opposite sex until she had been placed on the outside.

…

Day thirteen of their separation and Lily had just been told by Remus that the situation with Sirius was _not_ getting any better. When James had attempted to set things right, Sirius had lashed out like a wounded animal. Remus refused to give her any further details but Lily knew the fight had been about her—because now, James was dead set on pretending Sirius didn't exist until he apologized.

Lily decided it was time to take things into her own hands. Pushing back the pitchy voice in the back of her head that told her it was a bad idea, Lily stepped out of the portrait hole and out of the common room—instantly breaking the round-the-clock curfew rule. It was almost nine o'clock and she was hoping to catch Sirius before he left Gryffindor tower, they can't keep pushing their problems aside forever.

The walk to Gryffindor tower from the Head common room was a short one as they were on the same floor but the trip seemed much longer when her guilty conscience kept reminding her that this was against school rules and that if she were to be caught now, she might just get herself expelled. Quickening her steps, Lily passed a broom closet and rounded a corner just to slam her nose into something hard.

Her entire body had gone rigid as a hand closed around her wrist and tugged her down the corridor she came from. Her mind repeating the line: _I told you so_. Over and over in her head like a broken record.

She gasped when she heard the sound of a door being opened and before she knew it, she had been shoved roughly onto the dusty floor. She'd finally caught a glimpse of the person who seized her by the wrist and out of all the people she had expected to run into, she did not expect this one.

" _Sirius!"_ she hissed, the reprimand already set on her tongue before they shoved right back down her throat as the light from the moon shone through the windows to illuminate his rugged features. He looked thinner and sickly, reminding her of Remus' condition after a full moon. "What are you-"

"Stay here and be quiet" he hissed at her and slammed the door shut, leaving Lily in the dark—both figuratively and literally.

Feeling slightly claustrophobic and defiant, Lily scrambled to her feet and reached for the door handle but before she could grasp it, a new voice seeped through the heavy black wood.

"Black!" a familiar, unhinged voice called out and Lily stiffened. She knew that voice. "Got a bone to pick with you."

"Didn't peg you for a rule-breaker, Mulciber. There's a curfew, if you haven't heard." It was Sirius' voice this time, calm and sarcastic. There was the sound of shuffling feet before anyone spoke "Four against one? Hardly seems like a fair fight." it was Sirius again. Curious about what they were doing, Lily lowered herself to the keyhole of the closet and closed one eye to peek through it.

Sirius stood alone with four wands directed at him, a smug expression on his face. Lily gasped out loud and one of them twitched. Lily lowered herself away from the keyhole, her heart rapidly thumping against her chest, a very raw and old fear ran through her veins. Suddenly, she was back in the locked wardrobe, wrapped in the cold grasp of death. Lily curled herself into a ball and buried her face in her knees, seeking warmth from herself.

It was a while before someone spoke again. "Think it was funny, did you? We heard what you did to Malfoy."

"Git had it coming."

There was a bright flash and Sirius doubled over as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "You'd do well to show some respect. The dark lord wasn't happy with your response, he's giving you another chance—both of you."

 _The Dark Lord? Voldemort?_

Sirius laughed, a mirthless taunt. "Shall I tell him to eat his own testicle? Or is that too unoriginal?"

"Crucio!" a deep voice snarled with possessed ferocity.

Sirius dropped to the ground, writhing in spasms of pain and his mouth opened in a silent scream. Lily pressed a hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying out. She let this go on, she need to do something but for the second time that night, Lily found herself rendered incapable of opening the god-forsaken door. Because even in the midst of his torture, Sirius had managed to crawl his way to the door, promptly disappearing from Lily's keyhole sight. There was bang and a rattle against the door that told Lily he had put himself between the Death Eater group and the door. His head had blocked the keyhole, rendering Lily sightless.

 _He wanted her to stay inside._

"You will show the Dark Lord some respect!" a voice Lily couldn't recognize through the fear buzzing in her ears had said. But she wasn't afraid for herself, she was afraid of what they were going to do to Sirius.

"Respect!" Sirius hissed "When he's done _nothing_ to deserve it. My answer is not changing and neither is his! You stay the fuck away from us!" Sirius snarled.

Mulciber barked out a laugh "You've not told him, have you? What do you get from protecting him like this? From what I can see, you and Potter are not getting on too well, are you?"

Lily could hear Sirius' harsh breathing from over the door as he said nothing else.

"You two either join the master or you are against him. The only reason why you are alive is because the Dark Lord wills it. Though, I'd never understand why he'd bother himself with _blood-traitors_ such as yourselves." Mulciber snorted, bemused but his shoes clicked slowly on the floor "Sirius Black. A member of the Black family—but not quite. A reject of Slytherin. And that James _Potter_ as well. To think I thought he was bad enough with his head in his ass—but now he's got his head so far up that _mud-blood_ 's ass, he can't even find himself. Oh, Gryffindor— where dwell the mudbloods and blood-traitors." The group broke out into loud and raucous laughter

"You make me _sick,_ Black.I can't _wait_ " Mulciber's voice was much closer now. So close, Lily could hear the spine-chilling husk in his voice. "Because the second he gives us the permission to kill you—I'll have you _begging for death._ "

There was a sudden jolt against the door and a grunt that told Lily someone had kicked Sirius. She started, muffling a squeak in her hand and laughter erupted on the other side of the door, fading along with the footsteps.

 _Oh, Sirius…_

Lily remained rooted to the ground, squatting in the darkness for what felt like an eternity. Willing the fear out of her system and the waiting for her heart to slow. By the time she had managed to put herself back together, Sirius was already long gone. Suddenly frantic, Lily willed her legs forward and it automatically brought her to the Gryffindor common room.

The room was packed full of students and no sign of Sirius. Trying her luck, Lily decided to head for the boys' dormitory. Ignoring the stares of the students, Lily climbed the stairs and nearly tore down the hinges of the one she needed.

There was only Sirius in the room, sat on his bed, in the midst of uncorking a bottle of suspicious brown liquid. He gave her a harsh glare, no doubt trying to ward her off but Lily remained unfaltering.

"What do you want?" he snapped at her, there was blood on the side of his lips and faint traces of the black eye James had given him. Lily's heart clenched at the sight of him—he looked broken, undeservingly so.

Lily opened her mouth to speak but instead of words, she found herself choking back sobs and fighting to blink past her tears. Sirius' face paled and his anger dropped away, only to be replaced by sheer panic "Oh no, don't do that-" he raised the bottle and his hand trying to placate her but Lily was already numb with the impending torrent of sorrows.

A sob escaped Lily's lips and she struggled for a semblance of control in her emotions but her mind was shutting down and her chest constricted painfully. Her conscience was telling her what an awful person she had been for the past month and what an awful person she was going to be. How could she have been so _naive_? They weren't ever going to stop. Mulciber never stopped. And while she held James back, Sirius kept on fighting off an evil Lily was too foolish to see. But his cry for help had been ultimately ignored because James was so busy trying to fix an imaginary hole in their relationship— and still was.

"I'm so sorry" Lily sobbed. "I-"

"What's the matter with you?" Lily couldn't see him but Sirius' voice sounded frantic.

"You-" Lily hiccupped and blubbered up a storm as she struggled for words.

"What the fuck did you do, Sirius?" a new voice joined them and Lily had to think really hard to recognize Remus.

"Me? I didn't do anything! She just… _exploded_!"

"You must've done _something_! Why else would she be crying?" Remus countered.

"That's what I would like to know!" Sirius snapped back and the two continued to banter back and forth until Lily managed to compose herself, or at least stop blubbering long enough to form a comprehensible sentence.

"I-I need to speak with Sirius. Alone." Lily sniffed. "Please."

There was a long pause of eye contact between Remus and Sirius as Lily waited patiently for an answer. "All right" she heard Remus from behind her and then the tell-tale sound of him and Peter's footsteps shuffling away and the wooden door clicking shut.

"No, don't leave me in here with her. She's mental!" Sirius pleaded and it was refreshing to see him exhibit some of his former behavior.

"I owe you an apology—several, actually." Lily began, her voice wavering and her throat tightening with every word.

"I'm going to pretend I know what you're talking about" Sirius pulled the cork out of the bottle and took large drink from it. Lily wrinkled her nose, there was no doubt about what was in that bottle now. Sirius sighed as if he had been relieved of some sort of pain after the drink. "Aren't you going to tell me I shouldn't be drinking within school compound?"

Lily shifted her weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable and awkward. "I'm sorry." she found herself repeating.

"About what?" Sirius asked, surprisingly patient.

Lily took a large breath and held it, pausing for a while before she answered "Everything."

"You're going to have to be more specific." he took another drink.

"For hitting you. For being a self-righteous ignoramus. For not realizing sooner— _for keeping James away_." Lily's voice ended in a whisper.

He stared at her curiously, examining her, no doubt trying to understand her angle. "Want a sip? It'll calm your nerves" he asked her, thrusting up the bottle.

Lily had wanted to reject politely but instead, she found herself asking, curious. "What is it?"

A wide grin broke out on his face and Lily couldn't help but notice how much she's missed that carefree look on him. "Liquid courage!" he told her with a bright flash of his pearly white teeth, mirth shining in his eyes at some sort of inside joke.

Some part of Lily scoffed at the idea of liquid courage, there was no such potion. It was definitely alcohol in there. But once again, she surprised herself by asking "Does it work?"

Sirius' eyes softened as he patted the spot next to him "Why don't you come and find out?" he gave the bottle a little shake for emphasis and before Lily's conscience could speak, she was already shuffling forward toward him and settling down next to him. Before he could offer it to her, Lily reached eagerly for the bottle.

Sirius moved it just slightly out of her reach. "Small sips" he warned. Lily nodded and he handed her the bottle. She sniffed at the rim and wrinkled her nose at the strong scent of smoke and alcohol. Braving the thought of having to face the consequences, Lily tipped the bottle back and took a large gulp.

She had hardly managed to swallow before her chest erupted in spasms of coughs and splutters. Her nose burned with the piercing scent of alcohol and fire ran down her throat in streams of liquid flames. There was barely any taste as she suffered through the painful, throbbing sensation in her mouth. In her coughing fits, Lily felt Sirius' gentle rubs on her back, willing the burn down toward her chest where it spread into a more pleasant warm, branching out throughout her body.

"That wasn't a sip." Sirius snorted, amused.

Every breath Lily took seemed cold in contrast to the fire in her veins, blood rushed to her head and suddenly she was feeling light-headed but at the same time, she could feel her heart beating steadily in her chest. There was a loud buzzing throughout her body, a tingle in her fingertips that made her feel powerful, like she'd been injected with the purest dose of confidence. A tickle bubble up her chest to her throat and before she could help it, a giggle slipped past her mouth.

"Wow!" she gasped.

"All right, hand it over before you hurt yourself, Evans." Sirius said.

Lily pulled it out of his reach "No! One more!" she whined.

"Oh I don't think so, if you sip like that, you're not going to last through another one of those." Sirius snatched the bottle from her faster than her hazy brain could react.

"I really am sorry, Sirius" Lily breathed, her head drooped down and her eyes blinked slowly. Her mind worked to grasp at coherency but with no luck, Lily found herself speaking without a filter in her mind.

"That's not going to earn you another sip" Sirius chuckled and Lily heard the liquid sloshing in the bottle and a swallow from Sirius.

"I'm sorry for the way James acted towards you" she elaborated, the fuzzy warmth thrumming in her body was making her awfully comfortable.

"Not your fault he's a dickwad."

"But it is!" she protested loudly "He loves me!" her proud declaration didn't even phase her.

"Yeah, he does" Sirius snorted, amused as he drank from the bottle.

"And I love him" Lily's voice was hoarse and sandy, suffering the aftermath of the fiery drink. "But we can't keep doing this" her tongue felt heavy after the confession. "We're so wrapped up in each other, it's hard to realize anyone else exists" Lily moved her fingers one by one, as if to see if they worked.

"Yeah" Sirius agreed bitterly after a swallow.

"But it's going to stop. You'll get your best friend back, I promise." Lily smiled to herself. Hm. She never realized how red her hair was. "Can you pass the bottle?"

"Bloody hell, woman. Have some control" he teased her, pulling the bottle away as she open and closed her palm expectantly, but gave up eventually, her head lolling to lie on his shoulder. A sudden thought came to her mind.

"Say, Sirius?"

"Hm?" he answered around a mouthful.

"What do you hate about me?" Lily asked without skipping a beat. It must be the work of the liquid courage. _Oh, she longed for another sip._

"Nothing" he remained still, lending his shoulder and his ear. She never knew he was such a good listener.

"You're lying" she accused.

"Contrary to what everyone thinks, I really have nothing against you, Lily" Sirius sounded serious. Lily giggled. _That was punny._ "All right there, Lily?" Sirius asked, his voice amused.

"But what you said before. About my parents being muggles" Lily said, breathless. It was getting a little warm.

"That was more for James, you were just caught in the crossfire"

"Why?" Lily was suddenly immensely curious.

"I wanted to spike a reaction from him. Set off his temper, nail him in the gut—anything. And the only way I could think of was through you."

"Why? Isn't he your best friend?"

"He's my brother and I love him like one. I was bitter, I suppose. That he'd throw everything else away because he's got everything he's ever wanted. I could barely recognize him."

"Me." Lily concluded, her tone a mixture of awe and sadness.

"You're too modest" Sirius chuckled, the rumble tickled Lily's ear.

"What happened with you and Mulciber?"

"Are you conducting an interview?" Lily could hear the smile in his voice.

"What did they want? And how did you know I was there?" Lily persisted, her eyes fluttering, it was very warm.

"Voldemort wants me and James to join the Death Eaters and he'd having Mulciber's group do the dirty work." Sirius answered after another swig, indiscreetly ignoring her other question.

Lily was surprised at her _lack_ of surprise, her heartbeats remained steady and strong in her chest. "Have you told Dumbledore?"

"Well he's not exactly here, is he? And something dodgy's going on with that Yaxley character. Real nutter, that one"

"Why didn't you tell James?"

There was a pause as Sirius hesitated "He's got his hands full with you. I didn't want to ruin things for him."

Lily found that statement strangely ironic. For what she had planned would be counterproductive to Sirius's intentions. "I'm sorry."

"You've nothing to apologize for, Lily." He sighed and his shoulder sagged, taking Lily's head with it.

"I'll make things right, I promise." Lily murmured.

The door swung open violently and the two of them turned their attention swiftly to the stunned figure in the doorway. "Well this is awkward." There was a hint of mirth in his tone.

"What the fuck, Sirius? What've you done to her?" James' voice hissed at them and Lily struggled to open her eyes.

"I introduced to her the wonders of alcohol. About time too." Sirius explained casually.

"And you decided to start with _firewhiskey?_ " he sounded frantic. _Is someone in trouble?_

Lily stirred awake when she felt her head bobbed up and down with Sirius' shoulder as he shrugged "She had one sip."

"You _wanker!"_ James hissed, Lily tried to count his footsteps as he crossed the room but she couldn't seem to remember what came after two. Suddenly, something cold clamped around her cheeks and she jerked away from the unpleasant surprise.

"That's cold!" she whined, eyes blinking awake to meet James' concerned pool of hazel.

"She's burning up, Sirius!" James hissed as he reached for her hand, holding fast when Lily tried to jerk that away from him as well.

"That would be the _fire_ in the firewhiskey, mate" Sirius chuckled and Lily laughed with him, much to James' dismay. There was something comical about being reprimanded by James for breaking the rules, the role reversal was rather pleasant. For once, she wasn't the one stressing over the consequences.

"She's so flushed" James groaned, his hands still fussing all over her body. Lily smiled crookedly at his troubled look. "She's gone loopy!" he sounded like he was having a really hard time.

"No more than she already was. She's fine— just really jolly." Sirius answered for her. Yes, _jolly_. It word sounded very pleasant and fun to say. _Jol-lee_

"Can I have that next sip now?" Lily questioned, smacking her lips.

"How much did you give her?" James whispered harshly.

"She had one fucking sip!" Sirius was grinning, only the very of laughing as Lily mimicked his look. She felt too lighthearted to care that she might lose her badge if anyone else saw her like this—happiness buzzed all over body, tickling her all at once.

"It was god-awful" Lily grinned, her body gradually growing used to James' temperature as she plucked absently at his fingers.

"You're going to bed" James grunted, his arms coming around to hold Lily's waist, peeling her side away from Sirius.

"One more sip?" she tried again, looking hopelessly at Sirius.

He cast her a cheeky grin, looking much like himself. "Next time, Evans"

A wash of sorrow threatened to penetrate her bubble of happiness, only to bounce off harmlessly. _I'll make things right._

…

Lily struggled to compose herself long enough to sneak out of the common room without being noticed. Although by the time they had managed that, there weren't many people left, save for a few couples snuggling by the fire and a diligent reader.

James walked so close to her she had to refrain from jumping every time the cold skin of his hand brushed against hers. It did, however, help to jolt her out of her sleepy stupor every time it did. She yawned and wondered how many footsteps were left before they would finally reach the head common room. _Ten? Twelve? Four?_

Something cold wrapped around her elbow and Lily squeaked, her eyes flying open. "Cold!" she gasped. The icy pressure lifted and Lily turned to narrow her eyes at an apologetic-looking James.

His hand went up to ruffle at his hair. "Sorry" he blurted out then walked to stop in front of her. He was careful with her sensitivity this time as he coaxed her hands to wrap around his shoulders. He turned so that his back was to her and before Lily could figure out what he was trying to do, he took a step back and knocked her off her feet so she fell over him. His arms came around to support her bum as her arms tightened instinctively around his neck. "It's faster this way" he explained meekly and Lily said nothing else.

She turned her cheek to rest on his shoulder, breathing on the hairs on the back of his neck, watching them flutter and stop. He smelled wonderful too, Lily sighed and breathed deeply. His body stiffened beneath hers and she couldn't help but remember how nice it felt to be pressed against him. How utterly _perfect_ it made her feel. Blinking sleepily, Lily inched her head closer to press a kiss to his exposed neck. His shoulder jerked on impulse and he steps faltered but said nothing.

Her arms tightened around him and she leaned her forehead against his neck. She had been so convinced that they would be alright. The alcohol was wearing off, she could feel it. Because despair washed over her faster than she could realize what was happening. The last of the pleasant warmth drained away and her chest constricted as if someone had reached into her and clenched her heart in an icy-palmed grip. _She promised._

James came to a stop, his body rumbled as he spoke the password to their common room.

"Delfina Crimp"

The portrait creaked open and James stepped through. The warmth of the fireplace spread through her as soon as he did. He stopped just short of the couch, as if contemplating his next move but he needn't ponder any further, she knew where they needed to go from here. Lily wriggled and he allowed her to slide down his body.

"Will you be alright on your own?" his voice hoarse and concerned. She could feel his tension and hear the strain self-control in his voice.

Mustering what was left of the liquid courage, Lily took a step toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck, this time from the front and pressed her lips fully against his. _One last time._

He responded appropriately by wrapping his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him. Returning her anguish, her passion and her love. Their lips moved in perfected synchrony, gentle brushes of flesh one moment and then hard and eager the next. Lily was first to break away as she uttered her next words—his execution:

"Let's break up, Potter"

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 **TBC**

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	25. A Change of Heart

**Terribly short chapter today but healthy amounts of fluff! Remember to leave a review!**

* * *

 **A Change of Heart**

James' entire world came crashing down on him in one instant and he suddenly very much wished for the ground beneath his feet to open up and swallow him because at least then he would know it was all just a bad dream. What did he do wrong? From _where_ did he go wrong? He gave her space, he gave her _time._ He did _exactly_ as she wished. So why? _His_ heart jolted back to life when Lily pulled herself from his arms, he locked his hands together around her, stopping her from gaining anymore distance from him.

"Why?" he asked, his voice hard and his expression dark. He was frustrated, scared and insecure all wrapped into one chaotic mood. He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her, demand an explanation. " _What did I do wrong?_ " He snarled, his frustration threatened to claw out of his chest.

"Nothing!" she insisted as she continued try and fight her way out of his hold, both figuratively and literally. James held fast, refusing to back down without a fight—or a proper explanation.

"Then why are you doing this?" he snapped angrily. "How can I fix anything if you won't tell me what went wrong? Was it Sirius? He said something to you, didn't he? _What did he say?_ " He held fast to her upper arms and forced their eyes to meet, the fury and frustration burned unbridled in his hazy eyes.

Anger flashed in her eyes and suddenly she was shoving him away but he was merely inched a step back while Lily was stumbled away from him at her own force "Don't pin this on him! Sirius has been nothing but loyal to you!" her sudden defensiveness stirred the envious green monster in him and suddenly it consumed him.

"Is that so? And since when have you ever got on with him?" his tone was accusatory and from the way Lily suddenly looked up to meet his eyes, she didn't miss it.

"Since just now! And I wouldn't have to if you hadn't neglected him!" she was yelling now, her body warm with anger instead of the alcohol.

" _Neglected him_? He's not bleeding twelve, Lily. He's eighteen, he's old enough to make his own fucking decisions! Why the bloody hell are you suddenly acting like his mother?"

"Because no one would!" the tears filled her eyes as she shouted, the anguish and sympathy glistened in the brilliance of her emerald gaze "Because he's all alone, James! While we're busy trying to fix some _stupid_ non-existent problem, he's been fighting all on his own!"

"What does Sirius have anything to do with us? You can barely tolerate him. What is this about?" James frowned, confused and slightly panicked at the possibility that Lily might have developed affections for his best friend.

"Can't you see what we've become? What I've warped you into? We've become so wrapped up in ourselves, we're ignorant to everything else. Voldemort is recruiting members, _students_ like Mulciber and Snape. Now he's gone after Sirius, _trying_ to get to you and it's all Sirius can do to keep the death eaters at bay. Yaxley is _torturing_ the students and Hogwarts has become some sort of military school. Everyone is _afraid_ , James. And here we are, arguing about our _bloody_ relationship! We haven't got time for this!"

James was holding his breath as Lily dispelled the last of hers, her chest rose and fell with each breath, her anger rolling off in waves and saturating the air around them. "What do you want me to do?" he said quietly, his voice hoarse with fear. There was nothing else on his mind but the sheer panic and danger of their—his situation. If he could just win her back, he would worry about everything else later. _You're going to lose her._ His helpless sub-conscious told him."Tell me what to do. _Tell me_ how to fix this, Lily."

Lily looked at him, her eyes wide and broken. "There is nothing you can do James. We need to end this before more people get hurt. I can't keep telling you what to do; I can't keep… keep _changing_ you like this. We need to just… stop, okay?" she breathed out heavily "Before I turn you into someone you'll come to hate." she murmured.

James intervened "And I'm not unwilling, Lily. I would do _anything_ for you, you have to know that" his voice wavered.

Lily took a shuddering breath and downcast her eyes "Who's to say in a few years' time, you won't hate me for how things turned out? You'll be unhappy and I'll only have myself to blame."

That was the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "How could I ever hate you? You make me so happy. I wouldn't be doing any of this if that wasn't the case."

Her glistening emerald eyes lifted to meet his and he could see his own anguish reflected in her eyes "Sirius makes you happy too-" James' expression grew dark but Lily pressed on "-and Remus and Peter. Fooling around with them, annoying teachers, stuffing dungbombs into unsuspecting people's bags— those things make you happy too. And ever since we got together you've been trying to keep all that away from me. I make you happy and I know better than to doubt that. But it's not the same, I'm not enough for the other part of you— the cheeky, troublemaking, reckless marauder side of you."

"I _love_ you, Lily." His voice was quiet and helpless.

Lily gasped as if the words at sliced her open and fought to keep the anguish at bay. "I know" her voice a feather-light whispered as her bottom lip trembled. " _I know_ , but sometimes it's just not enough" she inched herself away from him and James found himself taking a step toward her on instinct. How could she say that when she could _feel_ what he did? Their bonds have already set. How could she just ignore _that_?

"How will we function?" James groused and he reached for her before he could stop himself, feeling lighter after he'd wrapped himself around her "We see each other every day."

Lily looked up to gaze at him, an affectionate smile on her lips as she reached up to stroke his cheek. "It's our last year in Hogwarts, we'll graduate in a few months and we might never see each other again" James winced and tightened his hold on her. She reached up with both hands to cup his face and he leaned down to press his forehead against hers. "We're young, James. We'll fall in love again." He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head in the smallest motion of protest. Lily sniffled and pressed on, "In a few years' times, I'll become an old obsession. A passing thought when you hug your wife or when you're bouncing a little Potter on your knee." She smiled fondly at the idea of a little James to hold but the tears seared her skin as they fell.

Lily's sobs now came in short gasps, her eyes squeezed shut as she wrapped her arms around James and clung to him despite her words. The fleeting image of a messy haired child with emerald eyes left a mental scar in her mind and Lily realized just how _much_ she ached for a life with James. To start a family and mother the child, a manifestation of their love. It hurt to think he would have all that with another woman. A faceless, shapeless woman.

She wanted to be the one to bring their child into the world. She wanted him to dote on her while she swung from mood to mood. She wanted to curl up next to him every night for as long as she lived. She wanted to hold their firstborn and be the first to greet them to the world. She wanted to watch James teach their baby how to be a fantastic quidditch player just like their father. She wanted to struggle with parenthood with him. She wanted to be selfish and walk the path of destruction if it meant she could do it with him. Her heart edged closer and closer to a clean break with every rational thought as Lily forced herself to speak the words that felt like shattered glass on her tongue "You will find happiness again, James. I promise." Lily's voice cracked and James could feel the dampness spreading on his chest.

"I don't want to." James said simply, his tone clipped with no other elaboration. Lily struggled to put distance between them but he held on, squeezing her so tightly against him, the cracked pieces of her heart began to mend itself. She could feel his heart beating strongly against her chest, in perfect sync with her own heartbeats.

"James!" she gasped, mainly to try and break their moment but partially because she needed air.

"Shut up, Lily." he growled and Lily stilled at his tone. "Shut up and listen" _To what?_ Lily stayed completely still, waiting for him to speak again but he didn't. All she could hear was the rapid beating of their heartbeats, there was only one beat because they were both in sync. The sound soothed her, placating her rampaging thoughts. "Listen to that and tell me that we're not meant to be." Lily smiled at the clichéd words. It sounded so weird to be hearing them from a real person rather than reading it from a novel or seeing it play out on the telly but it made her feel warm and fuzzy on the inside despite it all.

"I'm not good for you, James" her words were half-hearted at best when pressed fully against his warmth but it didn't make it any less true. Ever since they had gotten together, Lily had been nothing but push her expectations onto him, occasionally disapproving of his traditions with his mates. _No fighting. Don't be late for meetings. Don't play pranks on others._

He pulled away from her and grabbed her face. "Why would you even _think_ that?"

"Hogwarts needs you, James. Now more than ever. With Voldemort on the rise and Dumbledore gone. I'm _scared_. I don't know what's going to happen to us if Dumbledore doesn't come back. What's going to happen to the school? The students? What if- what if Voldemort already has control of the Ministry? Someone needs to stand up to the ministry's rules and you won't do that because I'm holding you back. James, I'm not brave, confident or spontaneous but you are! You've always known what to do in these situations, you're brave enough to go through with your plans and clever enough to pull it off. You _know_ who are you—what you are. You're James Potter." she sniffled and cupped her hands over his, holding them in place. "Gryffindor's Golden Boy and Quidditch hero and I'm Lily—just Lily. The awkward muggle-born too eager to prove she belongs because she has nowhere else to go"

Her insecurities, her deepest vulnerabilities came rushing out of her "You're holding yourself back for me when the truth is, you shouldn't have to second guess yourself just because I don't agree with you. You're much better than that. You shouldn't have to compromise for me at all."

"You're right" James agreed abruptly and Lily's heart sank hypocritically, she watched as the grin split slowly across his face and he leaned forward all of the sudden, pressing his warm lips onto hers with renewed urgency but before Lily could even respond, he was pulling away, her face still trapped in his grasp. "I shouldn't have to compromise for you. So I'm not going to. We're not over."

Lily's face fell but her heart restarted "James, you're not making this any easier!" she snapped.

"It's not supposed to be easy!" he raised his voice and Lily jumped and dropped her hand away from his, there was a new fire in his eyes that Lily couldn't recognize. The anguish and desperation now completely engulfed in the intensity of the flames. "If you want to break up, _fine._ But if you think for a _second_ that what we have together can be simplified into a bloody _label_ , think again, Lily" he grasped her hand and pressed it flat against his chest. She could feel it rapidly thumping against her palm. "Feel that?" he asked, breathless "It's yours." Lily's breath hitched. "This isn't some high school flame, Lily. There are no labels for what we have together but if you want one—" he paused, his eyes wide and serious before he grinned cockily. "Marry me."

Lily's heart skipped a beat and she could feel his do the same before speeding up double time "Did you just-"

"Propose?" he cut her off, his hazel eyes wide with surprise, mirroring her own. "Yeah, I did." his tone was challenging and his eyes brightened with exhilaration.

"You're being ridiculous" Lily stepped back to clear her head but her hand was trapped against his heart, holding her to him. She looked up to see a pair of wounded hazels and her chest constricted.

"I'm not bluffing, Lily. You will marry me or I'm going to jump off Gryffindor tower the moment you turn your back on me" he was grinning, the mirth and joy so evident on his face, it was contagious. Lily's heart leapt with every beat, the thumping grew stronger and stronger as she realized just how much she wanted to say _yes._ But the niggling voice in the back of her head forbid it. They hadn't resolved anything. As if he had read her mind, James answered for her "No more holding back, right? I can do that, but I need you with me. We'll figure things out along the way."

Lily found hope in his words and sought solace by his side but they were falling back into the pattern again, if they kiss and make up with lacey words every time, they would never learn. "James" she uttered his name as if it physically wounded her to speak "You don't understand, we-"

"No, Lily. _You_ don't understand, if you keep trying to predict the future, we're going to get _nowhere._ You're overthinking— you're always overthinking and now you're just coming up with reasons why we can't be together when all you have to do now is just answer my bloody proposal!" he gripped both her wrist and held them against him. Lily blinked, genuinely surprised as he grinned at her. "Confident and spontaneous, remember?"

Mesmerized and too happy to be pessimistic, Lily could no longer shackle herself to righteousness "Yes" she uttered breathlessly as she mirrored James' grin. "Yes, _yes! I'll marry you._ " she gripped his shirt and pulled him down for a hard, searing kiss devoid of barriers and anguish, freed of shackles of insecurity as Lily allowed herself to hope—to believe that— _Yes, perhaps they were truly meant to be._

* * *

 **TBC**

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	26. Unbreakable Bonds

**My dearest readers, an old week as passed and a new one greets us. Which means another chapter!**

 **Warning: Lemon right off the bat. The faint hearted should scroll pass the first section! :D**

 **Disclaimer: All characters belong to Rowling. I'm just borrowing them.**

 **Remember to hit me with a review, I've had some interesting ones that really made my day!**

* * *

 **Unbreakable Bonds**

James watched the concentration unravel on Lily's face, the tip of her pink tongue peeking out in the corner of her lips as she unrolled the condom onto his manhood with the utmost care. Her enthusiasm for the process amused him as much as it prided him. "It's not going to snap in half, you know?" he grinned.

Her cheeks flushed with colour and Lily made an effort not to make eye contact. "I just… it feels like it's been so long since we've….been intimate"

"You mean since we had sex." James rephrased, fighting to repress a chuckle as the colour of Lily's face began to rival her hair. "You would tug me off in my own bathroom while my parents were home, but you're too embarrassed to say the word se- _Ow!_ " a sharp pain zapped up his thigh and he jerked away instinctively. Lily had pinched him. He stared at her incredulously, yet immensely amused.

"Stop teasing me!" she whined, brows furrowed and cheeks glowing. "And in my defense, I didn't know they were home" her green eyes narrowed accusingly at him.

"Well I wasn't about to stop you" he raised his hands and shrugged. The brief glint in Lily's eyes was the only notice James got before his cock had been seized to be used against him. He yelped, balls tightening at the conflicted sensation of brutal pleasure.

"I wouldn't be so smug if I were you, Potter. I have a hostage." her voice dropped to a darker, sultrier octave. _And there she was, his little freak._

He smiled, leaning forward to press a longing kiss to her temptress lips before resting his forehead against hers. His eyelids fluttered shut as he sighed in contentment, revelling in the moment and treasuring their intimacy. "And I am at your mercy. Always."

A sudden pressure on his shoulders sent him sprawling backwards on the bed, the pillow deflating under his head. Lily crawled after him to sit on his stomach and his muscles clenched at the feel of the dampness between her legs. "Comfy?" he grinned playfully. Lily leaned down to meet his lips. Her hands roamed his shoulders, the feel of her skin against his own coaxed his eyes shut to savour the sensation. At the lack of sight, his skin grew more sensitive to her dancing fingers. Lily traced feather light hints down his biceps and then down the sides of his body as her lips led his in a dance of perfect harmony. "I love you" he murmured breathlessly between kisses.

"Tell me again" she whispered. His hands slid up the creamy skin of her thighs, moving higher and higher until he had both his arms wrapped up around her, their skin warmed to the same temperature.

"As many times as you wish" he smiled into the next kiss and repeated the loving words whenever he could, until his mind could no longer comprehend anything pass the feel of her breasts pressed up against his chest and her demanding kisses that stole each breath he tried to take. She was unbelievably soft against him. His arms tightened around her in an act of protectiveness but she squirmed her way free, planting teasing kisses down the middle of his chest, shifting lower and lower down his abdomen; he gasped when she reached his navel. She nipped his skin and his muscles coiled at the twinge of pain.

There was a pause in her movements and he looked down his body to see her eying his abdomen. The rise and fall of his breathing made the lines of his muscles more accentuated and Lily was enjoying the view. His ego swelled as her eyes lit at the sight of his coiling muscles. He didn't think he could love Quidditch anymore than he did, but apparently he was wrong _._

"We're doing it now" she whispered urgently, grasping him by the base and positioning herself above him. The pressure on his tip increased slowly before he felt the sudden, overwhelming warmth engulf him whole. His head dropped back down to his pillow and he let out a loud groan. It's been too long since they've been connected like this. Lily hummed with satisfaction "Hmm… I quite like this position. It has a very nice view."

James managed to pluck one of his eyes open long enough to see Lily grinning over him, her hands on his abdomen for balance. His hands inched up the side of her legs but Lily peeled them off her with a cheeky grin. "No touching the help, mister"

He raised an eyebrow at her "Then what am I supposed to do with my hands?"

"You'll figure something out" She lifted her hips and sank down, instantly dissolving his coherency. Her movements were unsure and jerky at first, not that he was complaining because her tight heat was driving him closer and closer to release regardless of the position. Then she began to pick up her pace, leaning forward on her hands, resting her weight on his heaving chest as she rode him. _She learned quickly_. Her movements were smoother but he could feel her insides shifting as she tried to find the spot that drew the most pleasure from her body. He would help her but she had forbidden him from touching her, leaving him to clench fistfuls of his sheets to try and occupy his hands. His eyes felt like they had been glued shut at the overwhelming torrents of pleasure, crashing relentlessly into him in merciless waves. James fought back his release, trying to focus on taking his next breath without _exploding._ Anything to prolong this intimacy, this closeness he craved with Lily.

But it was driving him mad, the slick feel of her warm flesh, her small hands pressed on his abdomen, her thighs clenched around his hips. His back arched at a particularly tight thrust and his hand unclenched from the sheets to press his palms into his eyes until he saw stars. " _Sweet mother of Merlin!_ " he swore loudly, the pleasure pulsed so violently within him.

Lily tugged at his elbow, prying his hands away from his eyes and meeting his gaze with an aching warmth in her eyes. "Let me see you" she whispered breathlessly, her red locks clung to the side of her face from the exertions and her skin glistened with a slight sheen of sweat. "I want to watch you cum" her eyes lit up at the promise in her words and it was the sexiest thing James had ever heard.

She straightened up and away from his face, her insides tightened at the movement and James groaned at being pushed so close to the edge again.

"Oh!" she'd lost her balanced and fell forward. His hands reached out immediately to catch her outstretched ones, intertwining their fingers and squeezing his encouragement. Even in his euphoric state, his reflexes were so in tune.

"This should make it easier for you" he panted, offering his hands as leverage. She gave his hands a light squeeze and started grinding her pelvis again, this time with steadier movements and louder pants. She was squeezing him so tightly stars began to dance in his eyes.

"James!" Lily gasped and his heart swelled with pride at the sound. Sometime after that, his hips began to thrust up in time for hers, bouncing her up and down in time with his grunts. "Ah!" her insides pulsed and he squeezed his eyes shut when they threatened to roll to the back of his head. "Let go, James. Please—for me—oh!"

With heaving breaths and trembling muscles, James freed one of his hands to find her clit, massaging it as she rode him faster and faster. Her orgasm took her by surprise and Lily chanted his name throughout her release as her inner muscles milked an orgasm straight out of his cock. He took advantage of their intertwined hands to tug her roughly down to his chest, holding her tightly in place as he spurted violently into her.

They laid together, breathing heavily for a long while. They descended from their high together, his cock now limp in her warmth. Lily was first to break the silence "I didn't get to see it" he could heard the pout in her voice.

"What?" he inquired, confused.

"The face you make when you cum" Lily complained, propping her chin up on his chest to stare up at him with deep disappointment in her eyes. _Had she really wanted to watch him lose his marbles that bad?_

"There's always next time" he promised. Her eyes lit up at the idea and it eased his soul to know that she was just as eager about the future as he was. He rolled them over so that they were both lying on their sides and pulled out with a grunt, his member twitched awake. Removing the condom and knotting it at the end before he discarded it onto the floor. He snagged the edge of the blanket and threw it over the both of them. James drew her closer against him and sighed as he breathed in her scent "There's going to be loads of next times."

…

Lily settled herself in the crook of James' arms. His skin slightly clammy from the sweat, intensifying his scent—or rather, _their_ scent. The heavy, musky scent of pure, unadulterated sex. Leaning her head on his shoulder, Lily watched the rise and fall of his bare chest under hooded eyes. Lily sighed, feeling content and perfectly sated with just the right amount of euphoria leftover in her system. Her scalp prickled at the feel of his fingers toy with the ends of her hair, tugging and combing absently. She shifted her head to lay back on his arm so she could see his face.

Compared to Sirius, James was less outwardly attractive. While Sirius had beauty and allure seeping from his pores, James had a certain quiet charm in his features that became more noticeable when accompanied with his small mannerisms. Like how his eyebrows were shaped in such a way that it gave his face a light hearted character, yet he could still manage to look intimidating when situation called for it. His cheekbones were prominent and it made his face look bony at first glance but the description gradually faded as one grew fond of how it made his expressions that much more accentuated.

His jawline, Lily noticed as she traced her finger down the firm line, was peppered with short, prickly hairs she hadn't noticed before in her lustful haze. There were some on his cheek as well. This was the first time she had seen facial hair on a man so up close since her girlhood days when her father would deliberately pepper her cheeks with his scratchy kisses, knowing how she would squeal at the feeling.

His eyes remained close as she ran her thumb up and down his rough cheek, his eyelashes were long and dark in contrast to the fire and gold that lit up in his eyes every time he was happy. As if he had heard her, his eyes began to open, revealing the golden hue in his hazel eyes to her. "Hi there" he offered, his eyes hooded dreamily.

"You've not shaved" Lily stated, her thumb still absently drawing circles on his cheek.

"Hm..." his eyes fluttered close at her touch, "Haven't had the time. What with all that drama going on recently." His smile was melancholic.

A trace of reality slithered into their moment and Lily wasn't quite ready for its return just yet but her conscience overpowered the sex haze as she found herself asking: "Will you and Sirius be all right?"

His chest rumbled with a chuckle "It'll take a lot more than this to tear us apart, trust me, Lily. We're okay. In fact, I already have an idea on how tomorrow's going to play out" he sounded smug and Lily was immensely curious.

"What are you going to do?"

"Play some quidditch" his grin was dodgy and Lily frowned as he refused to elaborate further but did not push him for answers. She was sure they would handle it like boys—and that usually included doing something she would never understand. Lily sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the wave of lethargy wash gently over her.

"I'm not ready for sleep" she complained against the fatigue. "I'm not ready for this to end."

"It's never going to end with us, Lily." His voice full promise. Lily found herself instantly at ease, drifting out of consciousness with a contented smile.

…

 _Bonk._

"Ow!"

 _Bonk. Bonk._

"Why are we doing this again? Ow!"

 _Thunk._

"Merlin's saggy left testicle— Watch the face, Remus _–Bonk—_ WHAT DID I JUST SAY!"

It was a fine afternoon at Hogwarts, winter was beginning to warm and the sky was a cloudless, clear, blue colour. It was the perfect weather for a game of Quidditch. Except practices had been cancelled as a safety precaution taken by the Ministry. But since when had rules ever applied to the Marauders.

While the students had been shut inside the Great Hall for lunch, James, Remus, Peter and a begrudging Sirius had snuck out from the flock and made their way to the Quidditch Pitch. Determined to enjoy the lovely weather.

 _Bonk._

"Ow! I think you got my eye, James!" Sirius whined pathetically, hoping his puppy façade would make them ceasefire.

Yes. You could say they were enjoying the weather—Sirius' suffering was merely a bonus.

"Does it hurt?" James called out to his best friend, who was currently standing in the middle of the snow riddled field with a large golden hoop held above his head while the rest of them pelted him with quaffles from a hundred feet away.

" _I don't know_ , can mermaids swim?" Sirius snapped irritably. " _Ow! Stop!"_ Peter frowned and concentrated for a moment before opening his mouth to answer. Sirius took one look at his friend and after squirming out of the way of another badly aimed quaffle, he snapped at his roundish friend, "Don't fucking answer that, Wormtail!"

James lugged another quaffle at Sirius, this time smacking the boy in the middle of his chest. "Are you nitwits even _aiming_ for the hoop?" Sirius cried.

"No!" Remus confessed remorselessly. He released his quaffle, watching as it sailed through the air to fly through the hoop. "Blast it," he grumbled under his breath.

"Hah! Missed me" Sirius taunted, only to be immediately bonked over the head by James' great aim. "Bloody hell, Prongs!"

Peter was laughing now as his quaffle smacked into Sirius' stomach, just slightly above his groin area. "Oh thank god" Sirius sighed in relief but looked up in time to see the knowing glint in James' eyes. "Prongs? Prongs, mate. Have mercy!" Sirius closed his legs and turned his groin away from James as the latter pulled his arm back and let the quaffle fly. The leather ball smacked into his hip and Sirius let out a relieved breath before his unsuspecting bollocks had been hit by a second consecutive quaffle.

Sirius saw stars as he doubled over in pain, the hoop was lowered to the floor with his hands as he fell to his knees and let out a small squeak. Remus and James howled with laughter in the background loud enough to inform the whole school of their presence in the quidditch pitch. The two marauders high-fived each other victoriously while Sirius' ears rang with the throbbing pain. _He needed new friends._

"Have you repented?" James' called from a distance. Sirius flipped his hair out of his eyes and glared at the pack of useless hyenas.

"I will, if you wankers would tell me what I'm repenting for!" Sirius growled, shifting to stand awkwardly with his feet as wide apart as he could manage, the pain simmering down to a tender throb.

"Losing the map, of course" Remus replied.

Sirius' jaw went slack "What?" Peter had lugged another quaffle at him and Sirius turned his shoulder to avoid being hit in the chest by it. "Ow! Fucking stop already! I didn't lose the bleeding map!" he yelled just as James' quaffle knocked him over the head.

There was a long pause as no one seemed to know what to do after that declaration. "You didn't?" Remus frowned, confused.

"But you said-" James began but Sirius interjected.

"I was meeting Mulciber behind your backs and I didn't want to tossers to find out, all right?" Sirius snapped.

"So where is the map?" Remus questioned.

"It's under my bleeding pillow, where else?" Sirius grumbled.

James approached him with a serious expression on his face, the snow crunching beneath his feet began to sound more and more intimidating to the guilty marauder. James stopped just in front of Sirius and the latter prepared himself for a fight, his body tensed for the blow that never came. Instead, James reached a hand into back pocket to pull out a very familiar piece of parchment. "No, it's not" he raised an eyebrow smugly at Sirius' gobsmacked expression.

Suddenly, Sirius swung the golden hoop at James who stepped nimbly out of reach. "You _dickwad_! I let you ninnies assault me with conjured quaffles for something you had in your back pocket the whole time?"

"Do you really think that was all the wrong you did?" James challenged, his face set in a snarl.

"I wasn't the wanker kissing off the dirt on his girlfriend's shoes" Sirius shouted back and slipped the ring over James to give him a jerk. Unfortunately, James promptly slipped on the melting snow and the two ended up wrestling each other in the snow while the other half of their group made bets about who would win.

James tugged at Sirius's hair and the latter proceeded to try and knee him in the balls. "You snuck around like a guilty slag!" James growled.

"I wouldn't have to if you had stopped being a bloody ponce!" Sirius gritted, struggling to speak as James rubbed his face into the snow.

"You _sabotaged_ my relationship!" James struggled out of the hoop and sat himself on Sirius's back. His best mate bucked and kicked under him with hands outstretched in front of him in the snow, still attached to the golden hoop. He somehow managed to free his mouth from the snow.

"It's not my fault she thinks I'm better company!" Sirius managed to say before James placed his full weight on the struggling boy's back, sitting smugly. "Oof!"

"I dare you to keep talking."

"Can't. My face is frozen" Sirius mumbled into the snow.

"Maybe if I sit here long enough, Poppy will have to amputate your hideous face" James crossed his arms. "Why are you still holding onto the hoop?"

"Remus fucking jinxed it. Can't let go." Sirius answered, sounding the epitome of defeat. James barked out a laugh and Sirius tried his luck at escaping again but to no avail. In the distance, they could hear Remus and Peter snorting in unabashed laughter. "C'mon Prongs, undo the fucking jinx and we can settle this like men."

"Fine." With a quick flick of his wand, Sirius's hand had been set free. And in the midst of his overconfidence, James overlooked the possibility of Sirius betraying him. So before he could so much as lift his wand, Sirius sent him sprawl to the side with a punch to his jaw. By the time he recovered his bearings, he was dangling by his ankle.

"Levicorpus!" with practiced speed and grace, Sirius flipped over the moment James' weight lifted from him. As he stood, his eyes instantly refocused on the spell as he lifted his wand higher, James' body mimicking the raise.

"Accio Sirius' shoes!" James countered and suddenly Sirius found his feet swept up from under him. Both boys crashed to the lumpy snow with a loud thud, Sirius landing on his back and James on his front.

"Oof!"

Their groans of pain were the only things that were in sync between them and they both took a moment to gather their marbles. James managed to flip himself over so that he laid on his back just next to Sirius. The two of them stared up at the cloud-free sky in silence for what felt like a long while. It really was a lovely day.

"I know that the Dark Lord trying to recruit me— _recruit us,_ " James began. Sirius was silent. "I'm sorry I acted like a ponce. I should've been a better friend to you, and I admit I was being a pansy around Lily." Sirius snorted but James ignored him and pressed on "But you know I can't lose her, Sirius"

Sirius sighed audibly but James had no doubt he was rolling his eyes with a smile. "Uncle Alphard died. I guess I should start there" and James was all ears. "I got his will in the mail the day after you cocked up our game with Slytherin."

"While you were cross with my performance on the pitch." James confirmed the memory.

"He left his whole fortune with me."

There was a pause. "You're rich?" James noted.

"Yeah" he snorted "Perversely so. And it got me thinking a little… about why he'd do that for me, a runaway reject of the family. I barely knew the guy, y'know?" Sirius confessed, struggling to sound uninterested. "And then suddenly I felt the pressure. About what he wanted from me. To do good his memory? I only saw the bloke once or twice in my childhood, how was I supposed to do something like that?"

"Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves here?" James cut in, perceptively steering the conversation out of a destructive path. "Maybe the man just wanted to help you out."

"But why me? There are literally dozens of other relatives he could've given it all off to. Andromeda could've made good with his money, what with her three year-old and all."

"Maybe he knew" James began sagely.

Sirius frowned when there was no further elaboration "Knew what?"

"That you're broke-arsed." the hazel-eyed marauder snorted.

"And homeless." Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"We have a home." James interjected.

Sirius smiled at his choice of words. They were always _'we'._ "I'm freeloading off your parents."

"So? I've been doing it for almost eighteen years." he laughed.

"They've always treated me like family." The gratitude was evident in Sirius' voice

"You _are_ family, Sirius. We're brothers."

Sirius was grinning so hard right then, his cheeks were aching, but he stubbornly blamed it on the cold. _Brothers._ "Not in blood" James added when the silence drew out. He propped his hand up on his elbows, fist at the sky.

"But in bond" Sirius finished for him, thumping his friend's fist with the side of his own. "Pansy" he added.

"Wankstain" James laughed and hurled a handful of snow at Sirius' face.

"How's Lily?" Sirius asked, almost sheepish.

"She wanted to break up" James said, trying his best to sound heartbroken.

"Oh." Sirius was silent for a while.

"So I asked her to marry me" James found himself incapable of containing the happiness from his voice at the mention of marriage with Lily.

Sirius shot up from the ground, his head dotted with white flecks of snow as he stared incredulously at James. "You're fucking joking."

"She said yes" James shrugged.

Sirius' jaw dropped to the floor, his eyes wide and filled with awed disbelief "You're getting married? My best mate's getting married?"

"To the girl of my dreams" James confirmed.

A laugh escaped Sirius, a manic bark before James found himself hit in the face by another clump of moist snow. "You cock-sucker!" he yelled and pounced as James was busy trying to brush the snow from his glasses, trapping him in a headlock and rubbing his knuckles into the boy's already-unruly hair. "You could've led with that!"

James laughed and struggled to escape from his best friend's grasp.

"What's this?" a new voice entered their bubble and they both looked up to see Remus and Peter grinning down at them. "We stood back to let you two knock each other's teeth out. I want my money's worth" Remus jested and James lunged for his leg, pulling the sandy haired marauder down with them. "Whoa!"

Peter was already backing away when Sirius noticed him and there was nothing the boy could do when Sirius hexed him non-verbally with a leg-locker curse. He ended up sprawled on his back with the wind knocked out of him. As the four boys laid on the Quidditch pitch, hair drenched with melting snow and faces red with the cold— they were the Marauders once more.

…

Using her Head Prefect status to her benefit, Lily had managed to excuse herself from the Great Hall without too much trouble from the caretaker Filch. She had been worried about James' confrontation with Sirius. The stubborn boy refused to tell her how he really intended to mend his bonds with Sirius. How does playing Quidditch solve anything? Was it some sort of code that only boys understood? A fight to the death? They needed to talk it out and Lily didn't see how they would manage that whilst they're zooming about on their broomsticks.

The whole Marauder group was missing from lunch so Lily assumed Remus and Peter had gone with them. Lily felt slightly more at ease knowing Remus would be there to stop them from actually killing each other but she was still deathly anxious.

So she found herself sneaking out to the Quidditch pitch with her Gryffindor scarf wrapped tightly around her neck and her mitten covered hands stuffed in her pockets. Winter was simply too cold for anything to be done.

As she stepped out onto the stands to see what they were doing, her ears caught a loud _'Ow!'_ drifting in the air. Looking up, she was greeted with the most curious sight. Sirius stood in the middle of the field with a golden hoop over his head, wincing and squirming to dodge the torrent of Quaffles without having to take a step. _'Hey- OW!'_

James, Remus and Peter stood at least a hundred feet away from him, openly pelting their friend with Quaffles that appeared out of thin air. The most carefree expressions on their face. Lily stood jaw slacked and rooted the floor. "Boys" she snorted incredulous.

She debated on whether or not to just leave them be, but she couldn't think of anything better to do, so Lily took a seat up at the stands and tried her best to be inconspicuous. Patiently, she watched the depth of their friendship unfold, starting when Sirius had shoved James. A fissure of amusement bloomed in her as she watched them grapple each other and she could almost see the bad blood seeping out into the snow. The tension and frustrations from the past week evaporating from between them. When the four of them finally ended up on their backs and their laughter echoed through the whole stadium, then Lily stood to leave with a smile on her face. She was wrong. James didn't need to mend his bonds—they were never broken in the first place.

Lily shivered and breathed out mistily. _It's much too cold to play outside._

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a Review!**


	27. Ambition

**So sorry for the late post! It just slipped my mind! Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ambition**

From the moment he could walk, he could ride a broom—a toy broom— and from the moment he could ride a broom, James Potter knew exactly what he wanted to be. More than anything else in the world, he wanted to be a professional Quidditch player. His parents had frowned upon that idea for the first part of his life. They believed Quidditch was too rough a sport for their precious and only son, and it was true, Quidditch was a rough sport, but there was nothing else like it in the world. The first time his father brought him to watch his very first live Quidditch game was during 1964 when Britain hosted the World Cup. And although he could only vaguely understand what was happening on the field, he decided he wanted to be a Seeker. After watching the effortless grace exerted by the German Seeker who shot through the pitch so quickly, James remembered comparing the player to a comet.

The Germans had been losing by 50 points but pulled an instant victory when their seeker tumbled through the air with the golden snitch grasped tightly in his hands. He still remembered the sheer volume of the cheers that rocked the stadium, how everyone was chanting the Seeker's name. Then James began to recognize a pattern in the sport; more often than not, the team that caught the snitch to end the game would usually be the winning team.

That is, until he'd watched the Montrose Magpies play against the Puddlemere United when he was eight years-old. James had been so sure that Puddlemere would be the victor of that match because they had the better seeker. But barely half an hour had passed before the Montrose Magpies stretched a 200 point advantage. James found himself at awe by the way Hamish McFarlan played as Chaser and team captain. It was a brutal match and players from both teams suffered extensive injuries, but neither team called in a substitute. But no matter how big their lead got, no matter how many times he had been knocked off his broom by a bludger or how many times the mediwizards had to heal him up to keep him from bleeding out on the field, McFarlan remained an unstoppable force.

Young James fell in love all over again. While Seekers played outside the zone of danger until the snitch was spotted, their glory only lasted five minutes in one game. Chasers, on the other hand had people cheering for them every time they scored. And Hamish McFarlan proved to him that if you were good enough a Chaser, the Golden Snitch was simply a way to end the game.

The exhilaration and adrenalin ran thick in his body at the very thought of playing so deeply in the game. With danger coming at him from all directions, every point he score counted. There would never be a dull moment. He could almost feel the bludgers zipping past his face, see the maneuvers he'd have to pull off to escape the defense. _He wanted to be just like Hamish McFarlan._

…

James twitched in his seat, his leg bouncing up and down as he spread the jam on his muffin. It was Tuesday morning in Hogwarts, and Tuesday mornings were supposed to be used for Quidditch practice. Instead, he was trapped eating breakfast in the Great Hall, a room that seemed to be shrinking by the minute. It's been over a week since he'd even touched his broom and even longer since he'd lifted off the ground.

 _Stupid Yaxley._

A steady hand clapped itself over his thigh and shoved it firmly to the ground. "James, _stop_ " His head snapped away from his muffin and the breath was shoved back into his lungs. The ceiling lifted, walls expanded and Lily's brilliant green eyes held him steady. "You're fidgeting your socks off, what's the matter?" she asked.

James heaved a breath to explain but Sirius had beat him to it. "Yaxley's grounded the quidditch practices and cancelled all the matches, that's what." Sirius grumbled irritably. "With all this excess energy, I need a shag—or two." he propped his elbow on the table and leaned his head down, staring down the Gryffindor table until Angeline Templar looked up and met his gaze. A shy smile broke out on the girl's face and she glanced at her hands before looking back up to shoot Sirius and _come-hither_ look.

"Sirius!" Lily hissed from beside James and the latter jumped in his seat a little. "She's fifteen!"

"What? _She's_ not complaining! Go yell at _her!_ " Sirius said defensively.

"Give up, Lily. The only difference between Sirius and a whore is that one of them gets paid." James commented slyly, his leg had begun quivering again and he had to pay extra attention not to let it start bouncing.

"I'm not the ones having a hump-fest in their private common room!" Sirius pulled a face of disgust "Unlike you, I have to hunt my own bird."

"That's crude." Lily's face glowed red at the memory of Sirius having stumbled upon their very _intimate_ moment. "You never did say how you discovered the password."

"I stole a peek at the roll of passwords before James disposed of it"

Lily's jaw slackened in surprise "And you remembered all of them?"

Sirius shrugged, bemused.

"Despite his bum-like facade, Sirius has a photographic memory" Remus said from behind his paper.

Lily's eyes lit up, clearly impressed. "Do you really?" she frowned "Then why ever did you fail History of Magic?"

"I fell asleep during the exam." Sirius said around a mouthful of ham.

Lily blinked, clearly at a loss for words then looked to James for help but the latter merely shrugged. Suddenly, a rather obnoxious sound imitation of glass being tapped resonated across the walls like a shrill cry. Unlike Dumbledore's clear ring that eased the student body's energy and drew their attentiveness to the speaker, this was a constant and impatient knocking, like a rotten child demanding attention.

"Students! Your attention, please!" Yaxley barked, sounding not at all polite.

All heads turned to the front of the Hall, where Yaxley stood in front of the staff table, expectant and impatient.

"I would just like to inform you, that the Ministry has arranged for a seminar, to _teach_ you—all of you, basic self-defense spells. And this includes the first years. For the sixth and seventh years, this may be more of a revision session." His eyes glinted towards the Slytherin table and James caught Lily's back straightening. "As a whole, there are too many of you. Therefore, to ensure that each of you received the appropriate attention for your learning, you will be grouped according to your houses. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw will be addressed by Auror Alastor Moody and you will gather in the Quad at 8 in the morning on Saturday" he gestured to a man standing in the dark corner of the room with dark eyes, filled with suspicion, bordering on paranoia. James had not even noticed the man's presence if Yaxley had not mentioned and that thought itself was a little unsettling. He was dressed in a dusty brown coat and had sandy brown hair. His expression made him look terribly unfriendly.

There was a small gasp that came from beside him. James turned to see Lily's eyes lit with surprise but before he had the chance to inquire about it, Yaxley had begun to speak once again.

"Gryffindor and Slytherin will be taught by me. Here in the Great hall, same time." There was a series of hushed murmurs and smug glances from Slytherin and James inched just a little closer to Lily. _What was he planning?_ "Understood?" Yaxley asked and a few students nodded. "Excellent" his smile resembled one of a doll's, cold and empty.

Before they knew it, Yaxley was approaching them and James was instantly defensively, turning in his seat so as to not present his back to the enemy, James braced himself as if Yaxley would attack at any second. "Ms. Evans. Mr. Potter. With me, I wish to discuss something concerning the prefectorial board," he said gruffly but not before shooting a pointed look at Sirius, whose brows furrowed in return.

"Shall I get the others?" Lily asked, glancing at Remus to find him on alert as well. His posture more upright than usual and his copy of the Daily Prophet lowered from his face.

"No, no. Only the two of you."

Lily and James shared a look before they both stood and followed the Disciplinary Officer out the hall, unease spreading in their chests. Their shoulders brushed with each step and the simple gesture provided reassurance, if not a small one.

They stepped into his dinghy office that smelled faintly of decay and stood in front of his desk. "I wish to conduct a full scale interview with each member of the Prefectorial Board—individually," he added.

There was a moment of silence in the room before Lily replied "May I ask why, sir?" she kept her voice neutral but from the way her body had gone rigid, James knew she was anything but. Yaxley was making his move and he was targeting the prefects first.

The corners of his mouth crawled into a smile as he answered "It has come to my attention that we may need to address certain… qualities in the current generation of prefects"

"There is nothing wrong with the prefects." James interjected hotly.

Yaxley could not look more bemused with the outburst, "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Mr. Potter. You see, I pulled a boy aside the other day. I do believe his name is _Lockhart._ And a prefect, mind you. And I asked him _what is his role as a prefect?_ And do you know what he answered me?" he looked expectantly at them but James was scowling now and Lily swallowed nervously. "'I get to give and take points and wear a badge.'" He quoted patiently and let out a dry laugh.

"Clearly, this old system where the head of Houses _choose_ their prefects is a fallible one and I'm thinking perhaps we will require a more… reliable way of distinguishing the right qualifications for such important roles in the school."

"Dumbledore's not going to be happy." James snapped defiantly, his temper lashing out.

Yaxley looked amused "Oh yes, the good _professor_. I'm sure not even he would be foolish enough to oppose the ministry's rule." His eyes darkened abruptly and James' hand twitched toward his wand. "And I would watch that tone of yours if I were you, _Potter_. Or I'll begin to think that the problem with the prefects lies with the student leaders" cold, cold eyes flickered over to Lily. He muttered something under his breath that sounded vaguely like ' _Fallible, indeed'_

"Interviews will start tomorrow, I understand that you will conduct your weekly meetings after classes today. You will include this topic on your agenda, this parchment includes the names and times the prefects need to be in my office" he produced a rolled up parchment for James to take. "You are dismissed." But as the two head students turned to leave, Yaxley's next words halted them both. "Not you, . I would like word with you, privately."

Alarm bells went off in James' head and he wracked his brain from something to stop the course of events. An earthquake, a school drill, the castle being set ablaze— _anything!_ Instead, he went for a classic "We have a Transfiguration lesson to get to. I don't think Professor McGonagall would appreciate one of her students being late." James reasoned easily.

"Quite the model student, are we?" there was a hint of sarcasm in his tone that James didn't appreciate. "But you needn't worry, Mr. Potter. You'll have your classmate back in one piece." Yaxley looked expectantly at him but James didn't budge, the very thought of leaving Lily alone in a room with a pure-blood supremacist sickened him.

"I'll see you later, James" Lily's voice was soft and reassuring. His eyes flitted away from Yaxley to meet her wide eyed gaze. Then very faintly, Lily nodded and James shot a warning look at Yaxley before forcing his feet to walk out the door. He had deliberately left a small gap by the door but it was slammed shut and locked, effectively separating him from Lily.

…

Lily didn't know what to make of the situation. When Yaxley had stopped her, she didn't know what to expect from a supremacist nark. Her ignorance had granted her the slightest boost of courage to face Lowen Yaxley with a carefully neutral expression, expectant and only a little anxious.

"Tell me, . What do you feel about your position as Head Girl?" he inquired, his eyes cold and calculative as he gauged her every move and laid judgment.

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean, professor." She answered coolly.

"Do you feel deserving of such a title?"

Lily frowned and she thought for a moment before answering with clear confidence "It's not just a title, it's a responsibility. And yes, I've worked hard to earn it."

"Is that so? Then what of your relationship with James Potter?" A dangerous expression cross his features and Lily's couldn't hide the horror from spreading on her face. Her mouth opened in an attempt to speak but there were no words. "Do you think it is _professional_ for you two to continue such a relationship? Especially given your shared living quarters."

Lily's heart stuttered and it was all she could do to keep the horrified embarrassment from showing on her face. Her chest began to ache with the need for air but her heart was thumping so loudly in her chest, it was hard to concentrate on anything other than mortification.

"That is a very personal question," Her voice wavered unsteadily through the words.

Yaxley's hard expression melted into one of smugness and Lily watched as he rounded slowly from around his desk to stop at arm's length in front of her. Lily kept her eyes gazing forward, struggling to grasp at her rampant emotions. She felt a pressure on her chin before she realized Yaxley had seized it, forcing her face to look up and meet his apathetic eyes. "It's an awful lot of responsibility given to someone who can't possibly understand the depth of their position."

Suddenly, Lily didn't think they were talking about her position on the prefectorial board anymore. The pressure on her jaw increased until he was openly trying to crush the bone between his fingers. "The sheer influence of the title itself and what it stands for, I don't think you understand. Ms. Evans, you are a role model. And I'm afraid your… heritage just isn't up to standards. What do you think is going through the students' heads with a _muggle-born_ as Head girl. What does the governors of the school board think about the severely failing standards of the school? There are many talented, more qualified witches for your position, don't you think?"

"For the sake of the quality of education for the students of Hogwarts, I'm afraid I must ask you to step down from your position as Head Girl, Ms. Evans."

The blood in her body suddenly felt like ice, the sheer fear and humiliation of having been called out so straightforwardly had her mind reeling. The one thing she couldn't change about herself was being used against her again. Would the prejudice ever stop? Would she ever be allowed to make a move without having her blood status thrust in her face? The answer restored a semblance of control back into her body, the anger and frustration melting away the cold fear.

 _No, it wasn't ever going to stop._ There would always be people like Voldemort who believed themselves better than others. Who would always condemn others for not being the same and threaten with death. And if no one would stand up to them, how will it end?

Breathing in deeply from her nose, Lily straightened her posture and held her gaze steady as she mustered all the courage in her to defy him. " _I will not._ Not while your reasons are untried and prejudiced." she took a step back from his hold. "You can harass me all you want, professor. But you are nothing but a _bully._ If you wish my resignation then you will have to wait for Professor Dumbledore's return. He entrusted me with this position and I will not let anyone else take it from me!" With every word that left her mouth, the confidence in her voice gradually increased along with the adrenalin.

She watched with wary eyes as the fury began to climb on Yaxley's face and for a horrified moment, she believed he would lunge for her. Just in the nick of time, squishy thump landed on the door, making Lily jump a little. _What was that?_ A cheeky, high pitched laughter sounded from outside the door. _'Grumpy Yaxley! Come out, waxy Yaxley! Greasy hair! Stinky bombs—hee hee—just like Yaxley the stinker! Black faced! Grumpy grumpy piggy! Hee hee hee!'_ another round of laughter and more thumping against the door.

 _Peeves._

When she turned around to face Yaxley, he seemed to be on the last thread of his patience. "I have a transfiguration lecture to attend. Good day, professor." Before he could say anything, Lily turned and strolled out the door and she was greeted by a horrid scent of rotten eggs and bitter spoiled milk. _Dungbombs._

 _'_ _Oohh, it's the ginger! Whas 'a matter, Goodie-goodie Evans? Swallowed a toad? Hee hee!'_

The playful poltergeist continued hurling dungbombs at the door and Lily got out of his way. Who knew Peeves had such impeccable timing? The adrenalin had begun to wear out and she grew more and more desperate for James' presence to anchor her back. If he had sent Peeves then surely he would be close by. "James!" she called out in a wavering voice but there was no one in the corridors. Lessons had already begun, surely. "James, where are you?" her footsteps quickened and the corridor seemed to elongate before her very eyes. Desperation bubbled up to the surface, choking her and clogging her chest. Just when she was about to give up, Lily found herself pulled sideways and through a wooden door.

"Blimey, Lily! What's-" James didn't get to complete his sentence as she had launched herself at him, pressing her face into his shoulder and neck in an attempt to calm herself. "Lily? Lily, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" she could feel his urgent breath in her hair as he tried to pry her off him so he could take a look at her but she was too unsteady on her feet to pull away.

"I'm all right," she managed through a croaky voice, letting his warm scent engulf her completely.

"The hell you are!" he growled, his arms tightening around her. "What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?" His hands were roaming her body, searching for injuries but Lily shook her head, nuzzling his neck in the process.

"He-" Lily paused to swallow a deep breath. "He wants my resignation" he stiffened under her fingers. "I told him no," his muscles relaxed a little.

"Lily-"

"I'm not hurt" she answered for he asked again. "Peeves interrupted before he could do anything. Thank you for that, by the way."

"What did he say to you?"

It was Lily's turn to stiffen and he held her even closer if that were possible. "They're just words, James."

"Well you're obviously bothered enough by it if you're in such a state." He said, his voice hard with control. Lily sniffled and reached a hand up to wipe at her eyes. She hadn't realized she was crying. "Want to talk about it?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

Lily shook her head, at the same time rubbing her nose on his neck. "No, it was nothing I don't already know."

He shifted her so that he could look into her undoubtedly red rimmed eyes. A dark emotion flicked through his eyes and Lily blinked, curious. "It's not true. None of that bull is true." He whispered, stroking her hair with feather light touches. Lily shifted so that her head was once again pressed against him.

"You don't know what he said" Lily smiled against his skin.

"I know enough to know he's full of bollocks"

Lily sighed dejectedly "He knows, James. He knows about us and… I think he's going to use that against us." Lily's voice dropped to a vacant whisper. Her arms tightened around him as if he would slip away if she didn't hold on.

"Then we'll both resign." Lily paused, finally lifting her head to meet his eyes. "We'll move back into Gryffindor Tower and we'll graduate together, still." His grin was confidence and just like always, Lily found herself trusting him unconditionally.

"You're right" she smiled, leaning up to kiss his jaw. "He can't hurt us." Her smile widened at the realization.

"We're not alone in this, either. Remus, Sirius, Peter and all our friends—they'll help us. The teachers can't defy the ministry openly, but they wouldn't expect a bunch of teenagers to oppose them." James reasoned, his eyes bright with excitement at the thought of a rebellion. It was confirmed then, in Lily's mind, that James Potter was a born leader and Dumbledore had seen that.

 _We'll protect Hogwarts, professor._

* * *

 **TBC**

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	28. A Taste of Despair

**This one is written in Snape's point of view, which I found rather enjoyable to write in, surprisingly. It gave me a chance to watch Lily and James' relationship as an outsider.**

 **Leave me a review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **A Taste of Despair**

Severus Snape had always been a shy and quiet boy. Always unsure of his actions, always looking down. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that his father had been an offensive and raucous man. Or the fact that his mother cowered in fear every time her husband raised a hand over his head. Severus had grown a very accurate sense of danger and seized control over his emotions so that they would not show on his face. He had developed into a very careful and calculative person from a young age. With barriers raised around his heart and his emotions tucked carefully into place by the time he was eight.

All that fell away when he met Lily Evans. When he had caught her doing magic for her sister, he all but stumbled out the willow tree to meet her. He remembered the way she looked at him with blatant curiosity and caution, but not fear. Her wide, green eyes had been a pale colour in contrast to the dim, cloudy autumn day. He remembered the speeding beats of his heart and the struggle to reign in his emotions with just the sight of her. She was prettier than anyone or anything he had ever seen and her innocent gaze seemed to see directly through his barrier. He smiled reassuringly at her. He wanted more than anything to be her friend, and to his absolute astonishment, she smiled back.

He remembered one particular conversation they shared after Severus explained to Lily, a few wizard occupations he had read in one of his mother's books. And how ironic it had become.

 _'_ _What do you want to be when you grow up, Severus?'_

He hadn't answered her at first because he honestly didn't have an answer for her. He hadn't thought that far ahead, he'd only hoped to do well in Hogwarts. No, it was more than that. He wished to be a great wizard— to gain acknowledgement and for people to finally appreciate his skills. He wanted to make lots of friends and he wanted to grow up with Lily.

 _'_ _Just a great wizard, perhaps. What about you, Lily?'_

Lily had smiled and answered him with a bright voice…

…

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose as a mirthless chuckle escaped him. Here he was, having thoughts about Lily again when he promised himself he had severed all ties with her.

 _Perhaps, we were never meant to be._

…

It was done. The greenish-yellow concoction boiling in the cauldron emitted a very deep bitter smell so potent, he could taste it in his mouth. Now all he needed was a test subject.

- _One week earlier-_

 _A fine mist had settled around the castle and the air was deathly still. The cold air seemed to seep from the very walls of the dorm as Severus sat in the middle of his bed with his legs stretched out in front, reading an old research journal about poisonous fungi with hidden effects. As he finished off the last sentence of the paragraph, Mulciber strolled in, his usual lackeys absent from his side._

 _"_ _Snape" he said and Severus reluctantly shifted his attention to the boy standing at the end of his bed. He regarded Mulciber with bemused eyes, lifting his brows as a sign for the boy to speak._

 _"_ _Yaxley's office. Now." His fellow recruit clipped before turning to leave the room._

 _Shutting his book with a thud, Severus swept out the room and out onto the quiet dungeon corridors of the school, knowing that the curfews did not apply to him or any of the other Death Eater recruits. With practiced control, he kept his mind carefully blank, knowing that expectations would be his first mistake. At this point, he was not allowed to question his orders, he simply needed to carry them out._

 _He gave a single knock to the office door and waited for an answer. Moments later, the door swung open and Severus stepped inside, ignoring the chill that ran down his spine as he did so. The door clicked shut behind him. "You wanted to see me?" he said to the silver haired man leaning against his desk, his back turned to Severus._

 _"_ _Yes, Severus Snape. Our latest inclusion." Yaxley turned to face him, his face contorted in a dark, sadistic expression. The door behind his desk rattled and a blood-curdling scream pierced through the dark wood. Severus kept his mind blank and his expression even more so. A slow, amused grin spread on Yaxley's face. "Detention" he stated simply as if the single was enough explanation. "Now, I've been told that you're rather gifted, particularly in the art of Potions Making."_

 _"_ _Yes, I am." He answered with the utmost confidence. His prowess in potions was something he thought fondly off, especially given the root of his interest. Hastily, he banished the unnecessary thoughts—thoughts about_ her _._

 _"_ _The Dark Lord has—shall I say—taken an interest in your potential. Given your extensive knowledge on the Dark Arts and Potions, the combination of your skills are rather… appropriate for this task." Yaxley moved to open the top draw on his desk and Severus followed his movements with his eyes, keeping himself perfectly still. From it, he pulled out a flask filled with a pale yellow substance that glimmered despite the dimness of the room and placed it in the middle of his desk. "The Dark Lord has been working potion. But recently, with all the mudblood scum in the world, he has become rather preoccupied. Therefore he's suggested one of us take up the task and I've heard that you and that Mudblood Lily Evans are top of Potions Class."_

 _Severus upped his control at the mention of Lily, ensuring composure before he asked "What is it?"_

 _"_ _The master only mentioned it was like Bottled Despair. Aptly named too." He glanced back at the door behind his desk where the screams had ceased._

 _"_ _What does the Dark Lord wish I do with it?" Severus said and immediately after, the screams continued. Yaxley silenced it with a quick wave of his wand, unperturbed._

 _"_ _The potion is not complete, its effects vary too greatly between different characters and it becomes possible for someone with a stronger mind to be break free of its effects far sooner than those with a weaker conscience. Ms. Ludwig is a prime example of that." Yaxley glanced behind him to the silent door. "But we can't all be like her, can we?" his tone was mocking._

 _"_ _Will she not tattle on your methods?" Severus raised an eyebrow._

 _"_ _She took the potion under the effects of the Imperious curse, she would not remember much. Only the trauma. Of course, I would have to alter her memory so she would not feel the need to speak of it. There would be no proof." Yaxley explained, sounding proud of himself._

 _"_ _The Dark Lord wishes that I strengthen the effects of the potion?" Severus inquired, wisely choosing to redirect the conversation toward an ending._

 _Yaxley slid the flask forward. "Lord Voldemort demands_ perfection _."_

 _Severus blinked apathetically. "Very well. Anything else?" his lips barely moved as he spoke._

 _"_ _No, you are dismissed."_

 _…_

Since then, Severus has spent his every free moment cooped up in one of the dusty spare dungeons, brewing the potion in secrecy. Pouring every ounce of his potions knowledge and innovation into enhancing and brutalizing the effects of the potions. So far he had done everything he could think of, use every known potion ingredient and combination of potions that would affect and terrorize one's mind. The Death Cap, for instance was a poisonous mushroom on its own, but when it was made into a draught and brewed to the exact temperature of 46 degrees and finished off with a particularly strong cheering charm. The nature of the draught would reverse the happiness inducing effect of the charm and ultimately turn into a solution that would prompt severe grief and anxiety. It wasn't easy, with his limited sample, Severus had to be careful not to make too many mistakes. The ingredients he had chosen could easily counteract each other and neutralize the whole point of the potion. The relations of all the ingredients had to be intimate, every little portion of magical element counted. Potions making was a subtle art, one that Severus Snape fully appreciated.

As the murky yellow of the potion toiled in the cauldron, Severus knew he was in the final stages of the potions completion. Pulling his wand from his pocket, he stopped to think of a compatible spell, mentally flipping through his vast collection of curses. But he found himself recollecting the things those curses had backfired on him and everything suddenly led back up to James Potter and his pathetic friends. His emotions ran rampage as his wand hovered directly over the potion, his bitterness at losing Lily, his anger at letting his most hated adversary take her away from him, the flare of violence every time he touched her. "Crucio" he uttered with a steady voice, his thoughts fixated on the pain he wished to cause.

The potion cackled within the cauldron, a long stream of red light connected the edge of the cauldron, the other end to his wand. Severus could feel himself tiring the longer he drew on the spell, the fatigue washing over him at an alarming rate, as if the potion was sapping his magical essence from him. Alarmed, he severed the spell and stumbled a step back, watching with wide eyes as a tint of green bubbled around the clearer yellow colour. It was done.

…

He collected and bottled every last drop of the concoction as his mind scanned for a plan to test the draught. Despite his confidence in his skills, Severus was anxious to see the extent of the potions effects. The first person he had in mind for the test subject was James Potter but he couldn't seem to find an opening with the swine. He could slip it into the Gryffindor table's pumpkin juice but he was reluctant to include Lily in the test. Despite promising never to associate himself with her ever again, he couldn't bring himself to hurt her.

As promised, he handed over four full flasks of the potion to Yaxley while everyone had been in the Great Hall. He lined the four flasks onto the Disciplinary officer's desk one by one, ensuring that each stopper was securely in place and that there would be no accidental mishaps with every precious drop. "Excellent. Well done, boy." Yaxley praised but he felt no joy from the compliment, so he merely nodded. "Are you confident of its effects?"

"Yes."

"So if I were to give this to Dumbledore himself, would I find him on his knees, begging for death?"

"Inevitably."

"Then we'd best give it a go, wouldn't we?" there was a glint in Yaxley's eyes that Severus did not appreciate, fear blossomed in his chest and anxiety spread to his fingertips but he held steady. Yaxley chuckled darkly "Relax, boy. I'm not going to make you drink it, but we definitely need to test it before handing them over to the Dark Lord. Anyone you have in mind?"

"James Potter" he answered at once and there was no guilt behind his voice, only pure resentment.

"Yes, he is quite something, that one, isn't he? You are dismissed." Yaxley cut the conversation short and Severus left obediently, but curious about the Death Eater's plans. What was he planning? Was he really going to administer the potion to James Potter?

…

It was during breakfast the next day that he'd seen Yaxley leave the hall with James Potter and Lily. His heart dropped to his stomach and his hands fisted unconsciously. He was going to test them now? On Lily as well? With his heart pounding rapidly in his chest and anxiety running so thickly in his body, the only thing keep Severus perfectly apathetic on the outside was knowing Mulciber was watching him. He had already made the mistake of staring after Lily's retreating back, he did not need another excuse for Mulciber to hound him about where his loyalties lie.

…

"Professor Yaxley is conducting interviews to assess our qualifications" Lily's voice resonated clearly throughout the room. The room abruptly erupted into worried chatter, questions were thrown up front and the air was saturated with chaos. It was no secret that no one was pleased with their new disciplinary officer but everyone kept their opinions to themselves, fearing the consequences; especially with Dumbledore gone.

"They will be done individually… No, I don't know what sort of questions he would ask… He has set a schedule… Please don't panic" he watched and listened as Lily struggled to regain order to the room. He noticed that none of the Slytherin prefects were protesting, if anything they seemed completely apathetic to the situation. They talked amongst themselves, taking advantage of the chaos to slack off.

As Lily edged closer and closer to being overwhelmed, that swine Potter stepped up to clear the air, positioning himself partially in front of Lily before he spoke. Severus' eyes narrowed bitterly at the sickening display of affection. Was he deliberately trying to wind him up? _Pathetic swine._

"We have no idea just what that prick wants from us. My advice is to exercise caution when answering his questions." And the quelling aura from James had everyone's backs upright and their mouths shut with apprehension. Severus scoffed. _Always has to be in the center of attention, doesn't he?_

Lily nodded from beside him as she elaborated. "Keep your answers short and professional. Be honest if you have to, whatever precautions you need to ensure your safety. We have nothing to hide. Please, I don't want anyone hurt."

"It's all your fault, Mudblood!" All heads turned to be back of the class where Rabastan Lestrange sat with his finger pointed accusingly to the front of the classroom. "Professor Yaxley wouldn't have to do this if you weren't Head Girl. It's cause of you that he's questioning the teacher's judgments!"

There was a flurry of movements upfront, Lupin and another Hufflepuff prefect shot to their feet to hold Potter back as he made a lunge to Lestrange. Lily was had positioned herself so she was directly in front of him, pressing her dainty hands on his chest to urge him back to a more leveled state of mind. A bitter, green voice spoke in the back of his head. _I'd bet he's putting on a show for her._ _Prick._

"James!" Lily protested loudly and then her voice dropped several volumes down so that he could only see her mouth move, but he struggled to hear her words. But from the looks of it, it was something intimate.

"Speak out of turn again, Lestrange. I'll kill you." James gritted.

"That's enough, James!" Lupin snapped. "Fighting amongst ourselves isn't going to make Yaxley go away."

"Why should he go away? The school's never been better! But of course, he can't do anything 'bout your ratty clothes, Lupin, can he?" Lestrange shouted back and the back row of Slytherin prefect howled in laughter.

Lily's shoulders tensed and she turned around to face the class, glaring directly at Rabastan Lestrange who sneered back. "Get your things and leave this meeting, Lestrange!" Lily snapped.

"Why should I?" Lestrange was obviously feeling smug with so much distance between the potential threats and him, he obviously felt safe in his crowd.

"Because you obviously haven't got any constructive input to add so I'm _telling_ you to leave!" The laughter quietened as they took in Lily's mood, the tension saturating the air and suddenly everyone's stomach was in knots. Lily was angry; _positively livid._ There was an unexplainable power about Lily's anger. Perhaps it was because rarely anyone ever saw her in such a mood. Even when she told people off, she was reprimanding and stern but never truly angry.

Unlike James Potter who was known for having a spontaneous temper and threatened people with hexes and bodily harm, Lily's didn't promise curses or even consequences. There was simply a finality in her words that stopped any fight you had left in your body. Though bitter as you might be, you would find yourself begrudgingly yielding to her wishes, feeling like nothing more than a petulant child.

Lestrange, however, glared and refused to budge but Severus could already see the fight in him breaking, albeit involuntarily.

"I will not tell you again _. Leave_!" Severus felt his back go straighter and his own careful demeanor wavered by the force of Lily's tone. Abruptly, the door to the classroom swung open and slammed loudly against the wall, startling everyone into movement. _Had Lily done that? She hadn't even drawn her wand._ Finally, Lestrange got to his feet and shot one last glare at Lily before shuffling out of the room. "Anyone who feels that they do not need to be here, may go as well." Lily added firmly.

The back row of Slytherins shuffled to their feet, Regulus Black was last to stand reluctantly and cast one unsure look back at the room before leaving and closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Lily let out a shaky exhale, swallowing before she addressed the room. "Let's continue, shall we?" she sounded out of breath. Someone in the room cleared their throat, the sound shuffling of parchment and movement filled the room. Lupin and the other prefect quickly took their seats as everyone struggled to put the scene behind them. Whilst the prefects were undoubtedly bewildered by the show of leadership from Lily's part, no one looked more surprised than James Potter who had his mouth hung open until Lily nudged him in the side when she needed him to speak.

Severus tuned him out, he had no interest in what that swine had to say. Shifting his attention elsewhere, he noticed that Dolores Umbridge sat next to him with her notepad out and her quill hovering over it. Taking notes as usual. Discreetly, he noticed that she was rigid in her seat, her back straightened to the point it looked painful and on her face, a tight and forced smile. Her eyes were wide and vacant as she clutched her quill with enough force to drain the blood from her knuckles. Her hand was shaking slightly. He caught a glimpse of the only line she wrote on her pad with handwriting so neat, it looked printed:

 _I will have order._

* * *

 **TBC**

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	29. Illegal Interrogations

**A little character development for this chapter.**

* * *

 **Illegal Interrogations**

 _Gilderoy Lockhart— 8:30 a.m._

"What is your opinion on your student leaders, Mr. Lockhart?"

The blonde boy paused in the midst of scraping something off his pearly white teeth. "Potter and Evans? What about them?" he asked, oblivious to the sinking mood in the room. The tea placed in front of him swirled ominously.

Yaxley repressed a twitch in his brow "I'm asking you, Mr. Lockhart. It is an interview."

"I thought you'd be asking question about me." Gilderoy sniffed and then flashed the discipline officer an award winning grin. "My favourite season is autumn, such a melancholically deep season. Just like me, as a person." He chuckled and pressed on, ignorant to the dark expression on Yaxley's face "I don't think I have a favourite colour, I look good in all of them. But if I had to choose, I'd go with pale blue. Just like my eyes." He said, thoughtfully.

"Enough!" Yaxley roared and Lockhart jolted in his seat, swallowing nervously before he spoke again.

"You're right, pale blue is a drastically common colour for a favourite colour. Perhaps a more vibrant colour—like red?"

"What can you tell me about that mudblood and Potter's relationship?" Yaxley no longer sounded professional, he was out of patience.

Lockhart looked up to meet Yaxley's eyes, he seemed to be contemplating something "They're all right as a couple, I suppose. Potter's a real attention hog."

"The intimacy of their relationship is inappropriate as student co-heads of Hogwarts"

Lockhart's brows pulled together, seeming perplexed by the course of the conversation going a direction that doesn't lead to him. "I suppose so. But it's not any of my business." he sounded unsure.

A rolled up piece of parchment unraveled on his desk, a contract of sorts with words so small, one would require a magnifying glass to read it. "Sign it" Yaxley gestured to the paper.

"What is it?" the Ravenclaw prefect questioned.

"A petition for the resignation of Head Girl, Lily Evans."

Lockhart blinked, genuinely confused "What for?"

Yaxley raised a brow "You'll keep your questions to yourself while you're in this room, Mr. Lockhart. All you need to do is put your signature on the bottom of that parchment."

"I-I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that." He stammered, for the first time feeling the tension and danger in the air. "I would like this consider this and I'll get back to you" he stood abruptly from his seat but found himself slammed back, chains shot out from the sides of the chair to pin him to his seat. "What's going on?" his voice wavered.

"Honestly, I've lost my patience with you, Lockhart. I haven't an idea _how_ you were chosen as prefect if you're this incompetent, I don't want to see how your peers are if you're considered the top student."

"I-I thought this was an interview."

"You should've paid attention to the meeting, Lockhart." His long fingers reached into his robe to pull out a black, sleek wand. " _Imperio"_

 _Drink._

The second the yellowish liquid touched his lips, it seemed like the world's anguish landed on his shoulder and shoved him six feet underneath the ground. He was trapped in a mental coffin of agony and screams— _his screams_. Every small heartbreak in his collection of memories had amplified thousands of times over, even the most insignificant of moments had him writhing and sobbing for forgiveness. His lungs had stopped gathering air but he couldn't die fast enough. His heart had stopped circulating blood through his body, instead it circulated pain down the tips of his fingers. He was no longer aware of the material world as nightmare after nightmare flashed before his eyes. He was living over every second of his memories with a twist of despair, the faces of his family members morphed into grotesque shapes and they spoke in tongues he could not understand, yet he knew they were tormenting him. _Make it stop._

…

 _Dolores Umbridge— 9:00 a.m._

The 7th year Slytherin prefect adjusted the smile of her face as one would with a tie until her cheek muscles were tight and her lips appeared stretched. With her posture straightened to ramrod point and not a piece out of place on her uniform. A swift glance at her pocket watch told her there was ten seconds left before she was due in the office. Patiently smoothing herself out, Umbridge counted down the seconds.

 _3…_

Staring at the name engraved on the wooden door.

 _2…_

 _L. Yaxley_.

 _1-_

As Umbridge lifted her hand to knock on the door it swung open right beneath her knuckles and she struggled to maintain in control of her emotions. The room was dimly lit, the surrounding walls filled with shelves stocked with books, artifacts and various ingredients. His desk was clear of any object save for the steaming cup of team pushed toward the edge of the table on the opposite side of where Yaxley was standing. "Impressive punctuality, Ms. Umbridge. Please, come in."

Umbridge tightened her smile and stepped in. As soon as she was far in enough, the door swung to a slamming shut but Umbridge didn't flinch. She stood by the chair, waiting for permission to sit. This must've pleased Yaxley because a smile had broken out on his face as he gestured for her to sit down. "Have a seat."

"Thank you" Umbridge spoke, her voice strained at a pitch.

"What are your opinions on your student leaders, Dolores?"

Umbridge didn't blink before she answered, having already perfected her answer in her head the night before. "I simply follow orders. I respect them as my superiors. Any personal opinion I have of them should be irrelevant." She spoke carefully, unable to help the slight twitch of her head as she did.

"Is that so? Then you are telling me that you have no qualms following someone of such a poor blood status?"

"No." Umbridge answered, the skin around her eyes tightening.

Yaxley gestured to the tea. "Drink the tea." Umbridge watched the disciplinary officer for a moment and he regarded her expectantly. It wasn't an offer—it was a command. With practiced control, she moved her hand almost mechanically to hook around the ear of the petite white cup with gold linings. Suppressing her fear, suspicion, and disloyal thoughts, she took the sip. There was something else in the tea.

The door behind Yaxley rattled and a long shriek streamed through. _'MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!'_ Umbridge felt her heart thump heavily in her chest and her fingers tightened around the handle of the teacup. Her whole body stiffened to the point it looked physically painful to remain so still. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to look into Yaxley's cold, calculating eyes.

"We mustn't tell lies, Dolores." He smirked.

 _It was Veritaserum._

…

Day one of prefect interviews was today, and as far as they knew, Ravenclaw and Slytherin prefects were through with the interviews. It wasn't a coincidence that all Slytherin prefects left the office looking rather smug and unaffected for the most part, except Dolores, who, in Lily's opinion, looked like she had swallowed a toad. Her prim curls were not as tight and there was a lack of emotion on her face. While Lily had never been close to Dolores, they had gotten along quite well as she never argued back. Dolores had always exerted a forceful politeness that no one could complain about. However, after the interview, her expression had gone blank. Despite how dreadfully false it looked, Dolores was always smiling.

When partnered with the pale girl in Potions, which was their last lesson of the day. Lily had half a mind to ask the stiff girl about her interview but as always, Dolores' guard was too far up to start any personal conversation. Lily would have more chance at a conversation in which she assumed her Head Girl status than have Dolores open up to her. Lily glanced over at Severus to see the boy stoic and emotionless as always. She highly doubted he had any trouble with the Death Eater teacher, she thought bitterly.

Reaching into her jar of mint sprigs, Lily pulled out a bunch and snapped the handful in half before sprinkling it into their shared cauldron, watching with satisfaction as the concoction turned a glimmering shade of pale green. Lily turned over to see Dolores looking at her hands that had just dropped the ingredients into the cauldron. The skin around her eyes was tight and Lily knew her partner was unhappy with her. She had taken out the gold balance they were supposed to use to measure the mint sprigs.

"The instructions specifically say to weigh out 3 measures of mint sprigs with the scales." The Slytherin prefect said insistently. While people who did not know Dolores Umbridge would assume she was simply reminding them but Lily know it was borderline whining for her fellow prefect.

"I'm sorry, Dolores." Lily smiled politely "I assure you that was accurate amount. The amount the book instructed would be too much." Lily reached for the ladle and gave the cauldron a stir. "See? It's the right colour." Lily explained calmly.

Dolores peered into the cauldron and indeed, the clear and shiny green colour of the potion indicated that they were on the right track. "How much did you put in?" she inquired.

Lily seemed surprised that Dolores was deliberately asking her a question. She scratched the side of her head and thought for a moment "A handful, I suppose?" she answered meekly.

Dolores' smile tightened and Lily repressed the urge to wince, she was unimpressed with her answer. "And how many measures is a handful?" she asked stiffly.

Lily reached for her jar of mint sprigs and reached into it, feeling for the right amount before she pulled her hand out and placed the clump on the brass scale. "That many" Lily answered, indicating at the reading.

Dolores didn't reply, merely writing out _1 ¾_ in obscenely neat handwriting next to the textbook instructions. Lily breathed out, feeling tense as they worked. By the end of the brewing, Dolores had written down a totally of 14 corrections Lily had suggested to the instructions for the 25-step potion. Lily knew better than to rely on the instructions, her childhood experiments with Severus had taught her that Potions brewing was a subtle science and exact art. One must understand the nature of the concoction and establish a deep intimacy with the qualities of its ingredients. Many people often took that for granted when studying potions, always assuming that words printed in black and white was all the science they needed to make perfection in a phial.

Lily looked over to where her partner was writing notes in her book and Lily knew she had to ask about the interview. "Dolores, about the-"

"Ah, Lily! Umbridge! How are we today?" Professor Slughorn said as he approached their table, peering nosily into their cauldron.

"Brilliant, professor" Lily answered with a bright beam and Professor's Slughorn caught the smile and seemed pleased.

"Good, good" The potions professor nodded to himself "Now, I believe I assigned you the…" he trailed off with his thoughts.

"Volubilis Potion, professor" Lily finished politely for him.

"Ah, yes, yes. I must be getting old. It's a good thing I have you ey, Lily?" he chuckled.

Lily smiled, a healthy glow on her cheeks. "That is a given, professor"

"Now let's have a looksee" he stirred their concoction, watching the liquid move and taking note of the colour. Then finally when he deemed it safe, Slughorn dipped his little finger into the cauldron and suckled the potion off his pinky. "Splendid!" he said, his voice several tones higher, catching the attention of all the students in the room. Slughorn chuckled and his high pitch rang throughout the class. "Marvellous work, Lily! Ten points to Gryffindor! And Slytherin, of course"

The room broke out into a polite applause before the sound of something shattering caught the attention of everyone in the room. Lily peered over her shoulder to see Remus and Dorcas scrambling away from their split potion, their cauldron had shattered. Remus reacted quickly, pulling out his wand to freeze the liquid before it could touch anyone. He looked disheveled and frustrated.

"My word, Lupe. You've broken another one!" Professor Slughorn again in his pitchy voice, but he didn't seem cross. Lily turned her attention back to Dolores, intent on following through with her inquiry, but Slughorn had dismissed those who had finished their task and Dolores had already packed away her things. Lily stared after the retreating figure and slumped her shoulders as she went to help Remus and Dorcas mop up what was left of their Wiggenweld Potion.

…

"Ow ow! I think it's seeping through my shoe!" Dorcas squawked, hopping on one foot as she used Remus and Lily's shoulders to balance herself. "Oooh, it burns!"

"We're almost to Madam Pomfrey, Dorcas" Lily encouraged.

"I'm sorry, Dorcas. It's my fault, I should've been more focused" Remus murmured apologetically.

"No, I shouldn't have been standing so close to the puddle" Dorcas grimaced.

"You must've used too much Billywig Sting slime and turned the concoction highly acidic" Lily pondered.

"Move, Lily!" Dorcas snapped.

"Right"

By the time the three managed to hobble to the Hospital wing, Dorcas' shoe had completely dissolved, revealing a very red and raw foot underneath. Dorcas had gone pale after witnessing the sight of her poor foot. "Madam Pomfrey!" Lily yelled as soon as they burst through the large wooden doors. The matron emerged from behind a curtained ward, eyes immediately falling on Dorcas' glowing red foot.

"Oh dear, set her down over here" she led them to the bunk by the curtains and Dorcas sank down on in relief, her face contorted in pain. "That's a rather nasty acid burn" Madam Pomfrey pondered.

"Is there anything you can do?" Dorcas gritted and her foot seemed to sizzle.

Lily bit her lip and clenched fistfuls of her robe in her hands at the sight of her friend's suffering. "I know just the thing" and the matron was moved swiftly to the back of the vast room to pull a large copper basin from one of the lower cabinets and a few potions from the top shelf.

"Oh it hurts" Dorcas bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut.

Remus stood to the side, looking pale and unbelievably guilty. "I'm so-"

"Shush! Apologizing isn't going to help" the injured Gryffindor snapped.

Dorcas pulled her body back and flopped forcefully back on the bed, her foot twitching with pain. Lily wound her fingers into her hair and squinted at the sight of fast burning foot. The skin had melted off her friend's foot and she could see the raw tendrils of flesh underneath, blood was beginning to drip down her heel. Feeling dizzy at the grotesque sight, Lily backed up until her back brushed into the curtains of the next bunk.

"I-I'll just wait behind here"

"Lily, that's-"

Lily bumped the back of her legs onto the bed and had to catch herself before she sat down onto the poor patient. She turned and nearly jumped out of her skin. There, laid in the middle of a white bed that seemed too large for him, was Gilderoy Lockhart. His face drained of colour and his pale blue eyes staring forward, unblinking.

A pale yellow wand was gripped tightly in his right hand. His lips moved but Lily couldn't hear anything. He seemed to be chanting something voicelessly but before Lily could decipher anything, the matron had snagged the back of her robes and tugged her out.

"Ms. Evans! That's not for your eyes!" she snapped, crossly.

"I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey. I-It was an accident—what happened to him?" Lily couldn't help asking. She glanced at Remus and he had frozen on the spot, he must've caught a glimpse in the scuffle.

Madam Pomfrey lowered Dorcas' foot into a pale blue coloured solution in the copper basin. "You don't need to know that" she clipped, trying to look focused on her task. "Now you leave that in there until it starts to itch, Ms. Meadowes."

Dorcas nodded but Lily was too preoccupied with errant thoughts "Then could you at least tell us when has he been like this?" Lily said and Remus shot her a knowing look. They needed to know if Yaxley had done it.

"A few Slytherin students had found him near their common room around 9:30 this morning." The matron answered.

Lily's eyes widened, her heart hitching at the implications "Lockhart's appointment with Yaxley was-"

"-at 8:30 this morning" Remus finished for her.

Madam Pomfrey stopped wiping her hands on her apron and looked between the two of them, recognition in her eyes. "Is that so?" her eyes narrowed.

"Why? What does that mean?" Dorcas interjected, curious, and her pain forgotten.

"Mr. Lockhart was found having performed the Memory Charm on himself."

"On _himself?_ " Remus choked.

Madam Pomfrey nodded. "There are certain parts of his memory Obliviated and he suffered only minor brain damage, thankfully. Just what was that boy _thinking?_ "

Lily swallowed. Memory charms were extremely tricky when performed on someone else and just downright dangerous if one were to perform it on themselves. Lockhart was lucky he didn't' suffer any major damages to his brain. But Lily had a good idea just what he was looking to forget. Yaxley must've done something to him—something horrible.

…

Dorcas insisted that Remus and Lily went down for dinner after the air thickened around them following the grim revelation. She quoted: _'You two are bumming me out, For Merlin's sake! Just go to dinner and discuss what you can't around me!'_

Neither of them put up a great fight to stay, they needed to tell the others.

When they entered the Great Hall, Sirius, James and Peter were seated in their usual spot, chattering away, unaware of the news Lily and Remus bore. Sirius was first to notice their approach, waving them over with light enthusiasm but dropped his hand when he took in their expressions.

Remus sank down next to James and across Peter while Lily slipped on his other side. Immediately, James wrapped his arm around and pulled her toward him until their thighs touched. "What's with the grim reaper expression, love?" he whispered into her hair.

"Yaxley." Remus answered for her.

Lily felt the arm around her tense as everyone looked to him for elaboration. "What's that nutter done now?" Sirius growled.

"Was it the interviews?" James questioned.

"We were just in the hospital wing-" Lily had begun to explain

"Were you hurt?" James intercepted, panicked.

Lily shook her head quickly "No, not me. There was an accident in Potions and Dorcas got hurt, it was just an accident. But we saw something in the Hospital Wing" Lily's tone was grim as her eyes met with Remus'

"Wait" Remus pulled his wand from his pocket and glanced around discreetly before he gave it a small wave. Lily could feel the air around them grow lighter as it shifted under the spell, cloaking them an invisible, airy veil. "Muffliato Charm, we can't be too safe."

James nodded "Good thinking."

Sirius leaned his head onto his palm and picked up a drumstick with his fingers. "Wipe that glare off your face, James. Yaxley's looking at us."

Lily stiffened slightly and mentally cursed her impulse. Peter tried to glance up but he yelped all of the sudden, prompting Lily to believe Sirius had kicked him under the table. "Don't look at him, Wormtail." He hissed.

"Maybe we should take this back to the dorms" Lily suggested meekly, moving to stand but James held her still.

"No, it'd be too suspicious now" he explained and Lily slouched ever so slightly.

"Just tell us what happened."

"Gilderoy Lockhart took his own memory." Remus explained.

Peter choked on his juice and Lily felt James stiffen beside her but Sirius looked completely unaffected as he stuffed the whole drumstick in his mouth.

"Madam Pomfrey said a few Slytherin students found him near their common room after he Obliviated himself"

Sirius snorted "I'd bet my favourite hat that they wiped his memory instead."

Lily shook her head "He was still clutching his wand when I saw him and I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would've checked the last spell he used before making her diagnosis."

"It's a good thing I don't have a favourite hat then"

"What do you suppose Yaxley's done to him?" Peter questioned, his hands quivering slightly.

"Torture him, perhaps." Sirius looked over to Peter and grinned at the boy shrunk in his seat "Smacked him about with the Cruciatus curse a few times until the boy's gone wonky"

"C-Cruciatus curse?" Peter squeaked loudly and Lily was thankful for Remus' charm when no one around them reacted. "But that's illegal!"

"Yaxley thinks he's above the law, do you really think a Death Eater like him would care about what the ministry says?" James snapped, annoyed.

"Even if it was against the law, The Ministry has already legalized the use of unforgivable curses for Aurors." Remus cut in.

"It's unforgivable!" Lily slammed her palms to the table and nearly stood up if it had not been for James pinning her back down to her seat for the second time that night. "That's barbaric! They'd be no different than Voldemort himself! I still can't believe the Ministry would allow such a thing." Lily was huffing through her words, her heart beating so hard it was becoming more and more difficult to breathe.

A firm and persistent pressure on her arm coaxed her back down from the angry adrenalin rush. "Breathe, Lily" James' voice felt like it ran straight down her chest, drenching the fury. His other hand that had been on her hip ran up and down her back, soothing her.

"The ministry is trying to give the aurors a fighting chance against them, Lily. You can't blame them." Sirius shrugged.

"There are other ways! More humane and ethical ways of dealing with them instead of stooping to their level." Lily argued back.

"Do you think Voldemort's worried about _ethics_ when he murdered a whole family? We're at _war_ , Lily, stop trying to defend whatever _humanity_ we've left." Sirius snapped.

"Don't say his name!" Peter sobbed and Sirius slammed his fist on the table, making everyone jump.

"I'm not afraid of a _bleeding_ name, Wormtail. Shut it!" he snarled.

"Lily-" James attempted to speak.

"Then what's going to separate us from _them?_ Without morals or ethics, what's the difference between us and the Death Eaters? That's just what _he_ wants!" Lily snapped back, her eyes glowing with a fight, she wasn't going to let this go.

"You are _naïve,_ Evans."

"Sirius!" James hissed.

Lily sucked in a deep breath and clenched her fists on the table. "I'd rather be naïve than a moral-less barbarian." She gritted.

Sirius snorted and took a sip from his pumpkin juice, bemused.

"I thought we had put all this behind us." Remus sighed.

"She's just upset about what Yaxley's done." James explained and to his surprise, Lily snapped at him too.

"Don't speak for me, James!"

"What did _I_ do?" his eyebrows shot up.

"You agree with Sirius!"

"I didn't say _anything!"_

"But you _agree_ with him." Lily said with finality in her tone. "If you didn't you would've said something. You weren't going to side with me so you chose not to side at all." By now, Lily was pouting, looking very much like a whiny child.

James grinned, amused. "Is it bad that I don't want to fight with you?" He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. Lily was trying her best to frown but her cheeks were burning.

"Oh for the love of Merlin, don't start making googly eyes at each other." Sirius gagged, his face screwing up in mock disgust. And just like that, the tension had dissipated. The conflict of opinions became just that— a difference in perspective.

…

Lily pulled the cloak from around her as she stepped into the room that smelt faintly of sweaty socks and leather. She wrinkled her nose and handed James his invisibility cloak. Sirius walked past her, kicking off his shoes as he did and flopped down onto his bed. Now she understood why it smelled like socks.

"Well let's get started then, lads" Sirius threw his arms over his head on the pillow.

James sat down on the bed next to Sirius and Lily followed to sit down next to him, feeling slightly out of place. Remus and Peter sat on the floor between the beds, there was a piece of blank parchment in Remus' hands.

After dinner, the Marauders had decided that it was time to introduce themselves to Yaxley before he could do anything else to the remaining prefects. Lily had offered to help them with the planning, much to everyone's surprise.

Lily peered over James' shoulder as Remus laid the parchment on the floor and suddenly everyone's eyes were on her, their expressions severe.

"W-What?" Lily squeaked.

"Before we go on, Lily. You have to make the Marauders' oath." Sirius said with complete seriousness.

Lily snorted, amused but noted that no one else was laughing "You're bluffing." she said in disbelief.

Sirius lifted his hand, his fingers packed closely together as one would when taking an oath. "Do as I do and repeat after me."

Lily felt unnerved at having everyone's attention, Lily copied Sirius, feeling foolish as she waited for her next instructions.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Lily swallowed, feeling her prefect instincts kicking in. Her eyes darted around as she waited anxiously for someone to crack a laugh but no one did. Taking a deep breath, Lily repeated the words firmly, no longer feeling like a fool.

 _"_ _I solemnly swear I am up to no good..."_

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	30. Act of Loyalty

**A little mischief in this one, enjoy!**

* * *

 **An Act of Loyalty**

It was exactly 12 midnight when James found himself in under the protection of the invisibility cloak with Sirius, both of them with their arms filled with strange smelling bottles and oddly shaped objects. "Ugh, smells like troll feet under here" Sirius complained quietly as they approached the Fat Lady portrait. "What is this stuff, anyway?" James heard him take a whiff and then gagged.

"Why the fuck are you heaving that stuff up your nose then, you wankstain?"

He felt Sirius kick his calf and they both stumbled. "Four-eyes" Sirius sneered back.

"Cocksucker"

"Bitch-tits"

"Arselicker"

They both started as the Fat Lady's voice cut into their vulgar banter. "Who goes there?"

"Fuck-waffle" Sirius hissed into his ear and James elbowed him, hearing the clinks of the glass bottles and phials knocking into each other in his friend's arms.

"Fortis Leo" James whispered loud enough for the portrait to hear and the entrance swung open despite not knowing who was there. James and Sirius stepped through carefully, making no noise as they ascended the stairs and back to their dorm room where Lily was sat cross-legged in the middle of the room, stirring something in the cauldron.

She looked up as the door opened on its own and James adjusted the ingredients in his arms before tugging the Invisibility Cloak off them both. "Did you get everything?" she asked, hopping to her feet to help ease their full arms.

"More or less" James let her pull a few bottles from his arms and then she moved to take some from Sirius.

"Potions is disgusting, have I ever mentioned that?" Sirius teased.

"It is not!" Lily defended loyally. "This whole plan revolves around it, show some respect." She sniffed and walked over to the cauldron, plopping down neatly behind it. As soon as her attention shifted back to the cauldron, James noted the enjoyment in her eyes.

The door opened behind them and the three of them turned to see a bulky brown shape step through. A moment later Remus and Peter appeared from under the sheet. Sirius exploded into hysterical laughter. "The invisibility charm wore off, you dumb farts. Which one of you idiots casted it in the first place?"

"What the-" Remus lifted the sheet on the floor and checked it. When he confirmed that Sirius was right, he groaned "Let _me_ do the charm next time, Peter" he told his friend and dropped the blanket to the side. "We finished setting up in the hallway. Thank god we didn't run into anyone. How is the potion coming along?"

Lily dropped a red toadstool into the cauldron and it sizzled. "So I was thinking while you guys were away. But it's just a suggestion, I'm not the expert." Her cheeks reddened as she shifted nervously and James found that unbearably endearing.

"Out with it then, Lily." Sirius chuckled.

"R-Right. So I was thinking, rather than just smashing the glass phials on him. We transfigure them into birds and use the potion as droppings. The potion won't work unless he's swallowed it but we could use a vaporizing potion on the droppings and have him inhale it, it'd work just as well." Lily explained.

"Oooh, I didn't know you had it in you, Evans" Sirius grinned. "I like this side of you." He winked flirtatiously at her and Lily beamed.

"Fuck off now, don't look at her with your filthy eyes." James shoved his friend playfully, his eyes alight with pride.

"That sounds fairly complicated" Peter said, sounding perplexed.

Lily thought for a moment. "It could be, we just have to be very careful with the transfiguration of the phial and not touch any of the potion. Lily slipped her wand from her pocket and picked up one of the smaller bottles. With a practiced tap of her wand, the clear glass transformed into a white dove and she gave it a slight push and it flew off, circling the room before landing in James' hand.

The head boy pulled his own wand from his pocket and tapped the bird, immediately it morphed back into a bottle, effortlessly. "Brilliant" he said.

"We'd have to do that fairly quickly and some of us will need to be doing other things." Sirius said.

"Lily, how many phials of Fungiface potion are you filling?" Remus inquired, sounding almost professional.

Lily looked down at the bubbling cauldron and contemplated for a moment before answering. "I have enough for about thirty."

"Sirius and James are quickest in transfiguration, I think they can handle fifteen each?" Remus suggested, looking over to his friends.

Sirius shrugged "I can do all thirty on my own, James can fuck off" he grinned. James shoved his friend until he tumbled over the bed, laughing.

"We can't afford any mistakes or we'll both end up with toadstools on our faces. Fifteen is a reasonable number. That's about 2 seconds each, so 30 seconds in total for us to finish off all of them"

"You need to start transfiguring before the door sings or Yaxley's going to stop you once he's out the door."

"We need a distraction." James said. "He can't see our faces or this is all going to backfire on us. If he has no proof, he can't touch us." Peter visibly swallowed at the thought.

"He's going to be shouting curses the moment he steps out that door." Sirius said, his feet propped on the bed while the rest of him laid on the floor.

"We could hit him real quick with a silencing charm." Remus said.

James shook his head "He'd deflect it. The git's an auror, remember?"

"Not to mention he'd just hex us non-verbally. We're not dealing with Filch the squib or the dim witted bullies at our school. We need a safety net."

Lily watched in awe as the Marauders debated amongst themselves, their opinions bouncing back and forth as they weighed the pros and cons. They sounded almost professional aside from Sirius' occasional need to insult someone's idea. She had always found the Marauders' pranks a waste of time and some of them were downright idiotic and pointless. When she stepped into the Gryffindor boy's dormitory with the intent to help them prank Yaxley, she hadn't expected to walk into an educated discussion.

She'd realized how unfair she had been towards them. It was obvious to her now that the Marauders always put in a great deal of thought into their pranks, regardless of how idiotic and childish she thought them to be. Every risk was calculated and every decision was agreed by each member before anything was confirmed.

Lily watched as James debated with Remus over something she had tuned out of, the way he explained himself and his expressions. It was obvious he was a born leader. She vaguely wondered if he looked as attractive when he briefed his Quidditch team as well. _Firm. Commanding. Authoritative._ An embarrassing warmth spread through her and Lily had to force herself to look away, pretending to busy herself with the ingredients laid all around her.

Her mind instinctively matched a few ingredients together for different potions and she was nudged with a solution.

"Jawbind Potion" Lily perked up, she didn't look up but she could feel all the eyes on her in the room. "We'll drench him with the Jawbind Potion. It's just as good as a silencing charm and it'd deter his focus enough to take the heat off his attention." She explained.

"Two acts of brilliance in one night, you _are_ a goddess, Lily." Sirius praised, grinning cheekily at her. "Want to go out with me instead? I'm better looking than Prongs."

Lily chuckled and shook her head before James hexed Sirius non-verbally with a leg-locking jinx. His legs that were still on the bed snapped together at once and Sirius squirmed until he was fully on the floor. "Don't be an arse, Prongs." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Then don't steal my girlfriend." James said good-naturedly.

"But who will throw the potion at Yaxley? We're all occupied." Peter spoke up.

"I could do it, I haven't been given anything to do" Lily said as she filled the first phial with murky brown liquid.

"You're not going to be doing anything." James explained stoically.

Lily frowned "I can help plan the prank but I can't be in it?" Lily said, perplexed.

James ran his fingers through his hand and averted his gaze "It's too dangerous, Lily. If he catches you-" he cut himself off, obviously disturbed by his own thoughts.

"He's not going to let anyone off easy." Lily protested "If he catches any one of us, we're going to be the next Lockhart. I'd be taking the same calculated risk as any one of you."

James glowered at her, his hair looked more disheveled than before. "If he so much as glimpses at you, he's going to recognize you."

"Then I'll transfigure my features so he won't recognize me" Lily debated, her chin raised in defiance.

James took a deep breath, his shoulders squaring and he looked sternly at her. "No"

Lily felt her mouth go slack with disbelief. "James!" she protested loudly.

"I said _no,_ Lily!" he snapped harshly and Lily recoiled at his tone.

"Don't boss me around!" she stood abruptly, a pathetic attempt to match his menace. Her hands fisted at her sides, aware that she hasn't taken this stance since the days she threw tantrums as a child.

"Then stop arguing with me. You're not coming with us, end of discussion." His tone was final and Lily felt her defiance breaking. Her muscles loosened and her shoulders drooped submissively.

"I just want to help" she mumbled like a petulant child. For the first time in their long history of fights, she felt like the child in an argument with James. Her eyes mostly downcast now, but she snuck a few glances around the room, catching Remus' apologetic look and Sirius' amused gaze.

She heard James breath out heavily and began walking towards her. He stepped around the cauldron and tugged on her arm until she was facing him. But in one last act of rebelliousness, she refused to meet his eyes. "It's too dangerous, Lily" he said softly. Lily looked up from his shoes to meet his eyes and decided that he truly believed that. "You done beautifully tonight. It's more than enough."

"All right" she breathed softly, relenting.

A small grin spread on his face and James leaned in to kiss her. Lily was suddenly painfully aware of their audience as she leaned away from him, pressing a hand against his chest. She cleared her throat and nodded to the side, gesturing for him to shift his attention.

They both turned to see Remus, Sirius and Peter looking at them. Their expressions a mixture of curiosity and cheek. "What? _That's it?_ Where is the snogging and the humping?" Sirius said from the floor.

Lily's cheeks flushed a violent shade of red as she pulled her hand away from James as if he was on fire. "Fuck off, Black" James said.

She cleared her throat and attempted to bring back their current dilemma. "Then who will do it?"

"Wormtail?" James suggested.

The boy's shoulders jumped up to his ears at the sound of his nickname "B-But I thought I was helping Remus with the singing knights?"

"It's only four sets of armor, I can handle that much on my own" Remus shrugged.

"Then it's settled" James gave a firm nod.

Peter swallowed nervously but said nothing else.

"I'll get started on the potion."

…

 _Remus Lupin—8:30 a.m._

The seconds ticked by silently in Yaxley's office. His fingers toyed absently with the small vial in his hand. His next interviewee was an interesting character. One of Potter's closest friends and a suspicious once-a-month absentee. It was unlikely that he would sign the contract as the others did but Yaxley had other plans for the boy.

The long arm of the clock clicked into the middle of the number 6 and suddenly the room erupted into noise. Yaxley had his wand in hand immediately, his chair toppled over from him standing so quickly. It was then he realized that the awful ruckus spawned from the door. He shifted his gaze to the wooden doors to find that it had sprouted a set of lips and was currently singing a horribly off-tune and explicit version of the Hogwarts school song:

 _Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,_

 _Teach us something please,_

 _For whether he be old and bald,_

 _Yaxley ol' boy has earned his star of gold,_

 _By giving Voldey a good old yank,_

 _But should he tug on the wrong set of bags,_

 _Lord Voldey is sure to give him a spank._

 _Your asses are bare and socks in the air,_

 _Dead dead eater beware-_

…

Peter stood rigid with fear, a beaker of blue potion in his hand as he waited for a reaction. The birds had already begun to swarm the outside of the room. Sirius was chuckling at the lyrics of the song before a loud explosion startled him backwards, the potion rained all over himself and he could instantly feel the effects as his jaw tightened and forbade him from calling out.

"Wormtail!" Sirius hissed from somewhere above him but before he could get up and walk, Yaxley was out the room. On cue, Remus lifted the invisibility spell off the set of knight armors they had stolen from the Room of Rewards and they all began to sing the explicit version of the song in off key and twice the volume.

They had obviously underestimated Yaxley's anger as he blasted away the knight armors to small pieces. Remus covered his head as the pieces bounced off him. However before Yaxley could spot Remus, the birds began to circle over his head, some of them swarming his face as they rained droppings all over him. Peter struggled to flee but one of Yaxley's spell had ricocheted off a piece of armor and he had been left petrified.

There was the sound of glass smashing and a roar of anger from Yaxley. His skin felt like it was being pulled on his face. He fired a slicing spell through what he could see from the swarming birds, hitting a dark moving figure in his peripheral vision. "Prongs!" his ears caught a sound from above and he fired accordingly.

There was no sound of impact but the birds had begun to thin out and for a moment he caught a squirming figure on the floor and the next moment it had disappeared. He blasted away the remaining singing knight and the birds around him combusted into flames to reveal only one culprit by the side of his door. His eyes darkened as he dragged the petrified boy by the back off his collar and conjured a door before locking it shut and leaving the chaotic mess behind him.

…

Lily let out a shaky breath. The invisibility cloak surrounding her and James provided a very small protective comfort but the sticky warmth pooling between her fingers alarmed her. "James" she whispered urgently. His head pressed into the crook of her neck as she cradled him against her body. The pungent smell of blood filled her nose and her head began to spin. She applied more pressure to the wound on his side in an attempt to stop the flow. James groaned and shifted against her. "James, please open your eyes!" she gasped, the tears prickling at her eyes. "I can't carry you—I can't…" she swallowed a sob, looking around from behind the cloak to look for some sort of help but the hallways were bare.

Peter had been caught and James had been sliced open. Remus and Sirius could be hurt as well. Against James' wishes, Lily wanted to be there in case things went wrong. So she had followed them out underneath the invisibility cloak but she had never expecting things to go so badly.

The potion had vaporize perfectly and she could spot the fungi growing on Yaxley's face before everything had gone wrong. Yaxley hadn't been distracted and Lily spotted Peter by the door, looking pale and completely still, she had assumed the worst. James reacted quickly to try and save his friend but he had moved out of the blind spot. The spells Yaxley had used had been too powerful for them to counter. He reacted too quickly for anyone to respond and Lily had to bite back a scream as James toppled off his broom and to the floor.

Lily didn't spare a second thought before she threw the cloak over the both of them on the floor and remained perfectly still despite knowing it didn't matter. Now she was left alone with Peter possibly being tortured behind a door and James bleeding to his death.

She pressed her warm wet cheek to James' cooling forehead. "James" she sobbed his name as if it would make everything alright. The panic throbbing so evidently in her body, she couldn't think straight. Was this what James felt like when she had accidentally hit by Severus' spell? She didn't know how he managed to survive that.

"Lily!" a voice hissed her name and Lily gasped audibly, hugging James tighter against herself. Before she could react, the cloak had been lifted off of her and her body recoiled, automatically reaching for her wand while the other tensed around James. Instead of an enemy, Sirius and Remus stood before her with concern etched to their features.

"H-How did you-" Lily stammered through her words as Sirius and Remus reached for James.

"You're awful at being invisible, Lily" Sirius chuckled and Lily was surprised that he could crack jokes when her heart was threatening to smash a hole through her ribcage. Remus glanced at the door and Lily took a breath to steady herself as she felt the need to explain.

"P-Peter, he's in there"

"Yeah, Yaxley _really_ can't take a joke. We need to save James before we can save him." Sirius lifted Lily's fingers off his wound and then his robes to take a look at the deep cut in James' side. "Gurgling gargoyles, that's deep." He breathed.

Lily swallowed "What do we do?"

Sirius stepped away and gestured for Remus to take over "You're better at this than I am"

Nodding, Remus pointed his wand at the open wound and mumbled something Lily could hear through the rapid beats of her heart. James groaned and reached out to grip Lily's arm, squeezing as the cut began to mend but the cut had only shrunk in size when Remus stopped. "This is the most I can do, I've stopped the bleeding but we need to get him to Madam Pomfrey" he explained.

"We need to get out of here before Yaxley comes out." Sirius said and exchanged a look with Remus.

"Lily" James groaned and shifted against Lily when they tried to move him onto the stretcher Sirius had conjured.

"I'm here" Lily said, using the back of her hand to wipe her tears but she had a feeling she had smudged blood on her face regardless of the effort.

"One, two-" Sirius and Remus heaved him onto the stretcher and Lily followed the movement as James had attached his hand around her wrist. Sirius lifted the stretcher easily and Lily followed beside it. Remus walked behind her with the invisibility cloak wadded up in one hand.

"Peter..." he murmured. "We have to go back for Peter." James said all of the sudden, his eyes shooting open.

"Prongs, mate. You need to get yourself patched up first, then we'll come up with a plan to save Wormy."

"We can't just leave him in there!" James snapped, bending his head up and then winced at the movement.

"What are you going to do, Prongs? Bleed on Yaxley until he releases Peter?" Sirius snarled back, harsher than Lily thought was necessary.

"We should've seen it coming." James threw his head back onto the stretcher. "It's my fault." He nearly sobbed and Lily heart broke.

…

It was to sheer dumb luck that they had not bumped into anyone on their trip to the Hospital Wing but Madam Pomfrey's berates were a little tiring to listen to. Because they couldn't tell her the truth behind James' injury, she settled for fussing loudly over troublemaking students. However, Lily could tell she was deathly worried about them.

"And Ms. Evans! I expected more from you! Just what were you four thinking? And where is Mr. Pettigrew?"

The group stiffened and Madam Pomfrey had lost herself in her long stream of reprimands to listen for an answer. However, because of this, James had been reminded of the danger that Peter was in. He stood up, Madam Pomfrey had already closed the wound neatly and there was no trace of him ever being injured aside from his bloody shirt.

The matron had left to the back of the room to retrieve a potion for James, leaving them alone. "We have to go back" he said.

"We need a plan." Sirius said.

"We don't have time for a plan." James snapped, already walking towards the door.

"I have a better idea. How about we spell out _'We pranked you'_ on our foreheads and pay our Death eater teacher a visit?" Sirius interjected, his tone dripping with sarcasm and reprimand.

James seized Sirius by the front of his shirt "We _never_ forsake our friends, Sirius!" he snarled into Sirius' face and then released him abruptly.

Sirius seized him by the back of his shirt and pulled hard "I'm not asking you to give up on him! We _need_ a plan! Besides, if Peter gives up our names, we'll be called in anyway. We have to be patient." Sirius reasoned.

James slapped the hand away as if it offended him and glowered at his best mate. "He wouldn't do that."

…

Pain like nothing he had ever felt before shot through his body, knocking at his bones and tearing at his flesh. He was going to die—he _was_ dying. Then it stopped abruptly, relief washed over him so violently, he was sobbing. _I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you everything_. But no matter how many times he had chanted that in his head, he could not manage it out loud, for his jaw had been bound shut by Lily potion.

"Who are the rest? I want names!" Yaxley yelled and he cowered, raising his hand to his face. He curled up into tighter into a fetal position. _Please, don't hurt me. I'll tell you!_ He thought with all his might but his mouth would not obey.

 _"_ _Crucio!"_

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	31. Never Forsaken

**Here comes this week's chapter! We're nearing the end, unfortunately. This chapter gets a little intense. I was sweating just writing this. Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Leave a review if you like this!**

* * *

 **Never Forsaken**

 _"_ _Peter! Oh Peter, please be all right."_

A gentle voice lapped at the edge of his consciousness. It was a womanly voice calling him out, soothing and maternal. Drawing him closer to the light before the darkness swamped him again.

 _"_ _C'mon Petey, the worst part's over."_

It was a male voice this time, more familiar than the previous one. A memory prodded the bubble of his unconsciousness. Memory of a sandy haired boy hunched over a book on his bed, looking just as shy as he had felt on his first day in the dorms. But he was faceless. No matter how much he willed the memory to sharpen, it was all for naught as the cold oblivion beckoned him back in.

 _"_ _How much longer are you going to keep your fat arse in bed, Wormtail? Get up, you wankstain."_

Peter frowned mentally at the sound of the voice. It was a rather rude awakening when he had just developed the ability to comprehend words. His mind surprised him when he could put a face to the voice. The shaggy haired Gryffindor who he admired from the day he had seen him hex a Slytherin for speaking ill of their house. Sirius intimidated him but he was a necessary ally.

 _"_ _You're all right, mate. We owe you this time. Yaxley will pay, I promise you"_

His whole body convulsed at the mention of that name. He shot up from the bed, screaming for him life, the memories of the pain etched so permanently in his head, he could almost feel searing hot knives sinking into his flesh like butter.

"Bloody hell! Poppy!" someone yelled in the background but Peter could barely hear it over the horrible shrieking in his head.

"Mr. Pettigrew, you are safe! You are in the hospital wing! Mr. Pettigrew!" an aged, maternal voice that reminded him of his late gran soothed him. He clutched at his head and proceeded to wad himself into a human ball, the screaming had not stopped and it was threatening to tear him apart.

Before he could do anything, he was forced onto his back by several pairs of hands and something was poured into his mouth. He choked and gurgled but as soon as the fragrant liquid trickled down his throat, his heartbeats slowed instantly and the shrieking had ceased. His eyes focused on the blur around him and he kept them open until he could recognize the faces hovering around him. He blinked lazily and swallowed, his mouth was terribly parched.

"W-Wha…?" he managed to croak before his throat closed up again.

Sirius grinned down at him "What a way to come back from the dead eh, Wormy?"

"Out! You all need to leave! Mr. Pettigrew needs his rest!" Madam Pomfrey entered the corner of his peripheral vision, her hands swinging above and shooing at his friends.

"Aw, don't be like that, Poppy." it was James' voice, Peter's eyes immediately pinpointed the cocky Gryffindor, grinning his megawatt smile at the matron. The healer didn't look responsive of his charms but they all knew she would eventually crumble beneath the force of James' charisma. "He's our best friend and we've all be worried sick about him."

 _Sick?_ Oh yes, he was going to be sick. Peter rolled over on his bed and emptied his stomach all over the floor by his bed. Sirius's feet leapt out of the way before any of it could get on him. "Fuckin' hell!" he yelled.

"Oh don't be such a ninny, it's just vomit" a feminine voice scolded. His stomach convulsion stopped and he felt a small hand patting his back, instantly soothing his nausea.

"He needs his rest! You all need to leave, right now!" Madam Pomfrey said as flicked away the mess on the floor with her wand.

"Please, Madam Pomfrey, just give us a moment with him. Five minutes. We promise not to stress him out" he recognized that feminine voice now, it was Lily.

There was a pregnant pause before Madam Pomfrey spoke again "All right, five minutes. Then you're all leaving." the floor steps stomped away as Peter flopped back onto his back to face his friends. A part of his dreaded their reaction for his betrayal, he had thought he could do it. But once the pressure began to climb, he crumbled and broke down.

"Don't you have something to tell us, Wormy?" Sirius crossed his arms, looking as intimidating as ever.

Peter felt the blood rushing to escape his face. "I-I-I-" the world around him darkened as he contemplated begging for his life.

James was grinning and Peter immediately zeroed in on him. He would plea for mercy. James would protect him. _Yes._ James would protect him from Sirius' wrath.

"I don't—I didn't-" he stammered to speak.

"Personally I didn't think you had it in you, but Prongs wouldn't shut up about it." Sirius shrugged. _What did that mean?_

"Oh move over, _boys_!" Lily's soft voice jerked away his attention and he contemplated hiding behind her. They wouldn't dare go through Lily to hurt him. _Yes… he would seek cover behind Lily's kindness_. "What they mean to say is, Peter. That was very brave of you, not giving up our names." She smiled at him and patted his shoulder affectionately.

 _What?_

"I-I—what?" he croaked.

"We know he was torturing you with the Cruciatus Curse, Peter." James' expression grew dark momentarily and he repressed the urge to cower. "But Yaxley didn't come for us. You didn't tell him. He was torturing you and you didn't tell him." he looked up and met his eyes. Peter could see the trust and pride in the Head Boy's hazel eyes. "We owe you for life, mate"

 _I didn't tell?_ But in his head he had been screaming betrayal in exchange for the pain to end. Then it came to him. His jaw had been bound shut by the potion. _He_ must have mistaken it for stubborn loyalty and now his friends were making that same mistake. He hadn't messed up, his friends still trusted him.

"I- Of c-course. W-We're friends right?" his voice came out in short, unsteady breaths. It seems like he had not gotten over his sob-like tremors.

Lily engulfed him in a tight hug. "Of course, Peter" she sounded on the verge of crying. "Of course, we'll always be your friends." Peter looked up to his friends to see them grinning at him with the utmost pride before he lifted his hands from return Lily's embrace hesitantly. All his friends were unscathed while he had endured an eternity of torture. _That was the day Peter realized what a cruel world it really was._

…

Because of their prank and the epic fungi mess they had made of Yaxley's face, the disciplinary officer had canceled the rest of the prefect interviews, however, not before he tortured Peter halfway to death. They found the boy quivering and sobbing outside the Gryffindor common room and nowhere near Yaxley's office. But no matter how much Lily pleaded with the Marauders to tell the teachers, she couldn't argue with the fact that they still couldn't prove him guilty without spelling their own guilt.

They considered the idea of using Peter as living proof of Yaxley's cruelty, but that would require the aurors looking into Peter's memory for evidence. Peter been vocally opposed to having someone near him with a wand. And for all he had sacrifice for them, they couldn't force Peter to do anything. The guilt was bad enough as it was. Not only that, but they would risk Yaxley gathering proof of their prank against him and give the Death Eater the perfect excuse to punish them. The teachers would not be able to intervene because they had broken the rules.

" _And_ we're back to square one." Sirius threw himself back onto his bed, deflating his pillow. They were gathered in the boy's dormitory to discuss where they would go from there. With Peter having to stay the week in the Hospital wing and Remus' fullmoon coming up, they weren't sure how many more hits they could take from Yaxley.

"We're trapped from both sides. The teachers have no power over the ministry and we don't know who we can trust amongst the aurors. They have our backs against the wall and we're down one member." Remus sat down heavily onto the edge of his bed and tangled his fingers in his hair.

"We can't be hasty now. Yaxley _knows_ we're the ones who pull the prank. As long as his focus is on us, he won't be torturing anyone else. We just have to hold his attention but we can't give him a reason to touch us. He's going to be on alert and he's going to play dirty to retaliate." James explained, pacing the room.

"So how do we prepared for the war?" Lily questioned grimly.

"The self-defense seminar is tomorrow. I'd bet my broom he's going to try something then." Sirius said.

"I agree" Remus piped in. "He's holding a grudge and he'll be looking for any reason to pick a fight with us."

"What do we do?" Lily asked, glancing at James, concern in her eyes. He'd already gotten hurt the last time they confronted Yaxley, she couldn't bear the thought of him getting hurt again.

" _We_ are going to stay on guard. _You_ are going to keep your head down and lay low, Lily." James told her, his eyes stern.

"It's not me he wants, the prank took the heat off temporarily off muggleborns. Don't you think you three need to be more prepared for the confrontation?" Lily retaliated.

"Don't worry about us, Evans. We've been in more duels than we can remember. We can protect ourselves." Sirius winked at her.

"But he's a Death Eater."

"He's not going to kill us, Lily. He can't. We can handle a little beating." James slipped his arm around her and tucked her to his side. "Just don't antagonize him, Lily. Yaxley's a bully. If he strikes a reaction, the power's only going to go to his head. So we'll play nice. _For now_."

…

 _Lay low._ James' words rang in her head as she watched the third Gryffindor 1st year skid across the makeshift stage and stopped just in front of her.

 _This was a new low._

After his half-hour lecture on defensive spells and its uses, Yaxley had begun pairing cocky Slytherin fifth and sixth years up against Gryffindor's first and second years. He was trying to bait for trouble and it was working.

Lily knew she needed to keep away from Yaxley's eye, every instinctive bone in her body screamed for her to do something as she watched Dirk Cresswell and Hestia Jones help the small and frightened first year to his feet. Her fingers clenched around fistfuls of her robe, wishing that James was with her. But he had insisted that they remained separated throughout the seminar, paranoid that she would catch Yaxley's attention too easily if she stood with a Marauder.

The first year began to groan as his fellow housemates helped him to his felt, his face distorted with boils. "Tut tut, you have to be much quicker than that, Mr. Beale. Escort him to Madam Pomfrey. Excellent work, Dolohov" He added to the Slytherin fifth year.

Lily's blood began to boil as she watched the first year hobble his way out of the Great Hall. Her body began to quake with fury, her hands trembled as she struggled to rein in her emotions. _Get a grip, Lily. This is not your fight. Not here. Not now._ Her conscience told her, reminding her of James' words and empowering his stern orders. _Don't antagonize him, Lily._

But when she lifted her eyes off the floor, Yaxley was staring right at her. She repressed the urge to recoil at the flicker of manic and smugness in his eyes. Instead, she matched his condescending look with a steady gaze. His next words should've unnerved her, the whole room had fallen to a pin-drop silence and his slimy voice echoed throughout the walls, taunting her. However, Lily could find nothing but resentment in her heart and strength from his cruelty. _She_ was the Head Girl of the school. The students were her concern. _If this fight is not mine, then whose is it?_

"Ms. Evans. Please step forward."

Lily did just that, not a quiver of nerves or hesitance in her movements. The fear was there, it was always there. But unlike before, it was but a dull throbbing in the back of her head, a prickling sensation that she held on to steadily.

"Severus, up front"

Immediately the crowd around them began to talk in murmurs, but because they all spoke at the same time, the room buzzed with chatter. Lily stepped onto the stage, she caught James' eyes in the sea of faces, wide and panicked. Feeling the need ease his fears, Lily dipped her chin ever so slightly to let him know it was all right.

"First, the bow." Yaxley said, and even though he was speaking from the sidelines, Lily felt he was much too close. An unwelcome presence in her mind. Lily looked into Severus' blank tunnel eyes, not quite expecting what to find in her former best friend. And then, to everyone's surprise, they both bowed low for each other. The first pair to bow respectfully to each other.

When she lifted her head, Severus raised an eyebrow ever so slightly at her and Lily realized she had not drawn her wand. It was then she realized how much she didn't want to duel. Her stomach churned at the thought of having to use magic for violence. To her, magic had always been a gift. One she should always cherish and never abuse. But the days of her naivety needed to stop—Sirius was right. _It was time to grow up, Evans._

She drew her wand and hastily held it up in front of her, ignoring the mocking chuckles from the Slytherin students. The tension was thick in the air but Lily tried not to think about it. "On the count of three." Yaxley stated and Lily turned her back to Severus as he did.

 _One_

Lily fought to keep her breathing even as she took the first step according to Yaxley's counts.

 _Two_

With the spell incantation held close to her, Lily repeated it like a mantra until she nearly forgot the take the second step. She stumbled and earned herself several insults from someone in the crowd.

 _Three_

Lily spun around rapidly, her body tingling with the spell's effects. She spotted the hesitance in Severus' movements before he spoke boldly, his incantation.

" _Stupefy!"_

Her wand came up instinctively to pull the bubble over her, snuffing the blue spell out before it could hit her. There was an empty pause after she had done that and Lily watched as the surprise in Severus' eyes dissipated and he fired another spell. "Reducto!" Lily swiped it again, the incantation for the shielding charm ringing clearly in her ears.

There was always a small pause after every spell, as if he expected her to fire a spell of her own but Lily would not fight back. This was supposed to be a self-defense seminar. She had no reason to hurt anyone, even if it was the boy who betrayed her. Lily was holding on to part of her naivety out of pure stubbornness. She _refused_ to fight back.

"Incarcerous!"

Lily took another step back, swiping her wand upwards to deflect the conjured ropes upwards, where it vanished shortly. Severus was bemused with her lack of offensive power and she knew it, but she was done playing by Yaxley's rules. The pauses in between spells were shortening and soon Severus was doing everything he could to penetrate her defense, his spells were fired non-verbally but they were relatively less powerful and Lily had no problems blocking them. But she was beginning to feel the traces of fatigue in her mind, Severus took a step forward with every spell and Lily stepped back. The murmurs were flowing in and Lily found herself mildly distracted by it, causing her shielding charm to be improperly drawn, the end of her sleeves ended up mildly singed.

Severus raised his wand for another spell but a booming voice halted every voice in the large room. " _Enough!_ " Yaxley said with forced composure. His eyes gazed almost accusingly at Lily, as if she was the very bane of his existence that stood before him. He stepped up to the stage and approached behind Severus, who was still looking pointedly at Lily, his wand semi-raised. With a swift wave of his hand, Severus stepped back and down the stage like a well-trained dog.

"I believe you misunderstand the meaning of a duel, Ms. Evans" Yaxley began in his silky voice. "It is not much of a fight if you don't— _well_ —fight back. So tell me, what is it you wish to do after you graduate?"

 _Where did that come from?_ It wasn't a question Lily had been expecting. No one ever asked her that question but like every overly-ambitious teenager, Lily had an end goal. Her perfect grades and subject choices were not merely for show.

"I intend to start training to become an Auror." Lily answered evenly, she saw no reason to hide it. Regardless, her stance widened with caution and her grip on her wand, tightened.

Yaxley's brow raised almost mockingly at her before his response came "Is that so?" But it had not been for the twitch in his hand, Lily might not have seen it coming. Her guard went up immediately as a cackling red spell came hurling at her. Lily couldn't block it completely and the explosion when the spell touched her shield nearly made her lose her grip on her wand. Yaxley was _much_ more powerful.

Her knuckles had been burned, the skin broken and red but Lily was not allowed the time to think of the pain as Yaxley sent a stream of fire sizzling toward her. This time, Lily couldn't focus enough to defend herself non-verbally. "Aguamenti!" a veil of water appeared before her and upon collision, it evaporated into a cloud of steam so thick, Lily couldn't see past it to see the next spell that had been sent at her.

The back of Lily's head prickled with the sense of danger but before she could act on it, a purple light hit her straight in the chest and she was sent hurtling backwards. The floor disappeared from beneath her only to jump back up at her, smacking against her with a loud thump. Her ears rang with the force of the spell and she was left disoriented. She moved her fingers to find her wand still in her throbbing hand, but as she scrambled to get on her feet, she was disarmed. Her last and only line of defense had been taken from her.

She had lost the duel.

Yaxley stepped out from the thinning mist with her wand in hand. Lily looked up at him from all fours, still dizzy from the spell. "Tut tut, this won't do. This will _not_ do at all, Ms. Evans." Yaxley cooed mockingly. "An auror, you say? How do you expect to do with your level of skill? Sloppy stuff for a Head Girl."

His words, no matter how much of a tosser he was, had gotten to her. Her insecurities surfaced with a vengeance and this time, Lily couldn't find it in her to fight back. She didn't dare look up, for fear for the disappointment she would see. Her hands clenched full of her robe despite the singing pain of the burns. Humiliation washed over her as she lowered her head. "It is important that you all know, this seminar was hosted with the intention of introducing the future generation to the real world." His voice was angled away from her now, so Lily could tell he wasn't addressing her anymore. "Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you are not disciplined, don't expect to be great. Your Head Girl is a prime example. _Lazy. Mediocre. Disobedient."_

Lily sat on stage with her head bowed as low as it would go, defeated and afraid. She heard the click of his shoes as he approached her. He stopped just as his shoes entered the very edge of her vision. "Although, I can't say I expected anything more from a _mudblood_."

Suddenly, Lily felt like she was being crushed by an invisible force. Gasping, her hands shot out to hold her up. "Spawns of muggles who _steal_ magic should not be allowed titles such as Witches or Wizards." Lily pushed against the overwhelming pressure threatening to crush her completely against the floor. She gasping and blinked back the tears as the shame threatened to swallow her whole. Her heart squeezing until her chest ached. Hope slipped from her fingers and she found herself calling out to the one person who gave her the most courage.

The first tear escaped her and Lily broke "James." she sobbed.

Miraculously, the pressure lifted and Lily looked up just in time to see Yaxley block a spell and then another. The speed of the spell rotations seemed too fast to be coming from one person, even Yaxley needed to dodge a few because he couldn't draw up shielding charms fast enough.

" _DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!"_ his voice was filled with so much rage, Lily almost didn't recognize it.

Lily turned her head just as James passed her, spell after spell firing from the tip of his wand. Then followed by Sirius on her other side, neither of them acknowledged her as he advanced on Yaxley with murder on their faces. The sheer power of their spells sent mini-shockwaves rippling through the air as Yaxley matched their power. This was nothing like her duel with Severus, this was a duel to the death.

"What's wrong, Yaxley? Can't keep up with a bunch of _lazy_ — _mediocre_ — _insubordinate_ students?" Sirius taunted between spells.

Rage flashed in Yaxley's eyes before he fired a disarming charm too strong for James to block, his mahogany wand was sent sailing through the air. But James didn't stop. He was but a blur of black as he slammed his body into Yaxley, resorting to using his fists. Lily cringed at the show of violence.

"Merlin's sake, James! I can't hex the guy if you're sitting on him, you git!" Sirius complained and then turned to flash Lily a wink. Lily straightened, but her eye widened as James came flying, slamming into Sirius as they both tumbled past Lily and towards the edge of the stage. The crowd _ooh-ed_ and cringed at the sight.

"Gerroff me, Sirius!" James snapped, Lily gasped as Yaxley scuffled to his feet, wiping the trickle of blood from under his nose. His silky white hair disheveled and unbridled fury glowing in his eyes. Her survival instincts kicked in and for the first time in a long while, Lily relented her control when she reached for Sirius' wand. Scrambling to her feet, she barely managed to find her balance before she pulled up the strongest shield she could manage.

"Protego Maxima!"

"Crucio!"

"Confringo!" a third voice came from behind them. Lily managed to spot the red spell hitting Yaxley square on the chest before she felt she shielding charm shatter and she was met with a moment of blinding pain. Everything spiraled out of control, the world bled red and her body screamed mercy. She was bleeding, she was definitely bleeding—she was dying. When she came to, James was hovering over her, his eye wide and frantic.

"Lily! Oh, thank god!" he gasped. Lily sat up and looked around. She had only been out for the few seconds, it seemed. Yaxley was scrambling to his feet and Remus was standing protectively in front of them with Sirius, his wand back in his hand. Lily heard footsteps behind them and turned to see Dorcas and Marlene taking stance alongside Sirius and Remus.

"You leave her alone!" Marlene snapped.

"Yeah, what's your _problem?_ " Dorcas shouted, her body tensed and defensive.

"Meddlesome children!" he snarled as he advanced, each of his steps more menacing, his wand raised over his head threateningly. " _Avada-"_

 _No!_

"You take one more step towards my students, Lowen—and I promise you will regret it." A new voice boomed throughout the Hall, one that Lily didn't expect to hear. This time Lily turned around with wide eyes to see Professor McGonagall climbing the steps of the stage. Her wand raised and poised to attack.

"McGonagall" Sirius said, surprised. She didn't bother correcting him as she moved past him to stand in front of the wall of Gryffindor's bravest.

"You _dare_ threaten the ministry's will, Minerva?" Yaxley

"They are _my_ students." McGonagall replied, her tone more severe than Lily had ever heard.

"Your _students_ are interfering with an ongoing ministry investigation. With everything going on, the last thing the Ministry of Magic needs is disobedience, step aside or I will arrest you."

The doors to the hall slammed open and Lily felt the fission of protection tingle through her body. Relief, hope and fatigue came rushing through her and she suddenly found it very difficult to remain upright.

"The ministry doesn't welcome The Dark Lord's sympathizers either, Yaxley!" an angry voice boomed throughout the room and a blue light, brighter than any spell Lily has ever seen shot past them and headed straight for Yaxley. The silver haired Auror drew a shield to protect himself, but the spell was too powerful, even for him. Yaxley's charm didn't stand a chance. The death eater was blown back several feet before skidding on his back to a stop right in front of a pale-faced Mulciber. Lily froze, trying to absorb what had just happened. Yaxley, who was untouchable with magic, who stood with full confidence even against a professor of Hogwarts, lay defeated by a single spell.

She had been so afraid for her life against Yaxley and yet someone managed to take him down. Someone more powerful, someone bigger than a Death Eater. As James helped her to her feet, Lily turned around, anxious to spot the person who fired the spell. It was then Alastor Moody came through the large doors with his wand in hand— _this was a true auror_. A defenders of the law, protectors. This was what Lily wanted to be. He was followed by-

"It's Dumbledore!" someone cried and Lily felt her an immense wave of relief sweeping through her body. If it wasn't for James' firm grip on her upper arms, Lily would've sagged to the ground. _They were safe again. Hogwarts was safe._

 _The world darkened before it began to tilt._

"Lily!"

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	32. Young and Foolish

**This chapter was mighty fun to write. All the pent up angst and drama was wearing me down. Enjoy!**

 **Do feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Young and Foolish**

As soon as Dumbledore stepped through the doors there was a flurry of action and everything seemed to be happening at the same time.

"Lowen Yaxley! You are under arrest under the suspicion of Death Eater activity as well as illegal acts of punishments against minors!" With a wave of his wand, Moody had Yaxley's wand in his hand and cuffs chaining Yaxley's hands. A few more aurors James didn't recognize lifted the disoriented man to his feet, dragging him to the door. They would be okay now. They going to be all right. Relief doused the flames of his rage and he felt the slight increase in weight in his arms before he lost his grip on Lily.

Lily toppled over, her body going limp so suddenly, James nearly couldn't catch her in time. "Lily!" James gasped as he sank to the floor with her pressed against him, she was unconscious and the dread began to eat him from the inside. What had Yaxley done to her? A curse of some sorts? The rise and fall of her chest was the only thing that tied his sanity to him. He couldn't breathe. The fear in his chest so thick and heavy, he could not even struggle for his next breath.

…

Lily blinked awake, feeling well rested and renewed. She stared up the tall ceiling of the hospital wing. It was already dark, what was she doing in the hospital wing. She picked at the last of her memories, trying to piece everything together before everything began to click together like a jigsaw puzzle. The relief had her sagging deeper into the pillow, she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. The overwhelming fear and disastrous outcome of their confrontation with Yaxley had yet to work itself out of her system.

This was war—just a taste of it. This was the real world. Lily wished James had been here when she woken. She knew it was wrong, but she had gotten used to seeing James after a traumatic event. She had grown reliant of his presence—she _needed_ him.

Taking a deep breath, Lily pushed herself up to a sitting position and ran a hand through her locks, testing her muscles to see if anything was sore. Instead, she was met with a heartwarming sight. He was there. In fact, they all were.

Peter's bed was directly across hers and Remus sat by his bed, asleep upright in a chair. Sirius had his face planted on her bed just next to her left leg. Only his head was touching her bed as he slept leaned forward on his chair. And lastly there was James, who looked to be in the most decently comfortable position. He slept on the side of his face, one of his arms thrown over her legs and the top of his head pressed up against her right knee.

The right thing to do would've been to wake them and get them into comfortable beds but she feared their absence. For now, just this once, Lily allowed herself the feeling of closeness with everyone as she tucked herself back into bed; smiling about the days ahead.

…

Lily shot to her feet and screamed at the top of her lungs. Heart throbbing so fast her body struggled to keep up. Her veins pumped so full of adrenalin, Lily felt like she was going to float off the face of the earth. This was it, this was their last game. What sounded like a thousand voices began to chant in a steady beat.

 _GRY-FFIN-DOR! GRY-FFIN-DOR! GRY-FFIN-DOR!_

Never before had Lily been so excited at a Quidditch match. Because the Quidditch finals had always been so close their final examinations, Lily had always been too busy with her studies to bother attending. But this time, she just couldn't afford to miss it. Slytherin currently led in points at 570 while Gryffindor sat at 390 points. If they could score at least 190 points in this game, they would win the Inter-House Quidditch Cup. They were up against Ravenclaw and normally they were not considered a big deal, but the real match was not with them, it was with Slytherin.

…

The score now was 150 to 50 in favor of Gryffindor. However the Ravenclaw seeker had spotted the snitch three times now while Hestia Jones was struggling by to keep up with her competitor and at the same time trying to dodge Scott Corner's bludgers.

James had his hand full with the Ravenclaw defense. Although their chasers were more or less a joke, their beaters were both extremely skilled. Although James had Shacklebolt and Sirius, he had told them to keep the bludgers off Hestia and that left him with Brevis Birch. His aim had come too close to more often than James would've liked to admit. He alone had managed to deny James more goals than the keeper. Up to this point, James was the only one capable of out-maneuvering the Ravenclaw bludgers and some of the time, even the Gryffindor Golden boy couldn't manage to get out of the way fast enough.

James kept his chasers on either side of him at all times, they moved in a triangle. The Ravenclaw chasers were not even aiming for the quaffle anymore, they're simply using their bodies as cannonballs and using all means to stop the Gryffindor Chasers from scoring.

 _Captain Potter has the quaffle! But can he hold on with Birch's bludger hurling at him! He spins through the air, trying to outmaneuver the bludger! The whole Ravenclaw team is after him, they climbing—Oh no! Chaser Price puts a stop to Potter's maneuvers and the Gryffindor Captain hang on to his broom for dear life— BUT WAIT! WHERE IS THE QUAFFLE?—IT WAS WITH EMMELINE VANCE THIS WHOLE TIME! IT'S TOO LATE FOR THE RAVENCLAWS NOW—SHE SHOOTS—GRYFFINDOR SCORES! Gryffindor sits on 160 while Ravenclaw remain on 50 points!_

Lily pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her horrified cry as she watched James hang on his broom by his hands, a cocky grin on his face as he watched his Chaser score. _He could fall_. And yet he was grinning as if there was no place he would rather be than dangling 300 feet from his death. Her heart calmed as she watched him pull up the broom and climb back on with ease. As he prepared to return to the middle of the field for the quaffle launch, his eyes found hers in the crowd and he winked at her.

 _Oh, the smug git._ But ever so undeniably attractive when submerged in his element.

Lily had plans for them, big plans. She clenched her thighs together at the thought. Sirius had given her the idea, she only hoped she wouldn't make a fool out of herself.

Suddenly everyone was jumping to their feet and Lily had to stand on the seats to see past the bobbing heads.

 _Hestia Jones has spotted the snitch! She's going after it! WHERE IS RAVENCLAW'S SEEKER—UNBELIEVABLE, HE'S BEEN CHASED TO OTHER SIDE OF THE PITCH BY BLACK AND SHACKLEBOLT! But that leaves Jones open for Captain Corner! Jones ducks her head to avoid the bludger, that was too close for comfort but she hasn't lost the snitch yet! She's reaching out! BUT WAIT! BIRCH HAS SHIFTED HIS FOCUS, JONES IS IN TROUBLE!—HOLY MOTHER OF MERLIN! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?_

There was a collective gasp from everyone in the stadium and it seemed like the very ground shook with the shock that the audience accumulated.

 _CAPTAIN JAMES POTTER THREW HIMSELF IN FRONT OF A BLUDGER TO PROTECT JONES! BUT DOES SHE HAVE THE SNITCH? DOES SHE—SHE'S CAUGHT IT! HESTIA JONES HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS THIS MATCH AND THE QUIDDITCH CUP! FOR THE SEVENTH TIME IN A ROW, GRYFFINDOR REIGNS CHAMPION!_

The stands began to shake beneath Lily's feet as the Gryffindor supporters roared with cheers, stamping their feet and shouting player names. The students sitting on the bottom stands jumped over the barriers, charging their way through the pitch to get to the players. Hestia Jones landed next to James who was dusting himself off with the largest cocky grin on his face. He looked up to the stands where Lily stood to give her a reassuring wave.

 _NEVER in my life have I seen a play like that. Bravo, Potter._

At the commentator's praise, James lifted his hand to give him a thumbs-up before he was tackled to the floor by Sirius and everyone proceeded to pile themselves onto them. Lily grinned from ear to ear, for the first time in Hogwarts, she felt the genuine joys of winning the Inter-House Quidditch Cup.

She felt a tugging on her robes to see Remus looking up at her "C'mon, Lily! Let's get down there!" he beckoned. Without missing a beat, Lily hopped down from the stands to follow him and Peter down the steps. They helped her over the barrier and she found James away from his team, looking around the stands with a perplexed expression.

As she approached, he finally turned to look at her and she could see it, a different side of James. Something darker and hotter, smoldering behind the hazel in his eyes. Curious. Nonetheless, Lily willingly threw herself into his arms, taking no mind in the fact that he was covered in sand, dirt and sweat. The ground disappeared from under her feet as he picked her up, determined to press their bodies together until they molded as one. "You have no idea how happy seeing you in the stands made me." His voice came out in a breathless whisper.

"You, James Potter, truly are an arrogant toerag." Lily teased, laughing.

"You may have mentioned that once or twice." His voice dropped an octave lower and suddenly Lily was buzzing in his arms. Her initial plan, no longer a niggling sensation in the back of her head. They needed to get out of public before Lily lost herself right there on the pitch.

"Lily?" he said, his voice still in the husky tone and Lily shuddered. "Please tell me that wasn't what I think it is?" James said, his voice a needy groan.

"We need to get to someplace private." Lily was short of rubbing herself on him but her entire front was pressed on to him and he could almost feel her _throbbing._

" _OY! Potter!_ " he heard Sirius call out to him, they were going to lift the cup but James couldn't think of anything other than celebrating with his girlfriend. Lily slipped down his front and the friction pushed him that much further to losing it. James turned to face his best friend, but what he found was merely a knowing look as their teammates lifted Hestia with the cup behind him. But for the first time, his heart wasn't thumping with excitement because of glory. Sirius took one look at Lily and a wide grin broke out on his best friend's face "Atta boy, James!"

James grasped Lily hand and turned to run out of the field, trusting his friends to take care of the rest. After everything that has happened to them, the traumatic events, the Death Eater professor, the public humiliation, it finally felt like a semblance of normalcy had been restored to their lives. The freedom to be young and foolish once again in their hands.

Giggling as James led them through the empty corridors by her hand, Lily knew the emptiness would be very temporary. Soon enough, the whole school will be buzzing with celebration and she would expect the Gryffindor common room to be filled to the walls with drunken bodies and throbbing loud music. It was James' last year in Hogwarts and he would be expected to attend. Which meant Lily needed to make the best of their time.

James was headed for their dorms but Lily had a better idea. A fantasy that she's had since the first time she watched the water roll off his bruised back. She dug her feet against the concrete and pulled James back, leading him down the corridor to the Grand Stairway. "This way!"

She was met with a slight tug of resistance before James ultimately followed without a word, his impatience rolled of him in warm torrents. Lily stifled a giggle. She was terribly giddy and the throbbing ache between her legs burned hotter with every step. Oh, they were going to break a few rules today and she couldn't bring herself to care. Was she high from the feeling of rebellion or just randy from her aching fantasies?

 _We're going to find out._

Lily threw open the doors to the prefect bathroom and all but shoved James in first before stepping in herself. The door clicked to a shut and Lily felt the tingle of magic as it did so. The locking charm was in place and James had the key. She leaned against the door for a moment as recognition bloomed in James' features. His eyes widened marginally before a primal thirst lit his hazel eyes. Lily's breaths came out in short pants before she launched for his face, unable to contain the shrieking need in her. Her lips found her target as if they were drawn to a magnet, she cupped his jaw with one hand and dug her nails into his back with the other as she tried to climb up his body.

James encouraged her wild performance with a growl. Their kiss was a clash of teeth and tongue as he pressed her closer to him, her feet were once again off the ground as he helped loop her legs around his waist. He pressed her up against the wooden door and ground his hips into hers. Lily broke away to moan and James took the opportunity to latch his lips to her neck. He nipped at her skin and her needy cries grew louder and louder with each grind. His erection strained against his quidditch gear but the pleasure was but a light buzz in his mind, he was in full control over his body, his aptly named 'Captain mode' had yet to work itself out of his system. He grinned against Lily's wet skin and gave her clit one last grind and Lily went rigid in his arms, moaning his name in his ear as her body convulsed in spasm of pleasure.

And they hadn't even taken off their clothes.

His pride let out a triumphant roar as Lily's body melted against his. How many times had he _dreamt_ of this moment in his younger years. The pubescent hormones that had him _Scourgify-ing_ his sheets in the middle of the night. To have Lily Evans at his mercy after a victorious game, to hear her moan his name over and over again as he buried himself balls-deep inside her. All while the adrenalin granted him the control he so needed around Lily.

But his fantasies were met with one disappointment after another and instead, he celebrated every victory with his mates and alcohol. But not this time. The only regret he had, was the fact that this was his last quidditch game so this would be the first and last time they did this. Every moment counted. They weren't going to leave this bloody room until neither of them could move.

The small warm hand creeping down to his trousers jerked him back to the present. "I don't think I can handle that look in your eyes, _captain."_ Lily rubbed her hand up and down his bulge and James sucked in sharply, but not at the fact she was rubbing his straining cock but the raw honesty in her voice accompanied by the rasp from her moans as she called him _'Captain'_

"You are going to be so sore after this." The deep rumble in his threat had Lily stifling a moan in the base of his neck. His hands traveled down the crack of her bottom and cupped her sex. She shifted further up on his body, enjoying the way he held her up so firmly. He moved her underwear aside to slide his fingers into her wet arousal. "Fucking hell, Lily. You're soaking. Were you thinking about this the entire game?"

She nodded against his neck and whimpered as she felt how easily James' fingers slipped in and out of her. "Since I saw you give your team a briefing. I-" Lily cried out as James pressed two fingers deep into her and rubbed his thumb on her clit.

"Continue" James urged, working his fingers at an even pace in and out of her as he slowly increased the pressure on her clit.

"Since I—I…" her voice trailed as James felt her insides pulse its impending release. "I _can't_!" Lily pleaded, her hips moving on its own, her movements were rubbing against his crotch but James enjoyed having her so flustered in his arms and decided he would tease her. Sinisterly, he eased the pressure from her clit and Lily's ragged breathing quietened before she realized what he was doing. "James!" she whined.

"You were saying?" he grinned.

"You must be joking! You want me to feed your ego at a time like this?" Lily nearly shrieked as her orgasm spiraled further and further away.

"Do I not deserve it?" he applied pressure around her clit, rubbing in circles but never quite rubbing the right ache. Lily groaned at his denial but he knew he had won.

"I thought about sex with you while you would look at me—the same way you would with your team." Lily confessed quickly and James pressed down on her clit at the moment she finished her sentence. Her body clenched and her legs tightened around his hips as her hips moved to ride his finger, hoping to prolong her orgasm. James hissed at the feeling of her wet warmth squeezing his fingers. He was painfully aware of his erection now, as well as the soreness of his hips from Lily's squeezing.

"It's still throbbing, James. Hurry…" Lily panted as she slid her legs from around him, landing unstably on her feet, leaning against the door for balance as James reached out to steady her. "I _need_ you, please." she gripped his forearms, the confidence oozing from his very pores did nothing to sooth the ache between her legs. With one swift move, James had unzipped her skirt, allowing it to pool at her feet with her robes. He ripped the tie from her neck and pulled her free of her sweater, leaving her red hair disheveled. Unable to resist a taste, he leaned in for a harsh kiss, pressing her head back against the door as his fingers unbuttoned her white shirt underneath.

He fumbled with the last button so he ripped it with a growl, nipping at her bottom lip when she grinned. James leaned back to take in her appearance while he reached for his trousers, desperate to relieve the pressure. But Lily had stepped forward to help him. "Let me," she said unevenly, and though James no longer had a full view of her, he could touch her creamy skin while she busied with ridding him of clothing. Curious, he occupied himself by toying with Lily's skin, experimenting where she was most sensitive and which part of her body drove her _out of her fucking mind._

He trailed his hands down the sides of her thigh and she inched up onto her toes while he stepped out of his trousers. He grinned triumphantly at the new discovery. "Hands up," she snapped bossily. He slid a step back to look at her questioningly only to find her face flaming red and the most delectable pout on her face. The head girl was sexually frustrated, even though he had already given her two orgasms.

 _His own insatiable little sex beast_. It pleased him immensely knowing that no one would ever know of this side of Lily. The very thought made him burn with possessiveness. "Now, James!" she whined in a very un-Lily like manner and his distraction evaporated. He chuckled and raised his hands so she could pull his whole set of tops off in one tug. He bent forward and walked back to make it easier for her, seeing as he was taller than her. As they fell into a pile, James realized he had forgotten to return his number vest. _21._

James adjusted his glasses just as Lily stepped forward to lick his chest. The quidditch captain nearly leapt out of his skin at the hot, wet muscle pressed against him. _Whoa, where did this come from?_

Her small hands circled his naked waist and she pressed her full lips onto his skin, he swore it seared her kiss marks to his skin. "Shouldn't this wait until we're in the tub?" James asked but he was already pulling her closer. Lily nipped at his skin.

"No!" she blurted out in horror "You smell like grass and there's something alluring about this dampness," Lily murmured breathlessly against his sensitive skin. The water was already running in the background. A slow grin threatened to cut his face in half, he could get used to this brutal honesty. It was great for his ego.

"Then we're going to get a hell lot dirtier than this." He growled and slammed his mouth fiercely down on hers. Slowly, James began to walk her back into the bathroom, stopping to lift her down the steps before carrying her the rest of the way until they stopped at a chaise lounge on the far left of the room. Lily moved to lie on the pale cream sofa but James held firm to her hips. They had tried the missionary position and one with Lily on top, while Lily remained open-minded, James was going to take full advantage of that. "Bend over," he murmured into her ear. Lily stilled and her eyes glanced up to his face. Her cheek coloured even further but she turned and obeyed nonetheless.

Leaning over, Lily used the arm of the chaise to hold herself up while she stuck her arse out for James to see. There was something very suggestive about this position that had Lily's insides quivering with anticipation. Perhaps it was the fact that she felt so exposed to James, or the coolness of the room touching her burning sex. _Probably both._

James groaned from behind her and Lily turned back to look at him. She had caught a glimpse of his rigid cock looking on the verge of blowing, curved from arousal and veiny. Lily swallowed and tested her courage by wiggling her bum in what she hoped was an enticing manner. James hissed and in one swift move, he was plunging into her in a choked cry.

"Bloody hell, this is really _hot_." He hissed through his teeth. Lily felt the usual fullness, her walls were pulsing with impatience.

"Move, James. Please!" Lily moaned and pressed back against him, inching even deeper and hitting Lily deeper than ever. She could feel his balls against her and her knees weakened. However, instead of moving, James leaned over to kiss her back.

"I'm really, _really_ deep, love." He gave his hips a little shift and Lily whimpered. "Feel that?" his warm breath brushed against her naked back. Yeah, she could feel him. She could feel him too well, he had to know that. _He was teasing her._ Lily thought helplessly.

"James, please!" she whined and clenched her insides until he was forced to suck in air through his teeth. His fingers dug into her hips and Lily felt the blood rush to her head. She was very erogenous in her hips.

"Behave!" he growled into her ear in a tone that she has never heard before. James had never been bossy in bed, he enjoyed letting her experiment on him and he was easy-going with how they had sex. It was very predictable seeing as it reflected his personality. But to hear him _command_ her, was uninhabited territory and one Lily fully intended to study thoroughly. What if she disobeyed?

Boldly, Lily clenched her walls and a sudden stinging sensation shot up her butt and she tensed. A hiss sounded from behind her and the hands clenched tighter around her hips. The swirl of foreign sensations had Lily moaning out loud and panting like a dog. It finally bloomed on her what James had done. "Did you just spank me?" she gasped, appalled but at the same time humiliatingly aroused.

"Fuuuuuck, I really shouldn't have done that." James panted, she could feel his forehead against her back. "You're even tighter now." He rasped. At this point, Lily wasn't sure if she was tighter or he was thickening inside her, ready to blow a load. Instead, she was preoccupied with the curious sensation tingling on her arse and the fact that she enjoyed the smack.

However, her confusion was short lived when she felt James begin to move in and out of her without warning. Her body automatically pulsed with his thrusts, sucking him in greedily as his movements began to grow more and more impatient.

James looked down at the glorious arse in his hands, the slick gleam of sweat highlighting every man's dream. There was something erotic about watching her take him in, her arse pressing up against his pelvis every time he went deep. Soon, he was pounding into her with such vigor, Lily jolted forward with each jerk of his hips. Her moans distracted him from his control and his impending orgasm gripped him by the balls. "Lily?" he gritted out, his movements jerky.

"Yes. Yes, I'm close—I'm there!" Lily cried, her hips moving back to meet him thrust for thrust. Digging his fingers into her hips, James pulled her back, burying himself as deep as he would go before Lily felt the pulse of his cock inside her, the searing heat of his seed sent her over the edge. Leaning her forehead against the arm of the chaise, a great moan was forced from her lips as spasms tore through her body, leaving her raw and vulnerable. Everything stripped away for him to see.

But there was something wrong with that orgasm despite how powerful it was. Something was amiss. As Lily opened her eyes, she realized what was wrong. She couldn't see his face. She didn't get to watch him unravel. Lily decided she didn't fancy this position too much. Whimpering as she felt James slide out of her, Lily's legs trembled for a moment before her knees buckled. A firm arm instantly wrapped itself around her waist and held her. "I've got you." James murmured breathlessly as he helped her to her feet.

Immediately, Lily turned and latched herself onto his lips, sagging fully against his body as James struggled to hold them both up. Instead, he settled for leaning them both up against the wall, his cock already twitching awake. "Make love to me again, this time from the front." Lily whispered harshly against his lips. Their bodies were slick with sweat and their muscles were sore, but they were both too pumped with endorphins and adrenalin to have any inhibitions. Hell, James bet if Lily stuck a finger in his ass, he wouldn't give a damn. The sweat made it easier for them to move whilst pressed up against each other, plus the sensation of their hypersensitive skin rubbing against each other was riling them both up.

Lily wriggled a hand between their bodies to grip his already-hardening member. James smothered his moan in her lips, jerking his hips reflexively into her hand, seeking pressure. Lily's legs around him tightened as she directed his tip to her slick entrance. He was still a little soft but as he pressed in slightly, the feel of the sticky mess he left had his member hardening. Lust coiled in the pits of his stomach so strongly, James could taste it in his mouth— could taste _her_ in his mouth. Her apple and cream smell mingled with his sweat and sex. _Fucking hell, that was sexy._

Pushing the rest of the way in, he moaned as he felt Lily instantly tighten around him. "That's better." She sighed dreamily, brushing his damp locks from his eyes to meet his scorching gaze. Much to James' dismay, she lifted his glasses off his face and her face instantly shifted out of focus.

He frowned at the sudden surge of vulnerability. "I can't see." He complained, trying not to sound whiny.

Lily chuckled and leaned in to press his forehead against his. "Then I just have to come closer." Her brilliant green eyes were even more beautiful up close.

"Love the view." He grinned, enjoying how the slightest tilt of his head would seal their lips. He could definitely get used to this. Gradually, he began to set an even pace for his thrusts. With how closely they were wrapped around each other, the extra friction on their skin made them that much more intimate and sounds— _oh god, the sounds._

With Lily moaning incoherent words into his ear as he tried to fuck her into the wall did _magical_ things to his body. Going balls-deep did not compare to this level of intimacy.

"C'mon James, give it to me." Lily cried, her jaw slacked and her eyes squeezed shut.

"Not yet." James growled. His self-control clicking into place. It wasn't like he wasn't stimulated enough for an ejaculation, but he sought something more powerful—he wanted to _explode._

"James, I can't!" Lily whined, her fingernails digging into his back as she tried to fight back her orgasm.

"Not yet, Lily!" James snapped, authority oozing from his very being. It did nothing to help with Lily's control. Looking for something to distract herself, Lily licked the shell of his ear and she could've sworn he swelled inside her.

Deciding to be cheeky, Lily increased the volumes of her moans, purposely leaning her cheek into his so he would feel her hot breaths on his ear. Then, when she could take no more, Lily whimpered desperately, begging "Oh please, _please_ Captain. Let me cum." _Bloody hell, where did that come from?_

Groaning loudly, James spilled every last drop of semen into Lily's pulsating warm. Her name decorating his cries and she made known to the world how much she loved him.

…

The water rippled as Lily stuck her large toe out on the surface of the water, content filled her and the warm bath unknotted her tired muscles. True bliss settled over her like a veil as she sat between James' legs with her back pressed against his chest and his fingers absently stroked her stomach. "We didn't use a condom." James said, his fingers moved to toy with the ends of her hair. Lily listened closely to his voice, searching for fear or panic but found none. His actions didn't seem the least bit put off.

She turned around to face him, straddling his legs to lean in close enough for him to see her face. "And if I told you I am pregnant?" she asked him cautiously, searching his eyes. Her heart melted when the biggest grin tugged on his lips and he kissed her deeply, there was no tongue involved but she could feel _everything_ , like a cord of their thoughts had been connected and their feelings met in the middle in a dance of passion.

Tears prickled in her eyes, overwhelmed by the myriad of feelings she was experiencing. A sob left her lips and James understood immediately. He held her even closer, pressing his forehead against hers as the tears began to fall from her shimmering emerald eyes. "I love you so much, it hurts." He said in a gasp, eyes squeezed shut as he listened to Lily's sobs. It felt like everything has been building up to this point, from the first day he saw her to the day he realized it wasn't just a crush and now, their love seemed too seamless to be true. Too perfect to be real. It wasn't just love anymore, it was very yearning of their souls— it was _fate_.

"Nothing will change the way I feel about you, Lily. If you are pregnant then I will love you and our child. If you are not, then I will still love you this fiercely." His voice was but a hoarse whisper and it made their moment that much more intimate, as if they were the only two people in the world.

Lily smiled and sniffled before a laugh escaped her. "It's just me for now. I used a contraceptive potion." She explained.

"I'm not going back to wearing a condom." James jested and Lily giggled, leaning in for another kiss before a loud and loopy moan drifted into the room. Lily darted off James' lap and sank her body into the bubbles, not that I helped.

"Ooooooh, what's this? Hanky-panky in the prefect's bathroom? Isn't that a little hypocritical for the _head boy and girl?_ " The girl in grey drifted above the tub, trying to sneak a peak down the bubbles covering James' modesty.

James rolled his eyes but made no move to cover himself while Lily was stealing his bubbles to hide her own body. "What do you want, Myrtle?" he said, callously. He's received too much shit from Peeves to be afraid of Hogwarts specters. Myrtle was harmless, if not a little cheeky. She fell easily for his charms and had been immensely helpful in their fifth year prank against Peeves.

"Nothing, nothing! Now that you're getting along with the girl of your dreams. Who cares about little ol' Myrtle?" Her ended with a high pitched cry as she circled above them still shrieking like an obnoxious siren. _So much for being the only two people in the world._

…

Lily had never found drinking attractive. She hated the smell of alcohol and loud noises unnerved her. And yet, as she stood amongst the crowd, watching Sirius and James chug beer from a tube and funnel, she grew excited. Lily watched his Adam's apple bob with each large gulp and resisted the urge to lick the dribble off his chin. Eventually, she found herself cheering along with the crowd, it wasn't only the Gryffindors here tonight, Lily recognized a few Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and the typical lack of Slytherins. It's the first time she has ever been involved in one of the Gryffindor parties, she had always huddled in her dorm waiting for Professor McGonagall to come break it up. When her roommates came stumbling through the doors, she would pretend to sleep to avoid being prodded about why she didn't like parties.

Truth was, ever since James Potter humiliated her in fourth year, she had grown a distaste for the parties. Always making a beeline for her dorm every time the Marauders decided to throw a party, where the enchantments on the stairs would keep her safe, where no arrogant boys with windswept hair could go near her.

The last time she had seen James at a party, she had been appalled and disgusted as everything spiraled out of control. However, now in the place of the lanky boy who tried to make her kiss him in front of everyone, was a man who knew exactly what he was doing. He thrived in the spotlight and grew stronger with the attention. The Marauders weren't just the hosts of these notorious parties, but they were also the entertainment—or at least, Sirius and James were.

Peter was still in the Hospital wing, Sirius had tried to smuggle him out but Peter had declined, looking put off, so Sirius hadn't pushed it.

"He's done!" the boy pouring beer into James' tube shouted and a victorious cry resounded throughout the room mixed with groans. Lily suspected they had been betting on the winner. James dropped the tube and grinned drunkenly at the crowd before turning to Sirius and slapping him upside the head.

"Lightweight!" he laughed and his best mate and sprayed him with the rest of his beer. As James bent to dodge the spray, Sirius' eyes landed on Lily standing in the front of the crowd and his silvery-blue eyes lit up with a thought. Lily stood as still as possible, the smile wiped from her features. Maybe if she stood really still, Sirius would be drunk enough to mistake her for a statue.

"Here's an idea." he said loud enough for the crowd to hear. When he called out to her "Lily, flower!" Lily knew she had lucked out. Sirius nudged James aside to approach her but before he could touch her, he slammed face first into the floor. Lily squeaked and stepped back. Connected to Sirius' ankle was James' hand.

"Over my dead body, dickhead," James growled.

"Oh c'mon James! Let her live a little!" Sirius complained. "If we can get the infamous Lily Evans drunk, this is going to be the party of the _century._ We'll go down in _history_!" Sirius tried to claw his way to Lily's feet, kicking at James.

"Leave her alone, Sirius! I'm not joking." James snapped, dragging Sirius back. The boy made a dramatic show of protesting.

"Wait, wait! Why don't we ask her?"

"Fuck off, Sirius." James shoved his best friend's head to the floor.

Sirius decided to turn the tables by throwing his shoulder against James and knocking him off balance. The crowd began to chant for a fight while Lily watched in slight horror and amusement as Sirius and James wrestled on the floor, shoving at each other's faces and kicking wildly.

"You're not her damn father, Prongs! Cock off!" Sirius gritted as James shoved his face away at an odd angle.

"Leave her alone!" James repeated with a hiss of pain, Sirius was pressing down on his bruised rib from the match.

"Okay!" Lily blurted out, silencing their squabble. "What do you want me to do?" she asked, genuinely curious.

And instantly the room fell silent, the fight forgotten and suddenly Lily was the center of attention, much to her embarrassment. Sirius used James' shock to smash his forehead to the ground and step over him. "Fuck!" James swore, scrambling to his feet as well.

"We're going to teach Lily Evans how to drink like a champ!" Sirius announced excitedly

The room exploded into a roar-like cheer, people stamped their feet and whistled. Lily's cheeks coloured. _Was it that big of a deal?_

"Get her a seat!" Sirius said to the crowd, immediately one of the armchairs was shoved to the middle of the room. Sirius urged her to sit on it while James hovered near her like a mother bird. Excitement and dread settled on Lily but knowing James was near, despite him being a little tipsy, soothed her worries.

Sirius had disappeared in the crowd, people tried to look over his shoulder to see what he had pulled from the drink stash. "I heard she likes firewhiskey." Sirius gave her a wink and tossed the bottle at James.

"This isn't that Ogden rubbish, is it?" James commented skeptically.

"Blishen's. The real stuff."

"Fuck, she's not going to be able to handle that." James said.

Lily stepped on his feet to get his attention. " _She_ is right here." She said, crossly. "Give me the bottle." She held out her hand.

"Nope, no way." James held the bottle out of her reach.

"For merlin's sake, if you're not going to teach her, then I will" Sirius threatened but didn't step forward.

"Fine!" James snapped at Sirius then turned to Lily with a playful gleam in his eyes. "You want to learn how to drink, love? I'll show you how to fucking drink." He nudged her legs open to rest in knee between hers then he looked to the crowd "Someone get me a lemon wedge" he snapped impatiently. As he waited, he unscrewed the bottle of whiskey and held it under Lily's nose.

Lily winced and wrinkled her nose in distaste. It seemed to singe her sense of smell but it wasn't like the first time, this brand was much stronger than the one Sirius offered her "Smell that?" James asked and Lily could only nod. _How was she supposed to drink that if she could barely tolerate the smell?_ "Don't worry, we'll take small shots." He grinned in the cocky way that gave away his tipsiness.

As Lily reached for the bottle, a small question popped up in her mind. _We?_ But before her confusion could fully settle, James pulled the bottle away and tipped it back. Lily stared, even more confused now. _Wasn't she the one that was supposed to be drinking?_ Before she start comprehending the situation, James pressed his lips to her in a searing kiss—literally, when the firewhiskey began to run into her mouth. Lily's brows knitted at the burn but this brought a new meaning to a _hot kiss_. Her throat worked to finish the whiskey as James pulled away, Lily wasn't able to focus on him as she struggled to swallow back the last of the whiskey. _Oh, it burned._ And once again, James had pressed his lips into her, this time his lip swept across her lips to demand entrance, bearing the strong taste of lemon. Immediately, Lily latched herself onto him, throwing her arms around his neck to make sure he didn't pull away, desperate for something to wash away the awful burn. And the fact that her body felt too warm, was not helping her desperation.

Their lips worked back and forth in a slow but strong dance, Lily suckled on his tongue for every last drop of flavor. The crowd was screaming, shouting, cheering and wolf-whistling around them but the moment was their own. When they finally broke apart, Lily kept her arms around his neck, grinning dopily at him as she asked for another round.

 _Fuck, yes._

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	33. The Future's Sake

**I was planning to upload this yesterday but fate was not having it when my electricity was cut. But here it is now! Enjoy and leave me a review!**

* * *

 **The Future's Sake**

"What we are offering is a tentative spot with the Tutshill Tornados, you both will begin a special training period between 4 to 5 years and if you're lucky, you will play as reserves in selected games to help you gain experience." Freddy Plumpton, the balding middle-aged quidditch scout that smelled faintly of kidney pudding pushed forward a gleaming silver contract toward them.

The chair next to his let out an urgent groan as the legs scrapped against the floorboards when Brevis Birch shot to his feet. "Merlin's right foot, is this the _real_ contract?"

"Yep, the very same. Now, I want you both to think carefully about this, but not too carefully." He chuckled nervously. "We've seen how you two played. Impressive stuff, with a little training, you'll be out playing with the other lads in no time." Freddy leaned his weight onto Dumbledore's desk and James almost winced as it creaked in protest. While he should be acting more like Birch, with his greedy eyes running through the contract, the quill already dripping ink on the silver parchment, James couldn't find anything within him. There was no overwhelming joy, no head-pounding excitement as he stared at the layers of agreements and promises etched onto the parchment with magic ink.

For as long as he could remember, this was the moment he had been waiting for— _wasn't it?_ Sure, Tutshill Tornados were no Appleby Arrows but this was his ticket into the professional scene. His chance to show the world his prowess. This was all he had ever wanted as a boy.

 _…_ _So why wasn't he happy?_

James lifted his heavy gaze from the words that seemed to dance tauntingly at him and met with the gentle blue twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes. Dumbledore's expression was sagely—and almost… _knowing._ But what _did_ he know? James himself couldn't understand his own confusion, so what was it that the old looney knew now? The confused head boy glanced over at the Ravenclaw beater to find him already signing his name extravagantly on the line. Averting his gaze, James tried to do the same. His hand already halfway to the quill before his muscles stalled and his mind fell blank. James drew his hand back and stared at it as if it had offended him.

"Perhaps… a little more time?" the calm waters of Dumbledore's voice washed over him and James glanced up to see that everyone was looking at him. Instinctively, James reached up to ruffle his hair, uncharacteristically shamed and uncomfortable under the attention.

"I'm sorry, I just-" He paused and thought hard for words to depict his internal fight to make the _right_ decision. "I'm _honored_ that you've given me this decision, _thrilled,_ really." James repressed a wince at the lie. "Truly… I just need a little time. Yeah." He finished lamely, looking between Dumbledore and Plumpton.

The two men exchanged quiet looks before the scout nodded. "Of course, take as much time as you need, but not too much, eh? You're a very good player, Potter."

James nodded his head "Thank you, sir. I appreciate that." He stood to leave the office but he was stopped by Plumpton's voice.

"Take the contract with ya." With an easy grace, James swept up the contract and rolled it up. "You've got potential, Potter. And I mean _real_ potential."

James swallowed and nodded. "Thanks." He mumbled before he all but zipped out the office.

- _Three weeks prior-_

The day after Yaxley's arrest, several of the other aurors who had been situated as guards on Hogwarts ground had also met the same fate, and a few had fled. The very next day, Lily found herself standing amongst her peers in Dumbledore's office at too- _bloody-_ early-o'clock, according to Sirius. With the six of them in the room, Dumbledore's massive office didn't seem as big as usual. Amongst her and the Marauders, excluding Peter as he was still resting in the Hospital wing, was Dorcas and Marlene. While her curiosity begged her to ponder on the implications, Lily was much too tired to obey. She stifled a yawn into a fist before a light snore sounded from behind her. Sirius had nodded off whilst standing up. Remus nudged him and he toppled over, squawking out a cry that effectively startled everyone awake.

It was as Sirius was picking himself off the dusty floors of the office did Dumbledore decide to swoop in, looking fresh and awake in his light blue robes and matching pointed tipped hat. "Very sorry to keep you all waiting, was just getting myself a little snack." He held up a little chocolate biscuit as if that was supposed to explain everything. The room was silent, however Lily could've sworn she heard Sirius call their Headmaster a _looney old coot._

Appalled, Lily watched closely to see if Dumbledore had heard the Marauder but other than the knowing twinkle in his pale blue eyes that looked much too young on him, he gave no other indication. He stepped around his desk to stand behind it, his biscuit disappearing into his mouth as he did so. "Now." He said whilst chewing off the last bit of his snack. "What are we here for?"

Sirius made an exaggerated show of displeasure whilst the rest of them tried their very best not to look annoyed. Dumbledore was brilliant, no doubt. However, he didn't seem entirely sane at times. Perhaps his age was finally catching up with him.

His phoenix let out a screech and Dumbledore held up a finger, realization blooming across his features. "Oh yes, yes. I would like to commend you. Each and every one of you for your valiant show of loyalty towards your peers and you will each be rewarded 20 house points. Keep up the good work, you are dismissed."

"That's it?" Sirius snapped loudly, who obviously had no qualms about being vocal with his bad mood.

Dumbledore tilted his head from side to side, pretending to ponder with the question—or not—one couldn't tell with Dumbledore. "Yes, I'm quite sure that is all."

Sirius grumbled under his breath and turned to leave, but as everyone prepared to file out of the room, Dumbledore's voice once again halted them. "Oh yes, I just remembered. Lily, James, I wish to speak to you privately."

Sirius and Remus casted them a suspicious glance but didn't say anything. This was not by far the first time Lily and James had stood side by side in Dumbledore's office but with everything that was going on with the world, especially with recent events, Lily couldn't help but feel that what their headmaster had to say to them this time would change things. Her head swam with so many questions: Where had he been? Surely not on holiday? But who could tell with everything that Dumbledore does?

"I'm sure you have questions for me that need answering."

Lily opened her mouth to speak but slammed he jaw shut as soon as Dumbleore raised his hand, gently requesting to finish. "However, I'm afraid it is not the right time." Lily frowned, immensely confused, she glanced at James to find him equally confused. He did not trust them? After the loyalty they had shown him? Did they not deserve to know what was going on with their world as much as the adults? "But, I will say that your loyalty will not be for naught. You both have done beautifully and it is time to focus on your studies."

"Professor." Lily protested bravely and Dumbledore smiled, as if he had expected her to do so. "Yaxley's crimes, his association with the Ministry and his… cruelty. Will you not ask us what he's done? Surely, you know by now he is a _Death Eater?_ He will have to be trialed, there are witnesses, testimonies to put him in Azkaban." the desperation in her voice was evident but accurate enough. Lily wrung her hands together in an attempt to calm herself. She hated to believe that Dumbledore would choose to be ignorant of the abuse Peter had suffered and the tragedy that was Gilderoy Lockhart. She'd seen him in the hospital wing whilst she had been resting there. There was a certain vacancy in the boy's eyes, the only comfort Lily had been given was the fact that there was no longer any trace of pain in his being. There was only a blank existence. The torture had ended, but at the cost of a fragment of him he may never salvage. "What he's done is _unforgivable_." Lily breathed, her body quaking with fury she didn't realize she had.

Lily found herself hoping that they would leave Yaxley out to the dementors. Her own hatred shamed her to the point Lily found it difficult to look the Headmaster in the eye. This was not her. She was _kind_ and _forgiving…_ she was _nice._ She had always believed that no one deserved to die, but one thought of the shell of Gilderoy Lockhart and the sound of Peter's whimpering and she was ready to forsake all her beliefs. Sirius' words came ricocheting back to her and Lily's quivering stopped. _She had been naïve._

…

He was staring. He knew he was staring and his mother often told him that it was rude to stare. But he could not look away when Lily began unravelling before his eyes. Her expression was perplexed and her eyes, although downcast, looked distant. His fingers twitched towards her, he wanted to do something to comfort her and pull her out of her own head but the Headmaster's presence inhibited his actions and made him wonder if it was appropriate for him to so.

James snuck a glance at Dumbledore, who looked at Lily with a soft expression in place. Unhurriedly, the head of Hogwarts met his gaze and cheekily nodded in Lily's direction. Confused, James frowned at their headmaster and the old coot had the audacity to roll his eyes at him, his blue eyes shooting to look at Lily before rolling back to meet his. _Was the old bugger encouraging him? Honestly?_

Deciding that this was an opportunity too generous to pass up, James reached over to thread his fingers with Lily's. He'd opted for a more subtle approach, he wasn't quite sure how comfortable he'd feel displaying affection with Lily in an audience with their Headmaster.

Lily squeezed his fingers and seemed to draw strength from the notion, for she had ceased quivering but had not looked up.

"My dear girl." The kind voice of Dumbledore began, snatching up both their attentions. "Even in the darkest times, you continue to strive to do what's right." His eyes bright with pride. "Rest assure, the ministry had their eye on Lowen Yaxley for a several months now, but they were not sure how many of the aurors he'd defected towards the Death Eaters. The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement approached me with a plan and I had consented to assist in the gathering of evidence against Lowen Yaxley and draw out those who supported Voldemort within the Department."

James stood rooted to the floor, conflicted over whether to feel angry or impressed. He wanted to protest that what Dumbledore had done was wrong, but knowing their Headmaster, he would've anticipated the outcome. He was too brilliant to take unnecessary risks. So why had he betrayed the students?

"You left us to fend for ourselves against merciless _Death Eaters._ The decisions you have made is not without a price." Lily, as always spoke her mind.

"And it is a regret I would forever endure. I have no excuse. It would seem the Dark Lord is advancing upon much more dangerous ground than we had expected. It was never meant to go this far. Alastor had not been able to see it coming. Yaxley has had helpers. Ones that would easily slip under the ministry's watch. A student."

"It was Mulciber." James accused blatantly and bit his tongue to prevent himself from listing down the rest of the Slytherin house, against his conscience. "I know it was him, there is proof. Sirius, he-"

"I am afraid, that is not enough evidence to pin the heir of the Mulciber Household with crime, James. You of all people should understand."

His fingers tightened involuntarily at the thought. He knew. Of course he knew. One word from Daddy Mulciber and their son would be taken off trial, unpunished. He was ashamed of his blood status at times such as these. He could not bring himself to look at Lily, just the feel of her hand had his stomach coiling. What horrors she had to endure just because of a pure-blood supremacist felt he was doing the world a bloody favor.

"And you are absolutely right, Lily Evans. Someone will have to speak during the trial against Yaxley in the Wizengamot." Dumbledore's voice was unnaturally gentle, but his next sentence was spoken with the firmness of a true leader, not the cheeky old Headmaster they had grown up with. "But it will _not_ be my students… You all have shown me great loyalty and that is more than enough. I will not make you remember the details if it is within my power."

At the end of his sentence, they were both looking at him. His stance was casual with his hands clasped loosen in front of him but the lack of the usual mischief in his eyes suddenly made Dumbledore seem much older. When James blinked, the hardness in his eyes had vanished, instead there was only clear kindness reflected in his blue orbs "You have done enough, _both_ of you. There are no words to express how _proud_ I am of you."

James found himself at a loss for words and judging by the stiffness in Lily's hand, Lily had been caught in the same state. However, they needn't have said anything because Dumbledore turned the conversation around with one simple question.

"So how have classes been for you, Lily?" he began with no warning.

At the mention of classes, all formalities had been raised in Lily's mind and she immediately slipped out of James' hold. He allowed her to slip back into her comfort zone and into her head girl mode, knowing hand-holding was as far as her humility would allow in the presence of a professional adult.

"I'm managing, so to speak." Lily answered. _Bollocks_ , Lily was sitting at the top of almost all her classes, alongside Remus and Snivellus. "It's been difficult to concentrate… recently."

"Oh we can't have that, now can we? No, no. I've heard your ambition was to become an auror, yes?" Dumbledore inquired and Lily's cheeks flushed as if she was ashamed and James wondered what was on her mind at that moment.

"Yes, professor." She answered quietly.

"A very noble ambition, indeed. Very dangerous too, in the dark times we live in. Are you quite sure it is what you want for your future?" it was as if they had forgotten James was even there in the first place. It was to his advantage too, because James wasn't comfortable to provide any input on Lily's foolish dream to become an auror.

It wasn't because he didn't believe she was capable of achieving it. No, that wasn't the case at all—it was because he _knew_ she could. Hell, she could apply for any job in the world and she would be brilliant at it. _That's why she was foolish._

There were tens of thousands of jobs Lily could choose from with her level of results and she _had_ to choose the one that would put her life in danger—one that had illogically heightened risks for someone of her blood status. He's seen how she dueled against Snape, there was no thirst for battle, no drive for survival and not once had she casted an offensive spell. Lily was many things; she was merciful, loving, determined, kind, quick-witted and he loved her for all of it—but she was not a fighter. Aurors were the people standing in the front lines of Voldemort's siege, the first line of defense against a growing Death Eater army.

No matter how hard he wanted to believe in Lily, there was just no way he could rest easy, knowing that she could be walking into a fight from which she might not return. Lily was his future and for the first time since they had found each other, he felt resentment against her; for choosing a path that would endanger their future together, for willingly putting herself in the line of fire despite knowing how much she meant to him. _They were getting married, for Merlin's sake!_

Ironically, while she was thought to be selfless with her decision, James beg to differ. She was being selfish in their relationship. Didn't he get a say in this? She'd never mentioned it, was their future not of importance to her? His emotions must've been all over his face because Dumbledore's eyes were on him while Lily was answering a question James hadn't heard.

"The risks are conceivably higher, yes. But no one decides to become an Auror because of its risks. This war concerns us muggle-borns as well, this world is just as much ours as it is anyone's and I just… the very thought of cowering in fear while others fight for our rights— I can't agree with it."

Dumbledore smiled knowingly but his eyes were trained on James, a message seemed to pass between them and suddenly James felt guilty, yet he stood by his desire for Lily's safety. There had to be a way to dissuade her, another occupation that made her feel just as useful but didn't put her under the same risk.

Words were exchanged between Lily and Dumbledore but James hadn't been paying attention, before he knew it, Lily was leaving and he was expected to follow. "I'd hate for you to miss breakfast. It _is_ the most important meal of the day, you know." And he sent them off with a wink. James followed dumbly behind Lily with the most peculiar feeling of being played.

 _-Present Day-_

At this point, James was a hundred percent sure that Dumbledore had meant for him to hear that conversation. The doubts he had about his tentative contract with the Tornados had been deliberately planted there. Even if Dumbledore hadn't played him, James was already having doubts about his future of choice. Hearing Lily's reasons for wanting to become an auror had merely acted as a catalyst.

And then there was the million dollar question: _What happens if he doesn't sign with the Tornados?_ He would be daft to believe that another chance like this would present itself again. For as long as he could remember, Quidditch has been a constant in James' life. Everything he's worked for had led him to this moment, the next step had been laid out for him and it seemed like he would be stabbing himself in the back if he didn't take that step forward.

He loved Quidditch with a passion, he would always love the adrenalin of dodging bludgers, out-maneuvering his opponents and making risky plays. James wanted nothing more than to live and train under that exhilaration, but somehow, it no longer seemed like the right thing to do while Lily was already planning to hang her life on a very risky line.

His shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, he stood alone in the corridor with his mind whirling at a hundred miles an hour and the rolled up contract still clutched in his hand. He felt like he was being torn down the middle between doing the right thing and doing what he loved. The hairs on the back of his neck began to stand as the stress crept up on him like an ominous shadow. He staggered to the side and leaned up against the wall.

"Feeling under the weather, boy?" the portrait of a young Basil Fronsac inquired from beside him.

"Just a little stressed." James assured and the former headmaster nodded in understanding.

"Ah, the decisions in one's youth, I understand. I could offer you my advice, if you'd like?"

James shook his head. "Maybe some other time." He said as the first chime of three of the Clock Tower's bell began to resonate throughout the grounds, signifying the end of the afternoon's classes. The discussion for his recruitment had used up his entire free period of Defense Against the Dark Arts since they had not found a replacement teacher for the subject. For a moment, James had to look around to see where he was, feeling a little lost and detached from his surroundings as he watched the students fill the halls in messy clatters and the air swelled with excitable chatter.

As he pushed off the wall, a flicker of red in the corner of his vision was all the warning he was given before a force on his chest sent him staggering back. "Oh!" The familiar scent of the person had him instinctively reaching out to steady them. Before he even looked down, James was already bubbling with anticipation, knowing what he was going to see.

The most brilliant pair of green eyes lifted to meet his and his breath still hitched at the familiar sight. "James!" Lily gasped in delight, mirth shimmering in her eyes. "Fancy bumping into you, I was just looking for you. What did Dumbledore want?"

James had already opened his mouth to speak before Lily halted his words. "Oh! Before that, Sirius wanted me to give you the-" she stiffened in his arms, looking very much like she had been caught doing something wrong. She would make a terrible burglar, James thought as he made no effort to cover up his fond amusement. "The map" she whispered under her breath, bringing her face intimately close to his. He wasn't laughing now. His grip on her hips tightened and the rest of the world faded into the background in contrast to her overwhelming presence.

Lily fumbled with her uniform before lifting out a familiar piece of parchment. She made sure to keep it hidden in her robes, but James was quite certain her suspicious behavior already gave away the exchange. Not that it mattered, the Marauder's map would simply look like a ratty piece of parchment to anyone who didn't know what it was or how it worked. But Lily didn't have to know that.

The map was held up for him to take but James was too entranced by their proximity and too reluctant to release her and take it. When he didn't move, Lily blinked in confusion, her eyes searched his and then they were left staring at each other, pupils diluted and hearts throbbing.

That is, until someone had so rudely interrupted them.

"Get a room!" a boy's voice shouted and a crowd roared with laughter as a few others joined in with their teasing comments "Indecency in the hallways!" "Cover your eyes, children!" "Professor, over here!" there were a few gagging noises as well.

Lily jolted back to life and pressed the map into his chest, frantically struggling away. James relented only because he wanted to hex the prick who spoiled their moment. His hand was already twitching towards his pocket before Lily hastily relayed her original objective. "Sirius said to go find him. I'll see you later, okay?" Lily said, stepping out of his personal space and that stole his attention from a very lucky bastard.

"You're not coming with?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound whiny.

Lily shook her head and smiled "I'm going to revise with Remus in the library."

"I'll join you later." James blurted immediately, guiltily jealous of his mate. Unlike him, Remus knew exactly where he was going after Hogwarts and coincidentally, his goal overlapped with Lily's.

"All right" Lily nodded, although she didn't look convinced. James rarely enjoyed studying in the library, he preferred to revise in the privates of his dorm and she knew it. The only reason why James ever stepped foot in the library was either to borrow reference books or because Lily was there.

James smirked expectantly at her and Lily's cheeks flushed with color. She glanced about the hallway, emerald irises darted from corner to corner. The corridors had more or less emptied out as students exited their classes to loiter in places with more privacy, but there were still a few who were lingered.

Lily took a shy step forward, the colour of her cheeks rivalling her hair. The anticipation was so thick it the air, James could taste it on his tongue—before she stepped away in a great whoosh. "I shouldn't keep Remus waiting."

She couldn't do it after all. It amazed James how Lily could revert back to docility with the progression of their relationship, both privately and publicly. The whole of Gryffindor and a few others had watched them snog with enough passion to fuel a lifetime. Their little stunt with the alcohol had more than leaked an unexpected nature of their relationship to the whole school. While James had relished in the thought that _everyone_ had seen or heard of it, Lily crawled right back her shell the day after, intent on pretending they hadn't made a voyeur out of everyone.

Since Lily was so reluctant to kiss him in public, James didn't hesitant as he reached out to grip her arm, holding her steady as he pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. Before he even pulled his lips away, he could already feel the smile from her cheeks against his lips.

"I'll see you later."

…

After a quick check of the map, James spotted Sirius pacing the floors of the common room. But not just any common room. His _shared_ common room of the Head Dormitories.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got in here." James said as he stepped into the privacy of the cozy room. Sirius' leg dangled on the back of the sofa, his messy head of waves popped up to greet him.

"Freddy-Fucking-Plumpton! Please tell me it's what I think it is!" Sirius was off and over the back of the sofa in one swift move. "Reckon he's no Mac Anderson or Linda Wilde." he shrugged carelessly but the excited twinkle in his eyes did not falter. "This is huge, mate. Really, _really_ huge. Do you know what this means?"

James raised a brow but was unable to keep the guilty look from his eyes.

"I never have to pay to watch a Quidditch game again!" Sirius laughed heartily before zeroing in on James' expression. "There's something wrong with your face, Prongs." his words sounded impatient but there was nothing but amusement on his face.

"I haven't signed with them."

Sirius' expression was unreadable "Oh." And an awkward mood settled over them like a veil of dust. It was a very rare occurrence that the _both_ of them would be rendered speechless in each other's company. While Sirius was waiting on him to explain, James couldn't give him an answer. Not even he understood his motives behind his reluctance. "This is about Lily." It wasn't even a question.

Sighing, James' shoulders slumped as he fought for words he did not have. "I need a fucking drink." His hand reached up into his hair, fingernails grazing his scalp and fingers tangling in his hand. James had the sudden urge to rip out all his hair. Why did growing up have to be so difficult?

Smirking as if he had anticipated this, Sirius reached into his robes to pull out a silver flask James had missed seeing and tossed it at him. "Time to straighten out your head." There was a hint of cheeky excitement in Sirius' voice. This was how they solved things, this was their norm and Sirius was always ready to help. Moments of intoxication at times had proven to instill just the right amount of clarity. Inhibitions and errant thoughts would be removed, everything blurred and the answer would remain.

The smell of alcohol invaded him and James stared down at the rim of the flask, thoughts of Lily swirling in the chaos that was his mind. He reckoned she wouldn't be too pleased with him, but he couldn't go to her with all his problems, they both knew _she_ didn't. Besides, he already knew what she would say if he voiced his opinions on her becoming an auror, this was a decision that would be his future and one he needed to make himself. With that one last thought, James downed a large mouthful of what tasted like rotting wood and deer arse. "Nasty, what the fuck is in here?" James said, the wave of alcohol ran through him like a truck and the head boy took another sip, relishing the dulling of his thoughts.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	34. Drunken Honesty

**The end is nearing! James and Lily are deciding their futures. I'm thinking about another sequel for this one. Seems like it'd be fun to write their newlywed dilemmas. Anyway, enjoy this one and remember to leave a review!**

* * *

 **Drunken Honesty**

 _Eight years ago…_

 _"_ _An Auror. I want to be an Auror when I grow up" Lily said, proudly, to a wide eyed Severus._

 _She had only just learned the meaning behind the word a few days ago when Severus had explained to her about magic folk occupations. She hadn't really understood some of them, like gamekeeper or potions master but what she did understand was that the equivalent of the police in the magical world was an Auror._

 _"_ _Why?" Severus had asked her, his lips pulled down and his eyes set in a critical scowl, as if he couldn't quite understand._

 _"_ _Because they stop bad people from hurting other people." Lily explained._

 _"_ _It's awfully dangerous." Severus reasoned unsurely._

 _"_ _I want to help people." Lily explained, undeterred by her friend's disapproval._

 _"_ _You could help people as a Healer. Also, you have to be terribly clever to become an Auror. It's too hard for you, Lily."_

 _It was the first time Lily had felt slighted in Severus' presence. When they'd met, she had been thrilled that there were people like her out there. While her sister hadn't stopped telling her how much she wasn't wanted, Severus' very presence had made her feel like she belonged somewhere, anywhere. And to hear him doubt her before she'd been given a chance to prove herself— had hurt. Her new friend was just so much more knowledgeable and he'd shown her what he could do with magic. Lily could make flowers bloom, but he could flourish a whole field in a dance of leaves._

 _She feared she may never keep up with him and more often than naught, she found herself thinking about her first day in Hogwarts with a mixture of dread and excitement. Would the other children be like Severus? Would she be the only one with non-magical parents? What if suddenly, for some mysterious reason, someone decided that she couldn't use magic anymore? That she shouldn't be allowed to, because she wasn't like the other children._

 _"_ _Lily?" Severus' concerned voice snapped her out of her own thoughts and she looked up to meet his dark eyes, curious. He looked down and she followed her gaze to see that the flower she had been toying with had wilted. Its petals that were once white and proud was now a shriveled gray, one of it dangled lifelessly between her fingers, threatening to fall. "It's dead."_

 _This was the work of magic. Lily thought. And she began to understand the weight of responsibility that fell on her shoulders. Slowly, she began to shake the dark thoughts from her mind, bit by bit. She watched with apt fascination as the flower began to pick itself back up, the wrinkles unfolded and the colour returned, it was like watching a balloon inflate. This was magic as well. She thought. Magic breathed life into the flower and just as easily, it could take it away. Severus had explained to her that there was such a thing as dark magic and she didn't understand how magic could be dark, until she had held the wilted flower in her hands. Her fingers felt heavy with the weight of the flower, suddenly it wasn't just a flower—it was death and life. The dark and the light. The end and the beginning._

 _Magic was her gift. It was given to her and yet to no one else in her family. It wasn't supposed to be possible and yet she could already feel it tingling in her fingers. It was as much a part of her as her own limbs, an extension of her—an identity. Somehow, Lily knew that she was meant for something more. Magic was everything to her and yet there were others who took it for granted, who wielded it by force. She hated them. The faceless, shapeless villains who tarnished the very essence of magic. She felt sorry for them._

 _Magic was a gift. And if those who thought otherwise would bring her harm— then so be it._

 _-Present time-_

Lily stood rooted to the ground as she watched the scene before her unfold. Unraveling chaotically and yet it was not unfamiliar. Remus stiffened beside her as soon as the portrait hole had swung open, because a draft alcohol saturated air had wafted by, drenching their noses in pungent waves. It was half an hour to curfew and Remus had kindly insisted on walking her back to the head dorm, they had lost track of time in the library and prolonged by their wait for James' arrival as well as their new found curiosity for Patronus Charms. Lily hadn't held her breath for James' appearance, but she couldn't say she wasn't a tad bit wounded by his complete lack of presence.

However, as she stared down at James and Sirius sprawled out messily on the floor in front of the fireplace, she couldn't help feeling slighted at the thought of being stood up for the sake of getting rat-arsed. But one good look at James and Sirius and they could tell they were long past being drunk, they had completely wasted away.

"Don't be too hard on him, Lily." Remus' voice startled Lily out of her thoughts, she turned to him, eying him questionably for an elaboration. "He only ever does this when he's stressed." He explained, looking down at the two boys.

"And Sirius?"

Remus shrugged "Sirius wouldn't pass up an opportunity to get drunk but he keeps James rooted, I suppose. Make sure he doesn't actually kill himself with alcohol."

"When did it start?"

Apprehension flickered in his eyes and Lily was suddenly alert. Remus seemed uncomfortable with the subject but Lily was patient. "The first time happened in fifth year."

"What happened?"

"After your row with Snape." Remus said, almost too quietly.

Lily's brows knitted as she concentrated her thoughts, not because she couldn't remember what had happened, it was a memory that would forever be etched into her. She was trying to figure out what part of the incident had strained him. His guilty conscience over humiliating Severus? Being publically rejected by her? Her lashing out at him?

Remus seemed to have picked up on her train of thoughts and answered for her. "He'd seen you crying and felt helpless, it's not something he felt often, I'm sure you can tell. He'd gotten so drunk in the dorm that night, we thought he'd died. And since then, Sirius never let him drink alone again."

Yet another debt she owed Sirius. Lily couldn't find her words. For so long she had taken his feelings for granted and now she wished she hadn't been so callous with him. "I didn't—he always seemed so laidback. I didn't know he-"

Remus smiled and walked over to the tangled mess of his friends. "He was determined to look seamless for you." He shrugged and Lily felt her stomach roiling with guilt. "He's Gryffindor's Golden Boy but he's not perfect."

"I never expected him to be." Lily whispered.

Without another word, Remus swiftly conjured a stretcher so he could transport Sirius back. Lily hurried over to help move Sirius, her legs felt numb under her as she worked mechanically. Once all Sirius' limbs were safely within the stretcher, Remus lifted it with a wave of his wand and had it follow him. Usually, Lily would be at awe with how Remus managed to merge his charms with so little effort, however, Lily could only feel a prickling need to make things right with James.

At the exit, Remus turned to her "Don't be too hard on him." he repeated and before Lily could conjure a reply, he was out the room and the portrait hole swung to a close.

"I won't." Lily whispered to no one. She didn't move from the exit until she heard a mellow mewling coming from behind her. She turned to find Andros perched on James' back, her slick black tail swishing back and forth as if sitting on him was the most normal thing to do.

James laid on his front, one of his arms shot out and the other crushed underneath him. His hair was more disheveled than usual, his glasses were crooked against his face as he laid on the side of it. His thick dark hair falling messily over his eyes and cheeks. As Lily knelt next to his mangled form, she realized she probably should've requested for help from Remus before he left, there was no way she had the strength to lift him up the steps and to his bed, but she couldn't leave him there. After contemplating her options for a moment, she decided to try and shake him away.

"Wake up, James." She shook his arm hopelessly, he didn't even stir. Lily persisted for a few more moments before slumping back on her haunches, trying to think of another solution. It was then, James groaned and smacked his lips loudly. Lily nearly leapt out of her skin at the sudden sound amidst the quiet cackling of the flames of the fireplace.

"Oh good, you're awake. You have to get to bed-"

"Loo." James said, his voice muffled into the carpet and his eyes remained firmly shut.

"What?"

He groaned again and his arm moved as if trying to push himself up, but with no such luck. "Got to pee." He grumbled boyishly and Lily had to stifle a laugh with her gasp. The severity of the situation had sunken and she was up, shoving at James' shoulder immediately.

"Oh no, you are _not_ wetting yourself here. I refuse to clean that up! Up! Get up, James!"

…

After gracelessly stumbling up the steps to his dorm and standing outside his bathroom while James emptied his bladder, Lily thought that the night could've turned out more differently. She would be unbuttoning his trousers for a different reason, not because his drunken hand-eye coordination would've led him to wet himself because he'd failed to unzip himself.

Lily left his boxers on and wrestled him out of everything else because they reeked of alcohol. After she rearranged his limbs so that he was comfortable, or at least he looked it, she pulled the covers up to his chin and tucked him in. Leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead, Lily tugged off his glasses but found her hand ensnared in a vice grip.

"Stay." He croaked out, his eyes were shut and his brows knitted as if he were in pain.

"You're drunk, James. You need to sleep." She told him softly, it was no excuse for her to leave but she couldn't seem to face him now, not with all the guilt she shouldered. She needed to be alone to think. He inched back on the bed, ruining her efforts of arranging him, tugging her down with him insistently.

"Sleep with me." He whispered breathlessly, his eyes fluttering open to gaze pleadingly at her.

Giving in, Lily stripped down to her underwear but James wouldn't release her long enough for her to grab a set of nightwear, even though it was just sitting in the bottom of his dresser. She crawled under the covers that James tried to hold open for her, his arm snaked around her waist almost too naturally. He was warm from all the alcohol in his system but Lily refrained from snuggling into him and he seemed content with how they were.

She stared at him, his eyes closed and his eyelashes fanning his cheeks, the faintest smile on his lips. He didn't look drunk, just tired. Which brought Lily back to the question: _What had Dumbledore said to him that made him so anxious?_

Unconsciously, Lily reached up to run her fingers down his cheekbones. He breathed in, eyelids flickering open, trapping her in his hazel gaze. "You're terribly pretty." He scowled as if he was trying to recognize her. "What are you doing here, Evans?" His hand on her waist snaked over to her back where his curious fingers found her red locks, he toyed absently with it as he continued to stare at her with drugged fascination. "This is a dream, isn't it?" he murmured, eyelids blinking as if they weight a ton. Lily didn't know what to say, he was obviously still very drunk. He would eventually grow tired and fall asleep, but he continued to murmur senselessly. "Of course it's a dream, Lily Evans is here. In my bed." He snorted a laugh caught between dark sarcasm and self-doubt. "She hates me, you know?" he smiled at her and Lily couldn't help but smile back, a small laughter bubbling up her own throat which she smothered into her fist.

"But I love her." His words a breathless whisper, his eyes shone with astonishing clarity. "I really do." He uttered the words as if it wounded him. His eyes searched her, his hazel eyes seemed to glisten in the low light. Was he crying? _Oh, James._ Before she could say anything, he closed shut his eyes tightly, a scowl knitted his brows as he drew her body to him. He pressed his forehead against hers, eyes still squeezed shut as he uttered: "I don't want to wake up." He whispered to no one and Lily felt her own tears prickling at her eyes. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, so many words that couldn't sufficiently express the depth of her feelings. The storm of words choked her so she was left to stare into his eyes when he revealed his misty hazels. She reached for his hand on her waist and pulled it up to her lips, kissing his smooth knuckles before placing his hand over her heart.

His clouded eyes suddenly shone through with the briefest moment of clarity and Lily could almost see herself in his eyes. "Don't become an auror, Lily. You could get hurt and what would I do then? I've only just got you." His voice was soft but the desperation was too clear. And with that, James Potter fell into an abrupt slumber, dreaming of eyes a shade of green like no other.

…

Consciousness invaded his senses before James could gather the strength to open his eyes. First there was the familiar ringing in his ears, his stomach instinctively filled with dread as his body automatically anticipated for the next symptom. The nail and hammer in his brain began to pound relentlessly in his head and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. His body felt like it had been thrown around like a quaffle, his innards felt like they had been rearranged because his stomach was suddenly in his ribcage and his intestines were in his throat. _Why the fuck do I do this to myself?_

Small, cold fingers trailed down the side of his face and his eyes shot open, alarmed yet not unpleasantly so. His discomfort seemed to dissipate as soon as his sight clapped with Lily's eyes. _Why is it always the fucking eyes?_ _It was borderline fetish._ "Are you all right?" she asked, her voice but a soft whisper in the construction site that was his brain but he no longer noticed, as usual, everything faded away when he was with her.

"Peachy." He croaked out on a pained smile. His tongue felt like it had shriveled up and his intestines were choking him.

"You look awful." Lily commented fondly as she brushed a stray lock of dark hair from his face.

"And you look beautiful." He retaliated without missing a beat.

"Flattery isn't going to get you out of this." Lily narrowed her eyes threateningly but her lips were twisted into a quirky smile.

"I didn't think it would." He winced as the sound of his own voice prompted the pounding to the front of his head.

Lily sat up immediately but James couldn't seem to open his eyes to see what she was doing. After a moment of listening to her ruffle around in the dark, she shook his shoulder to get his attention. "Sit up, you need to drink something." Her whispers were soothing to his ears and the pressure in his head lifted just enough for him to find the strength to wrestle his limbs into a sitting position.

Something cold touched his dried lips and James opened his mouth as she poured a few sips of water into his mouth. He reached up to close his hand over hers, tilting a more generous amount into his mouth when she was being too careful not to spill. Seeing how he was capable of holding the glass himself, Lily tried to pull her hand away but James squeezed it reassuringly, one eye peeked open to gauge her mood.

He didn't know what to expect from her, this was the first time since they had started their relationship that she had caught him being so irresponsible. _Should he start groveling now or later?_ First he needed to know if he had talked while he was drunk. When he got blitzed with Sirius, he knew they shared everything on their mind, it was like opening Pandora's Box, liberating yet necessary. But they never spoke of it after.

If he had said something to Lily, he knew she wouldn't let it slide. Problem was; he didn't remember what he said to her, if anything. The night before was much a jumble of snippets, a cluster of pictures that didn't make any chronological sense.

"Lily, about yesterday-"

"Breakfast starts in two hours, should I leave you to take a shower?" she interrupted him.

James paused, watching her cautiously, not sure how to interpret her swift change of direction. Was she trying to avoid him because she was cross with him for getting smashed or was she avoiding the topic because he had said something to offend her in his drunken stupor? Nonetheless, James mustered the courage to test the waters—and James Potter was nothing if not brave.

"I'm afraid you would have to get in with me or I might drown." He shot her his winning smile, despite how the motion made his body quake with ache.

"You can't drown in a shower." Lily scoffed.

"Well my head is a bloody murder, I can't feel my stomach and I'm not sure if I remember how to use my legs. If it is logically impossible for me to drown in a shower, I'm certain I will find a way, love." James chuckled sardonically but tensed when his head protested. "Nope, not laughing now. Ow."

"All right, I'll go in with you. But I'm not getting under the water. I'll shower in my own room."

"You're avoiding me." James concluded.

"I'm not!" Lily raised her voice and he winced, shoulders jumping to his ears at a particularly sharp clanging in his ears. "I'm sorry." She apologized immediately. "I just don't think it's appropriate. It's a little too…friendly, don't you think?"

James tilted his head to look at her as if she had just told him that werewolves made great pets. "We've had sex. Intimate, mind-blowing sex—I _spanked_ you and you liked it." Lily's cheeks colored at the reminder, looking away with wide eyes. "No, don't look away. There's something bothering you and you won't tell me. Shall I list more of our sexual endeavors? Or are they not intimate enough for you? Hell, Lily. We've taken a _bath_ together _,_ and I don't particularly remember it being _friendly_." he challenged, hoping she would just relent, but Lily stubbornly glued her gaze at her hands on her lap. "Fine." He seized her hand, forcing his fingers to wrap around her wrist to make sure she couldn't escape.

"Wha-"

"I ate you out on our second time together. You gave me a hand job and watched me I spill the insides of my balls all over your hands. We had sex in Filch's broom closet before Transfiguration because you wouldn't stop touching me in Charms. My parents came home early and we nearly got caught because you wouldn't stop moaning my name. You like having your nipples licked, but mostly the left nipple for some bizarre reason, I'm not judging you by the way. I think it's cute. You think it's sexy when I seize dominance in bed. In fact-"

Lily's eyes flew to his, her hands shoot out to press against his mouth. "For your information, it was _you_ who wouldn't stop touching me in Charms." She gritted out harshly. "And I am _not_ avoiding you."

"Then why won't you take a shower with me?" James retaliated, his voice muffled by Lily's hand.

"Why do you so terribly wish to get me under the showers with you?"

"Why don't you?" James countered smoothly, moving her hand away from his mouth with little effort. "We'd save time and you already have a fresh set of uniform here. You've nothing to lose—unless, you really are avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you." Lily snapped.

"Then tell me what's bothering you. You know what happens when we keep things from each other. You're going to crawl back into your shell and you try to break up with me. I thought we were over this." He argued, squeezing her wrists when she tried to look away. Lily struggled for a moment before averting her eyes momentarily, James had only just opened his eyes.

"You don't want me to become an Auror." Lily blurted out.

James paused for a moment, his mouth opened and closed soundlessly as if he struggled to understand her words. Which wasn't completely untrue because his headache was muddling his thought process and suddenly he was squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back in an exhausted groan.

"Are you avoiding the question?" Lily asked, her voice laced with equal amounts of concern and suspicion.

"I'm not." He said, repeating her words back to her and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Lily sat still, so still that James couldn't even hear her breathing with his sensitized hearing. For a dreaded moment, he feared he might have fallen asleep and Lily had left him. His eyes shot open to find her looking curiously at him with her beguiling green eyes. Sighing, James snaked his hand over the sheets to find hers clasped together on her lap, he threaded his fingers between hers and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. "I have nothing against you being an auror." He said, tiredly.

"You're lying." Lily called on him immediately.

"You believe me when I'm drunk but you don't when I'm sober?" James cocked an eyebrow at her.

Lily shrugged, "They say alcohol lowers inhibitions."

James sighed in exasperation. "Lily, I don't know what to tell you. An auror? I think it's very noble of you—I just…" he trailed off, his thumb traced circles on the back of her hand before releasing her with another sigh "It's not about you, all right?"

"You're not all right with me risking my life."

"No." James shook his head. "I'm really not." He admitted with a quiet defeat.

"Then I won't" she said with finality.

Hazel eyes revealed themselves immediately and he searched her face. "I can't let you do that."

"Then tell me. What do you want me to do?"

"It's _not_ about you. I've got a load on my mind now and a massive hangover, Lily. Just drop it." He repeated, looking worn out.

"You can't demand _everything_ from me and not expect me to do the same. We've known each other since we were eleven but I've realized yesterday that we barely know a thing about each other. We were barely even friends before we've become a couple and then we were swept off our feet with all the _drama_ constantly trying to wedge itself between us. Snape, Mulciber, Yaxley—it's been hard enough for us to stay together as it is. Now that everything is moving forward, we just don't know how to do that together."

"We're engaged." James threw in quickly, his eyes closed and brows knitted. Although, there was a slight twitch in the corner of his lips.

"W-What?"

"We're engaged, we're not a couple. We're practically newlyweds." He attempted casualness but he was peeking quite obviously for her reaction.

Lily looked at a loss for words before opting for the stern approach "We are _not_ newlyweds."

"You _agreed_ to marry me." James narrowed his eyes at her.

"We are in the middle of our _N.E._. Our futures are what's at stake. We have all the time in the world to get married." James opened his mouth to intercept and Lily held up a finger "And—I'm not wearing a ring." She wriggled her fingers for emphasize.

The sparkle in his eyes prompted Lily to take everything back. "Don't tempt me, love."

Lily directed a menacing finger to his face "Do _not_ even think about it. We're not allowed jewelry, it is against dress code." Lily sniffed snobbishly.

"We could make them invisible." He grinned charmingly and Lily felt herself unravel just a little.

"Then how will I find it after I take it off?" She couldn't help asking.

"Don't take it off then." He lifted her left hand delicately to his lips and kissed her ring finger.

Lily's lips twisted into a frown and she felt somewhat tempted by the idea. She tried to picture how their wedding would look, but quickly shook the romantic notion out of her head. They were much too young to be engaged in the first place, she hadn't even told her parents yet, and N.E. were just around the corner. Now was not the time to be wearing rings and planning their wedding. "No, you're trying to distract me and change the subject. You don't get to be sweet for that."

"I was scouted as a recruit Chaser for the Tutshill Tornados." James said, his eyes held her widened gaze as he toyed with her fingers.

"That's a Quidditch team, right?"

James looked insulted. "Oh, you are hopeless." He grumbled. "Yes, it's a professional quidditch team. One of the oldest."

A bright smile lit her face. "That's brilliant, James!" He winced at the volume. "Sorry." She whispered immediately. "I assume that was what you were doing in Dumbledore's office yesterday."

He nodded solemnly, holding his hand out for her other hand Lily forfeited it absently. "Yup, Brevis Birch was offered a spot as well. He signed immediately."

"Hold on, that's _good_ news. Why ever did you drink yourself into a stupor? Sure, it's not Appleby Arrows-" She shrugged but James cut in front of her.

"I'm not signing."

Lily seemed to have choked on her words and she openly stared at him as if he had grown a second head and then confusion took over. "Well, why ever not?" her tone a mixture of fear and confusion.

"Because my future's become crystal clear now that we've spoken." His hazel gaze unwavering as he spoke. Lily was sure she would be weak in the knees if she hadn't been sitting down.

"Hold on, we haven't _talked_ about anything. I haven't given you _any_ input, you've only just _told_ me your decision." Lily protested, looking genuinely nervous. She tugged on her hands, filled with the instinctive need to do something with them but found them caged in James' calloused fingers.

"Would you like to give your input?" his said, smiling too brightly for someone who was throwing their future away. Lily swallowed uncomfortably, knowing that he's already made up his mind, regardless of what she would say.

"James, you've wanted this _forever_. You said so yourself. Heavens, you barely made it out _alive_ when Yaxley put that ban on quidditch. I don't _know_ what to say to you. Is it—is it _really_ what you want?" Her brows furrowed, she looked genuinely troubled. Lily squeezed his hands and a look of realization passed her features and she met his eyes with critically severity. "This doesn't have anything to do with me being an auror, does it?"

He hadn't answered right away but the look on his face was all the answer she needed to see. "Were you always this conceited?" he teased.

"It's your future, James." Lily was so crushed with guilt, she could almost physically feel it.

" _You're_ my future."

Lily blushed a bright red colour and shyly made eye contact. "What will you do?"

"I want to be just like you, Lily Evans."

"You want to be an insecure, prudish, freckled-faced, potions-loving, muggleborn redhead?" she teased.

James tugged on her hands hard enough to send her sprawling on top of him with a surprised squeal and with a swift flex of his body, he had her pinned underneath him with the sheets tangled around their legs. "Oh, the _cheek—"_ His hands dug hard into her sides and Lily squirmed to get away before she erupted into fits of involuntary laughter.

"Mercy! Mercy! Oh god, James!" she gripped feebly at his hands but couldn't find the strength to fight him off. His motions came to an abrupt halt and he leaned down run his nose down her quivering stomach. She had forgotten that she was in nothing but her undergarments, suddenly the room was stifling hot.

"I love that you remember my favourite quidditch team. Will you wear their shirt and have sex with me?" his voice rumbled through her, seeming to circulate in her nether regions. He had the faintest stubble and it did wonders to her hypersensitive skin. Lily swallowed thickly, somehow managing to gather her wit.

"Would you like me to transfigure my face into Hamish McFarlan's too?" she teased with a feinted look of exasperation.

James kissed her navel and gazed up at her beneath his black lashes. "Is that too much to ask?" he said, grinning like a lovesick fool.

His hangover forgotten, James kissed his way up from her navel to her neck and then up to her ear. By then, Lily had her arms around him, her nails dug into his naked back, her words sighed incoherently from her lips. He grinned, now would be a good time to tell her: "We're getting married straight after graduation."

Like a drench of icy cold water, Lily gasped and shoved at him as he laughed. "James!"

…

"What've you got there, Sirius?" Peter asked from his bed, curiously.

Sirius twirled the paper airplane in the air with his wand, it flew around the room above their heads as he laid in his bed. Remus followed it with his eyes as he brushed his teeth. "It's James's. I nicked it from him while we were drinking." Sirius said, a smug look on his face.

"What is it?" Remus questioned with his mouth full of foam.

"The binding contract for his Quidditch career with the Tutshill Tornados." Remus choked on his toothbrush and Peter dropped his bag of snacks as the paper plane caught on fire and exploded into cinders before raining over the room as if it were confetti.

Peter and Remus stood deathly still, their jaws slacked and muscles rigid. It wasn't until Remus' toothpaste began to drip to the floor did anyone speak. "What the _bloody hell_ did you _do,_ Sirius?" Remus yelled over a mouthful of toothpaste whilst Peter grasped at his hair, his eyes attempting to spot every cinder that fell from the ceiling.

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god-"

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Leave a review!**


	35. Legacy

***cues dramatic music* And here we have the end of the adventure of Lily and James' teen years! Do read the author's note at the end and see what I'm planning to do next.**

* * *

 **Legacy**

The large pendulum at the front of the hall swung hypnotically from a magically suspended platform, its movements tantalizing. It was taunting her, questioning her with her painfully evident spare time. Lily had finished too quickly, _much_ too quickly. She had to have checked her answers at least five times by now. A few seats in front of her, James sat slouched against the back of his chair, he seemed to have just finished but he made no move to check his paper. Lily watched with morbid fascination as his robes creased at the shoulders when he lifted his arm to ruffle his fingers through his hair.

As if he could sense her gaze, his back stiffened ever so slightly before he turned his head just enough for Lily to catch a perfect side view of his features. His hazel iris twinkled in the corner of his eye as he caught her curious gaze—and then the cheeky bastard _grinned_ at her. In the most horrid of circumstances, he'd managed to look completely carefree. The anxious knot in Lily's stomach untangled and the weight in her chest lifted. The corners of Lily's mouth had just begun to twitch when Professor Slughorn poked James in the side of his head with a rolled up scroll.

"Eyes up front, Potter." The professor said with disinterest.

Lily stifled her smile into her fist as she ducked her head and flipped idly at her test, pretending to be checking her answers while her eyes wandered back towards James. Through her lashes, she watched him settle into his seat as if he were planning to live in it. His back pressed into the back of the chair and then his arms came over his shoulders, fingers intertwined at the back of his head while he squirmed to get comfy.

Watching his calm indifference in James and feeling the sheer cockiness rolling off of him in waves had the most soothing effect on Lily. Suddenly, her worries seemed pointless and silly. She couldn't wait for the damn pendulum to stop swinging.

…

As soon as the students were allowed out of seats, Lily had found herself being seized by the wrist before she could push her chair in. "Run." James hissed urgently and Lily had panicked for a moment before she caught a glimpse of his cheeks strained with a grin and laughing eyes.

"James!" Lily gasped in confusion, trying to keep up with his pace.

A dark figure shot past them and Lily was barely managing to keep on her feet at the pace they were moving. She caught a glimpse of Sirius' dark waves swishing wildly as he sprinted for the door. His laughter echoes across the walls of the hall, prompting questioning looks from their curious peers. "Hurry, Lily!" James urged and Lily quickened her steps.

They had only just taken their first step past the grand doors before a sound that resembled a bomb went off behind them. Lily gasped and halted her steps. Her abrupt stop effectively jerked her hand out of James' hold as she turned to look behind her. The giant swinging pendulum at the front of the hall had morphed into the largest dung bomb Lily had ever seen. It swung as it would a regular pendulum. Their teachers had stopped the arrangement of their exam papers to stare at the god awful sight.

Professor Slughorn's face had twisted up in disgust. "What in Merlin's-"

Just when Lily thought it could not get any worse, smaller dung bombs began to peel from the large one, shooting off in random directions before bursting into fiery explosions of a stench so foul, Lily had _felt_ it on her face. The clouds of stinky doom engulfed the vast majority of their peers, prompting loud curses and shrieks.

Lily was seized by her forearms and tugged urgently away from the door. "Trust me, you don't want to be here for the second part." James said urgently into her ear, his face red from the spasms of laughter that wracked his body. Lily stared at him, wide eyed and in disbelief. She knew she should be severely cross with him but she felt nothing but liberation. Their last examination had just ended, they were no longer students, no longer bound to the rules of Hogwarts. They were no longer head boy and girl. They were James and Lily, and just that.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Lily yelled over the chaos.

"Poisonous toadstools don't change their spots." James laughed so light-heartedly, Lily felt what was left of the pressure weighing on her shoulders dissipate. For the first time in a long while, Lily wasn't thinking about her future, fretting over her results or pondering about the job opportunities for muggleborns. She allowed herself to be led forward by James, because it didn't matter where they went from there, she promised herself that they would always be together.

As they rounded the corner of the corridor, they stopped when they clapped eyes with a rather peculiar scene. Remus and Sirius seemed to be busy patting down Peter, tugging on his robes and pockets as if they were searching for something. "Lose something, boys?" James asked breathlessly, his grin spread wide on his cheeks.

"Wormtail the wanking wonder over here _lost_ the bleeding map." Sirius growled in annoyance as he ripped the robes from Peter's shoulders and gave it a shake, looking towards the ground to see if anything fell out.

"I'm s-sorry, James." Peter stammered, looking quite troubled.

"You mean, the _Marauder's Map?_ " Lily asked with gasp, looking at James to gauge his reaction to this news. Losing the map meant losing all the world the Marauders had put into making it, it held more fond memories than use at this point; however, losing it could be dangerous if it fell into the wrong hands. Much to Lily's surprise, James didn't seem bothered by it.

"Bollocks to the map, it's of no use to us now, isn't it? We're free men!" he exclaimed excitably to his friends and then glanced sheepishly at Lily's raised-brow look. "And lady. A beautiful, clever lady." He raised their joint hands to kiss her knuckles.

Lily twisted her expression to glare at him, causing James to feel mildly discomforted before she squealed and launched herself into his arms. "No more assignments, tests, or disapproving teachers." _Only them and where they decide to go from there._

James squeezed her against him until someone cleared their throat. They turned simultaneously to find everyone staring at them. Embarrassed, Lily pulled away only to have their head badges caught in each other's robes. Clumsily, both Lily and James moved to untangle them only to have each other's fingers get in the way of actually accomplishing the task.

"Oh give me a break, you two are going to give me a rash!" Sirius laughed and suddenly the whole group was cackling with laughter. James couldn't help but think back to how this began, how their fates had been sealed together the moment he had put on that badge.

…

It was springtime. The ice had all but melted away and the skies had been cleared specially for today. It was a big day for the students of Hogwarts and it was an especially important for Lily Evans. Why? Because it was graduation day for the seventh years and awards day. And as head girl, she was required to make a speech alongside James as head boy. They had practiced the speech about a million times together and Lily, a million more on her own.

All students were required to be in attendance by 9 in the morning and Lily was running a little late. As she walked briskly down the hall with a fishbowl in her hands, she could hear her friends walking behind her and could feel their confusion when she took the next turn in the corridor instead of walking on. Both she and James had decided to spend their last nights in their old dormitories. "Um, Lily?" her ex-roommate, Marlene McKinnon called out to her. "Helloooo to Lily Evans!" she called out again and Lily spun careful but swiftly on her heels to turn and look at her.

Dorcas Meadowes pointed straight down the corridor. "Great Hall's this way, Lily." She stated.

Lily raised her fishbowl up as if that explained it. "I'll meet you guys there. I just need to drop this off."

Dorcas placed her hands on her hips and looked even more confused. "You're going off to drop off a _fishless_ fishbowl? Come on, Lily, you're going to be late! It's our big day!" she protested.

"I know, I know." Lily placated and then glanced back to the corridor behind her where sat a small water-closet like office that she absolutely had to visit before her time as a student ended. "You go on ahead, I'll run and catch up!" and Lily turned before her friends could protest any further.

Reaching the office, Lily shifted her hold on the fishbowl to one hand so she could knock on the door with the other, despite knowing she wouldn't get a reply. The office door would be unlocked anyway, so she pushed open the door and let herself in. She glanced at the door that led to the teacher's private chambers to check if the handle had moved. Once she confirmed that Professor Slughorn wouldn't catch her in here without permission, Lily stalked over to the dusty old desk and placed the fishbowl full of water in the middle of it. Lily then reached into her pockets to pull out a card and her wand.

Slowly and carefully, she placed the tip of her wand just shy of the top of the water in the bowl. Like she had practiced, she conjured a petal, carefully enchanting each and every detail of the magic. Once she was finally satisfied, Lily leaned the card against the bowl.

…

Severus gripped his arm as he walked down the hall, the searing pain of the mark had yet to fade. Today was the day everything would begin. His life would come to an end. James Potter, no longer a bother. And then there was Lily. The dark-haired Slytherin boy glanced up to the front of the room where Lily stood with a wide smile on her face, her shoulders brushing with Potter's as she began her part of the speech.

 _Again, we find ourselves at the end of another year but on the edge of a brand new beginning. But to some of us, our new beginning would start in Hogwarts next year. To my fellow seventh years, I am both proud and sad to tell you that our chapter in Hogwarts has come to an end—at least as students._

…

As he swept the floors outside the Great hall, Filch scoffed at the doors. The only good thing he thought that came from the end of term was when the students left. A soft mewl sounded from the floor and the bitter old caretaker glanced down to see his beloved cat. Except, she had something in her mouth.

 _We've learned all we could and now it is time for us to venture from the place that we've known as our home for the last 7 years. I understand that this can be a tad intimidating for us. To have to take this step up in our lives and honestly, I am just as afraid, if not more afraid, of what the future has in store for us._

In the mouth of his dear Mrs. Norris, was a yellowed set of parchment. "What is it, my love?" he cooed as he leaned down to pluck the find from his cat's mouth. He inspected the parchment closely, flipping through the abundance of pages to find that they were all blank. He would've thrown it away but there was something about it that made him decide against it.

 _But it is alright to be afraid. It is only natural for us to feel fear for that of the unknown. The wisest man I know once told me, 'There can be no bravery without fear.' And this may seem a little biased for me to say but:_ The great will be brave. Those who will succeed, they will do so with the weight of fear—and a little luck.

Opening his drawer, Filch carelessly flung the blank parchment into it and slammed it shut without another thought. He would hand that to the headmaster tomorrow. For now, he needed to go to the trophy room to make room for new awards. _Cursed students._

 _So, to all my graduating friends, I bid you the best of luck in your future endeavors. To have hope and find love. To always remain true to yourself and never let someone else talk you down. To have courage and make mistakes. A part of our legacy will always be with Hogwarts no matter who we become or where we end up. I thank you, my dearest professors, on behalf of all the students, for helping us through this chapter in our lives. And for the patience you have shown us in passing on your profound knowledge._

 _…_

Lily had ended the speech and the room erupted into applause. This was truly the end of their time in Hogwarts and she couldn't help but get a little teary eyed. James had engulfed her into a comforting hug and the crowd began to awe and coo at their display. Professor McGonagall was wiping hurried at her eyes as she clapped. Dumbledore stood on his feet as he applauded her along with the lot of the Gryffindor house members. Even though a vast majority of the Slytherin house refused to raise a hand for Lily, there were some who were openly applauding her. This was their legacy. Now, on with their future.

…

That spring morning, Horace Slughorn lifted the card to his face and smiled fondly at the fish swimming merrily in the bowl. The card was not signed by a name, but he knew, from the magic and the handwriting, exactly where it came from.

 _His name is Francis.  
Thank you for everything, Professor._

 _Fin._

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 **A/N: I absolutely loved writing this, the roller coaster of teenage years was interesting to experiment with. Now, I am thinking of writing a sequel feature Lily and James as newlyweds. (I know! The fluff and drama potential is too real!)**

 **I haven't quite drafted out a plan for it so I'm putting that idea on hold for the moment as I am also thinking about writing a Ironman fic featuring Pepper Potts and Tony Stark (Yes, I do realize that their characters are very, _very_ similar to Lily and James, and not just in looks) I think it's becoming a thing for me. **

**ANYWAY! Put me on your alert list and you might just find a new adventure waiting for you in your email.**

 **-ManicFreedom**


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